Romances on the web?

Gaillimhtaibhse

What happens to web initiated romances? (Relationships that first start on the web, but lead to real face-to-face dating later)

Met a Dub lad on boards.ie and we exchanged an increasing number of posts in a relatively short time. He sounded fun. We finally set a date for The Big Tree.

At first, I did not recognise him from our PM talks on the boards (and he had attached a picture, of sorts, earlier). He said he was tall, but was really average height. He said he was fit, but had a bit of a beer belly. And he said he didn't smoke, and smelled of smoke. Well personality, character, and a sense of humour are really more important than all these things, so I tried to make the best of it.

I don't know about you, but first dates for me can be a real challenge. We were both a little nervous, as expected. He drank a little too much and got loud (and I drink very little). He talked a lot about himself; so much so, that I thought I was at a lecture. And most important, there was just no animal attraction between us. So after awhile I found a reason to leave, and we went our separate ways.

What I think I learned from this experience was: Don't rush it! I will take more time to get to know the person. What's the hurry, anyway?

Are there other things that I should keep in mind, should I think about dating someone in the future (who I first met on the web)?

In closing, would I ever go out again with someone I first met on these boards? Maybe. Would you? I'm sometimes venturesome. And it just might be fun to see how someone else compares with the impressions I developed of them from the web. What do you think?

LegacyUser

I tried the internet dating, through a "formal" dating site.
Mixed responses....

Just about everyone exaggerates, omits information, or downright lies....
Corresponding by e-mail/txt/forum chat is just no substitute for a face-to-face meeting. Meeting people via work, or friends of friends, tends to be the safest approach for vetting people.

I meet up with a girl on the dating site who refused to give me a photo... said I wouldn't be dissappointed. She was wrong.

I know some people have success with them, but you probably have to meet a lot of frogs before you find your prince !

The Corinthian

The Internet is not hugely different to a pub in many ways. The anonymity it affords gives people the Dutch courage to talk to others and, not unlike a pub, when you meet them without that social crutch; they can turn out to not be as you had perceived - or hoped - them to be.

People have been known to meet their soul mates on the Internet, but this is the exception rather than the rule. If course, people have been known to meet their soul mates in work, pubs, parties, on blind dates and speed dating too - and this is also the exception rather than the rule. So as has been suggested, no matter where you look, you will probably have to kiss a good few frogs.

On the other hand however you will find a certain demographic on the Internet. Just as you’re more likely to find alcoholics in pubs, you are more likely to find - frankly – geeks and loners, on the Internet. Personally, I’m in my mid-thirties and would thus be weary of meeting anyone I’d met on the Internet - largely because there’s a lot of desperate thirty-something women out there who have very loud biological clocks.

Of course, this is not to say everyone in a pub is an alcoholic or everyone on the Internet is a geek or desperate thirty-something, but it should be kept in mind that you’re going to find a higher number of those there, nonetheless.

magick

u never meet a person for the first time, you meet their Representative

Linoge

magick wrote:

u never meet a person for the first time, you meet their Representative

Whaaa? I think I know what you're saying but that does not make any sense..

And Gailimh, if you met this guy on boards.ie, is there not a good chance that he might read this thread??

serabi

magick wrote:

u never meet a person for the first time, you meet their Representative

thats a great way to put it

serabi

Linoge wrote:

And Gailimh, if you met this guy on boards.ie, is there not a good chance that he might read this thread??

I've been thinking that too- its a bit harsh

AngryBadger

Like anywhere else, each case is totally unique. I've met a few people of the web,and for the most part it's been fun. Yeah, there are some headbangers out there, but you'll encounter those regardless.

Personally i don't think it's really that much different to meeting people in pubs/clubs/whereever. As the corinthian pointed out, the anonymity factor means people are sometimes more brash than they'd usually be, but I don't think that really counts for much in the long run, since if you wind up meeting that will just dissipate.

That said, there are some real headbangers out there. I've heard some horror stories, one girl telling me how she met this french guy, and suddenly he was turning up at her doorstep with his wrists cut saying he loved her. Yikes!

Anyway, i think it's fine, and often you can vet people a little easier than if you're in a pub/club. Ultimately, if it doesn't work out, what's the big deal?

chump

The Corinthian wrote:

On the other hand however you will find a certain demographic on the Internet. Just as you’re more likely to find alcoholics in pubs, you are more likely to find - frankly – geeks and loners, on the Internet.

But surely this is a good thing - nerds meeting nerds just like alcoholics meeting alcoholics.

I personally think that the difference between meeting someone face to face (even be it in a pub) and online is that in a face to face encounter you can spot the bluffers and the liars and wafflers and fakes - basically you have the benefit of your intuition and instincts. You also can get a 'feeling' for the person.

I also think that it's quite easy to put on an act when you communicate online. You can easily play yourself a different character depending on who you speak to.

Also I'm afraid to say the people who use the net as a medium to meet people are usually desperate - and while this in many circumstances may not be due to a fault of their own, in many instances it is.

In general I would suspect that

Anyone between the ages of 20-30 who are using the net to meet people are
a. Nerds, with poor real life social experience. This is a good thing I think.
b. Trawlers, people who are just looking for some sex - ugly, fat, losers, etc...

30 upwards
a. Trawlers, as above
b. First-timers, fed up with the usual attempts to meet people, trying something new and novel
c. Desperados, times a ticking and getting worried
d. Nerds, as above

If I was about 30 and was getting a bit bored of trying to meet girls using the regular methods, I might try it under b above, or possibly d!

tomboy_100

oooh.. harsh words there from chump and angrybadger, although yeah you could be right.

met someone once from a message board. then started emailing. got on like a house on fire, went out with her, after a few months decided no, but we sort of stayed in touch. true there are lots of freaks and geeks but not all mind you!

fair play to you gaillimhtaibhse, you're up for a bit of adventure.

McGinty

I've done a fair bit of internet dating and it has been very mixed, the first two guys I met were year long relationships that ended their course, but they were both great guys, very normal, intelligent and very attractive. There after I had a few dates from a subscribed internet dating site, and like you, met guys who claimed they were attractive, but who were not in my eyes, etc and some of them were very overwhelming, but I've also met some really nice dates, and had a great time. Not everyone who uses the net is a desperado or has a biological clock ticking, although I am in the over 30's category, however I find it is men who want the children and marraige (I don't, I have a child already and very happy with that).

There are advantages and disadvantages, it is like a pub but you don't get the chemistry or vibe when you meet someone in real life pub. However there is greater control for yourself is you use it. One word I would use as a mantra: CAUTION, in every step of the way. I have some rules and if these are not met then I won't meet someone.

First of I like to e-mail for a while to get some sense of them, yet I am always aware that the person is dressing themselves up, not lying but painting themselves in their best light, we all do that. I don't hand out a number until I am ready, if they pressure me for a number I stop correspondance as I believe if they are pushy via e-mail they will be pushy in real life. I always insist on a photo, I know it is not a good guide, but if it is a false photo, then I know they are a liar (although this has never happened -however I don't judge a photo because some people take lousy photos and are very attractive in real life and some people take great photos and they are not so hot in real life).

Even if he sounds like the best thing since sliced bread and you have a great online chemistry (it can happen) remember you may not have the same chemistry in real life, which for me is probably the most dissapointing element of meeting someone from the net, you think the chemistry is great and then you meet, and it is nada, zilch attraction. I remember one guy I met and wasn't sure of him both in e-mails and on the phone, but when we met, he was gorgeous with a great personality, so enjoy the element of suprise and have fun with it, but keep safe. Also one last factor, I usually meet someone for coffee on the first date during the day, again something I insist on, it is best for both parties because if either doesn't like each other, the coffee can be as quick or as slow depending on how well you both get on.

simu

It's all well and good meeting people online but you have to see them in the flesh before you can say you're falling for them imo. No matter how much you enjoy electronic communications with a person, the chemistry has to be there in real world if you want a romantic relationship.

Just keep that in mind.

jrey1981

I had one cyberstalker after emailing her a few times. She said she was going to turn up on my doorstep and then got my mobile number - I wont say how - and started calling and texting me. She also tried to find out my address.

I had to be quite harsh and blunt with her and tell her to leave me alone, which thankfully she did. I am finding it a bit of a waste of time really to be honest - this is through a popular site affiliated with a well-known newspaper.

Gaillimhtaibhse

jrey1981 wrote:

cyberstalker

Yikes!:eek:

AlienGav

It's all the same!

It doesn't matter where you meet someone, you can't help who you like, and who you dislike!

The Sweeper

The written word is a marvellous medium. If you can use it, you can appear far more attractive than if you cannot use it.

You know the way, when people post on boards.ie using txt spk, we assume they're either 14 years old, or just plain stupid?

On the same basis, it's probably not safe to assume that the literate, witty and interesting posters are as attractive as their words.

The Corinthian

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

On the same basis, it's probably not safe to assume that the literate, witty and interesting posters are as attractive as their words.

Except for me. I'm gorgeous.

Nevyn

Boards.ie and the PI forum is not a dating or hooking up site,
Off topic and unhelpfull postings and selfpimping will result in bans from this forum.
Do read the charter and abide by the rules in it while posting.
Die dulci freure
Thaedyal

The Corinthian

Thaedydal wrote:

Boards.ie and the PI forum is not a dating or hooking up site,
Off topic and unhelpfull postings and selfpimping will result in bans from this forum.
Do read the charter and abide by the rules in it while posting.
Die dulci freure

Err... No one is self-pimping or treating this thread as a medium to dating or hooking up.

In dentibus anticis frustum magnum spiniciae habes,

TC

rsynnott

The Corinthian wrote:

Err... No one is self-pimping or treating this thread as a medium to dating or hooking up.

In dentibus anticis frustum magnum spiniciae habes,

TC

Quite possibly there were posts to that effect that got deleted very quickly.

The Corinthian

rsynnott wrote:

Quite possibly there were posts to that effect that got deleted very quickly.

Good point.

December Son

Ive met a few people off the net, and i have to say so far ive not had one bad 'date'. Obviously i prefer meeting people in real life first but the net can be a great place for it too. Ive ended up in one long term relationship, made a very close friend who id regard as one of my best, had one or two people who could be best described as 'f*ck buddies' (i hate that term, i only use it here to describe some relationships that were sexual but didnt develop into full blown commitment). I dont hype myself up when messaging people or emailing, i tell them the truth as much as i can so as to avoid the '....oh, hi. You dont look like i expected you to' situation when first meeting.
Ive no problem with meeting people online anymore, and also i think its losing alot of its social stigma, because more women are using it to meet people, not just men looking for 'the roide'.

Psychic Lady

I met my boyfriend on a dating site we chatted over the web for about 4 months before we eventually met I agreed to meet him in a pub so we where surrounded by people we then went to dinner and had a few drinks that was over 2 years ago we've talked about getting engaged recently he's the one for me and it's been the best 2 years of my life.

py2006

I have met a few people off the net but it has always ended up dissapointing to be honest! Couldn't wait to get away actually!

Having said that my mate is now married to a girl he met online!

Nevyn

That is why you should always have an extraction plan get a friend to text you
at a prearranged time and you can text back if your ok or you need then to ring with news of a 'family emergency'.

annR

Just as you’re more likely to find alcoholics in pubs, you are more likely to find - frankly – geeks and loners, on the Internet.

I find that a pretty hyprocritical statement considering we're on an online message board here. Aren't you also likely to find people who are simple comfortable with being online?

Many people talk about internet dating as if the whole relationship is going to be online . .. of course not .. .. .you email / talk on the phone for a while and then meet and go from there. It's a way to go on dates not have a 4 year long Internet relationship!

Psychic Lady I'm the same as you. Had some great fun dating and exchanging funny dating stories with nice guys. Met no nutters, or maybe it's just that I can usually tell from emailing or talking with them strangely enough. Met my boyfriend online, gave it a chance and here we are living together 2 years later totally loved up.

stovelid

If i was the bloke that you met, i would consider it unfair and childish to talk about it on the same forum. I would be suspicious that this is either a troll or that the meeting didnt go as you describe it and you have a bit of an axe to grind?

idontknowmyname

i would never go on a date with someone I'd met over the net- personally I think it's artificial and it's gve me the creeps but I know some friends who have done it and have been in relationships because of it...each one to their own

dundalk cailin

I wouldnt meet someone off the Net, Id feel that I maybe built myself up to be more attractive than i actually am (in a guys opinion) and Id hate to disappoint soemone of they were expecting someone much better looking. Although i certainly dont saythat i am an oil painting, but when i meet guys in RL, and get chatting, at least they can judge me from the offset..Ive made some friends on the Net, but thats totally differeent, imo

metrovelvet

dundalk cailin wrote:

I wouldnt meet someone off the Net, Id feel that I maybe built myself up to be more attractive than i actually am (in a guys opinion) and Id hate to disappoint soemone of they were expecting someone much better looking. Although i certainly dont saythat i am an oil painting, but when i meet guys in RL, and get chatting, at least they can judge me from the offset..Ive made some friends on the Net, but thats totally differeent, imo

Thats why its smart to play yourself down so if you ever did meet than you are met with pleasant delight. Its also good because then you know they are interested in you for other things than your looks. I dont meet people off the web but this is what I would do.

dundalk cailin

metrovelvet wrote:

Thats why its smart to play yourself down so if you ever did meet than you are met with pleasant delight. Its also good because then you know they are interested in you for other things than your looks. I dont meet people off the web but this is what I would do.

i see your point, and i definitely dont 'airbrush' my description, saying that im not hideous, i do get male attention, i prefer to meet people face to face first..i feel more confortable that way!