Payments to ex wife

uch

uch wrote: »

When the kids turn 18

In Spain even when they turn 18, if they are still living at home with the other parent, maintenance still has to be paid.

FortySeven

BrokenArrows wrote: »

Ill never understand why the courts still assign custody to the mother by default when she has no ability to look after the children herself.

If the man has to pay for everything surely the kids should stay with him by default (unless there are specific reasons such as abuse for the divorce) until the mother can get on her feet and be self reliant then the custody can be revisited and costs shared.

The only reason why the man should lose custody and have to pay for everything is if he Forced the wife to be a housewife.

If i had kids in a divorce you would be dam sure that if i was paying for everything then i would expect the kids to be under my roof.

Very innocent. Men are just cash cows to the family court.

Standard breakup. I got a solicitor letter the other day warning me if I breached my court ordered access again I would be restricted from travelling to a large area of galway.

My crime? Stopped to talk to my son who was chasing my car on his bike. It was not my access time. I'm supposed to just ignore him apparently.

You would not believe the power women have.

Boom_Bap

Moved to Seperation and Divorce from AH.

If you are following this thread from AH, please read the charter of the new forum.

Sapphire

jake_boy_men wrote: »

well it should make a difference , her new man took on her kids as well as her , its all very well for him that he gets to hang out with another mans wife and kids but the other poor eejit has to pick up the tab

They don't 'take on' another persons children.

The only people responsible for the cost of rearing a child is the child's parents. Just because your ex enters into a new relationship it does not mean that you get to relinquish your financial obligations towards your children and lump it onto your ex's new partner as some sort of revenge for them not pining forever after for you. Unless you legally relinquish your claim to the children and let them get legally adopted by the new partner.

It could be argued that there is a small reduction in rent or utilities given that another adult now lives there but costs associated with children should be soley between the parents.

Estrellita

Your friends children are not the other mans responsibility. If communication between the ex husband and wife is not good, it might be worth reminding your friend not to use the children's entitlement as a weapon to get at her. If they cannot agree a more fitting figure between them then they should both resubmit their means in court.

BrokenArrows

BrokenArrows wrote: »

Ill never understand why the courts still assign custody to the mother by default when she has no ability to look after the children herself.

If the man has to pay for everything surely the kids should stay with him by default (unless there are specific reasons such as abuse for the divorce) until the mother can get on her feet and be self reliant then the custody can be revisited and costs shared.

The only reason why the man should lose custody and have to pay for everything is if he Forced the wife to be a housewife.

If i had kids in a divorce you would be dam sure that if i was paying for everything then i would expect the kids to be under my roof.

Do you really think money should be the major determinant of which parent becomes primary carer?

I can see an argument which says that the parent with the greatest resources will offer the best opportunities for the child's welfare, but if that parent is the breadwinner, who will take care of the child? A babysitter? There seems to be particularly strong evidence that children get better grades when cared for by a stay-at-home parent.

http://cepa.stanford.edu/news/eric-bettinger-why-stay-home-parents-are-good-older-children

So personally I can see an argument both ways, but purely from the child's point of view, s/he's probably better-off being raised by a stay-at-home parent.

Perhaps the best scenario will be one where a parent minds the kids during the morning and at homework time, then leaves, at which point parent 2 comes home from work, and stays with the children in the evening and at night time. Weekends might be shared. But there are very few families for whom this will be a workable solution, so parents are going to have to be pragmatic. Failing that, the courts will have to intervene with their version of pragmatism.

VinLieger

Edit: Thread switched forums

Keane2baMused

FortySeven wrote: »

Very innocent. Men are just cash cows to the family court.

Standard breakup. I got a solicitor letter the other day warning me if I breached my court ordered access again I would be restricted from travelling to a large area of galway.

My crime? Stopped to talk to my son who was chasing my car on his bike. It was not my access time. I'm supposed to just ignore him apparently.

You would not believe the power women have.

Fortyseven that's really awful to hear.

I can never understand why someone uses their child as a pawn to get at their ex essentially.

Jawgap

He needs to check is separation / divorce agreement.

If the maintenance is to his wife (spousal) then it ends when she gets married, not before, even if she is living with someone. These payments are tax deductible and if he hasn't been getting the deduction he should be.

If the maintenance is for the kids specifically (child maintenance) then his obligation is to pay until they turn 18 or finish full time education (but even then it ends at age 23).

Given that it seems there has been a material change of circumstances then he can apply to the court to vary the maintenance - it's a bit of a double edged sword - he can apply for a reduction and she can counter by applying for an increase (she'll need to show she needs the extra).

idnkph

Bam Bam Mickey wrote:

In Spain even when they turn 18, if they are still living at home with the other parent, maintenance still has to be paid.

You do know we are not in Spain?! OP I feel your pain.