Affairs

Brown_Eyed_Girl

Unless you know for sure that something happened well then your best bet is to keep your mouth shut, and I am sure that your friend would understand that until you had proof it was not your position to say a thing. Now if she confronted you if she suspected her husband of having an affair or doing something that he should well then I would think that you had every right to tell her what you suspected.

Izzyone

Approach him If you have to first, but you should most definitely talk to your friend. My sister just found out that after 24 years her husband has been having an affiar, they split up about five months ago because he was having ISSUES, and she asked him was he having an affair and he said no. we all thought that they were going to get back together but he announced last night that he was having an affair. All of the sordid details have not come out yet but I am sure they will soon.

I know if it was me I would need to know what was going on and then i could decide what to do for myself.. the flirting and hand touching should not even be happening.

TELL HER.

Mr. Presentable

If you feel you are sure: anonymous tip-off

Otherwise: schtum

jimmycrackcorm

Ickle Magoo wrote:

Can any of the folks who say there is no evidence to base suspicion on, maybe explain give me a few innocent scenarios of why this man & his wife's friend disapeared upstairs for 10mins? Any parties my husband & I have attended, disapearing upstairs with your spouse is not the done thing - let alone with someone else's spouse....so perhaps that is making me cynical?!

OP, how close a friend is the wife? Is she your best friend? Or just a woman in your circle of friends?

This is an example of the sort of attitude that led to the Guildford four being imprisoned. No smoke without fire and walkinglike a duck and all that. Just because You can't imagine any circumstances doesn't mean it is not possible. Could it be possible that they simple wanted to have a private discussion away from prying ears? If there was something going on wouldn't it be incredibly risky to happen within metres of your partner especially with so much at stake? Perhaps the seemingly over-appropriate arm touching makes the parties look guilty but in a totally innocent environment it might not mean anything albeit being something you might not do if sober.

Ickle Magoo

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

This is an example of the sort of attitude that led to the Guildford four being imprisoned. No smoke without fire and walkinglike a duck and all that. Just because You can't imagine any circumstances doesn't mean it is not possible. Could it be possible that they simple wanted to have a private discussion away from prying ears? If there was something going on wouldn't it be incredibly risky to happen within metres of your partner especially with so much at stake? Perhaps the seemingly over-appropriate arm touching makes the parties look guilty but in a totally innocent environment it might not mean anything albeit being something you might not do if sober.

Are you for real?!! Private discussion? then whisper....why go upstairs to get away from people? Why should someones husband and their wife's best friend need privacy to that extent? The OP asked for people's opinion, I gave mine - I'm not sure how old you are or what kind of parties you attend - or what you consider appropriate behaviour within a marriage/relationship - but I am married, as are the majority of our friends - and popping upstairs for 10mins with someone is just not the done thing....it's not like they can claim to be drunken teenagers at a party at someones parents house who sneaked upstairs to cop a feel & that's ok.....

If you have a differing opinion then there is nothing wrong with that - it doesn't mean you have to belittle mine or resort to using tenuous links....if your wife ever pops upstairs for 10mins to have a "chat" with your best friend - I hope no-one tells you & I hope you are so understanding when they say "But, Jimmy, we saw them go upstairs & we saw them pawing at each other - but we didn't have any proof, so we didn't tell you".....

Ultimately, it's up to the OP to read all posts & make up their own mind as to what to do...I assume if it was so black & white to the OP then they wouldn't have resorted to posting here - what you think of my suggestion is irrelevant

TheBlock

There couldn't be anything else going on but an affair.I'd tell your friend and advise her to throw him out....Only to find out that he was actually in the process of arranging a surprise Party/Holiday/event for her with the woman in question who happend to be able to give him a special deal/advice. Or maybe that this woman was having some issues with her personnal life and was looking for a males perspective on how to resolve same issues and didnt feel it appropriate to air these issues infront of how did you put it a not so close friend with whom chats were limited.

If you have a geniune concern confront him before you talk to anyone else.What can he do? Lie to you?

Lindaloo

I haven't seen him since that night so haven't had a chance to say anything, I'm going to see what way he is next time I see him and then if I think I need to say something to him, I will.

Thanks again all.

jimmycrackcorm

you for real?!!

No I'm a virtual bot - really.

Private discussion? then whisper....why go upstairs to get away from people?

somewhere quieter and not so noisy unless it was a dull party.

Why should someones husband and their wife's best friend need privacy to that extent?

Perhaps they are close enough friends to be comfortable without realizing what it might look like to suspicious minds.

The OP asked for people's opinion, I gave mine - I'm not sure how old you are or what kind of parties you attend - or what you consider appropriate behaviour within a marriage/relationship - but I am married, as are the majority of our friends - and popping upstairs for 10mins with someone is just not the done thing....it's not like they can claim to be drunken teenagers at a party at someones parents house who sneaked upstairs to cop a feel & that's ok.....

I'm not sure how old you are either but I'm married too and I'd think nothing of chating privately to one of my wifes best friends who is a very touchy feely person and happily hugs and greets with kisses etc. There is nothing more to it albeit I did think it was strange at the start but that's the way she is.

If you have a differing opinion then there is nothing wrong with that - it doesn't mean you have to belittle mine or resort to using tenuous links....if your wife ever pops upstairs for 10mins to have a "chat" with your best friend - I hope no-one tells you & I hope you are so understanding when they say "But, Jimmy, we saw them go upstairs & we saw them pawing at each other - but we didn't have any proof, so we didn't tell you".....

Fair enough but I would't jump to any conclusions unless I'm a hundred percent sure so I don't understand how you can be.

Ultimately, it's up to the OP to read all posts & make up their own mind as to what to do...I assume if it was so black & white to the OP then they wouldn't have resorted to posting here - what you think of my suggestion is irrelevant

It certainly is.

BeardyGit

Why do you all overcomplicate things for yourselves? Just because your friends are involved, doesn't mean you have any right to interfere. It's not intervening, it's interfering. If your suspicions bother you then you have one very simple course of action to deal with it switfly and discretely.

OP, tell him that someone else mentioned to you 'in passing' that his behaviour with this other woman doesn't appear all that innocent. Tell him you refuted the gossip but that you were unhappy that his behaviour put you in a position where someone would think he's not being the nice guy. Let him know you don't want to be in a position where you feel you're having to make excuses for him in any way - That it's up to him to make sure people don't get the wrong idea.

Look, he's either messing around and will carry on/cut it out - Whatever he decides to do with clear knowledge that his actions have been noted by others. Or else his dealings with this woman are completely innocent and he doesn't realise he's left himself open to mistaken observations from meddling gossips and he'll make sure nobody misinterprets his interaction with her in the future. If he's acting the maggot, you've done all you need do as a good friend to both of them to steer him in the right direction as far as fidelity in his relationship might be concerned. There's nothing else that anyone can expect and if it comes down to it, you can deny all knowledge that anything was going on or that you knew anything at all about it.

It should leave you with a clear conscience without ever having to deal with this again. If you really feel you must, tell him that this is the only time you'll steer him clear of obvious trouble and that next time you'll leave it you his partner to straighten it out. Of course, this should only be brought into play if you think he's not taking you very, very seriously. Hold off on it if you believe he's shocked and genuinely didn't realise that's what it all looked like. I guess you'll know best but make sure you don't appear confrontational - There's no reason to be. For all any of us know, you included, he's not doing anything wrong at all.

Job done.

Gil

Ickle Magoo

jimmycrackcorm wrote:

I'd think nothing of chating privately to one of my wifes best friends who is a very touchy feely person and happily hugs and greets with kisses etc.

Neither would I....I have tactile friends & I'd also think nothing of my husband having a private discussion with them.....but disappearing upstairs for 10mins upstairs at a party - that, to me, is odd....go to a different room, find a quiet corner, there always is one at every party....it just seems very odd behaviour to me....my question was just to ask if those who claimed the guy was innocent could present any reasonable argument as to what they were doing & why, as I thought I may be being rather cynical....but I can't get over that there really is no good reason to put yourself in the postion of people getting suspicious unless you are guilty of doing something - and I still haven't heard a reasonable suggestion as to why they would do that.....

But then that's just suspicious ole me

jimmycrackcorm

Ickle Magoo wrote:

Neither would I....I have tactile friends & I'd also think nothing of my husband having a private discussion with them.....but disappearing upstairs for 10mins upstairs at a party - that, to me, is odd....go to a different room, find a quiet corner, there always is one at every party....it just seems very odd behaviour to me....my question was just to ask if those who claimed the guy was innocent could present any reasonable argument as to what they were doing & why, as I thought I may be being rather cynical....but I can't get over that there really is no good reason to put yourself in the postion of people getting suspicious unless you are guilty of doing something - and I still haven't heard a reasonable suggestion as to why they would do that.....

But then that's just suspicious ole me

That's my point suspicious ole you. You ask why did they not go to another room - but they did - it just happened to be upstairs. I think it is a reasonable argument to say that most parties are loud and held downstairs - if you want to have a private conversation then logically where would you go? Unless this house was some sort of vast mansion I don't think there is such a thing as a quiet corner in your average house party.

If you can't think of any reasonable suggestion as to why they did what they did then it's your imagination that is the limiting factor here. Not everything is as it seems.

LegacyUser

If this guy was such a good friend wou could bring up the subject with them. Voice you concerns etc, you could be wrong, you could be right, either way, its not really any of your business.

The only reason I would suggest saying anything is so you can feel like you did something, and sleep better at night.