Discworld Deathmatch

Havelock

Bill Hicks is God.

If anyone wants any of his stuff I have it all, I must pass the word of Hick's on to my fellow man so he may bask in the glory of the most raptiuos of humour and side splittingness. Just PM me.

af666x

Yeah. Far better than that Denis Leary sum bitch.

Plasticman

Back on topic. The Things from the Dungeon Dimensions. They kick ass.

TheSonOfBattles

Ohh, they'd be pretty hard to defeat afaik. Although the wizards should be able to defeat them. Would Granny's headology work on them?

Plasticman

No, they have no minds, only an instinctive hunger for magic. Maybe a half-brick would work, and in the end there's always the Tower.

TheSonOfBattles

Hmm, true. They'd be difficult buggers for her to fight, but god damn i'd love to see a scene in which Granny take's on one, just to see what she does. Even better would be what Nanny would do. Probably make a special recipe that'd make it so hot it'd melt.

shock

The creatures from the dungeon dimensions cant be killed by magic, it only makes them stronger. Granny Weatherwax would have to find some other way, but since they're not very smart she could probably trick them into jumping of the Tower or something.

jongore

You fight them by not doing magic. (Equal Rites)

TheSonOfBattles

What's this tower your all on about. Don't think i've read the relevant book, which one is it?

Anyways, maybe you could fight the dungeon creature's the Rincewind way.

Run away, very fast. Maybe they'll tire out eventually or something. Never know, could work!

Plasticman

It's the famed Tower of Art, tallest building on the Disc. And read Moving Pictures.

TheSonOfBattles

I've just finished reading it about a week ago. I loved it, and I remember there was a big fight where the giant Ginger climbed the tower of art with the librarian, but it didn't play any particularly big part in it's destruction, or the end of Holy Wood. It just happened to be where they fought, so what?

AL][EN

Sorry i been on holdays for 2 weeks would have posted the fights sooner

i didnt think this thread would kick off. well since we got people that are interested i'll draw up a list of rounds in the coming days and post them up here and we'll see who's the hardest nut on the disc then

Havelock

Cohen Vs Carrot (Hum)
Vimes Vs The Patrician (Dirty fighting verus dirtier fighting)
DEATH Vs Someone who kills kittens (I like cats too!)
Nanny Weatherwax Vs Riddacully
Sibbons Vs The World. etc???

shock

Nobby Vs. the Marquee de fantailer.
kick when they're down against the gentlemanly art of fisticuffs.
A short but interesting fight i think.

TheSonOfBattles

I don't know, Knobby might decide to fight really, REALLY dirty. He might just come to the fight dressed as a woman, and come on to the poor Marquee, that's enough to make anything run I would think. :rolleyes:

Maybe not though.

AL][EN

Rightyo here's the list of fights how we decide on who wins the fight im not sure wheather we discuss / argue over who wins or a poll? but that means that the discworld thread will get over loaded with polls and we'd upset the mods a bit and we dont want that or the banning hammer will be out

anyhoo here's the list i drew up

who do you think is the hardest egg on the disc?

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round 1

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Gaspode Vs Death of Rats
Nobby Nobbs Vs Valerie (the donkey in Jingo)
cheery Vs Cuddy
Beti (aka Nobby Nobbs) Vs Sergeant Colon
Ponder Stibbons vS Hex
The Dean vS Lance Constable Igor ("yeth, marthter")
Mad Hamish vS Wee Mad Arthur
War vS Famine
Detritus Vs Angua
Caleb the Ripper Vs Lu Tze (The sweeper)
Senior Wrangler Vs John Keel (night watch)
Fate Vs Kaos/Chaos (5th Horseman)
The kangaroo! (the last contentent) Vs Foul Ole Ron
Death Vs The dragon (temporary king)
Reg Shoe Vs Pestilence
Carrot Vs Dorfl
Lady Sybil Vs Lily Weatherwax
Inigo Skimmer (Assisan from Jingo) Vs Teppic
Archancellor Ridcully Vs The Bursar
Rincewind Vs The wossname parrot (last contentent)
The Librarian Vs The Luggage
Granny Weatherwax Vs Nanny Ogg
Hrun the Barbarian Vs Cohen the barbarian
Mort Vs CMOT Dibbler
Eric Vs Twoflower
Lord Vetinari Vs Vimes
71-hour Ahmed Vs Wolfgang Von Uberwald
the imp in the Dis-Organizer Vs Errol the swamp dragon
Leonard of Quirm Vs Bloody Stupid Johnson

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jongore

Gaspode Vs Death of Rats - DOR (1000s of live rats overwhelm Gaspode at DORs bidding)
Nobby Nobbs Vs Valerie - Nobby (Valerie gets stuck up a marinate and Vetenari is nowhere to be found)
cheery Vs Cuddy - Cheri (flashes her ankles and a dozen dwarves cut cuddys legs out from under him)
Beti (aka Nobby Nobbs) Vs Sgt. Colon - Beti (Uses her sexual wiles, Colon drops dead from fright)
Ponder Stibbons vS Hex - Hex (Stibbions attacks Hex with an axe, Hex incorporates the axe into his program and cuts of PSs head)
The Dean vS Lance Constable Igor ("yeth, marthter") - The Dean (The dean falls on Igor crushing him beyond repair)
Mad Hamish vS Wee Mad Arthur - WMA ( after a titanic battle)
War vS Famine - Famine (Everyone starves, there's none left to fight)
Detritus Vs Angua - Detritus (Uses the piecemaker after Aguna breaks her teeth on his ankle, Aguna is down for a hundred years or so)
Caleb the Ripper Vs Lu Tze (The sweeper) - Lu Tze (Keeps replaying time until he wins)
Senior Wrangler Vs John Keel (night watch) - John Keel (Attacks the Senior Wrangler after dinner SW is unable to move)
Fate Vs Kaos/Chaos (5th Horseman) - Fate (Even Kaos must bow to his fate)
The kangaroo! (the last contentent) Vs Foul Ole Ron - FOR (unleashes his Smell no contest)
Death Vs The dragon (temporary king) - Death (Everyone dies)
Reg Shoe Vs Pestilence - Reg Shoe (He's dead all he has to do is dip himself in a preservative)
Carrot Vs Dorfl - Carrot (Gets Cst. Visit to discuss religion with Dorfl, Dorlf fails to show)
Lady Sybil Vs Lily Weatherwax - LW (Uses headology to convince Sybil that she's a friend, then cooks and eats her)
Inigo Skimmer (Assassin from Jingo) Vs Teppic - Teppic (Because I don't like IS )
Archancellor Ridcully Vs The Bursar - AR (He orders an audit, the Bursar faints dead away)
Rincewind Vs The wossname parrot (last contentent) - Rincewind (makes a run for it, his luggage follows running over the parrot)
The Librarian Vs The Luggage - The Librarian (He finds the blueprints for the Luggage in the library and dismantles him)
Granny Weatherwax Vs Nanny Ogg - Nanny (She enlist the entire Ogg clan on her side, too many to use headology on)
Hrun the Barbarian Vs Cohen the barbarian - Cohen (he uses his experience at not being killed)
Mort Vs CMOT Dibbler - CMOT (Sells Mort a BAD sausage)
Eric Vs Twoflower - Twoflower (Eric is eaten by a demon, Twoflower takes a picture)
Lord Vetinari Vs Vimes - Vetinari (He orders Vimes to attention then cuts off his head)
71-hour Ahmed Vs Wolfgang Von Uberwald - 71-hour Ahmed (Waits in the dessert and uses a silver sword)
the imp in the Dis-Organizer Vs Errol the swamp dragon - Errol (flames the Dis-Orgainiser while being told he had a appointment)
Leonard of Quirm Vs Bloody Stupid Johnson - BSJ (Leonard gets lost looking for the BSJ maze)

AL][EN

Seems pretty reasonable enough!! anyone else disagree with this?

AL][EN

Or is polling a bad idea?

TheSonOfBattles

Polls aren't nessecarily a bad thing. You could have a poll of the day kinda thing. Each day one of the fights is polled, with the winner decided at like 12:00 that night or something. Sure it would drag it out for like months, but at least people would have their say, and it would keep the forum goin and alive for a while, prevent one of those awkward silences. :ninja:

Chowley

I have to say some of those matchups are really bad.

Its like having Brazil v. Argentina
Spain v. Italy
Turkey v. South Korea :rolleyes:
In the first round of the world cup!

whats the second round going to be like?

Japan v. Ireland
New Zealand v. Australia
Trinidad and Tobago v. Canada

Christ man, good of you to put in all the effort but a little bit of thought would have been nice.

TheSonOfBattles

Chowley has a point, I mean what chance does Gaspode really have against the Death of Rats, come on, he's not even really alive in the first place.

If your going to put in ontropomorphic fighters, you'd have to put in differant classes. Cause otherwise death will always win in the end.:(

jongore

I don't mind either way but I like the line up, maybe the first few rounds could be decided by discussion then when we get to the last 8 or 16 we can start polling?

If no one disagrees with my evaluation of the first round maybe we could proceed to round two and someone else could make the suggestions for who wins?:)

As for Death, maybe he faces Fate early on and gets knockerd out? Could Death be defeated by Fate?

Note that one or two of my decisions where based on TKO (Life Detritus Vs Angua)

TheSonOfBattles

Even if Death could be defeated by Fate, it still makes it pointless. If you include onthropomorphic personifications with everyone then they're goin to win, so there's no point including anyone else. We might as well just skip along to the final four right now in that case, and save us all some time and argument.

jongore

Ah yes but maybe someone else can defeat their Fate? Maybe Carrots fate was to be King but he has defeated it?
And hasn't Rincewind cheated death and every opurtunity?

In a one off battle maybe these anthropomorphic personifications can be defeated.

I had Reg defeat Pestilence in my list so I think it is possible.:)

TheSonOfBattles

Rincewind may have cheated Death a lot, that doesn't mean Death won't defeat him in the end. Just that it will take a while. As for the rest, so someone defeated there fate one, does that mean they can't die from pestilance, war or just plain Death. One of those four, or even Kaos will always win, because, in the end, they have more power than Gods. How do you kill Death? etc...

Havelock

How about dice rolls, which we attach stories to at the next boards.ie piss up?

TheSonOfBattles

The Network execu-bots would love it at the least i'd say.

jongore

Originally posted by TheSonOfBattles
Rincewind may have cheated Death a lot, that doesn't mean Death won't defeat him in the end. Just that it will take a while. As for the rest, so someone defeated there fate one, does that mean they can't die from pestilance, war or just plain Death.

All true, but this is a one off battle, so it is possible for Death to be defeated (If only for a while). As I said before I think we should get it down to 8 or 16 and then start to vote. If you don't like the outcomes I described put in some of your own (At least that discussion might liven this place up);)

AL][EN

Originally posted by Havelock
How about dice rolls, which we attach stories to at the next boards.ie piss up?

I actually like this idea we could do this for the tougher opponants like death and fate and so on

i do concede that people like fate and death in the deathmatch are increadibly hard to beat but if you can suggest 32 of the most popular charachters from the discworld that arent really really easy to kill then go right ahead thats the point of having death and the like in this thing as i've always wondered how'd death do in a scrap,

also the matches were randomly drawn from a hat i didnt actually decide these matches in my head otherwise the draws would be alot fairer, and thats the way they'll go all the way to the finals.

mabye the last 8 people left (last 3 fights) we'll do polls alright but the first few rounds we'd better discuss or roll dice so something cos i dont really want to get banned from discworld thread for that

so far the most logical idea seems that we decide ourselves or roll dice??? what say you?