Feeling like I don't fit in anywhere

LegacyUser

I know how you feel, I don't get put into the foreign catagory but I dont get put into the not irish either. I am not pale, i have fairish hair and people say i got the continental look about me eg eastern europe.
Irish people could have had children for sailers years ago and hense why we may have such a mixture in looks wise. Some irish are not pale or freckly, I have no freckles and quite good coloured skin(not pale not tanned) just high tone.
I have been though of as being english, dutch and irish. But i am not typically irish looking. I noticed some lads in dublin looked very medditeranaen. I cant spell that at all properly.
OP, don't worry you are just a phenotype you show your genetics while many people will carry them without expressing them so don't worry

Sangre

Wow, talk about an over reaction OP. I could never understand why people care what people think, especially those who they don't know and will never see again.

From the age of 12 my names have been paki, osama, pedro etc., and currently its jorge. Do I care? No.
If you think Irish guys don't like the tan looked you seemed to have missed out on a 'fake tan' craze that has been going around.

upthere

I think you need to get someone to help you sort it out in your head. It's become a complex even the way you talk about old pervs lookin at you, you are picking up on things too much and taking it to heart. I've been like that.
On the issue of skin colour, well sometimes we all judge. I dont have really pale skin but my brother doesn't look irish he's got very blonde hair and he looks german to be honest. People have called him stuff but not racist kinda like harmless slaggin but still it does affect everyone believe me. Just go to a counsellor or sometim they mite give u sumtime to feel good about it. Take some omega 3 or sometim or just go out and have a good s*ag can't fail once you dont worry anymore.

You can still be irish and look tanned. A lot of people settled in ports around ireland and integrated years ago so I think everyone has foreign in them but some don't show it as much as genes can skip generations. The spanish came to some parts of ireland but where I am I think it was the danes or sometin like that coz there's a lotta red and blondie hair down this way. i find darkie attractive like croatian look which is very sexy and most people are probably either jealous of you or know they can't have you. Think like that and try and fit in with people who like you for you and that's it. That's all we can do in life. At the end of the day you only have few true friends and the rest can be 110% wa*nkers to you so you gotta be smart and brave and sort your head out for yourself. good luck

Catari Jaguar

No one hear of the Mac Cartaigh Spáineach??? There's squillions of tanned Irish goin back centuries. idiots.

Blush_01

My friend's dad is Lebanese, she grew up here and gets upset when people question her Irishness, so I can see where you're coming from on the upset thing. But as thick as you think your skin is, it's obviously weaker than it needs to be for where you're living.

Dublin is an odd little city. Nobody really cares about anyone, from my point of view. You fall down, people walk around you. (Personal experience... funny in retrospect!) To be honest, you should care less what people think. And if you only want a boyfriend for the sake of it and "would take anything" at this stage, then you're looking for someone for the wrong reasons, to be honest.

You're unique - embrace it, rather than balking at people's interest. I know that sounds insensitive, but the world isn't sensitive sometimes. You have to deal with it.

DR.Fraud

currently studying in dublin.i live in country side though.

a small story of mine when i came ireland on the first week,last year....

i missed my bus and i tried to walk to home once ( i have no idea there are 7km away from that place to my house at that time = almost 2 hours walk,which you can imagine,is a really country place).of course i am alone.

a white boy is walking in front of me not far away (maybe 50 metres).

the most interesting and the most unforgetable part for me is:
a total of 4 cars stop by to ask the boy if he need a lift or not.
NONE OF THEM show their sympathy or any friendliness to me.
what can i do for that?

man,that day was so cold and i got sick after i got home.

well,when people ask me how is this place,i always simply just say,irish people is the most friendly people in europe,i am happy to live in here.i love ireland.(is that real?who knows?!!but that's how i survive till now,i believe what i want to believe.)

this is one of my secret that i only share with my close friends.

girl,be grateful and optimism.be strong.

think of those REAL foreigners who seriously F***ing having a tough life here.

you are so lucky.at least, you can still hang around with your friends in pub frequently;)

Sangre

I honestly wouldn't be suprised if they knew the boy personally if its a small village/town. Still pretty crap to ignore you, especially if it was cold/wet.

So, I'm confused? You don't like Ireland and you lie to your friends about how friendly it it?

kevmy

This seems to be a bit of a Dublin problem from posts I'm seeing here. I'm very tanned Italian, Spanish type really. So is my father and half of his family. My mother's very pale and so is my sister and my brother. I know loads of people back home who are my colour or darker and no one pays a bit of attention. In Galway loads of Irish people would be pretty tanned and I would always assume somebody is Irish unless I heard a strange accent.
Is there remnants of the Spanish Armanda, French forces, pirates and Vikings scaterred up and down the West coast but not in Dublin?
Some people may say to me I look Italian/Spainsh or something but it wouldn't bother me. The good auld country accent will set them straight soon enough.

thecheese

i have a similar family history in that my great grandparents on one side are italian. in school as a child my appearance affected me as at that time i was the only tanned kid in the class. i have since got over this though. people have asked me where i am from before in new social situations, but i just use the opportunity to tell them about my family and where my tanned looks are from. They are usually quite interested and after that would never see you as being "different" , or not irish.

so just be proud to be irish, but also be proud of your other (more distant) nationality. As for people who treat you differently, they are best forgotten, their opinions should mean nothing to you if they are so narrow minded.

-Kosh-

Hi there, Sickofit.

I won't pretend to understand exactly what you feel, but I will present you with my experience, and hope my insight might help at least a tad.

I was born in Argentina and lived there for 18 years. Back in Argentina everyone is quite "mixed", although like every country we have a strong idea of what it means to "be" from Argentina, many ideas which, in fact, me and my family often disagree with. While we weren't ostracised too much, we were never really "normal" (to put it short, we're a bit too liberal-lefty for them). Still, it never really interfered.

Because of unemployment, my parents and I moved to Dublin in 2001. We didn't want to, but we had to. Shortly we started to rebuild our lives. I have no qualms to say in the beginning I hated it here. I hated the weather, the food, and the fact that, like it or not, people are quite intolerant.

By now I've gotten used to it. Every time I meet someone new, it's the same questions over and over again. There is nothing that makes you feel more out of place than being permanently asked where you're from. I don't consider myself Irish, and never will, but the fact that I am asked where I am from and what's my story by EVERYONE feels as if I have to justify my presence, as delicately as some people may ask. Some days I can't take it and reply in a slightly brusque manner, ensuring a quick end to conversation. Mostly, I've learnt to appreciate that many people don't mean ill.

Of course, the rudeness is there, and I can see that. I am not saying "grow a thicker skin", because what you've gone through isn't something I'd dismiss that easily. But I can relate to your feeling out of place. When I go back to Argentina, which is seldom as it is quite expensive, I do sometimes get the feeling that I am a foreigner there, that my years abroad (six years next april) have tainted my view and removed me from being "really" argentinian. I am sure that if I asked certain friends or family members, they'd attest to this, because of the strong, and rather stupid sense of nationalism we possess. I've been told by some that I have no right to have an opinion on Argentine politics anymore, while at the same time being told by Irish people that despite the fact that I've lived here for half a decade, and done a degree in Sociology studying Irish society quite closely (and getting a poxy first class honours in it), my opinion is still invalid. I admit I don't let people get away with it that often these days, but sometimes I feel like I have no right to hold an opinion even.

Over the years, specially in the last year, I've began to make an effort to be the person I want to be. To be confident in myself, my beliefs, and the person I am, beyond what other people may attempt to proscribe me from being or doing. It's not easy, and I certainly have never faced issues like you say, being scared to walk down the street (though I've had a few small scares down the years, like everyone).

Irish society can be quite unforgiving, because there's been a very orthodox sense of national identity until very recently, and sadly you must bear the brunt of that. Despite my initial impressions five years ago, over time I've grown to like Dublin, and I've tried damn hard to go past the hostility of the place. I've managed to make a few very good friends, and I'm going out with an Irish girl. It's been damn ****ing difficult. In-between, there's been heavy depression, self-harm, and a two and a half year relationship which was very difficult and had a very complicated break-up. I honestly never thought I could get to the stage in my life where I'd be saying that I like Dublin, but I do. I hope you have good friends who can give you support.

Oh, and men on campus? They tend to be ****. Sorry, nothing nice to say there. D4 jock types can burn in hell.