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Payments to ex wife

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  • 25-07-2016 4:03pm
    #1
    MoltonMan
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2 ✭


    Can anyone advise on the following situation a friend finds themselves in.

    Their ex wife and kids have left him and are with another man now, they are not married but live together.

    My friend still has to pay huge maintenance payments and it is crippling him, at what point can it end, considering that she is with someone else now.

    Anyone have similar experiences or advises?


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    #2
    uch
    Registered Users Posts: 7,008 ✭✭✭uch


    When the kids turn 18

    21/25



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    #3
    Keane2baMused
    Registered Users Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    Has your friend gotten legal advice and gone through court proceedings?


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    #4
    racso1975
    Registered Users Posts: 5,273 ✭✭✭racso1975


    MoltonMan wrote: »
    Can anyone advise on the following situation a friend finds themselves in.

    Their ex wife and kids have left him and are with another man now, they are not married but live together.

    My friend still has to pay huge maintenance payments and it is crippling him, at what point can it end, considering that she is with someone else now.

    Anyone have similar experiences or advises?

    He can challenge in court as her expenses are not the as when the maintenance would have been agreed as it is expected this man is now contributing to the household bills. Outside of that maintenance stop once they stop education so for example 16/18/23 years of age.

    Edit: Also go to the divorce and seperation forum. Lots of advice and info there


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    #5
    RobbieTheRobber
    Registered Users Posts: 6,754 ✭✭✭RobbieTheRobber


    The esteemed legal professional Mr K west has been recorded as saying this on the matter.
    18 years, 18 years
    She got one of your kids, got you for 18 years
    I know somebody paying child support for one of his kids
    His baby mamma car and crib is bigger than his


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    #6
    PowerToWait
    Registered Users Posts: 1,775 ✭✭✭PowerToWait


    He should man the fūck up and pay his share towards the feeding, lodging and education of his kids.


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    #7
    Keane2baMused
    Registered Users Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    PowerToWait wrote: »
    He should man the fūck up and pay his share towards the feeding, lodging and education of his kids.

    How is that in any way helpful?


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    #8
    py2006
    Registered Users Posts: 9,847 ✭✭✭py2006


    Wrong thread my good man.

    But plenty of men are being fleeced by ex wives.


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    #9
    ScumLord
    Registered Users Posts: 28,789 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    PowerToWait wrote: »
    He should man the fūck up and pay his share towards the feeding, lodging and education of his kids.
    That's what he is doing. But it could be the case that he's paying his share and the ex wifes new conditions means she doesn't have to pay hers.


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    #10
    PowerToWait
    Registered Users Posts: 1,775 ✭✭✭PowerToWait


    Keane2baMused wrote: »
    How is that in any way helpful?

    Not very if you're talking about advising someone on how to weasel out of paying for their kids.


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    #11
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    What has it got to do with begin in another relationship, does he expect his ex wife's partner to take responsibility for his children?.

    You will get all sorts of stories and anecdotes here but it general it goes like this maintenance until the child is 18 or 23 if they are in full time education and often once the last child has left third level education the family house is sold and divided between them.


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    #12
    PowerToWait
    Registered Users Posts: 1,775 ✭✭✭PowerToWait


    py2006 wrote: »
    Wrong threat my good man.

    But plenty of men are being fleeced by ex wives.

    I see. There are also plenty of ex husbands refusing to pay their share of the kids upkeep.


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    #13
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 17,378 ✭ [Deleted User]


    mariaalice wrote: »
    What has it got to do with begin in another relationship, does he expect his wife partner to take responsibility for his children?.

    I know nothing about this stuff but would something like her being a stay at home mum with her new man mean you would pay less because of daycare?

    As a general case.


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    #14
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    mariaalice wrote: »
    What has it got to do with begin in another relationship, does he expect his wife partner to take responsibility for his children?.
    he'll obviously have to contribute something, but it's fair to expect any reduction in the cost of accommodation, utilities, etc to be reflected in the maintenance payment.

    When two adults move in together, there are often big savings to be made, and this should obviously lessen the OP's friend's obligations.

    Unless it's being suggested that the OP should be covering the new boyfriend's share of rent and bills?


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    #15
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,857 ✭✭✭professore


    Maintenance can be awarded to a spouse/civil partner for their own benefit and/or for the benefit of a dependent child who is under the age of 18, or 23 if the child is in full-time education.

    Source: http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/separation_and_divorce/maintenance_orders_and_agreements.html

    Seems the bit highlighted has changed. Also if he is on the breadline, and the wife's new partner is rolling in it, and she left her husband for this new guy, then surely she and her new partner should pay more?

    Why doesn't he go for joint custody?


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    #16
    beach_walker
    Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Posts: 976 ✭✭✭beach_walker


    He should get with his ex-wife's partner's ex-wife. All balanced out.


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    #17
    py2006
    Registered Users Posts: 9,847 ✭✭✭py2006


    PowerToWait wrote: »
    I see. There are also plenty of ex husbands refusing to pay their share of the kids upkeep.

    I see. But that is not what we are talking about.


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    #18
    ScumLord
    Registered Users Posts: 28,789 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    PowerToWait wrote: »
    Not very if you're talking about advising someone on how to weasel out of paying for their kids.
    Nobody's doing that. But if she moved out and had no way of supporting herself then she needs money to live. If she then gets to move into a house rent free I don't see why she should get to keep the money she was getting for living expenses as free money for nothing.


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    #19
    jake_boy_men
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 12 ✭jake_boy_men


    py2006 wrote: »
    Wrong thread my good man.

    But plenty of men are being fleeced by ex wives.

    women are not only defended when they go after the assets of an ex , they are actively encouraged to do so and hailed as strong women , getting married nowadays is a sure way of risking wealth destruction , we need pre nups badly in this country


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    #20
    Keane2baMused
    Registered Users Posts: 1,576 ✭✭✭Keane2baMused


    PowerToWait wrote: »
    I see. There are also plenty of ex husbands refusing to pay their share of the kids upkeep.

    I'm a woman, not helping anyone to weasel out of anything thank you very much.

    It is both the mother AND fathers responsibility to pay for their children. The fact in this case may be that the father is paying too much and the mother not enough. She is cohabiting that does make a difference whether you are willing to admit it or not.


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    #21
    Sapphire
    Registered Users Posts: 390 ✭✭Sapphire


    MoltonMan wrote: »
    Can anyone advise on the following situation a friend finds themselves in.

    Their ex wife and kids have left him and are with another man now, they are not married but live together.

    My friend still has to pay huge maintenance payments and it is crippling him, at what point can it end, considering that she is with someone else now.

    Anyone have similar experiences or advises?

    That shouldn't make a difference to child maintenance.

    Unless you are thinking that a man who is not the children's father has to contribute to their upkeep. You aren't, are you?

    He might be able to make an adjustment on any spousal maintenance he pays if she's cohabiting. Basically he needs to talk to a solicitor.


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    #22
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    Well the father could go back to court and say my ex wife circumstance have changed and that they feel this should be reflected in the maintenance arrangement's. Its up to the judge to decide then.

    But I though this was about maintenance for the children not maintenance for his ex wife. They are two separate issues.


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    #23
    py2006
    Registered Users Posts: 9,847 ✭✭✭py2006


    The 'other' man may not be have to pay anything. But if he is in a relationship with a woman who has children and they are living together then the children are not in as much need or certainly don't require the same level of support (financially) if the woman was living alone etc.

    I don't think the guy is looking to not pay anymore, just a reduction as he seems to be struggling to afford it.


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    #24
    ScumLord
    Registered Users Posts: 28,789 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    Sapphire wrote: »
    That shouldn't make a difference to child maintenance.

    Unless you are thinking that a man who is not the children's father has to contribute to their upkeep. You aren't, are you?
    It could very well change things. Her new lover may not be making her pay any bills, if the house is bought and paid for there may be no mortgage. Do you think when they go shopping for food they segregate the food into some for her and the kids and he gets his own food then they all eat separately?

    No they're all cohabiting and sharing things like food, house, heating, electricity. Her bills would have reduced even if she is paying her share of household bills.


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    #25
    BrokenArrows
    Registered Users Posts: 7,500 ✭✭✭BrokenArrows


    Ill never understand why the courts still assign custody to the mother by default when she has no ability to look after the children herself.

    If the man has to pay for everything surely the kids should stay with him by default (unless there are specific reasons such as abuse for the divorce) until the mother can get on her feet and be self reliant then the custody can be revisited and costs shared.

    The only reason why the man should lose custody and have to pay for everything is if he Forced the wife to be a housewife.

    If i had kids in a divorce you would be dam sure that if i was paying for everything then i would expect the kids to be under my roof.


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    #26
    jake_boy_men
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 12 ✭jake_boy_men


    Sapphire wrote: »
    That shouldn't make a difference to child maintenance.

    Unless you are thinking that a man who is not the children's father has to contribute to their upkeep. You aren't, are you?

    He might be able to make an adjustment on any spousal maintenance he pays if she's cohabiting. Basically he needs to talk to a solicitor.

    well it should make a difference , her new man took on her kids as well as her , its all very well for him that he gets to hang out with another mans wife and kids but the other poor eejit has to pick up the tab


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    #27
    marilynrr
    Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭marilynrr


    It totally depends, are the huge maintenance payments court ordered? Is it all maintenance for the children or is he paying money for spousal support too?


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    #28
    jake_boy_men
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 12 ✭jake_boy_men


    BrokenArrows wrote: »
    Ill never understand why the courts still assign custody to the mother by default when she has no ability to look after the children herself.

    If the man has to pay for everything surely the kids should stay with him by default (unless there are specific reasons such as abuse for the divorce) until the mother can get on her feet and be self reliant then the custody can be revisited and costs shared.

    The only reason why the man should lose custody and have to pay for everything is if he Forced the wife to be a housewife.

    If i had kids in a divorce you would be dam sure that if i was paying for everything then i would expect the kids to be under my roof.

    because the feminist lobby has the ear of the courts , anyone with even the smallest sense of justice can see that seperated fathers are treated appallingly


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    #29
    Dyr
    Registered Users Posts: 23,246 ✭✭✭✭Dyr


    to refashion a song for the modern era:

    "don't get married boys for marriage is a curse/you'll start out as her husband but end up as her purse"


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    #30
    ScumLord
    Registered Users Posts: 28,789 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    BrokenArrows wrote: »
    Ill never understand why the courts still assign custody to the mother by default when she has no ability to look after the children herself.

    If the man has to pay for everything surely the kids should stay with him by default (unless there are specific reasons such as abuse for the divorce) until the mother can get on her feet and be self reliant then the custody can be revisited and costs shared.
    Because traditionally the man pays for everything but doesn't do feck all. He can't pay the oven to cook dinner, or pay the washing machine to collect the clothes, wash and dry them. He may hand over a €20 and think it's equivalent to actually going into town to the shops and finding everything the kids need but it's not, it's the very least that could be done to help.


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    #31
    stuar
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,019 ✭✭✭stuar


    I have plenty of experience with this sh1t, been in dolphin house more times than I can remember, basically if they give an order for maintenance it must be stuck by. But €25 a week per child is the going rate, he can fight it if he's on jobseekers or similar.

    I was ripped off by the mother(s) of my children, I had a good business back when times were good, bought a house 20 odd years ago and put everything into the mothers name, just so the tax man couldn't rob me, he didn't need to, she did, we're cool now, but I was ripped left right and centre.

    Then I met the woman of my dreams, haha, guess what, she ripped me too, I'm a sucker for punishment.

    Now I have the woman of my dreams looking over my shoulder(literally), so must end now while I'm ahead.......


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