How would you feel?

Húrin

Linoge wrote:

Its great that this isn't threatening your relationship, so why don't you let him know that it is usual for a man to compliment a woman when they get dressed up?

Don't be his mother. He has a right to be who he is.

I can't believe the OP even considered this worth making a thread about. They love each other, so what more do they need?

secret_squirrel

tallus wrote:

you say that like it's an excuse

No you have interpreted it as me making it into an excuse. Presumably the OP has known what her BF is like all along. If he's unable to change this behaviour she should drop the subject or drop him. Personally I think she's nitpicking - he's obviously got far better qualities or she wouldnt be with him.

How hard is that to understand?

trillianv

Dublinstiof&#225 wrote: »

Ye girlfriend and i had this row a few weeks ago

and i pity her....you've obviously nailed the charm bit down. Did you pick her up with "Your clothes would look great at the bottom of my bed!" Just curious...:D

Beekay

if you were my gf,i would think you looked beautiful/stunning/gorgeous/pretty all the time,so wearing a dress and getting done up wouldn't make me say it because it is what i would think all the time

Canis Lupus

BoozyBabe wrote:

Practically every other boyfriend would've been picking their jaw up off the floor & be saying "wow, you look amazing!!!", but no, I got a "well"

Maybe he sees you as stunning regardless??? Why compliment something that's obvious?

Edit, Beekay got there before me.

BoozyBabe

Can't believe this sh!t is still going on!!!!! :eek:

Will no one just read the line it was meant as a fcuking discussion!!!!

Read into it what you will, I honestly couldn't care less.
There's no point in me saying again that I didn't mind not getting a compliment, as you probably know me & my bf better than I do anyway & will insist that of COURSE I DID mind, even though I keep saying the only point of this thread was to see if others also wouldn't have cared or would they have been offended.


Yes, we love each other like crazy, we have our whole lives planned together, my bf's not in the slightest bit insensitive, or unthoughtful, he's just not good at compliments (which is why it DIDN'T bother me), so there's no hope in hell that I'd ever dream of making something like this an issue.

AOR:- No, my bf's not a Dundalk man.

Why can't ye take the proper meaning out of "it'd have been nice if he did"
What I mean is the following:-
You have a friend, who never ever shares their packet of sweets with you, so when their eating sweets, though you would like one, you're not expecting one as this is the norm, so you think nothing of it. But out of the blue (& out of character) the friend offers you a sweet. Would that not feel extra nice????

That's ALL I meant.

Secret Squirrel:- I wouldn't want him to change his behaviour in any way whatsoever, he couldn't be any more perfect (well in my eyes anyway!!!)

Hurin:- I didn't need to make the thread for my situation anyway, as I've said too many times to count now. It was simply meant as a discussion as to how others would feel in a similar situation.

BF certainly doesn't take me for granted. We are 100% commited to each other so I guess we do expect that the other will be there. That is just normal imo.

Ickle:- thanks for your advice, but honestly, I don't need it. Lack of compliment honestly isn't an issue for me. The hugs, the looks, the little secret wink that says I love you (oh, & him actually saying I love you ) is all I need.

Gordon:- my quote is completely & absolutely true.

The_Syco:- don't bother reading any of the thread because you seem like you're going to take your own meaning from it regardless of what I say anyway.

Thanks for all the replies, but practically NONE of ye have actually answered the actual point of the thread, so again mods:- just lock / delete / whatever...

BigCon

BoozyBabe wrote:

But, I just wondered, how would the rest of you react in the above situation:- male & female perspectives.

I wouldn't react at all as it wouldn't even cross my mind in the first place to expect to be complimented for looking "really well" as everyone else there would be dressed up and looking "really well" too...

Zulu

You evidently really wanted a compliment and are very upset you didn't get one - hence the stropp and the thread.

QED.

BoozyBabe

Zulu wrote:

You evidently really wanted a compliment and are very upset you didn't get one - hence the stropp and the thread.

QED.

Guess I'll just laugh at that one.

The strop (if you wanna call it that) is becuase I'm blue in the face saying something that ye simply want to ignore so the thread will fit into what ye want to believe!!

Thanks BigCon

Thirdfox

Let the uninformed people believe what they want, why should you care? (Difficult to do in practise but not impossible) I have found (through experience) that going back and defending yourself to every uninformed person is time consuming and doesn't serve any great purpose (it also lends to their argument that you are overly sensitive).

On topic: I would try to compliment a girlfriend who has made a lot of effort to look well (especially for an "event").

BoozyBabe

Thirdfox wrote:

Let the uninformed people believe what they want, why should you care? (Difficult to do in practise but not impossible) I have found (through experience) that going back and defending yourself to every uninformed person is time consuming and doesn't serve any great purpose (it also lends to their argument that you are overly sensitive).

Very true Thirdfox, & thankyou.

Thirdfox

No probs (just don't let that approach build into a superiority complex - "I'm not listening because I'm always right " etc. !)

BoozyBabe

Thirdfox wrote:

No probs (just don't let that approach build into a superiority complex - "I'm not listening because I'm always right " etc. !)

Would never dream of it, but in this case I think I'm allowed to believe that I know my own mind & feelings a bit better than random strangers:)

Zombrex

BoozyBabe wrote:

Would never dream of it, but in this case I think I'm allowed to believe that I know my own mind & feelings a bit better than random strangers:)

Apologies if you already answered this question, but did you compliment him on how he looked?

Bogey

Linoge wrote:

How is he ever going to be "good" at compliments if he can't even realise that after you spend several hours getting ready (and going to a wedding, how dumb is he??!) that then is the time to really splash out and make an effort to say something nice?


I would be ashamed to think that any other men would disagree with me.

As much as it pains me to agree, I gotta agree.

I suppose there's a time in the relationship when warts and all can be overlooked, but believe me they eventually appear, and they ain't pretty.

After years of being a dolt, I've been educated by many a woman, and I would respond Enthusiastically To Any Change. It doesn't matter if you've colored your hair blue, or shaven it down to the scalp, the proper response is: "You look BEAUTIFUL!!!!."

BoozyBabe

Wicknight wrote:

Apologies if you already answered this question, but did you compliment him on how he looked?

Yea, I did (as he was wearing a nice suit), but then I generally do say things like:- "oh you smell nice", "that's a nice top" etc anyway. (& he generally doesn't, no biggy)

Bogey wrote:

It doesn't matter if you've colored your hair blue, or shaven it down to the scalp, the proper response is: "You look BEAUTIFUL!!!!."

Ha Ha:D , they've you trained well!!!

Linoge

BoozyBabe wrote:

Ha Ha:D , they've you trained well!!!

At least you're joking about that! But there are men out there, alot of whom seem to have posted in this thread that think that if the do say what is expected they have somehow been "trained". FFS, its not training, its just coutesy. The same way that you don't train your girlfriend to stfu when The Sopranos are on, she should do it because that is what you would like.

Dublinstiofán

trillianv wrote:

and i pity her....you've obviously nailed the charm bit down. Did you pick her up with "Your clothes would look great at the bottom of my bed!" Just curious...:D

No i didn't. I actually met her in the gaeltacht while i was working down there and were still together after 8 months. Must be doin something right! Don't think ya can pity her ya dont know her or me. Say your didnt find a certain email funny or your not gettin any one or the other.:rolleyes: And im very charming ya can ask her yourself

ST*

BoozyBabe wrote:

But in the middle of it all he said, "yea, you looked well yesterday", which I thanked him for, & was chuffed that he thought so, but why couldn't he just say it on the day????

As someone else has said, not all guys are great at this kind of thing. Better a delayed response than none at all BB, and he is your boyf afterall.

BoozyBabe

I agree totally ST*, & if I'd never got one it still wouldn't matter as I know how he feels about me without him needing to say it.