Dad driving us all mad

LegacyUser

Sounds like my auld fella too. So much so in fact I may have to have a chat with the baby brother:-)

To the OP(baby brother???), While it's wrong for people to fill in the gaps and be judgemental you did post on a public forum so you should take responses with pinch a salt, don't take things so personally. There's some good advice to be had.

Come to think of it... Don't think the folks do compost!!!

doctor evil

Hagar wrote:

A great phrase someone had to quote it.

Thank you:) .

cuppa

You all sound like your auld lads on this thread..
op move out.

up for anything

Maybe your father is fed up after all those years toeing the line at work (I am assuming he worked for someone rather than running his own business) and now wants to feel like the boss in his own house... hence the potato peeling rebellion. Also with you and your mother discussing him and his behaviour behind his back there cannot be a comfortable atmosphere in the house. Why doesn't your mother act like the adult she is and sit down and discuss her worries/irritation with him? Why is she talking it over with you?

A few things you said in your first post make me think that you have a problem with your father, your comment about his 'continuous whinging'... that made me wince and also where you say 'not being able to stand up and be responsible for anything he does, or to just be a father figure, a man, yknow'. Sounds like you have father/son issues with him that go back a long way. What sort of things are you not able to rely on him for? Some proper examples of his lack of logic about matters both great and small would be helpful in forming an opinion about his unreasonableness.

As for his health... maybe he visits the doctor because he needs to feel someone somewhere is listening to him and caring about him... however he obviously has the wrong doctor if he/she is discussing your father with your mother in violation of doctor/patient confidentiality. However, do bear in mind when throwing the title of hypochrondriac around, the old joke about "I told you so!" being the epitaph etched on the hypochrondriac's headstone.

I think your problem is as you said...

Basically, the situation in my house between my parents is getting me down and I really dont know what to do anymore.

It is not up to you to do anything about it... it is between the two of them and you should consider moving out of home and leaving them to it. A lot of marriages have to undergo radical readjustments when someone retires and it is easier for them to do it alone rather than with a third party present to consider.

Your mother is being unfair to both your father and you in confiding in you.

Oryx

Your all adults living in house together. Just because your related doesnt mean you wont annoy the living hell out of each other.

My dads retired, and tho I dont live at home, I know the first year of retirement was incredibly difficult for all at home. He lost his focus, his reason for getting up in the morning, and for a while misdirected it into overzealous diy and fussing over the tv remote. It took time for him to discover how to fill the days.

He wasnt used to how the house was run when he was working all day, so when he started being at home during the day, and doing things his way, it did grate with my mam. Unlike your situation OP hes not a hypochondriac, and hasnt seen a doctor in over 50 yrs, thank god but the itchy feet from not working were expressed in other ways!
Hes now started doing home help, hes brilliant at it. Its a new phase for him, tho Im sure my mam still wants to clock him sometimes for leaving the backdoor unlocked

As regards the strange thoughts/ideas he has, if you know hes like that, or argumentative over very little, sometimes its easier to brush it off and not take the bait. Just go 'yes, dear' and walk away. He cant row with someone who wont argue back.

groundedplane

mountainyman wrote:

Move out, your dad doesn't have the problem you do.
What do you care if the doctor is sick of seeing your dad. The doctor is a big boy and can look after himself.

If you want to compost and he doesn't care guess what it is his house.

Why should he worry about how you perceive him. That's your problem.

Does it occur to you that retirement can be difficult for the retiree.

If you want to help hand money up.

[additional edit]
Also all parents are exasperating. especially as they get older.
MM

Jayis, give the guy a break. Who do you think you are saying stuff like that? The guy is worried for his father and especially his mother. I can sympathize with him since I live abroad and back home in Dublin is my family. Parents can be very difficult to deal with, but telling him to move out and that its not his problem is like sweeping the problem under the carpet. The guy has a genuine issue here and if you have nothing good to say to him, well just don’t say it. The bleeding cheek of ya. You must hate your parents or something?

I think the OP's father does not know what to do with him self any more since he has no work to go to. If you work 50 odd years of your life, your mind and body become conditioned to work. It’s simple. When this is taken away, the mind replaces it with something else. In this case, his father is trying to occupy all his time with negative things. He needs to get out and get some projects going to keep him busy.

Hope it picks up for you mate and things get back to normal soon. Help your father to get some projects going, make him feel important again, like he did when he was working. Make him feel like the provider for his family again.