A calling to the church.

LegacyUser

I believe I have a calling to serve and dedicate my life to God. I have been aware of this for some time but have been afraid to face it. I have been in turmoil about it so much that i now have to make the decision whether or not to follow the calling.
I am in a long term relationship. I know now that I held off on marrriage because of my desire to enter the church. It will break my partners heart and I love her equally so I know i will be shattered too. I will lose my house and all possessions. But I do not care about this. She can have it all. She deserves it because she is such a good person and I know I am about to destroy her world and everything she has put her heart into over the last 7 years.
Is what I am doing so cruel as to be a sin or should I follow the calling. I am not asking for a direct answer but opinions on what repercussions people think it will have on my life. Do you think I am a monster?

Beruthiel

No
You are not a monster.
Sometimes we have to follow our hearts, even at the risk of hurting others.

BoozyBabe

I can't answer your questions but I believe we only have one life & therefore we must follow our hearts

Vas_Guy

Its good to hear that you are not materialistic and that you love your girlfriend, its a tough one to call especially since it will break her heart, whay not try talking to a priest he may be able to help, remeber to study for the priesthood is a hard 6 year stint, marriage is equally as hard, good luck on whatever you decide, but remeber whatever you choose there is no turning back.

aniascor

I think you should contact the vocations director in your Diocese and talk to him about what this means for you. (Contact info here: http://www.vocations.ie/diocdir.html)
Perhaps you need to also investigate the options that are available to you to follow this calling. You still sound unsure about whether this is right for you, so go and talk to people who have been through this and chosen the path you are thinking about. When you are better informed, you will find it easier to make the decision.

Ickle Magoo

If I were your girlfriend I would be devistated in the short term but ultimately I would rather a man was with me unreservedly and without regret than staying with me out of duty when they would rather be somewhere else....

I don't think you are a monster - if someone feels they must follow a calling, leave for another woman, whatever, they should be honest with their partner and follow their heart....if you aren't 100% happy in the relationship then it's not fair on either of you...

Would you consider changing churches to one that allows marriage? So you can follow your devotion to God and continue your relationship with your girlfriend....I'm not a religious person so I'm not sure of the options....that is probably not one of them....anyway, all the best

Moojuice

Stay with your partner. You can still serve the church as a married man. You will be making her happy and your self. I personally think that there is nothing but misery for you if you enter the church. My Girlfriend has travelled to africa and seen the good work that lay people do over there as part of the church you can do the same, here and abroad. Don't do it: you will be ruining your life as well as hers.

Only my personal opinion. But what ever you do, best of luck with it. ICKLES suggestion is the most logical nad is the best of both worlds. Join a church that allows marraige. Better yet just marry and serve god in your own way. You do not need to be a memebr of a hierarchial order to serve god.

Moo

Asiaprod

Fr. Who wrote:

Is what I am doing so cruel as to be a sin or should I follow the calling.

The CoI allow you to be married, as do others. One idea might be to PM Excelsior on the Christianity board for some inside info. He has his calling and is married. Good luck, its a big step.

Dave!

I was gonna say what Moojuice said... Why do you have to join the Roman Catholic church? Why the sudden feeling that you have to follow God? What makes you think that the RC church is the best way to serve him? Can you not stay married and evangelize in your spare time? Can you become a 'freelance' priest...?

I just don't understand the link between sudden religiousness (which is fine) and the Pope. Perhaps you could elaborate a bit more?

Either way, I think your best bet is to talk to as many priests as you can, as I'm sure they can give you some insight. I'm not religious myself, but I've always found priests to be very approachable people about anything.

Hagar

It can't be a sin to follow a calling from god. How could it? But did god say leave your partner? I don't think god made man and woman to live apart so why should they live apart while in his service? Find a way to serve god that does not include destroying two peoples love for each other.

That's about as much help as this atheist can be.

LegacyUser

Ok. Firstly, I am a Roman Catholic ergo this is what I know and so I do not believe changing churches is what I want. This is not a sudden flight of fancy so please do not make it sound like some hare brained idea Ive concocted in the last few months. This has been going on for years. My only defence is that I was weak and I was a coward not to do anything about it. My beloved girlfriend is what prevented me from thinking about it and facing it. I want to be happy with her and I want to have the life that I see my friends having without the feeling that I am turning my face away from what I am meant to be doing. I want children and a loving home and (insert Trainspotting opening lines here!) and not to be wracked with guilt everyday of my life.

I don’t believe I mentioned the Pope?

BoozyBabe

Fr. Who wrote:

Ok. Firstly, I am a Roman Catholic ergo this is what I know and so I do not believe changing churches is what I want. This is not a sudden flight of fancy so please do not make it sound like some hare brained idea Ive concocted in the last few months. This has been going on for years. My only defence is that I was weak and I was a coward not to do anything about it. My beloved girlfriend is what prevented me from thinking about it and facing it. I want to be happy with her and I want to have the life that I see my friends having without the feeling that I am turning my face away from what I am meant to be doing. I want children and a loving home and (insert Trainspotting opening lines here!) and not to be wracked with guilt everyday of my life.

I don’t believe I mentioned the Pope?

No, but if you want all that then (supposedly) you can't be a priest, so you're only real option is to change religion, or to join the lay missionary, or whatever you call it.

latenia

Maybe you could employ your girlfriend as your housekeeper?

turbot

I suggest you read:

- The DaVinci code
- Jesus & The Goddess
- The Widows Son, by Robert Anton Wilson
- Ishtar Rising, by Robert Anton Wilson
- Conversations with God Series
- Ask & It is Given by Esther Hicks

At this point, if you are still convinced that being a priest constitutes "serving God" then maybe that is your path.

It's my personal opinion that you'll do more for the World and divinity everywhere, by living a worthwhile life and making your girlfriend feel like a Goddess, instead of falling into the ideas projected by the RC church.

Aside from which, it would also seem that for many, the perception of the church in peoples eyes has got so bad, if you feel you have something worth sharing, the position of a priest may only attain you a limited audience.

LegacyUser

Maybe you could employ your girlfriend as your housekeeper?

LOL.

I know I cant have it all.
Thank you all for your help and angles on the senario. My eyes are tired looking at it so its good to hear other peoples opinions.

Ickle Magoo

If you are unable to compromise and join a church that allows it's leaders to marry/have relationships and children then you have two options....your girl or the church........you say you held off marriage because you knew you had a calling....are you sure you aren't holding off joining the priesthood because you want your girl & the "other" life? It doesn't sound to me like you are 100% sure one way or the other...maybe a chat with your priest would help? If you really want children and to share your life with a woman and have a family then I think joining the priesthood is not the life for you.....is it not possible to play a larger role in your church without taking the extreme step of becoming a priest?

Vas_Guy

turbot wrote:

I suggest you read:

- The DaVinci code
- Jesus & The Goddess
- The Widows Son, by Robert Anton Wilson
- Ishtar Rising, by Robert Anton Wilson
- Conversations with God Series
- Ask & It is Given by Esther Hicks

How do you expect him to make up his mind from reading fiction

the perception of the church in peoples eyes has got so bad, if you feel you have something worth sharing, the position of a priest may only attain you a limited audience.

Your painting all priests with the one brush, there are bad apples in every barrel, there are bad gardas, doctors, lawyers,etc yet we do not look at them all as being bad as we do with the clergy.

panda100

Moojuice wrote:

Stay with your partner. You can still serve the church as a married man. You will be making her happy and your self. I personally think that there is nothing but misery for you if you enter the church. My Girlfriend has travelled to africa and seen the good work that lay people do over there as part of the church you can do the same, here and abroad. Don't do it: you will be ruining your life as well as hers.


Moo

I have to admit in agreeing with this.I am also a roman Catholic and have once or twice or toyed with the idea of entering a religous life (even though my friends would laugh at this:) ) but I now know that becoming a nun or a priest most definatly is not the only way to be apart of religous life. Your life will be very tough if you become a preist too. There was only something like three people ordained last year and you really are on call 24 hours a day 365 days a year and it will not be up to you where your stationed,with no patner or loved one for support when you are called up at 4 in the morining to give the last rights for the 10th time that day.I greatly admire anyone who wants to enter this life but are you 100% positive you can do this without the support of a patner you love and who have leant on for the last 7 years?

Also maybe ask the same question in the christianity forum,you may get a very different response.

LegacyUser

It can't be a sin to follow a calling from god. How could it? But did god say leave your partner? I don't think god made man and woman to live apart so why should they live apart while in his service? Find a way to serve god that does not include destroying two peoples love for each other.

This is a major point of logic.

I tried to put this on the Christianity forum but you need an identity to put it up and Im not willing to risk my girlfriend seeing my name beside this. She already thinks Im having an affair because I spend so much time in church praying for guidence! (joke):)

Would someone be so kind as to copy and paste the OP into the Christianity forum please.

DOLEMAN

Fr. Who wrote:

I am not asking for a direct answer but opinions on what repercussions people think it will have on my life. Do you think I am a monster?

Just my opinion now... I'm not trying to offend. Feel free to dismiss as the rant from the unholy.

You have a lovely partner and a reasonably happy, stable life.

You want to give this up to dedicate your life to a fairly flakey theory? It's so amazingly extremely likely that Jesus was just a normal (good) bloke who had nothing to do with God and who didn't rise from the dead etc.

Going by what we know about the world today, it does seem like a bit of a crazy theory.

You will need to live a very unnatural life as a single man, just because of some nonsense rule the catholic church invented a few hundred years ago (out of selfish reasons.)

I just don't get it.

Why do you have to be an extremeist on this? Why can't you find some middle ground? Do you really think God would want you to stop loving a wonderful woman and live an unnatural life? I seriously doubt it.

Is it that you want to help people or that you want to wear a priests uniform? If it's just about wearing the uniform, for the love of God don't become a priest! Get help instead.

If it's about helping people and leading a "decent" life, I don't see how becoming a priest has to do with that?

meepins

I had a less abrasive post typed out but I've scrapped it because..

all religion basically disgust me and I find it incredible that someone who has been involved long term with a woman and has, I assume, some perspective on the world would give it up for essentially a bunch of fairy stories.

Hope you come to your senses.Regards.

CathyMoran

I had the calling too, though I considered changing to Church of Ireland because I am a woman...in the end of the day I am glad that I did not follow it, though I was in turmoil for years about it. I do not consider it turning my back on God, I am mearly following a different path but God is still in my life. All the best with your choice, I am sure that your gf will understand no matter what you do.

Manolo Blahnik

meepins wrote:

I had a less abrasive post typed out but I've scrapped it because..

all religion basically disgust me and I find it incredible that someone who has been involved long term with a woman and has, I assume, some perspective on the world would give it up for essentially a bunch of fairy stories.

Hope you come to your senses.Regards.

That's very true you only live once no point in limiting it

but the sad thing is once these people are brain washed it very hard/impossible for them to come to their senses

ST*

Fr. Who wrote:

Is what I am doing so cruel as to be a sin or should I follow the calling. I am not asking for a direct answer but opinions on what repercussions people think it will have on my life. Do you think I am a monster?

No you are not a monster. You are human, with human needs. Have you discussed this with this lady? It may be upsetting for her, but she can't fault you for it either. You should probably put this off for a while until it becomes crystal clear as to you what direction you are going to take.

Have you considered a compromise? It's not the same thing I know, but if you were to stay with this lady, and work closely with the church - fundraising events etc, pilgrimages.. would this be enough for you?

nesf

I linked to this thread in Christianity. Hopefully a few of the posters from there will offer their advice to you on here.


Personally, I'd go with the lay community suggestion. I don't think priesthood should be your only consideration here.

Nevyn

meepins, unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

lostexpectation

don't you see the increasingly obvious that seperating ourself off from the rest of society doesn't serve anyone, either

and to be more straight

God called me Fr Who he says its 2006 its not 1950

BuffyBot

Fr. Who wrote:

I believe I have a calling to serve and dedicate my life to God. I have been aware of this for some time but have been afraid to face it. I have been in turmoil about it so much that i now have to make the decision whether or not to follow the calling.

A calling to a vocation is an intense thing to experience, so it's not surprising that you feel torn. Fear, confusion, anger, guilt - I'd say are all very natural responses to the situation you are in. As someone else said, you need to speak to someone about what you are feeling. Contact your local Director of Vocations and arrange to discuss what you feel is your calling. It could turn out to be a very enlightening experience for you, it might clarify a lot of issues, it might put you off altogether, or give you some new options to explore. Most importantly, it will be a burden eased. Speaking to someone about any problem you encounter in life generally helps your own peace of mind.

I am in a long term relationship. I know now that I held off on marrriage because of my desire to enter the church. It will break my partners heart and I love her equally so I know i will be shattered too.

This is the tricky part. I think that you know some difficult desicions lie ahead. Even if you do love her, is it fair to keep her hanging on? Is a broken heart later on any worse than a broken heart now? Are you stretching it out to save your own feelings or hers? You need to think about what you are going to do, but you have to be fair to her too.

Is what I am doing so cruel as to be a sin or should I follow the calling. I am not asking for a direct answer but opinions on what repercussions people think it will have on my life. Do you think I am a monster?

If anything, the only (potential) cruelty here is dragging the situation out longer than it needs to be. I don't think you're intentionally being cruel, but by hiding this from your partner you are storing trouble for a later date. You're far from a monster. You're someone at a crossroads, with some tough personal choices to make, some of which will lead to hurt feelings and pain. However, they do need to be made, and prosponing them will only make things worse.

Henry90

As far as I have observed, there's no biblical basis for celibacy, it was invented by the Catholic Church. I was raised Catholic, but I no longer am one, because I seen the huge differences between Catholic doctrine and actual scripture. I suggest joining a church that upholds the authority of the bible, such as an evangelical church. You'll be free to marry whoever you want there.

Imposter

HAve you talked to a priest or someone in a seminary about this? If not I agree with others that it has to be your first step. If you have has it helped and in what way?

chuckles30

To echo what some others have said - maybe try and find an understanding preist to talk to about this if you haven't done so already. Yes your girlfriend will be devastated, but be honest with her. It is best in the long run. The very best of luck with whichever path you decide to choose.