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25-06-2014, 16:21   #1
anon_anon
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Too many sexual partners?

Hi all

I recently started dating a guy and we've been on three dates so far.

The conversation of 'how many sexual partners have you had?' arose, and me being a very honest person I told him straight, approx 30.

I am female, 24 years old and as far as I know it is a lot.

I haven't heard much from him since, which is odd considering his number was 50+.

The amount of sexual partners someone has had doesn't really bother me. I don't believe a girl is a slut because she enjoys sex, and I don't agree a guy is a pimp because he also enjoys sex. Sex is just sex imo.

Would this put most guys off? I've read on boards a lot (especially in this forum), that if a guy is going to judge you based on the amount of sexual partners you've had then he needs to mature. Although this may be the online boards opinion, the majority of people in reality don't seem to agree with this opinion.

I should say, I am a really nice girl, if my friends were to describe me they'd say I was one of the sweetest, friendliest girls you could meet. They would be shocked if they knew how many people I have slept with, it is something which I keep to myself. I find it most unfair if a guy was to judge me based on this. However, I do not feel I should have to lie about the 'number' in order for a guy to 'approve' of me.

Comments/opinions appreciated.

Thanks
 
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25-06-2014, 16:56   #2
bluewolf
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I don't think this conversation should be coming up at all after 3 dates OP. Your close friends don't even know so why would you tell some random guy.
I mean I'm not against it at all but maybe when you're in a relationship and you both don't mind what the answer is. After a couple dates it's pointless, opening a can of worms.
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25-06-2014, 16:59   #3
Hey OP
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Yup - agree with Bluewolf. There is no WAY that should be a casual topic of conversation so quick!

I only told my bf my number a few months ago and we're together 4 years. We were drunk and actually never spoke of it again since.

I just think it's not one of those things you talk to about after 3 dates :/
 
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25-06-2014, 17:10   #4
 
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There is no reason to ever tell someone this. Even if you are in a relationship, what/who you've done in the past is none of their business.
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25-06-2014, 17:43   #5
Dovies
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There is no reason to ever tell someone this. Even if you are in a relationship, what/who you've done in the past is none of their business.
This! Im with my partner over 2 years and would never tell him and I would never ask either! Its totally irrelevant to our relationship.
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25-06-2014, 18:23   #6
bee06
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This! Im with my partner over 2 years and would never tell him and I would never ask either! Its totally irrelevant to our relationship.
Totally agree, I'm engaged and we haven't had this conversation and I have no interest in having it either.
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25-06-2014, 18:25   #7
 
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For the life of me I can't understand why people have this cconversation at all. There is no benefit to it and plenty of potential for problems.
In your situation OP, the fact that you haven't heard from him way be nothing to do with that and maybe he's just not that into you.
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25-06-2014, 18:25   #8
Matteroffact
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Your question being would it put a guy off, I think that the answer would be yes. He might have just said 50 himself off the top of his head when he heard this. The proof is he has not been in touch much. Or even if this has not put him off and he has other reasons for not being in touch it is unfortunate that you had to tell him when you were not even committed to each other. Lesson learned.
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25-06-2014, 18:33   #9
Merkin
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Originally Posted by Dovies View Post
This! Im with my partner over 2 years and would never tell him and I would never ask either! Its totally irrelevant to our relationship.
Totally agree! I'm married and we haven't had the 'numbers' conversation. It's of absolutely no tangible benefit to either party and is nobody's business really, that information is superfluous.

I think he'd a bit of a cheek asking you tbh but each to their own. These threads crop up all the time on PI although usually from the one who posed the question and then can't handle the answer.....
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25-06-2014, 18:37   #10
curlzy
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I think any guy that thinks badly of you based on how many people you've previously slept with isn't worth your time. ESPECIALLY if his number is higher, he's clearly just sexist and you're better off losing his number in that case. Who has time for someone so backwards, ignorant and petty? Life's too short to waste on someone like that. My number is 2, I got with someone from 19 to 24 and then my current partner at 24 and to be honest I sometimes feel a bit of a prude when the conversation comes up among friends. Never be ashamed, it's your body, do as you wish with it*


*but be safe!
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25-06-2014, 19:10   #11
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anon_anon View Post
Hi all

I recently started dating a guy and we've been on three dates so far.

The conversation of 'how many sexual partners have you had?' arose, and me being a very honest person I told him straight, approx 30.

I am female, 24 years old and as far as I know it is a lot.

I haven't heard much from him since, which is odd considering his number was 50+.

The amount of sexual partners someone has had doesn't really bother me. I don't believe a girl is a slut because she enjoys sex, and I don't agree a guy is a pimp because he also enjoys sex. Sex is just sex imo.

Would this put most guys off? I've read on boards a lot (especially in this forum), that if a guy is going to judge you based on the amount of sexual partners you've had then he needs to mature. Although this may be the online boards opinion, the majority of people in reality don't seem to agree with this opinion.

I should say, I am a really nice girl, if my friends were to describe me they'd say I was one of the sweetest, friendliest girls you could meet. They would be shocked if they knew how many people I have slept with, it is something which I keep to myself. I find it most unfair if a guy was to judge me based on this. However, I do not feel I should have to lie about the 'number' in order for a guy to 'approve' of me.

Comments/opinions appreciated.

Thanks
Simple answer. No, it wouldn't put me off, but I try avoid those conversations.
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25-06-2014, 19:15   #12
happypants
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As many other posters have said- no good can come of that conversation! I'm with oh 5+ years we are engaged and have just had a baby together, we have not discussed this. I don't want to know and I presume he doesn't either! Forget your man and move on. Perhaps avoid that topic in future and if a bloke asks I would question him on why he wants to know!
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25-06-2014, 20:31   #13
Anon_anon
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I appreciate all the advice but I was asked the question. It would have been worse had I have said 'I don't want to answer that' as it would sound like I had something to hide, which I hadn't.

We slept together on all three dates, including the first. So it's quite possible that this is only a FWB situation.

I am so tired of FWB situations. When I have really liked a guy in the past I've held off for 5 or so dates, then they just ended.

I've no idea what to do now.
 
25-06-2014, 21:10   #14
 
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Originally Posted by Anon_anon View Post
I appreciate all the advice but I was asked the question. It would have been worse had I have said 'I don't want to answer that' as it would sound like I had something to hide, which I hadn't.

We slept together on all three dates, including the first. So it's quite possible that this is only a FWB situation.

I am so tired of FWB situations. When I have really liked a guy in the past I've held off for 5 or so dates, then they just ended.

I've no idea what to do now.
FWB?

In my experience, the most healthy and long lasting relationships were ones where we waited and took our time, even if its just a few dates. If he really wants you he will wait.

And I always avoid the question, it brought me no harm to do so.
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25-06-2014, 21:21   #15
 
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Originally Posted by Saipanne View Post
FWB?

In my experience, the most healthy and long lasting relationships were ones where we waited and took our time, even if its just a few dates. If he really wants you he will wait.

And I always avoid the question, it brought me no harm to do so.
You could also say that if he really wants you he'll still want you regardless of how early on in the relationship you have sex with each other.

There's really no right or wrong op as long as you're comfortable, the right person will be the right person whether you wait or not imo.

As for the number of partners- as long as you look after your sexual health it has no bearing on anything.
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