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Strange One Night Stand Stories

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  • 23-04-2013 8:31pm
    #1
    PrincessPreach
    Registered Users Posts: 98 ✭✭


    So the discarded condom in the carpark thread got me thinking about this strange one night stand experience I once had.

    It wasn't technically a ONS as we met up twice and this occurred on our second meating. He invited me over for drinks on the Saturday night. He lived alone in a studio style apartment.

    We had a good night and next morning decided to go for a romantic picnic in the Wicklow mountains. I thought he was really sweet and was looking forward to it until I went into the bathroom barefoot and stood on something squidgy and moist.

    It was a used condom. As I said, he lived alone and this was the Saturday night so chances are he'd f*cked a girl in the shower or whatever the night before and he has bad aim.

    Safe to say we didn't go to the Wicklow mountains in the end.

    Another time I had a guy offer me money the next day. Wtf?!!

    So (assuming you're not all nerdy virgins:pac:) Any strange ONS experiences to share?!


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    #2
    mikom
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16,391 ✭✭✭✭mikom


    PrincessPreach wrote: »
    So the discarded condom in the carpark thread got me thinking about this strange one night stand experience I once had.

    It wasn't technically a ONS as we met up twice and this occurred on our second meating.

    Oh Matron..........


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    #3
    discus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,049 ✭✭✭discus


    PrincessPreach wrote: »
    So (assuming you're not all nerdy virgins:pac:) Any strange ONS experiences to share?!

    Yeah, but all the good stories are already on the (private) Lads Forum


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    #4
    Fr_Fitzexactly
    Site Banned Posts: 85 ✭✭Fr_Fitzexactly


    PrincessPreach wrote: »
    So (assuming you're not all nerdy virgins:pac:)

    So you're assuming wrong.


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    #5
    Fr_Dougal
    Registered Users Posts: 9,167 ✭✭✭Fr_Dougal


    PrincessPreach wrote: »
    So the discarded condom in the carpark thread got me thinking about this strange one night stand experience I once had.

    It wasn't technically a ONS as we met up twice and this occurred on our second meating. He invited me over for drinks on the Saturday night. He lived alone in a studio style apartment.

    We had a good night and next morning decided to go for a romantic picnic in the Wicklow mountains. I thought he was really sweet and was looking forward to it until I went into the bathroom barefoot and stood on something squidgy and moist.

    It was a used condom. As I said, he lived alone and this was the Saturday night so chances are he'd f*cked a girl in the shower or whatever the night before and he has bad aim.

    Safe to say we didn't go to the Wicklow mountains in the end.

    Another time I had a guy offer me money the next day. Wtf?!!

    So (assuming you're not all nerdy virgins:pac:) Any strange ONS experiences to share?!

    Do you like football?


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    #6
    Pinewoo
    Registered Users Posts: 79 ✭✭Pinewoo


    PrincessPreach wrote: »
    We had a good night and next morning decided to go for a romantic picnic in the Wicklow mountains. I thought he was really sweet and was looking forward to it until I went into the bathroom barefoot and stood on something squidgy and moist.

    It was a used condom. As I said, he lived alone and this was the Saturday night so chances are he'd f*cked a girl in the shower or whatever the night before and he has bad aim.

    Sorry about that


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    #7
    PrincessPreach
    Registered Users Posts: 98 ✭✭PrincessPreach


    Fr_Dougal wrote: »
    Do you like football?

    Not particularly, why? Well I'm watching the champs league now but on the gen no, not really


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    #8
    shinikins
    Registered Users Posts: 7,842 ✭✭✭shinikins


    PrincessPreach wrote: »
    our second meating.

    Heheheh :D


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    #9
    1ZRed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    Nope, none here. Premarital sex is for durty heathens.


    Durty heathen


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    #10
    PrincessPreach
    Registered Users Posts: 98 ✭✭PrincessPreach


    mikom wrote: »
    Oh Matron..........

    It was an intentional typo for innuendo purposes by the way


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    #11
    ToddyDoody
    Registered Users Posts: 4,421 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    I can recall eating McDonald's food and enjoying it, not wanting to leave 90% of it behind. McDonald's food was listed as one of my fears on my bebo profile, hadn't been eaten in 12 years and is usually enough sober to make me gag, and gag at the person eating it for at least a few weeks, pending a purification ritual.


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    #12
    Seachmall
    Registered Users Posts: 7,041 ✭✭✭Seachmall


    PrincessPreach wrote: »
    decided to go for a romantic picnic in the Wicklow mountains.

    Sounds legit.


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    #13
    flutterflye
    Registered Users Posts: 3,538 ✭✭✭flutterflye


    Wtf is "on the gen" and "on the reg"?
    Who talks like that?!

    To answer op - No - I have no ons stories. I'm boring like that I guess :/


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    #14
    syklops
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,966 ✭✭✭✭syklops


    This thread has potential.

    OP, wouldn't it be terrible if you picked up the condom on your shoe while walking through a carpark to get to his flat, and deposited it on his bathroom room floor, only to step on it barefoot the next day :pac: ?

    Years ago I was in the RDF(formerly the FCA). As a result of living in a different county to everyone else, I got a room in the barracks for the weeks deployment, where most people were in the same town so went home in the evening. One fella was living at home as was his burd(who was in the same unit), so he came to me and asked could they play a game of hide the sausage in my room. I said I would leave the door unlocked, go to the mess for a few hours and if anyone asked me anything I would deny knowledge of this conversation taking place. Several duty-free pints later, last orders is called and I stagger back to my room only to find my mate and his burd have left a thank you gift of the used johnnie on my pillow. :mad:

    I got revenge but I'll save it for later in the thread.


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    #15
    not yet
    Registered Users Posts: 7,008 ✭✭✭not yet


    PrincessPreach wrote: »
    So the discarded condom in the carpark thread got me thinking about this strange one night stand experience I once had.

    It wasn't technically a ONS as we met up twice and this occurred on our second meating. He invited me over for drinks on the Saturday night. He lived alone in a studio style apartment.

    We had a good night and next morning decided to go for a romantic picnic in the Wicklow mountains. I thought he was really sweet and was looking forward to it until I went into the bathroom barefoot and stood on something squidgy and moist.

    It was a used condom. As I said, he lived alone and this was the Saturday night so chances are he'd f*cked a girl in the shower or whatever the night before and he has bad aim.

    Safe to say we didn't go to the Wicklow mountains in the end.

    Another time I had a guy offer me money the next day. Wtf?!!

    So (assuming you're not all nerdy virgins:pac:) Any strange ONS experiences to share?!

    Slapper......

    mod: banned.


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    #16
    Anyone
    Registered Users Posts: 3,376 ✭✭✭Anyone


    PrincessPreach wrote: »
    It was an intentional typo for innuendo purposes by the way

    Inyourendo.


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    #17
    syklops
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,966 ✭✭✭✭syklops


    flutterflye wrote: »
    Wtf is "on the gen" and "on the reg"?
    Who talks like that?!

    To answer op - No - I have no ons stories. I'm boring like that I guess :/

    On the reg(redge)

    Underage in a Russian accent?


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    #18
    Kichote
    Registered Users Posts: 305 ✭✭Kichote


    PrincessPreach wrote: »
    It was an intentional typo for innuendo purposes by the way

    It was me bollix


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    #19
    Praetorian Saighdiuir
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,968 ✭✭✭✭Praetorian Saighdiuir


    A few years ago a friend of mine hooked up with some middle aged bird. He was due in work early the next morning.

    Well, lets just say the Communists were in the fun house so he was told to use the back door. He lamped her out of it anyway, finished off, rolled over and went to sleep.

    His alarm went off, got up and rushed to work, still pretty pissed. We noticed there was a bit of a bang off him in the locker room...and so did he. Anyway, he started checking himself out, turns out when he pulled out of her she followed through.

    He had crusty crap marks on his stomach and took a finger full of crap out of his belly button.


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    #20
    Royal Irish
    Registered Users Posts: 2,401 ✭✭✭Royal Irish


    Posted this one ages ago.
    Royal Irish wrote: »
    I met a girl out clubbing in Bangkok. We exchanged numbers and a couple texts and a few days later she called round to my room.

    She had a bag with her as if she was going to stay over night, which I was cool with.

    But she went into the bathroom with the bag and came out wearing thigh high leather boots, leather bra with small chains hanging from it, a fecking leather whip in hand, and no knickers, and just a big erect penis pointing straight at me. :eek:


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    #21
    mattjack
    Registered Users Posts: 5,389 ✭✭✭mattjack


    Royal Irish wrote: »
    Posted this one ages ago.

    Who's penis was it ? Did she collect penis's and keep them in the bag ?


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    #22
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    How long do you have OP, we could be here all night at this rate, suffice to say I have many stories of one night stands, liaisons in leather and condom conundrums... and my apartment smells of all manner of sexual shenanigans... :D




    Hey one can dream, right? :pac:


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    #23
    PrincessPreach
    Registered Users Posts: 98 ✭✭PrincessPreach


    syklops wrote: »
    On the reg(redge)

    Underage in a Russian accent?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYvKwoWNOl4


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    #24
    bnt
    Registered Users Posts: 12,968 ✭✭✭✭bnt


    I don't have a story myself - sorry - but I recently read a book which consisted solely of such stories ... all of them happening to one woman. The book was My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands by American comedienne Chelsea Handler. I've never met her, and I'm not sure what would happen if I did ... quite a scary person, and that's just from the way she describes herself. :o

    From out there on the moon, international politics look so petty. You want to grab a politician by the scruff of the neck and drag him a quarter of a million miles out and say, ‘Look at that, you son of a bitch’.

    — Edgar Mitchell, Apollo 14 Astronaut



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    #25
    dr.bollocko
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 35,943 Mod ✭✭✭✭dr.bollocko


    not yet banned.

    As in the poster named not yet has been banned...
    Not some indication that I have not yet banned anyone.


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    #26
    Avasa
    Registered Users Posts: 38 ✭Avasa


    Had a food fight with some friends after a long night drinking. One thing lead to another and two of us ended back at my place. Woke up the next morning to find a load of chips on my pillow and mashed into the back of my head. The weirdest part was that we kept seeing each other for a few months!


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    #27
    Systemic Risk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 217 ✭✭Systemic Risk


    Used to work as a doorman quite a while back. It was a cold winters night so I put on my long johns and out to work I went. Long johns are a life saver when standing on a door for 4-5 hours on a frosty night.

    Anyway turns out it was a really quiet night so I was let off early. Popped into a pub down the road for a few and ended up chatting to a nice girl. We stayed out drinking together for the night. Long story short I ended up heading back to hers. I had a bit of a dilemma, I didn't want to strip down to my long johns in front of her and came up with a plan to excuse myself to the toilet and hang them out the window, closing the bathroom window on them to keep them in place. The plan was to collect them later. Of course I had a few pints on me at this stage and application of the plan didn't go as smoothly. I lost hold of the long johns and they floated down onto small tree in the back yard.

    Anyway I didnt let this ruin my fun and lets just say she was quite a vocal lady when having fun. Fell asleep and woke up the next morn, the next morn I got out of there early, letting her sleep but left a note with my number. Sneaking down the stairs I met a middle aged lady, I can only assume was her mother or something (cant remember if she mentioned she lived at home)with a scowl on her face that would curdle milk. Im guessing she heard the noise we made and found the long johns. I gave her the biggest smile, and a hearty, still drunk "Good morning, see ya now" and a wink and out the door I went. Needless to say the number I left was never used.


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    #28
    Mickey H
    Registered Users Posts: 1,822 ✭✭✭Mickey H


    Praetorian Saighdiuir wrote: »
    A few years ago a friend of mine hooked up with some middle aged bird. He was due in work early the next morning.

    Well, lets just say the Communists were in the fun house so he was told to use the back door. He lamped her out of it anyway, finished off, rolled over and went to sleep.

    His alarm went off, got up and rushed to work, still pretty pissed. We noticed there was a bit of a bang off him in the locker room...and so did he. Anyway, he started checking himself out, turns out when he pulled out of her she followed through.

    He had crusty crap marks on his stomach and took a finger full of crap out of his belly button.

    Quote of the week. LMFOA. :D


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    #29
    Antar Bolaeisk
    Registered Users Posts: 3,091 ✭✭✭Antar Bolaeisk


    Avasa wrote: »
    Had a food fight with some friends after a long night drinking. One thing lead to another and two of us ended back at my place. Woke up the next morning to find a load of chips on my pillow and mashed into the back of my head. The weirdest part was that we kept seeing each other for a few months!

    You know, if you'd just washed your bedclothes you wouldn't have been seeing the chips every night thereafter.


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    #30
    jaffacakesyum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    I have no funny one night stands :( But the strangest one was waking up next to this girl who despite my numerous ways of waking her up including shaking her vigorously, would not rouse :eek: I was scared ****less, her breathing was really shallow, couldn't find a pulse. She was fine the night before, both of us a little drunk but grand. She was warm, and didn't look odd(/dead!) just looked like she was in a deep sleep. And then all of a sudden she just jumped upright. Scared the hell out of me cos she was out of it for a fairly long time I was like "do i leave, do i stay, do I call for help..."

    Anyway, she was grand. Apparantly happens to her every now and again :confused:


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    #31
    NuckingFacker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,221 ✭✭✭NuckingFacker


    dr.bollocko wrote: »
    not yet banned.

    As in the poster named not yet has been banned...
    Not some indication that I have not yet banned anyone.
    Has the banned poster been named yet? Or not?


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