Discworld Deathmatch

cat_rant · 21-07-2003 11:21am #1

Apologies if this has been posted already.

Just reading the Guards books at the moment and was wondering who do you think would win in a fight

Carrot or Cohen (before the DW book "The last hero") --> you know before cohen become all uber powerful (dont want to spoil it for anyone who hasnt read it.

so round 1 is

Carrot from the Guards Vs Cohen

personally i reckon carrott he's got youth on his side in the 4th round

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 21-07-2003 12:44pm

there ain't been a man yet cohen hasn't been able to beat

granted carrot has the muscles and "the sword", but he's an ankh morpork boy, cohen's an all round weathered hero

as is said in "interesting times", cohen has a lifetimes experience of not dying, and he's become very good at it.

AL][EN · 21-07-2003 10:20pm

Sorry was me that actually posted this was logged in under catastrophys profile by accident!! sorry cat!! Damn cookies!!!

here's the theroy that myself and friend came up with carrott would probably win in a straight up fight but there's no such thing as a straight up fight when your fighting cohen he'd probably cheat anyway as there isnt a fight he hasnt won!!

what do you think?

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 21-07-2003 10:30pm

ewrm.. well what do you mean by straight fights?

the art of fisticuffs?

or them rules of fighting that vimes hates? .. (crap, can't remember the name.. count de something?)

no such thing as a straight fight, and we've never actually seen that carrot is a great fighter.. usually he doesn't *have* to fight, and when he does it's his size that gets him through.

cohen is just.. the man

Havelock · 22-07-2003 10:05am

Straight fight, as in no buggery?

Cohen, Carrots stronger and Younger. But Cohen knows every trick in book, he'd know what Carrot was going to do before Carrot did.

AL][EN · 22-07-2003 11:15am

Suppose you do have a point Cohen would never fight carrott in a fair fistycuffs fight. i dont think cohen knows how to fight like that with him its all teeth and a blur of motion followed by a knee to the groin then smash him over the head with a rock.

we'll give it to cohen then.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar · 22-07-2003 1:40pm

although in the discworld it does depend on why they are fighting, and whether or not it's a million to once chance

as it was said in the last hero.. one man against 7, the one man is sure to win

Thanx 4 The Fish · 24-07-2003 1:19pm

Are the Deathmatch's to include only people ?? Death is not involved, neither are any auditors, War Famine or Mr. Soak. If that is the case then Lu Tze is gonna win no matter what happens.

§eth · 24-07-2003 5:33pm

Suppose you do have a point Cohen would never fight carrott in a fair fistycuffs fight. i dont think cohen knows how to fight like that with him its all teeth and a blur of motion followed by a knee to the groin then smash him over the head with a rock.

well you seem to be forgeting about Carrots Protective...the knee to the groin would only hurt Cohen...but all in all i think it would be Cohens victory

So how about Cohen Versus The Librarian

AL][EN · 26-07-2003 12:21am

Yea im sure we could continue the Disworld deathmatch's

so were going to give round one to cohen then......

Death and the horsemen cant compete for obvious reasons
but if you think you can put a good deathmatch together post it hear we'll decide on a winner and then pick another match

the winner's of deathmatch can then go for the next round (if you want i could probably put a spreadsheet together with all the winners playing off - im really that bored) and eventually we can determine over time who the hardest charachter in DW is!!!

I'd have to give it give that one to the Librarian really i mean the thats one vicious ape were talking about, He can use his arms legs and teeth just like cohen really but i reckon over 10 rounds the librarian would win,

§eth · 26-07-2003 1:49pm

Yea he does have that habit of bouncing people on their heads...suppose it really comes down to wether cohen calls him a monkey or not

AL][EN · 28-07-2003 2:29pm

you deff right there if cohen called him a monkey i'd say it would be over in a few seconds

Chowley · 30-07-2003 11:58pm

Cohen.

AL][EN · 31-07-2003 5:40pm

Cohen? so that mean you vote for Cohen in Cohen Vs the Librarian

Chowley · 31-07-2003 8:32pm

Ahhhhhh didnt notice the fight was changed.

That really is too hard to call but I'd say librarian.
Probably toughest bugger on the Disc or Detritus.

§eth · 01-08-2003 10:16am

well to be honest i think the toughest bugger on the disk is the patrician...anyone fighting him would be to paranoid about what Vetinary has put behind them to be worried about fighting...and if there not paranoid then whatever he put behind them will get them

...you cant beat that kinda genius...lol

AL][EN · 01-08-2003 12:51pm

oooo good one seth

what would you say to Lu Tze Vs The patrician??

bozzie · 02-08-2003 9:42am

in cohen vs. librarian librarian would win but it would be close

in Lu Tze v.s Patrician Lu Tze would shade it coz of that whole wrapping time around himself (and that recapitation power rocks)

AL][EN · 04-08-2003 9:58am

I'll probably do a proper spreadsheet up over the next few days with matches and poll the results see if people want to vote for the hardest nut on the DW!!

im up for mad hamish!!

AL][EN · 05-08-2003 9:17am

Im compiling a list of DW charachters for the DW deathmatch if there's anyoone in paticluar you want to see post them here i'll post a list of charachters i have already tomorrow once i have 32 i'll do the draw for the death matches

Chowley · 05-08-2003 7:25pm

Tell us who is on your short-list so we dont waste our time posting five or six characters you already have.:D

AL][EN · 06-08-2003 8:29am

I'll post em tomorrow have em back at the house
was thinking of doing a poll every two weeks and we'll see who gets the most votes goes onto the next round

TheSonOfBattles · 27-08-2003 5:58pm

I'd love to see Granny Weatherwax in the deathmatch, and someone fighting greebo would be cool.
Maybe werewolf Angua v. Greebo?

af666x · 31-08-2003 12:01pm

Here's a tough one - the librarian or the luggage? Hmm...

TheSonOfBattles · 31-08-2003 4:41pm

I reckon the Luggage would win hands down.

Simply because nothing seems to be able to faze or hurt the Luggage, it's about as implacable as you can get.

The Librarian might have the strength and agility, but it's no good if your opponent doesn't particularly care is it?

Maybe the librarian could pull out some magic fire on it's as* or something though.

Also depends on whether or not the Luggage is near of far from it's master, and whether said master is in danger or not.

avatar · 31-08-2003 5:19pm

Angua vs. Greebo? Interesting.... but I'd say Greebo. This cat kills VAMPIRES, for gods' sake.

TheSonOfBattles · 31-08-2003 8:54pm

Yea, but only silver can really kill a werewolf.

Would Greebo know this, and would he be able to get some silver? Also what form would both of them fight in, human or animal?

af666x · 02-09-2003 7:49pm

My vision of fight (warped as usual)

They meet as animals
Face each other down
Angua being smarter, reverts to human form - bare a*s naked
Seduces Greebo into human form
He comes closer....

*WHAM!*

Jugular vein removed in a single werewolf reverted shapey move. Quick fight really.

Let's see if anyone gets this...

The Hooligans up against the Bloods in L.A.

TheSonOfBattles · 02-09-2003 8:08pm

Yes, but Greebo has been mentioned as being particularly sexually attractive to female's. Even Granny and Nanny Ogg felt a bit of it around him. So would Angua be able to do it, and would she be able to do it before Greebo did something to her?

What's the Blood and Holligan's?

af666x · 02-09-2003 9:01pm

Bill hicks. Run a search for mp3's of his. He's a standup comedian. Look for clip entitled 'Hooligans'

Enjoy

TheSonOfBattles · 02-09-2003 10:37pm

He the american guy? I'm pretty sure i've seen him once or twice before. If it's who I think it is, he's high-larious.

Will do that search though, cause if it's the guy I think it is, i'll love 'em.

Havelock · 03-09-2003 10:45am

Bill Hicks is God.

If anyone wants any of his stuff I have it all, I must pass the word of Hick's on to my fellow man so he may bask in the glory of the most raptiuos of humour and side splittingness. Just PM me.

af666x · 03-09-2003 11:52am

Yeah. Far better than that Denis Leary sum bitch.

Plasticman · 03-09-2003 3:39pm

Back on topic. The Things from the Dungeon Dimensions. They kick ass.

TheSonOfBattles · 03-09-2003 8:13pm

Ohh, they'd be pretty hard to defeat afaik. Although the wizards should be able to defeat them. Would Granny's headology work on them?

Plasticman · 03-09-2003 9:21pm

No, they have no minds, only an instinctive hunger for magic. Maybe a half-brick would work, and in the end there's always the Tower.

TheSonOfBattles · 03-09-2003 9:24pm

Hmm, true. They'd be difficult buggers for her to fight, but god damn i'd love to see a scene in which Granny take's on one, just to see what she does. Even better would be what Nanny would do. Probably make a special recipe that'd make it so hot it'd melt.

shock · 04-09-2003 6:21pm

The creatures from the dungeon dimensions cant be killed by magic, it only makes them stronger. Granny Weatherwax would have to find some other way, but since they're not very smart she could probably trick them into jumping of the Tower or something.

jongore · 05-09-2003 8:42am

You fight them by not doing magic. (Equal Rites)

TheSonOfBattles · 05-09-2003 11:05pm

What's this tower your all on about. Don't think i've read the relevant book, which one is it?

Anyways, maybe you could fight the dungeon creature's the Rincewind way.

Run away, very fast. Maybe they'll tire out eventually or something. Never know, could work!

Plasticman · 07-09-2003 4:27pm

It's the famed Tower of Art, tallest building on the Disc. And read Moving Pictures.

TheSonOfBattles · 07-09-2003 4:48pm

I've just finished reading it about a week ago. I loved it, and I remember there was a big fight where the giant Ginger climbed the tower of art with the librarian, but it didn't play any particularly big part in it's destruction, or the end of Holy Wood. It just happened to be where they fought, so what?

AL][EN · 09-09-2003 11:19am

Sorry i been on holdays for 2 weeks would have posted the fights sooner

i didnt think this thread would kick off. well since we got people that are interested i'll draw up a list of rounds in the coming days and post them up here and we'll see who's the hardest nut on the disc then

Havelock · 09-09-2003 11:40am

Cohen Vs Carrot (Hum)
Vimes Vs The Patrician (Dirty fighting verus dirtier fighting)
DEATH Vs Someone who kills kittens (I like cats too!)
Nanny Weatherwax Vs Riddacully
Sibbons Vs The World. etc???

shock · 10-09-2003 1:23pm

Nobby Vs. the Marquee de fantailer.
kick when they're down against the gentlemanly art of fisticuffs.
A short but interesting fight i think.

TheSonOfBattles · 11-09-2003 1:26pm

I don't know, Knobby might decide to fight really, REALLY dirty. He might just come to the fight dressed as a woman, and come on to the poor Marquee, that's enough to make anything run I would think. :rolleyes:

Maybe not though.

AL][EN · 14-09-2003 11:37pm

Rightyo here's the list of fights how we decide on who wins the fight im not sure wheather we discuss / argue over who wins or a poll? but that means that the discworld thread will get over loaded with polls and we'd upset the mods a bit and we dont want that or the banning hammer will be out

anyhoo here's the list i drew up

who do you think is the hardest egg on the disc?

round 1

Gaspode Vs Death of Rats
Nobby Nobbs Vs Valerie (the donkey in Jingo)
cheery Vs Cuddy
Beti (aka Nobby Nobbs) Vs Sergeant Colon
Ponder Stibbons vS Hex
The Dean vS Lance Constable Igor ("yeth, marthter")
Mad Hamish vS Wee Mad Arthur
War vS Famine
Detritus Vs Angua
Caleb the Ripper Vs Lu Tze (The sweeper)
Senior Wrangler Vs John Keel (night watch)
Fate Vs Kaos/Chaos (5th Horseman)
The kangaroo! (the last contentent) Vs Foul Ole Ron
Death Vs The dragon (temporary king)
Reg Shoe Vs Pestilence
Carrot Vs Dorfl
Lady Sybil Vs Lily Weatherwax
Inigo Skimmer (Assisan from Jingo) Vs Teppic
Archancellor Ridcully Vs The Bursar
Rincewind Vs The wossname parrot (last contentent)
The Librarian Vs The Luggage
Granny Weatherwax Vs Nanny Ogg
Hrun the Barbarian Vs Cohen the barbarian
Mort Vs CMOT Dibbler
Eric Vs Twoflower
Lord Vetinari Vs Vimes
71-hour Ahmed Vs Wolfgang Von Uberwald
the imp in the Dis-Organizer Vs Errol the swamp dragon
Leonard of Quirm Vs Bloody Stupid Johnson

jongore · 15-09-2003 11:11am

Gaspode Vs Death of Rats - DOR (1000s of live rats overwhelm Gaspode at DORs bidding)
Nobby Nobbs Vs Valerie - Nobby (Valerie gets stuck up a marinate and Vetenari is nowhere to be found)
cheery Vs Cuddy - Cheri (flashes her ankles and a dozen dwarves cut cuddys legs out from under him)
Beti (aka Nobby Nobbs) Vs Sgt. Colon - Beti (Uses her sexual wiles, Colon drops dead from fright)
Ponder Stibbons vS Hex - Hex (Stibbions attacks Hex with an axe, Hex incorporates the axe into his program and cuts of PSs head)
The Dean vS Lance Constable Igor ("yeth, marthter") - The Dean (The dean falls on Igor crushing him beyond repair)
Mad Hamish vS Wee Mad Arthur - WMA ( after a titanic battle)
War vS Famine - Famine (Everyone starves, there's none left to fight)
Detritus Vs Angua - Detritus (Uses the piecemaker after Aguna breaks her teeth on his ankle, Aguna is down for a hundred years or so)
Caleb the Ripper Vs Lu Tze (The sweeper) - Lu Tze (Keeps replaying time until he wins)
Senior Wrangler Vs John Keel (night watch) - John Keel (Attacks the Senior Wrangler after dinner SW is unable to move)
Fate Vs Kaos/Chaos (5th Horseman) - Fate (Even Kaos must bow to his fate)
The kangaroo! (the last contentent) Vs Foul Ole Ron - FOR (unleashes his Smell no contest)
Death Vs The dragon (temporary king) - Death (Everyone dies)
Reg Shoe Vs Pestilence - Reg Shoe (He's dead all he has to do is dip himself in a preservative)
Carrot Vs Dorfl - Carrot (Gets Cst. Visit to discuss religion with Dorfl, Dorlf fails to show)
Lady Sybil Vs Lily Weatherwax - LW (Uses headology to convince Sybil that she's a friend, then cooks and eats her)
Inigo Skimmer (Assassin from Jingo) Vs Teppic - Teppic (Because I don't like IS

)
Archancellor Ridcully Vs The Bursar - AR (He orders an audit, the Bursar faints dead away)
Rincewind Vs The wossname parrot (last contentent) - Rincewind (makes a run for it, his luggage follows running over the parrot)
The Librarian Vs The Luggage - The Librarian (He finds the blueprints for the Luggage in the library and dismantles him)
Granny Weatherwax Vs Nanny Ogg - Nanny (She enlist the entire Ogg clan on her side, too many to use headology on)
Hrun the Barbarian Vs Cohen the barbarian - Cohen (he uses his experience at not being killed)
Mort Vs CMOT Dibbler - CMOT (Sells Mort a BAD sausage)
Eric Vs Twoflower - Twoflower (Eric is eaten by a demon, Twoflower takes a picture)
Lord Vetinari Vs Vimes - Vetinari (He orders Vimes to attention then cuts off his head)
71-hour Ahmed Vs Wolfgang Von Uberwald - 71-hour Ahmed (Waits in the dessert and uses a silver sword)
the imp in the Dis-Organizer Vs Errol the swamp dragon - Errol (flames the Dis-Orgainiser while being told he had a appointment)
Leonard of Quirm Vs Bloody Stupid Johnson - BSJ (Leonard gets lost looking for the BSJ maze)

AL][EN · 15-09-2003 10:13pm

Seems pretty reasonable enough!! anyone else disagree with this?

AL][EN · 15-09-2003 10:13pm

Or is polling a bad idea?

TheSonOfBattles · 17-09-2003 12:37am

Polls aren't nessecarily a bad thing. You could have a poll of the day kinda thing. Each day one of the fights is polled, with the winner decided at like 12:00 that night or something. Sure it would drag it out for like months, but at least people would have their say, and it would keep the forum goin and alive for a while, prevent one of those awkward silences. :ninja:

Discworld Deathmatch

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