Throwing away the chance that you had but didn't want...

FSO_Polonez · 26-10-2019 1:24am #1

Okay, so I went out last weekend to a pub. I met a few people from work there. A few of them I recognised & I joined them for a drink. But I met one girl who walked up to me & introduced herself to me, off her own bat. I did not approach her. I never saw her before. She told me her name, which I can't remember. I don't think I was even listening to be honest.

One thing that I do remember is that we were outside having a smoke with at least one of the other guys & she continued talking to me. She told me that she sees me walking down the corridors at work all the time. She was, in all fairness to her, behaving in a friendly & easy-going manner, but what she said didn't sit well with me. Since then I take indirect routes around the plant. At one point during the conversation, the two other guys went back inside, one of them said something along the lines of "I'll leave ye two alone". Then the fight-or-flight mode took over.

She continued talking to me, very confident & well able to talk she was. It was obvious that she was interested in me.

Me? I just hijacked the conversation onto random crap, topics I remember were, in no particular order: 80's one-it-wonders, small towns that I had visited, even MS-DOS. I tried to give the impression that I was oblivious. When she went back into the bar later on, she asked me if I wanted a drink. I said "hold on a minute I need to go for a slash". I headed for the men's room but instead exited by the back way & went to a different pub.

As soon as I saw this opportunity, I had already decided that I was going to deliberately **** it up, but to do it in a subtle way so as not cause offence. Do ye think that I convincingly acted like a clueless idiot? Or was it obvious that I was trying to get rid of her? Also, if I keep acting like that, is it possible that she will eventually get bored, lose interest & move on?

Stacksofwacks · 26-10-2019 1:34am

She even asked to buy you a drink? Ah c'mon

FSO_Polonez · 26-10-2019 1:37am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

She even asked to buy you a drink? Ah c'mon

Yeh, I sort of feel bad about that & leaving her on her own. I know that she was trying to be nice. I think she fell for it though...

26-10-2019 1:39am

She said she sees you in the corridors at work all the time and that doesn't sit well with you? Why??

Stacksofwacks · 26-10-2019 1:40am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

Yeh, I sort of feel bad about that & leaving her on her own. I know that she was trying to be nice. I think she fell for it though...

Look you were either into her or you weren't. By the sounds of it its the latter, but now that you are thinking about her again.. if you bump into her again just apologize and make some excuse and hopefully continue where you left off but in my experience that's unlikely

FSO_Polonez · 26-10-2019 1:40am

368100 wrote: »

She said she sees you in the corridors at work all the time and that doesn't sit well with you? Why??

I just freaked out a bit. If a guy said that to a female colleague I'd say the outrage would be justified...

DEFTLEFTHAND · 26-10-2019 1:41am

Opportunity for what?

You didn't like her so you didn't engage. I know it's awkward when some yoke who you don't fancy starts coming on to you but you didn't try and lead her on are anything. You dropped her and left.

There's no problem here.

MuffinTop86 · 26-10-2019 1:43am

It may have been better to just refuse the drink or say I’ll get my own.
I’m sure after doing a runner she got the hint though. Or else assumed you either fell asleep on the toilet or crapped yourself, which isn’t sexy at all.

Edit, I also don’t see anything strange about I see you around the corridors. I say that to people. Granted I’m not flirting with them but never thought of it as stranger danger oversensitivity.

FSO_Polonez · 26-10-2019 1:45am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

Look you were either into her or you weren't. By the sounds of it its the latter, but now that you are thinking about her again.. if you bump into her again just apologize and make some excuse and hopefully continue where you left off but in my experience that's unlikely

I carry printed-out spec sheets with me in work that I can pretend to flick through as I walk down corridors, just in case.

I got a bit of an ego-boost on the night by acting like I was thick, I hopped into that taxi with a smile on my face as though I had done a bank heist. But I feel slightly bad about the way I treated her.

Stacksofwacks · 26-10-2019 1:49am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

I carry printed-out spec sheets with me in work that I can pretend to flick through as I walk down corridors, just in case.

I got a bit of an ego-boost on the night by acting like I was thick, I hopped into that taxi with a smile on my face as though I had done a bank heist. But I feel slightly bad about the way I treated her.

Oh so its one of those work things where you'd like to bone her but didn't want the hassle?

FSO_Polonez · 26-10-2019 1:50am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

Oh so its one of those work things where you'd like to bone her but didn't want the hassle?

No, I don't want anything to do with her. If I had stayed at home that night none of this would have happened.

Stacksofwacks · 26-10-2019 1:53am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

No, I don't want anything to do with her. If I had stayed at home that night none of this would have happened.

Then you didn't do anything wrong. I would have just said excuse me I have to go, said goodbye and left

FSO_Polonez · 26-10-2019 2:12am

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

Then you didn't do anything wrong. I would have just said excuse me I have to go, said goodbye and left

I have tried (and worse) that in previous situations with other people, but when I do it I always come across as downright rude. I don't normally have a problem with that, if I'm honest. In this situation I had to let someone down gently so, like I said, pretending to be stupid seemed to be the best way of doing it...

misterme123 · 26-10-2019 2:27am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

I have tried (and worse) that in previous situations with other people, but when I do it I always come across as downright rude. I don't normally have a problem with that, if I'm honest. In this situation I had to let someone down gently so, like I said, pretending to be stupid seemed to be the best way of doing it...

Hmmm...

Rodin · 26-10-2019 2:42am

Very cowardly behaviour here.

FSO_Polonez · 26-10-2019 2:43am

Rodin wrote: »

Very cowardly behaviour here.

In what way? I could have behaved way worse

Dj Stiggie · 26-10-2019 2:53am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

In what way? I could have behaved way worse

By getting your ego bump you probably bruised hers. It is possible to be direct and polite at the same time. People, especially women, usually handle that well and like adults. Unlike you who ran into the jacks and then ghosted. Are you even old enough to have a job?

FSO_Polonez · 26-10-2019 2:57am

Dj Stiggie wrote: »

By getting your ego bump you probably bruised hers. It is possible to be direct and polite at the same time. People, especially women, usually handle that well and like adults. Unlike you who ran into the jacks and then ghosted. Are you even old enough to have a job?

I may have bruised her ego, and like I said, I feel bad about it to a degree in retrospect. But what else was I supposed to do? I'm in my 30's so yes.

pgj2015 · 26-10-2019 2:57am

i remember chatting this stunning french student outside a nightclub one night while i was in college, she asked me back to a house party, i said ok and for some reason i did what you did op, unlike you i regret it though. i dont think you did a lot wrong to be honest, she might not even remember it happening if she was drinking.

Rodin · 26-10-2019 3:03am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

In what way? I could have behaved way worse

Because THAT's the standard...

Like the robber pleading for mercy because he only stole 100k while his buddy stole a million.

Was cowardly to run away to another pub instead of putting the girl straight. She was the one who was brave putting herself out there.

fonecrusher1 · 26-10-2019 3:08am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

When she went back into the bar later on, she asked me if I wanted a drink. I said "hold on a minute I need to go for a slash". I headed for the men's room but instead exited by the back way & went to a different pub.

No no no. You do this after you've had ... sex explosion.

mrsdewinter · 26-10-2019 4:07am

Rodin wrote: »

Because THAT's the standard...

Like the robber pleading for mercy because he only stole 100k while his buddy stole a million.

Was cowardly to run away to another pub instead of putting the girl straight. She was the one who was brave putting herself out there.

Nonsense. Having a big 'just letting you know...' convo on the night, with drink on board, could have been a disaster. It would have wrecked the girl's buzz, at best, and could have led to a really tense scene.

I'm sorry you felt that you had to pull the plug on your night out, OP, but I think you left her with her dignity. If you have no interest in her, just do not engage. She'll either get the message, or her friends will. If she collars you in work in relation to your disappearance that night, just drop hints about the drink hitting you suddenly, etc.

Sorry about that · 26-10-2019 4:18am

Awkward situation but can't blame you op- I'm sure most people have done something similar at some point. Don't worry about it.
Wouldn't refer to the girl as "some yoke" though, as another poster has; she just liked you.

FSO_Polonez · 26-10-2019 4:39am

Sorry about that wrote: »

Awkward situation but can't blame you op- I'm sure most people have done something similar at some point. Don't worry about it.
Wouldn't refer to the girl as "some yoke" though, as another poster has; she just liked you.

Thanks. Well, like I said, I didn't want to be overly mean to her. In most situations I'm a hell of a lot worse...

Cee-Jay-Cee · 26-10-2019 8:34am

To be honest you sound immature and childish. You could have just continued talking to her instead of running off like a scared child. She would have got the message that you weren’t interested without you having to run away.

Why do you not want anything to do with her? Is she dangerous or from a criminal family? Or is it simply because she’s not good looking or fat and you’re simply not attracted to her? Be honest.

Church on Tuesday · 26-10-2019 9:45am

I'd have politely declined her offer of a drink.

Doesn't get any more clear than that you're not interested.

Professor Genius · 26-10-2019 9:48am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

Okay, so I went out last weekend to a pub. I met a few people from work there. A few of them I recognised & I joined them for a drink. But I met one girl who walked up to me & introduced herself to me, off her own bat. I did not approach her. I never saw her before. She told me her name, which I can't remember. I don't think I was even listening to be honest.

One thing that I do remember is that we were outside having a smoke with at least one of the other guys & she continued talking to me. She told me that she sees me walking down the corridors at work all the time. She was, in all fairness to her, behaving in a friendly & easy-going manner, but what she said didn't sit well with me. Since then I take indirect routes around the plant. At one point during the conversation, the two other guys went back inside, one of them said something along the lines of "I'll leave ye two alone". Then the fight-or-flight mode took over.

She continued talking to me, very confident & well able to talk she was. It was obvious that she was interested in me.

Me? I just hijacked the conversation onto random crap, topics I remember were, in no particular order: 80's one-it-wonders, small towns that I had visited, even MS-DOS. I tried to give the impression that I was oblivious. When she went back into the bar later on, she asked me if I wanted a drink. I said "hold on a minute I need to go for a slash". I headed for the men's room but instead exited by the back way & went to a different pub.

As soon as I saw this opportunity, I had already decided that I was going to deliberately **** it up, but to do it in a subtle way so as not cause offence. Do ye think that I convincingly acted like a clueless idiot? Or was it obvious that I was trying to get rid of her? Also, if I keep acting like that, is it possible that she will eventually get bored, lose interest & move on?

Thinly veiled look at all the vjj getting thrown at me thread

dxhound2005 · 26-10-2019 9:57am

Me? I'm trying to figure out that workplace.

bellylint · 26-10-2019 9:58am

If you had a crush and asked to buy her a drink after doing the same and they walked off and said they needed to go for a piss, how do you think you would feel. Most likely you left her feeling like **** after she bolstered up enough confidence to make an obvious pass at you. If you dont think you have done anything wrong here then you are good to go, but then again this is AH

ChikiChiki · 26-10-2019 10:00am

Unusual behaviour OP. Go have a chat with a professional or it will hold you back. You can have a chat to someome without it meaning anything. Your way over thinking it.

Good luck.

chrissb8 · 26-10-2019 10:24am

Just talk kindly to her and make a point of heading back in to the rest of the group with the words "Jesus we've been out here a while, let's head back in shall we?". Then just spend the night talking with her within a group of people making a point that you're not left alone with her, Girls aren't stupid and will get the strong hint. What you did was just weird.

If that doesn't work and she kept trying, Just say thank you but you're not interested.

debok · 26-10-2019 10:49am

You should have took your cock out and helicoptered The shìt out of it in front of her while holding eye contact and saying how dyou like me now bitch

vriesmays · 26-10-2019 11:01am

Tell her you're not interested and when she asks why not say she's ugly.

26-10-2019 3:47pm

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

Thanks. Well, like I said, I didn't want to be overly mean to her. In most situations I'm a hell of a lot worse...

You sound like an absolute treat

FSO_Polonez · 26-10-2019 5:42pm

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

Why do you not want anything to do with her? Is she dangerous or from a criminal family? Or is it simply because she’s not good looking or fat and you’re simply not attracted to her? Be honest.

I just had a thought at that moment that going along with what she wanted to do was a bad idea. No, as far as I am aware, she isn't from a criminal family. I could easily have described her as attractive, but I wasn't going to go there. Like I said, my natural instinct at the time was to leggit.

FSO_Polonez · 08-11-2019 12:07am

vriesmays wrote: »

Tell her you're not interested and when she asks why not say she's ugly.

She's not ugly in the slightest, to be fair to her, so thanks but that isn't going to work...

ILoveYourVibes · 08-11-2019 12:50am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

Also, if I keep acting like that, is it possible that she will eventually get bored, lose interest & move on?

she will

Arghus · 08-11-2019 12:51am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvbujX4hXOg

FSO_Polonez · 08-11-2019 1:14am

Arghus wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvbujX4hXOg

Wow, I had forgotten about that advert completely, along with Esat Digifone for that matter. Wonder is Uncle Dinny still reaping the royalties?

Not quite how it was though. If I were that character I wouldn't have phoned at all. I would have "lost" the number well before that...

ILoveYourVibes · 08-11-2019 1:15am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

Wow, I had forgotten about that advert completely, along with Esat Digifone for that matter.

Not quite how it was though. If I were that character I wouldn't have phoned at all. I would have "lost" the number well before that...

You lead a fascinating life.

I bet you keep your hookers number handy. :P

FSO_Polonez · 08-11-2019 1:17am

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

You lead a fascinating life.

In what way? Then again I guess whether I do or not would be purely subjective...

ILoveYourVibes · 08-11-2019 1:18am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

In what way? Then again I guess whether I do or not would be purely subjective...

You don't lead a fascinating life polonez.

FSO_Polonez · 08-11-2019 1:19am

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

You don't lead a fascinating life polonez.

Fair enough...

Elmer Blooker · 08-11-2019 1:32am

How to make a woman fall in love with you: Ignore them, be stand offish, be aloof and act uninterested.
How to make a woman run a mile: Tell them you love them madly and want to spend the rest of your life with them, send roses and chocs ....etc
You'll get the 'its not you its me' pronto!

All you romantics may think I'm talking bs but its not like it is in the movies folks!

FSO_Polonez · 08-11-2019 1:37am

Elmer Blooker wrote: »

How to make a woman fall in love with you: Ignore them, be stand offish, be aloof and act uninterested.
How to make a woman run a mile: Tell them you love them madly and want to spend the rest of your life with them, send roses and chocs ....etc
You'll get the 'its not you its me' pronto!

All you romantics may think I'm talking bs but its not like it is in the movies folks!

I'm not so sure that the whole Hollywood thing does work in real life...

ILoveYourVibes · 08-11-2019 1:46am

Elmer Blooker wrote: »

How to make a woman fall in love with you: Ignore them, be stand offish, be aloof and act uninterested.

I knew you were cheating when you didn't play the hand i dealt you.

Strumms · 08-11-2019 1:59am

OP, you sound like me, when I was about 16... I had zero confidence with girls on any level... but as an adult excuses will ring thin, now. I couldn’t give a monkeys, if they like me and I like them, happy days, if they don’t reciprocate attraction or whatever so be it... if you like her, ask her out,, she will say yes or no thanks, no biggie.

FSO_Polonez · 08-11-2019 2:15am

Strumms wrote: »

OP, you sound like me, when I was about 16... I had zero confidence with girls on any level... but as an adult excuses will ring thin, now. I couldn’t give a monkeys, if they like me and I like them, happy days, if they don’t reciprocate attraction or whatever so be it... if you like her, ask her out,, she will say yes or no thanks, no biggie.

I'm the opposite. I used to be very confident, but now I'm not. And to be honest, I don't intend making any effort to change.

Excuses may wear thin, but I'm thinking that making excuses, lame as they may be, will eventually cause the other person to walk away.

I could just be a d1ck, (and not in the stereotypical "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen sense, but just being a complete belligerent a55hole) which has been known to work, but in this case I decided that I wasn't going to do that. I do have at least some standards...

ILoveYourVibes · 08-11-2019 2:19am

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

I'm the opposite. I used to be very confident, but now I'm not. And to be honest, I don't intend making any effort to change.

Excuses may wear thin, but I'm thinking that making excuses, lame as they may be, will eventually cause the other person to walk away.

I could just be a d1ck, (and not in the stereotypical "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen sense, but just being a complete belligerent a55hole) which has been known to work, but in this case I decided that I wasn't going to do that. I do have at least some standards...

good for you..it will all work out in the end

FSO_Polonez · 08-11-2019 2:20am

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

good for you..it will all work out in the end

Hopefully

cannotlogin · 08-11-2019 2:46am

I can't possibly understand what she saw in you. Your behaviour us unnecessarily childish and really rude.

How do you get to your 30s without being able to handle the situation better? Imagine if the situation was reversed, would it make to feel good.

Could you not just have been flattered that someone found you attractive and had the courage to let you know and just nicely let her know you aren't interested.

Then you post on the internet to tell people a woman hit on you once. Rollseyes

Throwing away the chance that you had but didn't want...

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