Drink problem

LegacyUser

Im worried i may have a drinking problem at the weekend i'd have the usual 6-8 drinks if i was out on a night out
but recently work and personal issues have been majorly stressing me out and i find i need 2-3 cans when im watchin tv at night to help me fall asleep

I'm worried it will intially lead to a drinking problem (or a weight prob as drink isnt healthy) as there is a hist of alcohol abuse in my family

Please help me this is really worrying to me causing more stress as well causing me to not be able to sleep so i end up needing a few cans ..endless cycle

joejoem

Its definitly a bad idea to use alcahol as an escape route from your problems. It does nothing but supress your problems further. The good thing is you recognise the fact that you are abusing alcahol, albeit in the very very early stages is a good thing. Try not to drink on your own. It seems a bit cliche but try to find other ways to relax. If you cant sleep or dont feel tired before going to bed go for a walk, once you get home spend a half hour chilling out, maybe a cup of green tea. If you feel really stressed then maybe join a gym, up until one year or so ago I would have laughed this suggestion off, now I find it the nicest way for me to unwind. I go there with my mp3 player, do my work out in my own little world, finish, shower, have a sauna, maybe a jacussi or steam room then shower again, change, go home, have dinner and make a cup of tea. By this time you are sitting down, tired, a little sore after the gym but feeling healthy and your problems seem a litte less difficult. Bed time comes and you fade into a nice deep sleep. The best part is you wake up feeling like you can handle things a little better today.

AARRRGH

Fun girl wrote:

Im worried i may have a drinking problem at the weekend i'd have the usual 6-8 drinks if i was out on a night out
but recently work and personal issues have been majorly stressing me out and i find i need 2-3 cans when im watchin tv at night to help me fall asleep

I'm worried it will intially lead to a drinking problem (or a weight prob as drink isnt healthy) as there is a hist of alcohol abuse in my family

Please help me this is really worrying to me causing more stress as well causing me to not be able to sleep so i end up needing a few cans ..endless cycle

Everyone does something when they're stressed. Some neglect their friends and family, some eat more, some disappear in a depression, some gamble, some drink.

2 - 3 cans to help you fall asleep, in the short term, is fine IMO.

If you're still doing this in 6 months, start worrying. But at the moment, as long as you're trying to sort out your personal issues (rather than hoping they go away on their own accord) I wouldn't worry about it.

joejoem

dublindude wrote:

If you're still doing this in 6 months, start worrying. But at the moment, as long as you're trying to sort out your personal issues (rather than hoping they go away on their own accord) I wouldn't worry about it.

But you will be a stone or two heavier, your complection will be worse, your problems will be worse, you will have fatigue, your work performance will get worse................

Instead of letting it go to 6 months, instead of letting the problem monkey stay on your back, get up and tackle it! Fix it now, and look back in 6 months thinking "I'm glad I got proactive...."

BossArky

Fun girl wrote:

but recently work and personal issues have been majorly stressing me out and i find i need 2-3 cans when im watchin tv at night to help me fall asleep

Best not to get drunk when you are worried about things.

I second joejoem's suggestion of joining a gym or starting running. You will be so knackered afterwards that you'll have no probs sleeping, plus the exercise will do wonders for your mental state.

AARRRGH

Of course, I didn't mean drinking is better than going to the gym, I meant the OP should not get stressed about becomming an alcoholic in the short term (which was actually her question.)

joejoem

dublindude wrote:

Of course, I didn't mean drinking is better than going to the gym, I meant the OP should not get stressed about becomming an alcoholic in the short term (which was actually her question.)

I know yeah! Sorry I wasnt trying to step on your toes, just reiterating my point!

AARRRGH

Yes, sorry, I know

I was just clarifying.

xzanti

You can get leaflets from an AA centre, they have questionaires that you can fill out and that can be a guide as to wheather you have a problem..

For example

Do you drink alone??
Do you ever lie about the amount you drink??
Does alcohol ever ruin family gatherings and events??
Is your work life suffering because of alcohol??

And so on...

Actually most doctors surgerys will have those leaflets as readin material in their waiting rooms...

spahndirge

I went through something similar before, I drank around 8 - 12 cans a night, got up, went to work and repeated that for about 3 months. My problems were not allowing me to relax and I needed something to help me relax. I'm not saying it's a good idea, it worked out well for me. I just kept on thinking that I just wanted to drink for a while and ride the storm out in a haze of drunkeness.

LegacyUser

spahndirge wrote:

I went through something similar before, I drank around 8 - 12 cans a night, got up, went to work and repeated that for about 3 months. My problems were not allowing me to relax and I needed something to help me relax. I'm not saying it's a good idea, it worked out well for me. I just kept on thinking that I just wanted to drink for a while and ride the storm out in a haze of drunkeness.

Thats exactly what i want to do
i am too tired in the evening to go to the gym Im just depressed in general about everything in my life my love life is a mess and i'm finding it hard to be positive to meet someone new
so is my career its deadend its all just gone tits up!
half drunken fuzzyness is better for now i just dont want it to become more serious

txt_mess

Personally I would say if it's already bothering you then it is a problem and I would try and cut it out during the week.

As for not being able to sleep I find the an hour in the gym usally makes me fit to collapse ( I'm not exactly fit yet ) and also does wonders for your health I'm told.

DamoKen

Fun girl wrote:

Thats exactly what i want to do
i am too tired in the evening to go to the gym Im just depressed in general about everything in my life my love life is a mess and i'm finding it hard to be positive to meet someone new
so is my career its deadend its all just gone tits up!
half drunken fuzzyness is better for now i just dont want it to become more serious

while having a few drinks in the evening is definitely the easier option than going to the gym, it's obviously not the right one, but not just for physical health reasons, dependencies etc. It will also compound the depression, make it harder to think clearly during your day and make well thought out decisions etc, (not just the next day as a result of a hangover either) . We've all been through rough times, and each person has to deal with it their own way. Personally I was in a similar position to yourself not too long ago, the job was killing me, hated the management and crazy hours, as well as thinking I'm not going anywhere in it. Seriously affected my health and social life also due to ridiculous hours which in turn affected my love life. Was trying to go to the gym on the evenings I made it home before 10pm but was very hard, just felt tired all the time. Didn't help that I was having a few beers too many at the weekends, caught myself on the weekday beers as recognised the danger there. In the end I decided to take positive action, I looked around at the job market and got a new job, rejoined the gym which I'd eventually quit beforehand, got my diet back in shape and haven't looked back. Now I find even at the weekends I'm hardly drinking at all, maybe a glass or 2 of wine, and that's not a concious decision either, just find I'm quite capable of having a good time with mates with or without it . So basically, apart from going to the gym, improving your diet, taking some form of exercise, look at other ways you can improve your situation. If you don't like your job and it's getting you down, look at the market and see what's out there. If you don't like the area you're working in, check out courses that are available for something you really like. Getting yourself out of a funk can be a slow process, but you've at least recognised you're not in a place you like and that's a start. Now it's time to consider what can you do about it?
But as the ole cliche goes, it's not in the end of a bottle

Hope it works out ok for you

spahndirge

Fun girl wrote:

Thats exactly what i want to do
i am too tired in the evening to go to the gym Im just depressed in general about everything in my life my love life is a mess and i'm finding it hard to be positive to meet someone new
so is my career its deadend its all just gone tits up!
half drunken fuzzyness is better for now i just dont want it to become more serious

Well, I don't think it will become serious because you're already worried about it. I went on a mission to try and destroy myself and in the midst of it all I quite enjoyed wallowing in depression and feeling sorry for myself. But usually living like that becomes extremely tiresome and annoying.

You need time to regain confidence and strength, people look for it in different ways, you're not depending on drink to solve your problems, you know you're using it as a crutch, but you're the one who is going to get through it.

Wallow, cry, let it all out. I think that we can only reach the top after we've hit the bottom. Good luck, if you ever want to talk, just send me a pm

LegacyUser

confidence and strength is exactly what i need at the moment but regaining it is another thing and is virtully imposibble when feeling as low as i am this has been going on now for 3 months
Its been a number of issues my life is like a little soap opera
and money problems have made it worse as its christmas soon and my car decided it needed an expensive service!!
everyday day is the same old ****e the only part of my week is babysiting this little girl shes so cute and funny!!

I'm an attractive girl ive been told so before but the sheer amount of a**holes that i've met GOD
i swear to god i'm convinced i attract the most F***ed up men

At the moment i'l drink myself to sleep and see what happens
i might hit rock bottom soon enough at the moment i just want all the stress to go away

spahndirge

Fun girl wrote:

confidence and strength is exactly what i need at the moment but regaining it is another thing and is virtully imposibble when feeling as low as i am this has been going on now for 3 months
Its been a number of issues my life is like a little soap opera
and money problems have made it worse as its christmas soon and my car decided it needed an expensive service!!
everyday day is the same old ****e the only part of my week is babysiting this little girl shes so cute and funny!!

I'm an attractive girl ive been told so before but the sheer amount of a**holes that i've met GOD
i swear to god i'm convinced i attract the most F***ed up men

At the moment i'l drink myself to sleep and see what happens
i might hit rock bottom soon enough at the moment i just want all the stress to go away

Good luck with everything, and if you can, drop me a pm or email. I don't want to seem like a know it all or anything, but I can really understand where you are right now and I know how hard it is, especially with no one to talk to.

Take Care.

AARRRGH

spahndirge wrote:

Good luck with everything, and if you can, drop me a pm or email.

Single, attractive female

Fun girl wrote:

i swear to god i'm convinced i attract the most F***ed up men

You know, I really believe the people who attract ****ed up people are doing something subconsciously to attract these people.

Do you ever notice boring people attract other boring people?

I attract ****ed up girls. I know this is due to me being a little mad.

My old flatmate used to attract major sleazes. She was a sleaze.

I don't know what the solution to this is. But I know doing nothing about it does not change the cycle!

Fun girl wrote:

At the moment i'l drink myself to sleep and see what happens
i might hit rock bottom soon enough at the moment i just want all the stress to go away

Yeah, sounds like you're going through a rough time.

How about this for a solution: dedicate one evening a week to work on the phone for the ISPCC or The Samaritans. You'll be doing a good deed AND it'll put your life back into perspective pretty quickly.

Why not?

hullaballoo

Damoken: paragraph!

Fun Girl: everyone goes through the exact same stuff once in a while. There are threads done on this every week. Just relax a bit, try and get through the parts of your life you're finding tough and forget about whether or not you're drinking too much.

It takes a good while to develop a dependency on alcohol so I'd imagine you're just using the couple of drinks a night as a crutch to help you unwind and relax, which is fine.

Start worrying when every night turns into a session, even if you're on your own and you start thinking about drink from mid-morning onwards. Beware: looking forward to a can or two to relax is normal when you're under pressure, it's not alcoholism.

AARRRGH

hullaballoo wrote:

Beware: looking forward to a can or two to relax is normal when you're under pressure, it's not alcoholism.

I agree. And if it's not making your life any worse, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Try to fix things though!

DamoKen

hullaballoo wrote:

Damoken: paragraph!

ooops! sorry about that, didn't realise I'd written quite so much! you wouldn't happen to be an English teacher would you? you sound suspiciously like an old teacher of mine, right down to the exclamation mark

LORDOFDOOM

Maybe you should try get your hands on a bit of spliff..

hullaballoo

LORDOFDOOM wrote:

Maybe you should try get your hands on a bit of spliff..

Nice knowing you.

@ DamoKen, no, I'm not an English teacher, but I'm about as pedantic. People just tend to skip over blocks of writing, that's all.

Victor

LORDOFDOOM wrote:

Maybe you should try get your hands on a bit of spliff..

Try to be constructive.

LegacyUser

I didn't drink last night for the first time in ages couldn't sleep but didn't want to drink just for one night to see if it would be ok and if I could unwind
BIG mistake
My mother who I generally avoid because she doesn't have a nice personality!
She starts arguments with everyone in our family all the time she is the kind of person who would say something bitchy or sly just for effect

anyway she came in from some charity do and had a few glasses of wine and was commenting on the fact I didn't have a drink I said I had felt sick so I didn't bother
WW3 broke out as she started verbally attacking me about everything that is bothering me

Its true what they say about your family being the people who can hurt you most as they know what bothers you! I generally avoid my mother altogether because for years she hasn't liked me stating I am like my dads side of the family!!!
I generally just go to my dad for advice or if I'm stuck for money he gets me cans sometimes or a bit of hash he sympathises with me more because he knows what its like working full time and feeling stressed(my mam doesn't work)

I'm going to stay up in my room for the weekend because I just couldn't be bothered doing anything else but sleeping
my mates aren't heading out this weekend as it xmas and everyone is saving

joejoem

What age are you? Would it be possible for you to move out? Its amazing how well you start to get on with your family when you move out. When you get out on your own you gain a little control on your life, things like that become a distant memory. If your home enviorment isnt healthy then that will spread into every part of your life. Home should be your sanctuary, your relief from all the pressures in your life. If you cant find that there, focus on getting out on your own, its not allways as hard as it seems. Would this be possible for you?

LegacyUser

I'm 20 Moving out is not an option
Im struggling to manage my money as it is.
Ive been asked to move out before by my mother basiclly she just like me or get on with me, she has a problem with the fact i have a problem that shes been claming disability for the last 20 years refusing to come off it or get a job (even when my dad had a heart attack at the age of 41)

we struggle with money i help out as much as i can and she still wont get a job preferring to socialise with her friends and do day courses in bridge and other useless stuff!
the only thing ive done is encourage her to get a job or take steps to ensure she gets a good one because my dad is working two jobs and i dont want him to have another heart attack.These suggestions are met with verbal abuse and ensue in arguments always so ive given up.

she asked relations to take me and they told her to cop on and to realise whats she saying, i have always had a job and am generally quiet enough and i dont cause trouble or anything like that
they are convinced she's mad and told me to pay no attention that as long as my dad was in the house that he wouldnt let anything happen to me!

Now u pprobably see why i need a few drinks to sleep

AARRRGH

Move out, students survive. You can share a room with someone.

You don't need this **** in your life.

tbh

Fun girl wrote:

I generally just go to my dad for advice or if I'm stuck for money he gets me cans sometimes or a bit of hash he sympathises with me more because he knows what its like working full time and feeling stressed(my mam doesn't work)

really? :eek:

LegacyUser

Yes really i give him cigarettes sometimes as well my dad is really sound i dont know how he puts up with my mother of course if she knew she would probably divorce him

joejoem

Thats a bad situation to be in. I would still recomend you do your finances and try to get somewhere on your own, lots of people do it. you can rent a room in a house (not amazing looking but home none the less) from €350 per month. Your socialising expenses will have to be cut, and you need to cut your mother out of your financial situation alltogether. You are supposed to be a dependant on her not the other way around. I moved out when I was 18 or 19, I moved into a flat share in town with other students. Apart from having the time of my life (allways broke, but so is everyone else you live with so you dont mind) I learnt that I am the most important person in my life, and I am the first one I have to look after. I wouldnt change what I did if I could, and I would really recomend it. If you stay in the enviorment you are in things will just get worse.

LegacyUser

I cant just move out though I wouldnt be able to for at least 6 months due to money problems and also as bad as my problems are with my mother i'd miss my little brother and sister and i have to look out for my dad too.

spahndirge

Fun girl wrote:

I cant just move out though I wouldnt be able to for at least 6 months due to money problems and also as bad as my problems are with my mother i'd miss my little brother and sister and i have to look out for my dad too.

The big problem here is that you're stuck in a situation you can't leave. Parts of your family depend on you and maybe it isn't easy to see because things are a bit messed up. I'd recommend quiting drink or taking it easier because the family enviroment is very close knit and everyone picks up on everyones problems easily, since you have a good relationship with some of your family, your drinking may be only adding to the problems.

In all honesty, drinking is pretty much the selfish thing to do here because of not being able to deal with things, which is understandable, but is going to make other people feel worse about the situation. It's not nice to see someone in moments of self destruct mode, I've never allowed people to see me like that, so I could be as selfish as I want and know that what I was doing was only having an effect on me.

From the sounds of things, you don't have much room to maneuver around, and sticking to drinking in that position will not lead you with a lot of options. When I started drinking it was to get over some problems, it wasn't while I was having those problems which is what you are doing. Drinking to drown sorrows is sometimes a good thing, but drinking while you are in the middle of problems can sometimes make them a lot worse.

AARRRGH

Fun girl wrote:

I'm going to stay up in my room for the weekend because I just couldn't be bothered doing anything else but sleeping

So your solution is as follows -

Stay living in a possibly abusive home
Drink everyday
Sleep
Not bother doing anything else

Why do you think this will solve your problems?
Why are you finding it so hard to accept personal responsiblity for your problems and do something about it?

No one is going to sort out your life for you. Sleeping and drinking won't sort it out. Staying at home won't sort it out. Doing nothing about it won't sort it out.