A calling to the church.

Canis Lupus

Stay with your partner and all that entails including your own personal sacrifice.

Join the priesthood and all that entails and again the sacrifice involved there.

My view on the matter is that you have been with your partner for a long time. You state your love her, you have a house together and you would want to have a life with her.

People say, follow your heart. The choice as I'm sure you're aware isn't as easy as all that. You have commitments at this time in your life that can't be easily walked away from and that you also don't want to walk away from yourself.

I'm agnostic, but my take on this is that you intend to leave your partner of seven years for a job. Yup, that may be oversimplifying the matter but I reckon that's what it all boils down to at the end and while you feel the "calling" now how certain can you be that a year down the line you won't wake up one morning and realise that you have thrown your life away? Although in saying that the opposite might be completely true.

I think, sitting here not having to make these decisions myself, that you're too late for the calling. You've devoted too much of your life to your partner and she has devoted too much to you.

I believe you should stay with her, marry her, bring some decent kids into the world and devote yourself as much as a married man can to the church by other means mentioned in other posts. I reckon god, should he exist, would say fair enough to that.

azezil

Fr. Who wrote:

I believe I have a calling to serve and dedicate my life to God.

And you believe that in order to dedicate your life to god, you must put on robes and repeat the same mundane chants for the rest of your days, do you really believe that serves any real purpose?

I am in a long term relationship. I know now that I held off on marrriage because of my desire to enter the church.

Or are you just so afraid to take that step that you've convinced yourself the priesthood is the only way out?

It will break my partners heart and I love her equally so I know i will be shattered too. I will lose my house and all possessions. But I do not care about this. She can have it all. She deserves it because she is such a good person and I know I am about to destroy her world and everything she has put her heart into over the last 7 years.

Have you ever heard the saying "God is love", why then would "God" wish you to throw away love, to esentially ruin 2 lives and spend the rest of your life living apart from the rest of his flock?

Is what I am doing so cruel as to be a sin

Yes

But tell me, what does this "calling" really mean to you and why can you not fit it into your life without such dramatic change?

milod

I'm with Doleman on this one Fr. Who - don't waste your life. If you really want to do good - take up a charitable employment helping those living in poverty or abuse where you could actually make a difference.

I'm with Meepins on the whole christianity thing - even if the moderator thinks it's off-topic (huh?!). Read the following to get a flavour of my own position on that:

http://www.seesharppress.com/20reasons.html#N_3_

Frankly I think it's sad that you could leave a loving partner to take up a calling to the church.

The choice to me is clear, Love is pure and to destroy it is unforgiveable - you are answerable to a partner who has placed her trust in you.

The church is at best proven to be deeply flawed, based on nebulous and selective historic texts, and it's doctrines were defined by men - not god. you are not answerable to a god defined by a misogynist, homophobic, and sexually repressed hierarchy of old men.

Sorry in advance if this post offends you - but I do genuinely believe you have been misguided by the church if you have arrived at a point where you feel a calling to serve it.

humbert

Personally I'd say it's quite likely you're postponing marrage because you're scared and a calling to the church is more a desire for a simpler safer life.

BuffyBot

I don't know why people are bringing their own views and ideals about Christianity into this - that's not really the issue. It's a debate for one of the other boards. What you, or I, beleive about the church is fairly irrelevent.

I'd imagine the OP is fairly sure in his faith, and isn't thinking about making this choice on a whim. The real sticking point seems to be about what to do, and how to go about it without hurting someone deeply - be it the OP's partner, or the OP himself.

LegacyUser

Or are you just so afraid to take that step that you've convinced yourself the priesthood is the only way out?


Personally I'd say it's quite likely you're postponing marrage because you're scared and a calling to the church is more a desire for a simpler safer life.

Thank you all for your views. In relation to these two comments, please do not think for a second that this is in any way true. I could think of alot less drastic and less hurtful ways to avoid marriage. Im angry that this is even approched without you knowing me. I realise i am fair game putting this up but that is no reason to make presumptions with absolutely no indications from me. If this was my problem I would have called the thread "marriage dodging advice needed - drastic solution needed!". I already said I love the woman to bits.
Az - when I pray I feel like I belong to the church and God and all that it entails. I feel a closeness and the power of God that transend everything else. I cant really explain it but it is a higher power.

I have read all the thread and see that one or two of you have felt inthis position before. I am going to talk to the right people and sort this out for once and for all.

This may sound stupid, but I hadnt really looked at the possibility of combining both lives before. Some of the replies have been incredibly helpful and comforting. I woke this morning and looked at the vision that adores me and felt like a villan for even thinking about this behind her back.



And you believe that in order to dedicate your life to god, you must put on robes and repeat the same mundane chants for the rest of your days, do you really believe that serves any real purpose?

This is so far wrong I cant even begin! Sorry, but it made me laugh and cheered me up for all the wrong reasons.

Once again, thank you all for your views. Some said this was a disgraceful thread to have due to the nature of its deceit and Im afraid I have to agree. I resolve to be braver and do what is right. I am the luckiest man in the world and shuld accept this wonderful gift that has been given to me and just try to live my life being the best person i can.
GB

Victor

I used to know someone working as a lay chaplain (i.e. doing 95-99% of what a priest does, save some of the sacraments) and he was in a steaady relationship, with the intention of gettign married. I think it can work

DOLEMAN

BuffyBot wrote:

I don't know why people are bringing their own views and ideals about Christianity into this - that's not really the issue. It's a debate for one of the other boards. What you, or I, beleive about the church is fairly irrelevent.

Well, I think a lot of people (me included) would consider someone possibly mentally ill if they joined something like the Scientologists. Giving up your life to wear a robe and follow a very flakey theory isn't too healthy either IMO.

I know we're all fairly brainwashed in Ireland to at least respect Christianity, but that doesn't make it right to ignore the ridiculousness of the Church. Especially in a very serious situation like this where his and his partners life may be ruined.

If someone said they were going to live on a diet of McDonalds for the rest of their life, it would be very reasonable to point out how bad McDonalds food is. I don't see how this situation is particularily different.

We've gotta consider everything when trying to make a rational decision!

/not trying to offend anyone
//just think pointing out the flaws in what he's thinking of doing should include everything

NeverSayDie

Fr Who, I've been based around Maynooth for the past several years, I've spent most of them studying/working in the University. I'm not a Christian myself, I haven't much direct contact with the seminary, but I have a good few contacts around the College. If you want, send me a PM from your regular account or a temp one, and I'll see if I can put you in touch with some folks that might be able to provide more information/advice on the matter.

That said, for what it's worth, I'd be inclined to agree with some of the other folks here (the less intolerant ones anyway), that a lay equivalent of some kind might be a better option. I think leaving your partner for this could be a bad thing. It may lead to a good thing or be a greater good, but there would still be a bad thing behind it. A question of balance maybe.

Zulu

turbot wrote:

I suggest you read:

- The DaVinci code
...

Dan Brown has a lot to answer for.

Fiction:
1. An imaginative creation or a pretense that does not represent actuality but has been invented.
2. The act of inventing such a creation or pretense. A lie.
3. A literary work whose content is produced by the imagination and is not necessarily based on fact. The category of literature comprising works of this kind, including novels and short stories.
4. Law. Something untrue that is intentionally represented as true by the narrator.