Platonic relationships

Faith

Do you think it's possible to have a plantonic relationship with a person of the opposite sex? I don't think so. Of all the guys that I've ever been close friends with, the relationship has, at one stage or other, gone further than just friendship. And last night, my best male friend of four years confessed that he's pretty much been in love with me since we met!

What do you think? Do you think that you've ever had a genuinely platonic friendship?

faceman

yeah its possible i have a few plutonic mates of the opposite sex. then again im madly in love with my gf and no one could steal me from her!

Alter-Ego

Yeah. I have a few. But i'm either unattracted to them or i tried it on at one stage and go shot down and the friendship resulted.

Ruu_Old

I reckon its possible, I have a couple of friends that I don't fancy. One who I asked out, turned me down and we are still friends (had to work at it but still good friends).

snorlax

yup. iv a few male friends but don't fancy them and nothing would ever happen because i don't see them as anything but friends.

Faith

Okay, two points to make:

If you became friends with someone because a romantic relationship didn't work, does that count as platonic? I don't think so, seeing as there once was romantic interest.

Secondly, just because you aren't attracted to someone, doesn't mean they aren't attracted to you.

FX Meister

My closest friend is a girl. I've know her for about 13 years. We kissed ten years ago at her debs and had another drunken encounter a few months ago. Despite this happening I know there is nothing but friendship between us. We are both attractive people so it's easy to see how we could have the odd drunken kiss every ten years or so I think it's hard to have a purely platonic relationship with someone of the opposite sex but I'm happy with this girl as my friend and wouldn't change that for anything.

Trinity

Have a few male friends. Its difficult if one fancies the other and it is not returned.

i dont see a couple of male friends over this, it makes things awkward knowing they like you that way.

have a couple of other males in my life that hide behind the term 'friend' then try it on or hang around waiting to see if i will give in!!

My only true male friend is gay.

Trinity

Faith wrote:

Okay, two points to make:

If you became friends with someone because a romantic relationship didn't work, does that count as platonic? I don't think so, seeing as there once was romantic interest.

Secondly, just because you aren't attracted to someone, doesn't mean they aren't attracted to you.

It counts as platonic if both people are sincerely happy with it just being a friendship. I hung around with my ex for a while as 'friends' but it was difficult as i was kinda hoping spending time together would rekindle something, it didnt, well not his end anyway.

This also goes for the one being attracted to the other. ONe person wants more and its not great when they dont get it!!

Honesty is the only way to go, someone may still get hurt but it minimises it if they dont expect anything.

SpAcEd OuT

No don't think i've ever had, every girl who I was friends with and I wasn't attracted to was attracted to me and every girl who considered me a friend that I was attracted to I ended up with and in some cases ended up going out with

Im sure they do exist i've just never had one where either I or the girl wasnt intrested

Anti

platonic ? isnt that a fancy word for **** buddies ?

No ?

Well it is to me...

Fanny Cradock

snorlax wrote:

yup. iv a few male friends but don't fancy them and nothing would ever happen because i don't see them as anything but friends.

booze and horniness will sort that

projectmayhem

i've a few friends of the opposite sex that i wouldn't dare try it on with, because it'd be either weird or because i'm just not attracted to 'em

Rhyme

I do believe in the platonic relationship... or at least to the best of my knowledge. Ive a few female friends that i dont feel the need to 'do' anything with... its a friendship, albeit a long standing and trusting one.

If people can't 'switch it off' around women/men, then thats theirs to deal with.

Sarky

I have several. They're all certainly attractive, but I'm not attracted to them. If you think it's impossible, you're going wrong somewhere.

JustCoz

Yeah it's totally possible. I have loads of male friends and we just don't think of eachother that way. It can get complicated in certain situations but I don't think you can generalise

Demetrius

Are we asking the wrong question? Perhaps one should be looking at the degree of attraction one exhibits towards friends of the same sex?:eek:

Jules

anti wrote:

platonic ? isnt that a fancy word for **** buddies ?

No ?

Well it is to me...

what you said that i was your..... hold on a minute!!!!! you said there was benefits, but you never mentioned those kind!!!

and of course you can have platonic friendships, i have a few, and i dont fancy them at all... its just how you see them!

Anti

Dont you start confusing me too.

FX Meister

Faith wrote:

If you became friends with someone because a romantic relationship didn't work, does that count as platonic? I don't think so, seeing as there once was romantic interest.

I don't aggree. I have an ex girlfriend that I went out with for over two years. We still see each other and are good friends. Things just didn't work out between us and the split was extremely amicable. It's now purely platonic

metrovelvet

Platonic friendships are just the best. There is nothing like sex to **** up a relationship.

god's toy

possible? yep sure is, I had a friend for many years of the opposite sex.
dont know about the rest of you guys but I see her as 'lad' more than some of my guy friends!

I have a good few men who are friends that I’ve never slept with, guy's I work or have worked with in the past
A few of them I met when I was with someone so when I first met them the thought never occurred to me! Then we’d just have a laugh!
It has made boyfriends jealous in the past until said male friend reveals a few embarrassing stories about me
I’m friends with a few ex’s as well , I’d say I’ve more male friends than female!!

Black Swan

Do many relationships between young boys and girls (before hormones kick in) start out as platonic?

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

all we want is to dip the wick and all ye want is somebody to hug...
how can platonic ever work.

just a note to every girl out there...
all men(friends) want to screw ye...and if they don't your ugly or his gay.
simple as that...

and even if you ugly, a couple of pints will sort that out
any port in a storm.

AngryBadger

Nope, I find i only have pleutonic relationships with wome I've either already dated, (and that takes a long time after we've gone our seperate ways), or with women who are already atached, and even at that lately more, and more I'm finding that a woman being attached mans absolutely nothing about her willingness to play the field.

I think it's probably possible, but extremely rare.

trilo

platonic relationships do exist.
i have one good mate in sligo who is male, nothing ever intimate ever!
another guy is gay so that is defo platonic.

But in fairness men think differently to women, i wouldnt be surprised at all at all if a guy i was just mates with, thought about something more from time to time.

daiixi

I have plenty of male friends who, for various reasons, I'm only friends with. Some I find highly attractive, some I don't. Some find me attractive, some don't. Some I have actually had a bit of extra fun with, more that I haven't!
But I'm the weird type of person who can (or at least has in the past) been able to shag a mate and still be his mate (nothing more) the following day.

BoozyBabe

Yes, they can.

I generally get on better with fellas than I do with girls, so a lot of my friends tend to be male.
They are only friends, have been only friends & always will be only friends, & that's how each of us feel, so it is possible.

On the other hand, my bf is & was one of my best mates, so it sometimes can also cross over

Raphael

It's possible, but in my experience only if both of you are with someone else, or you have gone out and are still friends but don't want to go there again.

Tar.Aldarion

Well, yes of course it is possible. I have loads of opposite sex friends that may be funny smart etc but I would not be attracted to them, even though I usually would be to somebody like that.
It's not always like that for people, I did fall in love with a friend, in fact I still am...
It is much easier to be in a platonic relationship with somebody of the opposite sex if you are in love, otherwise, I'm fairly certain I would fall for another friend.
Friends after all are what we like in a person and as a few of my friends would have the same tastes as me and be attractive, it would easily happen. It is extremely annoying. Well, atm, I can be platonic with female friends.

CathyMoran

My best friend is male - we met nearly 9 years ago in college. He was a few years younger than me so I did not even consider him as anything else at the time (though I will admit to having a brief crush on him a few years later). I do believe that platonic relationships are possible but they can have their moments, certainly if one of the pair are in a relationship it is easier. I have found that my best friends girlfriends get jelous of our friendship, they need to relax.

Miguel_Sanchez

Course they can. I have loads of female friends that I don't have romantic inclinations towards. I've been out hammered with them loads and nothing. Single or attached I haven't tried to hit on them.

I'm always suspicious of people who don't have a fair amount of friends of the opposite sex.

Stepherunie

Have to say my greatest friend is a guy I doubt anything would ever happen between us - he's like my older brother and i'm like his older sister (yes that makes no sense but that's how we are, i'm actually older). I can see how he's attractive and he has a great personality but to me he's the only guy whose seen me cry, and who stuck with me at my debs just to make sure I was ok. He's the guy who'll send me a text to cheer me up and rip the piss out of me at every available opportunity. I don't think I'd have it any other way.

In saying that I've had friendships that have turned into more - only one of them ever managed to revert back into a proper friendship - i lost a good friend over that type of messing.

el rabitos

of course its possible, but only when one of the people in the friendship is either fat and or ugly

Pigman II

Of course it's possible - as long as they share your interests and are ugly.

Tar.Aldarion

And even then, they have to lack humour and charm.... and possibly intelligence.

Jack B. Badd

A mate of mine reckons that none of her male friends have genitalia and apparently that helps...seems a bit odd to me, but who am I to say?

smallpaws

I have a platonic male friend I really like to go hang out with from time to time,go have a coffee, go take a walk, but I have less than zero attraction to him sexually. Nice guy, great person, but physically just single everything that I could find possibly unattractive (and some stuff I didn't even know I found unattractive) happened to coalesce in this guy's physical makeup. Of course, I would never allow for him to know that particular truth in a million years, no one needs to hear a thing like that. (And I'm sure there are plenty of guys who would say the same for me---it's just how attraction is: either it's there or it isn't. I pretty much know right off if I'm attracted to someone or not and 99% of the time, I'm not. But when I am...holy smoke, it's like a magnet being switched on.)

Sweet person, though, real fun to be around but and a wonderful heart, but you know, I'd go gay first and Jaysus H Chr*st I'm straight as a f'n pin.


So, yeah, I think it's possible to have platonic friendships.

Dave!

I think it's possible, as long as one of the people is ugly

j/k

Similar question (possibly the same only reworded!!!)... Assuming it's possible and you have a platonic friend of the opposite sex whom you think is very attractive -- if they offered you a shag, would you say no?

Because I would think that there's some sort of evolutionary reason for platonic friendships being impossible without sex coming into the equation at some stage...

Although now that I think of it, other animals have platonic friendships...

I'm no scientist, I'm just tryin to sound smart!

I've been good friends with a girl for about 8 months now. She says she thinks I'm "cute" but nothing ever happened between us. I like it too, I don't believe we'd get on so well if the complications of a relationship were looming there.

440Hz

All but one of my best mates are guys (im a girl obviously). I think that one person is always going to see more/less than the other, whether you ever act on that are not. I have been with some of my best mates over the years, one-off kisses and all that. When you love someone as a friend sometimes you can see more than you thought when you first met them. I know two of my male friends are interested in more than friendship with me, but I am not, they know that and our friendship doesnt suffer, because we are mature enough to understand that this is ok.
On the other hand sometimes people just cant handle it. But I think that is down to lack of maturity. If someone thinks you feel something for them and they cant keep going as normal and just be friends then they are the person with the problem really. Years and years ago I was crazy about my best mate, he knew, we chatted about it, but we were still best mates, nothing was ever going to change that.
So what Im saying is that NO. I dont think, technically speaking that is, I dont think friendships are ever really plantonic. I think one person will always be more attracted or less attracted to the other person, it is just a matter of whether you do anything about it. Some do, some dont... and either way, if the friend is worth anything people usually work through all that.

Dragan

Faith wrote:

What do you think? Do you think that you've ever had a genuinely platonic friendship?

Yes. I have many, and have no problem keeping them that way tbh.

Dragan

Trinity1 wrote:

My only true male friend is gay.

Can i just ask then why you hang around with the others if they are not "true friends"?????

Trinity

Dragan wrote:

Can i just ask then why you hang around with the others if they are not "true friends"?????

Well its only as time progresses i realise what they really want but i give them the benefit of the doubt to begin with.

My definition of a friend is not someone who only texts you when they are drunk at all hours of the night wanting a cup of tea :rolleyes:

Its the ones who ask you how you are, and wants to spend time doing stuff with you like cinema or play pool, watch a dvd whatever.

It takes time before you realise the pattern and he can only be 'busy' for so long!

I try to see the best in people though and i never leave things on a nasty note.

John Mason

I have two brilliant male friends that i have never kissed or had sex with and to be honest the situation has never come up..............male friends are the best in the world 'cos they can introduce you to all their male single friends and you are never stuck going to a wedding (unless they get married -like mine :-()

but sometimes they are so complicated .......... i have a great friend when he is sober but with a bottle of whiskey inside him its a very different story

Degsy

irishbird wrote:

I have two brilliant male friends that i have never kissed or had sex with and to be honest the situation has never come up..............male friends are the best in the world 'cos they can introduce you to all their male single friends and you are never stuck going to a wedding (unless they get married -like mine :-()

but sometimes they are so complicated .......... i have a great friend when he is sober but with a bottle of whiskey inside him its a very different story

Thanks!:rolleyes:

Dragan

irishbird wrote:

but sometimes they are so complicated .......... i have a great friend when he is sober but with a bottle of whiskey inside him its a very different story

There should be no difference in the way someone treats you when they are drunk or when they are sober.

If you mate cannot handle his whiskey ( many people can take a few drinks, but whiskey seems to ruin them ) then he needs to ****ing man up and admit that he cannot drink it.

Maybe say it to him and see what he says? If he is truly a friend he won't mind you pointing this out to him. Otherwise he might need to figure this out the hard way?

John Mason

Degsy wrote:

Thanks!:rolleyes:

hey who said i was talking about you :rolleyes:

John Mason

Dragan wrote:

There should be no difference in the way someone treats you when they are drunk or when they are sober.

If you mate cannot handle his whiskey ( many people can take a few drinks, but whiskey seems to ruin them ) then he needs to ****ing man up and admit that he cannot drink it.

Maybe say it to him and see what he says? If he is truly a friend he won't mind you pointing this out to him. Otherwise he might need to figure this out the hard way?

no no no no - you are misunderstanding me - when he is sober we are just mates but when he drinks whiskey (and only whiskey) he turns all very sweet and lovely and says things he really shouldnt be saying to a friend!!

SteamTrean

FX Meister wrote:

I don't aggree. I have an ex girlfriend that I went out with for over two years. We still see each other and are good friends. Things just didn't work out between us and the split was extremely amicable. It's now purely platonic

Are you ope to Faith's suggestion that maybe its not platonic from her point of view. In general,How can anyone be certain that the other is not harbouring some feelings, in these relationships that you presume are platonic.