Buying Girls Drink

Tim06

I was out last night and it never astounds me to see the amount of blokes that will just buy girls drink as an initial means of chatting them up. I have no problems buying a girl a drink if i have been chatting to her for a while but i think that, in the majority of times the girl is just using the guy for the drink. What do you girls think? Do you just take the drink regardless then try and lose him if your not interested?

shinners007

em thats a tough one.

if id a lot to drink and was low in cash prob but i wouldnt be flirtatiousgiving the wrong idea would prob give a sob story or something like that.....:(

i think some girls do do it tho but then if a mans stupid enough to buy guess his no one to blame but himself:D :rolleyes:

Zombrex

Tim06 wrote:

I was out last night and it never astounds me to see the amount of blokes that will just buy girls drink as an initial means of chatting them up. I have no problems buying a girl a drink if i have been chatting to her for a while but i think that, in the majority of times the girl is just using the guy for the drink. What do you girls think? Do you just take the drink regardless then try and lose him if your not interested?

And blokes are using the girl for sex ... boy gets shag, girl gets cheap nightout, everyone is happy and the cycle of life continues

Seriously though, if a bloke doesn't want to buy a girl a drink don't buy the girl a drink. If a guy does buy a girl a drink he shouldn't bitch if the conversation doesn't go anywhere and he doesn't get a score/shift/shag.

Its an ice breaker pure and simple. If you use "You are really cute, can I buy you a drink" as an ice breaker and then 1-5-10-15 minutes later the conversation stales and goes no where, then thems are the breaks. If the only reason he is buying the girl a drink is because he then thinks she then owes him something back, well thats a bit sad.

If it is used as an ice breaker then she probably doesn't even know if the guy is a really nice guy or a complete a-hole. I'm not sure how you figure the girl is using the guy. If anything the guy is using the drink to make sure the girl has to talk to him for at least as long as she is drinking the drink. I suppose the girl could say "No thanks, I've no interest in ever sleeping with you because you are so ugly so don't waste your money or your time chatting me up" ... but would you say no to a free drink!?

BTW any girl that wants to buy me a free drinks is more than welcome to, I'd take it even if she was a total minger.

Iago

shinners007 wrote:

i think some girls do do it tho but then if a mans stupid enough to buy guess his no one to blame but himself:D :rolleyes:

and then there are men who believe it's good manners to buy a drink regardless of whether you are/aren't chatting someone up. Not everybody has an ulterior motive all of the time.

The Bollox

Iago wrote:

and then there are men who believe it's good manners to buy a drink regardless of whether you are/aren't chatting someone up. Not everybody has an ulterior motive all of the time.

do you mean buying a random girl a drink and then walking off into the sunset with a halo on your head?

shinners007

didnt say they had was refering to ops orginal post.

as intial means of chatting up

dont have a prob with guys buying drinks if thats wht they want to do great the same applies for girls who accept

have a prob if either moans about it afterwards thats wat im saying- if a guy thinks a drink will get him a shag and it turns out it doesnt well than he WAS stupid for assuming it would.

in my opinion its good manners to buy back some one a drink rather than just accepting/purchasing on:p

Iago

Marts wrote:

do you mean buying a random girl a drink and then walking off into the sunset with a halo on your head?

Something like that, except the halo would be awful dirty by the time I got it back out of the gutter I was in.

I have often bought a drink for a random girl that I happened to get talking to at a bar or in a club, with no intention of anything more than chatting to her, simply because we were talking and I felt like buying a drink.

shinners007

then good for you

Lindaloo

If I took a drink, he'd get one back. I wouldn't generally take one though, I'd kind of feel like I was obliged to chat to him til I was finished, then I'd have to return drink and stay for that one, I'd be panicked in case he was an eejit!

DAEDULUS

Hollywood has thought men around the world that the way to a womans heart is by being a nice guy,with all the films that ended with the man bending over backwards for the girl, declaring his love for her with flowers and chocolates in his hands, and its all a happy ending...
When men logical men see this they think, 'hm,the woman in the film has just accepted the man, all the women in the cinema are crying their eyes out discussing how romantic it was.. this HAS to be the way to get girls'..... EVEN our own mothers mould us men into these pussified clueless freaks by telling us how sweet we are and that 'if i wasnt your mother and was 20 years younger...'
Its totally logical for a man who doesnt have much experience with women, his whole life he's been thought to be nice, and what better way to be a nice guy to women then to buy them stuff.. drinks,flowers,chocolates,teddys, for every occasion, the media has set the 'norm' to being a time where we are expected to make romantic gestures.....

WELL IT DOESNT WORK, give up these ideas, the only reason women like flowers is so they can tell all their friends about it,the only reason women like teddys is so they can tell their friends about it, the only reason women like chocolates is because they like chocolate... and they can tell there friends about it...

i could write so much more but i cba.

Beruthiel

Tim06 wrote:

in the majority of times the girl is just using the guy for the drink. What do you girls think?

I think, that if a bloke is stupid enough to allow himself to be used in this manner then that's his problem.

Vidic-is-good

Cant see it working, it might if he bought a drink after a few minutes of chatting to a girl. Gives the girl a chance to make her mind up without the commitment of a drink. I often see girls ASKING for drinks 'oh and me mates want one each too'. Yeah right.

um7y1h83ge06nx

Okay then, where to start?

Firstly, I never buy drinks for random women I'm talking to. If you're chatting her up, you want a girl to be attracted to you for being you, not because you are buying her drinks. It's a different matter though if I'm going out with a girl.

Girls in my old home town are like leeches, they play the innocent, helpless girl rubbish, wanting guys to buy them drinks etc. etc. (The guys act all dumb and macho but that's another story :rolleyes: )

All in all, it's nice to be nice to a girl, not nice to be used by some b!tch of a girl.

Oriel

Why the hell should I buy a girl a drink? If that's what I have to do to get her to talk to me then she can feck off. She should be buying me a drink!

Zombrex

DAEDULUS wrote:

Hollywood has thought men around the world that the way to a womans heart is by being a nice guy,with all the films that ended with the man bending over backwards for the girl, declaring his love for her with flowers and chocolates in his hands, and its all a happy ending...
When men logical men see this they think, 'hm,the woman in the film has just accepted the man, all the women in the cinema are crying their eyes out discussing how romantic it was.. this HAS to be the way to get girls'..... EVEN our own mothers mould us men into these pussified clueless freaks by telling us how sweet we are and that 'if i wasnt your mother and was 20 years younger...'
Its totally logical for a man who doesnt have much experience with women, his whole life he's been thought to be nice, and what better way to be a nice guy to women then to buy them stuff.. drinks,flowers,chocolates,teddys, for every occasion, the media has set the 'norm' to being a time where we are expected to make romantic gestures.....

WELL IT DOESNT WORK, give up these ideas, the only reason women like flowers is so they can tell all their friends about it,the only reason women like teddys is so they can tell their friends about it, the only reason women like chocolates is because they like chocolate... and they can tell there friends about it...

i could write so much more but i cba.

wow ... "issues" is a word that springs to mind

can't speak about teddies, but women and men (me being a man) like flowers because they are nice to look at and they like chocolates because they are nice to eat.

When you say "it doesn't work" what are you expecting it to do?

You can't make someone like you by buying them stuff. Buying a girl a box of chocolates or some flowers once in a while is a sing of affection but it only holds if they are already attracted to you.

Zombrex

Lindaloo wrote:

I'd kind of feel like I was obliged to chat to him til I was finished, then I'd have to return drink and stay for that one,

Oh crap lads, they've figured out the plan!

DAEDULUS

i have no issues other than seeing friends of mine constantly fall into these same stupid situations where they feel they are 'expected' to do something to please a woman, and when they do they end up getting the ol' heave-ho a week later, because the girl would rather 'just be friends' .... when lads buy drinks for a girl as an opener, hes only EVER doing it because he feels he has to, why would any guy want to spend 4-8euro on a girl they dont even know, its not as if her looks alone have earned her this drink... walking up to a girl in a pub and offering her a drink straight off is shooting yourself in the foot, and most guys dont even realise it..as soon as you offer her a drink she already thinks your the same as every other guy... because you are, every other guy in the pub with a shred of confidence has approached her and offered her a drink, and most of the time the girl takes it and brushes him off within seconds...

um7y1h83ge06nx

DAEDULUS wrote:

i have no issues other than seeing friends of mine constantly fall into these same stupid situations where they feel they are 'expected' to do something to please a woman, and when they do they end up getting the ol' heave-ho a week later, because the girl would rather 'just be friends' .... when lads buy drinks for a girl as an opener, hes only EVER doing it because he feels he has to, why would any guy want to spend 4-8euro on a girl they dont even know, its not as if her looks alone have earned her this drink... walking up to a girl in a pub and offering her a drink straight off is shooting yourself in the foot, and most guys dont even realise it..as soon as you offer her a drink she already thinks your the same as every other guy... because you are, every other guy in the pub with a shred of confidence has approached her and offered her a drink, and most of the time the girl takes it and brushes him off within seconds...

Really couldn't have said it better myself. Spot on!

Iago

lol, gotta love the cynics

Beruthiel

DAEDULUS wrote:

i have no issues other than seeing friends of mine constantly fall into these same stupid situations where they feel they are 'expected' to do something to please a woman, and when they do they end up getting the ol' heave-ho a week later, because the girl would rather 'just be friends'

of course this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that your mates go out of their way to find girls who behave like this? nor does it have anything to do with what's 'expected' - whatever that is

hes only EVER doing it because he feels he has to

'has to'
there's a gun to his head?

walking up to a girl in a pub and offering her a drink straight off is shooting yourself in the foot, and most guys dont even realise it..as soon as you offer her a drink she already thinks your the same as every other guy...

very true

skywalker

DAEDULUS wrote:

'if i wasnt your mother and was 20 years younger...'

:eek: :eek: Think thats what he meant by issues mate.

Siogfinsceal

if a guy asks me if he can buy me a drink i usually just say 'no thank you' and explain that i have a bf id feel bad letting him buy it and not telling him til after.

Matarese

Siogfinsceal wrote:

if a guy asks me if he can buy me a drink i usually just say 'no thank you' and explain that i have a bf id feel bad letting him buy it and not telling him til after.

Yeah some women are very wary of that.....my ex would allways 'get the next round' if i bought her a drink!

She reckons it makes her feel less obliged to do anything......I agree, she was fiercly independant though!

pbsuxok1znja4r

We had a thread on who should pay for dinner a while back and I don't see why the etiquette regarding this should be any different. If a guy gets talking to a girl and offers her a drink out of pure, generous goodwill then there's nothing wrong with that or with her accepting it, provided if she decides she doesn't like the guy she just leaves after it, or if she does feel like sticking around with him, she gets the next round in. Seems sensible to me.

I myself never ever ever offer girls drinks, as I'd think it mighty weird and/or even desperate if a girl were to come up and offer me the same. Plus I'm not really much of a drinker at all. Plus alcohol eventually kills conversation. Plus you can't even hear yourself properly in most alcohol-serving settings anyway. The reasons not to buy drinks at all are endless.

DOLEMAN

If the guy wants to buy the girl a drink, let him do it and learn. The only problem I have is the girls who hang around the bar, smiling at guys, the guy says "do you want a drink?" she says "ja", he gives it to her and she walks off with said drink. Repeat.

(I used to be a barman, I saw this stuff. Quite sick really!)

Dun laoire

Iago wrote:

Something like that, except the halo would be awful dirty by the time I got it back out of the gutter I was in.

I have often bought a drink for a random girl that I happened to get talking to at a bar or in a club, with no intention of anything more than chatting to her, simply because we were talking and I felt like buying a drink.

Rubbish!!! Would you do the same if you got talking to a bloke? I think not.

Dave!

I learned about this in psychology last year... It wasn't about buying drinks, but it was the same sort of thing. Can't remember the term for it, but basically it's that you give someone a small gift, and then they feel compelled to give you something in return. That's the reason why banks might give you pens or keyrings, so you feel obliged to return a favour and do business with them Religious groups might give you a Bible or a flower or something, and you'll feel guilty if you don't listen to them at least.

Maybe it's the same sort of thing! Some sicko psychologist was using this technique to get laid and it caught on

DOLEMAN

DaveMcG wrote:

Some sicko psychologist was using this technique to get laid and it caught on

Of course, if the psychologist was female, and she gave me a gift, and then slept with me, I'd feel double guilty about owing her something, so I'd buy her two drinks, and then she'd feel guilty, and ... wedding bells!

Tar.Aldarion

Rubbish!!! Would you do the same if you got talking to a bloke? I think not.

Nope, that doesn't mean he wouldn't do it. I have done that, very rarely though.


Ye Doleman, I gave a girl a child and she gives me all these bills in return.
Gifts for all!

pbsuxok1znja4r

Dun laoire wrote:

Rubbish!!! Would you do the same if you got talking to a bloke? I think not.

Good point. Much like the "would you give a guy a foot massage" question.

Iago

scouser.tommy wrote:

Good point. Much like the "would you give a guy a foot massage" question.

Not really a good point no, it's an assumption that's flawed because he's thinking from his own point of view. He wouldn't buy a guy a drink therefore he doesn't believe anyone else would. I have done just that on rare occasions, it's not something I make a habit of, but then buying drinks for girls isn't something I make a habit of either.

My point is simply that just because I offer to buy you a drink it doesn't mean that I'm expecting/looking for anything other than flowing conversation..

pbsuxok1znja4r

Iago wrote:

Not really a good point no, it's an assumption that's flawed because he's thinking from his own point of view. He wouldn't buy a guy a drink therefore he doesn't believe anyone else would. I have done just that on rare occasions, it's not something I make a habit of, but then buying drinks for girls isn't something I make a habit of either.

My point is simply that just because I offer to buy you a drink it doesn't mean that I'm expecting/looking for anything other than flowing conversation..

No, you're right, it does not, of course, mean that you must be looking for anything other than conversation. But I'm sure if analysed statistically, it could easily be shown that guys would offer other lone guys drinks less than they offer lone girls drinks. Those are the facts, interpret them as you will / according to your own level of cynicism.

Dun laoire

Iago wrote:

Not really a good point no, it's an assumption that's flawed because he's thinking from his own point of view. He wouldn't buy a guy a drink therefore he doesn't believe anyone else would. I have done just that on rare occasions, it's not something I make a habit of, but then buying drinks for girls isn't something I make a habit of either.

My point is simply that just because I offer to buy you a drink it doesn't mean that I'm expecting/looking for anything other than flowing conversation..

If i was out on a sunday afternoon with a few friends and not on the pull i would buy a random girl/bloke a drink if i got talking to that person because it's a nice gesture. I'm talking about when on the pull. Is this not what we are talking about "when on the pull"?

Macha

DOLEMAN wrote:

Of course, if the psychologist was female, and she gave me a gift, and then slept with me, I'd feel double guilty about owing her something, so I'd buy her two drinks, and then she'd feel guilty, and ... wedding bells!

Yeah because there's no way she, as a woman, could have enjoyed sleeping with you :rolleyes: Sex? Sure that's only for men's enjoyment, don't you know.

I have to say, I cringe when I see some of my friends simpering and fluttering eyelashes at some drunk guy, saying "Oooh noo, DON'T buy me a drink", cue meaningful stare, conveying fact that if he doesn't buy her a drink some other guy will be getting lucky that night.

I would never accept a drink from a guy I didn't know or if I did, I would make sure I bought him one (regardless of if I liked him or not)

But I have to say, Im guilty of buying guys drinks to try and get a conversation going

Tar.Aldarion

Why do people edit double posts instead of deleting them...

Macha

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

Why do people edit double posts instead of deleting them...

Sorry, didn't realise you could

Tobias Greeshman

If I get chatting to a girl whether I'm out on the pull or not, I may offer to buy her a drink after chatting to her for a good bit. Just as a good-will gesture, if I want to get into her knickers then I'll rely on my charm and wit alone.

It p***es me off when I see guys and even friends of mine that will happily buy random girls drink and they're just using them for a free drink. Some guys are just so fickle, when it comes to women :rolleyes:

Iago

ok, that's the all new plan then. Sit at the bar and wait for a girl to come and buy me a drink

drums fingers....

ddunne

i wouldnt accept a drink off some random bloke, unless he sat talking to me for a while, then maybe. if im not slightley interested then i wont take it.

I seen some girls completlety lead a guy on just so he will pay for drinks,
which is disgracefull.

We're not all the same ; )

Katykaboom

My mates ex , he was a sh*thead, but if we were out he would arrive back from the bar with a drink for her, and everyone one of us, us being six girls. we always bought him a drink back, sometimes he wouldnt accrpt it.

Bard

DAEDULUS wrote:

i have no issues other than [...lots of issues...]

Hah. Go you!

BTW... Are there no romantic, kind and chivalrous gentlemen without ulterior motives left in the world? What's the major problem with buying a girl a drink as an ice-breaker, FFS??

taconnol wrote:

I would never accept a drink from a guy I didn't know

Why not?

taconnol wrote:

or if I did,[...]

Oh, right... so much for "never"

taconnol wrote:

But I have to say, Im guilty of buying guys drinks to try and get a conversation going

So it's alright for you to buy them one but not vice-versa? Here's a little LINK! for you. (Yes, I had to look up the spelling...)

Macha

Bard wrote:

Hah. Go you!

BTW... Are there no romantic, kind and chivalrous gentlemen without ulterior motives left in the world? What's the major problem with buying a girl a drink as an ice-breaker, FFS??



Why not?



Oh, right... so much for "never"



So it's alright for you to buy them one but not vice-versa? Here's a little LINK! for you. (Yes, I had to look up the spelling...)

Jeez Bard, stop picking holes in my grammar, this really is pointless as I think everyone understood what I meant. However to satisfy your pedantry...

I meant, that normally, in 95% of cases, I would not accept a drink from a guy I didn't know because his intentions are quite clear, and in 95% of cases I am not interested (hey, call me picky). In the 5% of cases that I am interested and accept the drink (and the conversation), I will make sure that I get him a drink back.

Why is it hypocritical for me to buy a guy a drink to start a conversation? IN my post, I criticised girls who accept drinks from men in whom they aren't interested, not the men offering the drinks. I think you'd better re-read my original post instead of just jumping on it to get your post count up.

Bard

taconnol wrote:

Jeez Bard, stop picking holes in my grammar, this really is pointless as I think everyone understood what I meant. However to satisfy your pedantry...

I'm not picking holes in your grammer. I'm saying that what you say you do is a wee bit hypocritical.

Why is it hypocritical for me to buy a guy a drink to start a conversation?

Because, when a guy does the same for you, you're assuming that they're only buying you drink because they want sex. Is it that impossible to believe that a guy can buy YOU a drink just to start a conversation?

I think you'd better re-red my original post instead of just jumping on it to get your post count up.

Oh, so I'm "jumping on your post just to get my post count up"? No... actually... I'm just disagreeing with you

Have a good one,

DOLEMAN

taconnol wrote:

Yeah because there's no way she, as a woman, could have enjoyed sleeping with you :rolleyes: Sex? Sure that's only for men's enjoyment, don't you know.

I was obviously joking... calm down...

Macha

Bard wrote:

Because, when a guy does the same for you, you're assuming that they're only buying you drink because they want sex. Is it that impossible to believe that a guy can buy YOU a drink just to start a conversation?,

Call me cynical, but yes, I think that the only reason a complete stranger would buy me a drink is to try it on. Every single time I've accepted a drink from a guy I didn't know in the past, the guy in question has tried to get my number, etc...

I can also tell you that a few years ago, I used to weigh a bit more than I did now - never was offered a drink. Now that I'm a size 12? Happens almost every time I go out. Coincidince? Me thinks not...

Bard wrote:

Oh, so I'm "jumping on your post just to get my post count up"? No... actually... I'm just disagreeing with you

Have a good one,

Ok ok sorry. Didn't sleep one minute last nite with a car alarm & im in a bad mood

Edit: Doleman, I got the joke. it was funny , just getting up on my feminist soapbox here

pants on fire

i swear to god I was out one night chattin to this bird, and I pulled out €20 to pay for a drink. I had just met her at the bar after ordering my drink, so didnt get her one.
But as soon as I had my had open, she yanked the note off me!!!
And she would give it back!!!!

:mad:

Wasnt sure what to make of it....but was kinda attracted to the audacity!!!

Got my moneys worth in the end!!............:D

DOLEMAN

Of course the only reason a guy wants to buy you a drink is because he wants something (=sex) in return. People who think otherwise are being naive.

It's normal social behaviour and the girl can play along or not.

How many times have you seen a guy buy another guy (=stranger) a drink in a bar for no reason whatsoever? It just doesn't happen. In gay bars it may happen. Guess why???

Vidic-is-good

DOLEMAN wrote:

Of course the only reason a guy wants to buy you a drink is because he wants something (=sex) in return. People who think otherwise are being naive.

It's normal social behaviour and the girl can play along or not.

How many times have you seen a guy buy another guy (=stranger) a drink in a bar for no reason whatsoever? It just doesn't happen. In gay bars it may happen. Guess why???

I think its too freely said that guys are after one thing. Sometimes, guys go looking for a companion to share things with, maybe spend the rest of their lives with them. Love at first sight is very very possible and sex might in fact be the last thing on their mind. Probably most cases are just a guy looking for sex but sometimes, its about something more important. Buying her a drink could be just the way to break the ice (not necessarily the right way to do it though)

Tar.Aldarion

Vidic-is-good wrote:

I think its too freely said that guys are after one thing. Sometimes, guys go looking for a companion to share things with, maybe spend the rest of their lives with them. Love at first sight is very very possible and sex might in fact be the last thing on their mind. Probably most cases are just a guy looking for sex but sometimes, its about something more important. Buying her a drink could be just the way to break the ice (not necessarily the right way to do it though)

I rarely ever just want sex. Most guys do however. We all do at some points..

Well girls too.

I am not a scronger at all, and will usually refuse a drink if offered by anyone because I just prefer to buy my own.
But when if a lad was chatting me up and I was interested I would be paying close attention to his behavior and not offering me a drink would definatly set off warning bells.
I can't stand people who are selfish or mean.

Tar.Aldarion

Moonbaby wrote:

not offering me a drink would definatly set off warning bells.
I can't stand people who are selfish or mean.

What a ridiculous conclusion.