Throwing away the chance that you had but didn't want...

FSO_Polonez

Okay, so I went out last weekend to a pub. I met a few people from work there. A few of them I recognised & I joined them for a drink. But I met one girl who walked up to me & introduced herself to me, off her own bat. I did not approach her. I never saw her before. She told me her name, which I can't remember. I don't think I was even listening to be honest.

One thing that I do remember is that we were outside having a smoke with at least one of the other guys & she continued talking to me. She told me that she sees me walking down the corridors at work all the time. She was, in all fairness to her, behaving in a friendly & easy-going manner, but what she said didn't sit well with me. Since then I take indirect routes around the plant. At one point during the conversation, the two other guys went back inside, one of them said something along the lines of "I'll leave ye two alone". Then the fight-or-flight mode took over.

She continued talking to me, very confident & well able to talk she was. It was obvious that she was interested in me.

Me? I just hijacked the conversation onto random crap, topics I remember were, in no particular order: 80's one-it-wonders, small towns that I had visited, even MS-DOS. I tried to give the impression that I was oblivious. When she went back into the bar later on, she asked me if I wanted a drink. I said "hold on a minute I need to go for a slash". I headed for the men's room but instead exited by the back way & went to a different pub.

As soon as I saw this opportunity, I had already decided that I was going to deliberately **** it up, but to do it in a subtle way so as not cause offence. Do ye think that I convincingly acted like a clueless idiot? Or was it obvious that I was trying to get rid of her? Also, if I keep acting like that, is it possible that she will eventually get bored, lose interest & move on?

Stacksofwacks

She even asked to buy you a drink? Ah c'mon

FSO_Polonez

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

She even asked to buy you a drink? Ah c'mon

Yeh, I sort of feel bad about that & leaving her on her own. I know that she was trying to be nice. I think she fell for it though...

368100

She said she sees you in the corridors at work all the time and that doesn't sit well with you? Why??

Stacksofwacks

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

Yeh, I sort of feel bad about that & leaving her on her own. I know that she was trying to be nice. I think she fell for it though...

Look you were either into her or you weren't. By the sounds of it its the latter, but now that you are thinking about her again.. if you bump into her again just apologize and make some excuse and hopefully continue where you left off but in my experience that's unlikely

FSO_Polonez

368100 wrote: »

She said she sees you in the corridors at work all the time and that doesn't sit well with you? Why??

I just freaked out a bit. If a guy said that to a female colleague I'd say the outrage would be justified...

DEFTLEFTHAND

Opportunity for what?

You didn't like her so you didn't engage. I know it's awkward when some yoke who you don't fancy starts coming on to you but you didn't try and lead her on are anything. You dropped her and left.


There's no problem here.

MuffinTop86

It may have been better to just refuse the drink or say I’ll get my own.
I’m sure after doing a runner she got the hint though. Or else assumed you either fell asleep on the toilet or crapped yourself, which isn’t sexy at all.

Edit, I also don’t see anything strange about I see you around the corridors. I say that to people. Granted I’m not flirting with them but never thought of it as stranger danger oversensitivity.

FSO_Polonez

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

Look you were either into her or you weren't. By the sounds of it its the latter, but now that you are thinking about her again.. if you bump into her again just apologize and make some excuse and hopefully continue where you left off but in my experience that's unlikely

I carry printed-out spec sheets with me in work that I can pretend to flick through as I walk down corridors, just in case.

I got a bit of an ego-boost on the night by acting like I was thick, I hopped into that taxi with a smile on my face as though I had done a bank heist. But I feel slightly bad about the way I treated her.

Stacksofwacks

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

I carry printed-out spec sheets with me in work that I can pretend to flick through as I walk down corridors, just in case.

I got a bit of an ego-boost on the night by acting like I was thick, I hopped into that taxi with a smile on my face as though I had done a bank heist. But I feel slightly bad about the way I treated her.

Oh so its one of those work things where you'd like to bone her but didn't want the hassle?

FSO_Polonez

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

Oh so its one of those work things where you'd like to bone her but didn't want the hassle?

No, I don't want anything to do with her. If I had stayed at home that night none of this would have happened.

Stacksofwacks

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

No, I don't want anything to do with her. If I had stayed at home that night none of this would have happened.

Then you didn't do anything wrong. I would have just said excuse me I have to go, said goodbye and left

FSO_Polonez

Stacksofwacks wrote: »

Then you didn't do anything wrong. I would have just said excuse me I have to go, said goodbye and left

I have tried (and worse) that in previous situations with other people, but when I do it I always come across as downright rude. I don't normally have a problem with that, if I'm honest. In this situation I had to let someone down gently so, like I said, pretending to be stupid seemed to be the best way of doing it...

misterme123

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

I have tried (and worse) that in previous situations with other people, but when I do it I always come across as downright rude. I don't normally have a problem with that, if I'm honest. In this situation I had to let someone down gently so, like I said, pretending to be stupid seemed to be the best way of doing it...

Hmmm...

Rodin

Very cowardly behaviour here.

FSO_Polonez

Rodin wrote: »

Very cowardly behaviour here.

In what way? I could have behaved way worse

Dj Stiggie

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

In what way? I could have behaved way worse

By getting your ego bump you probably bruised hers. It is possible to be direct and polite at the same time. People, especially women, usually handle that well and like adults. Unlike you who ran into the jacks and then ghosted. Are you even old enough to have a job?

FSO_Polonez

Dj Stiggie wrote: »

By getting your ego bump you probably bruised hers. It is possible to be direct and polite at the same time. People, especially women, usually handle that well and like adults. Unlike you who ran into the jacks and then ghosted. Are you even old enough to have a job?

I may have bruised her ego, and like I said, I feel bad about it to a degree in retrospect. But what else was I supposed to do? I'm in my 30's so yes.

pgj2015

i remember chatting this stunning french student outside a nightclub one night while i was in college, she asked me back to a house party, i said ok and for some reason i did what you did op, unlike you i regret it though. i dont think you did a lot wrong to be honest, she might not even remember it happening if she was drinking.

Rodin

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

In what way? I could have behaved way worse

Because THAT's the standard...

Like the robber pleading for mercy because he only stole 100k while his buddy stole a million.

Was cowardly to run away to another pub instead of putting the girl straight. She was the one who was brave putting herself out there.

fonecrusher1

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

When she went back into the bar later on, she asked me if I wanted a drink. I said "hold on a minute I need to go for a slash". I headed for the men's room but instead exited by the back way & went to a different pub.

No no no. You do this after you've had ... sex explosion.

mrsdewinter

Rodin wrote: »

Because THAT's the standard...

Like the robber pleading for mercy because he only stole 100k while his buddy stole a million.

Was cowardly to run away to another pub instead of putting the girl straight. She was the one who was brave putting herself out there.

Nonsense. Having a big 'just letting you know...' convo on the night, with drink on board, could have been a disaster. It would have wrecked the girl's buzz, at best, and could have led to a really tense scene.

I'm sorry you felt that you had to pull the plug on your night out, OP, but I think you left her with her dignity. If you have no interest in her, just do not engage. She'll either get the message, or her friends will. If she collars you in work in relation to your disappearance that night, just drop hints about the drink hitting you suddenly, etc.

Sorry about that

Awkward situation but can't blame you op- I'm sure most people have done something similar at some point. Don't worry about it.
Wouldn't refer to the girl as "some yoke" though, as another poster has; she just liked you.

FSO_Polonez

Sorry about that wrote: »

Awkward situation but can't blame you op- I'm sure most people have done something similar at some point. Don't worry about it.
Wouldn't refer to the girl as "some yoke" though, as another poster has; she just liked you.

Thanks. Well, like I said, I didn't want to be overly mean to her. In most situations I'm a hell of a lot worse...

Cee-Jay-Cee

To be honest you sound immature and childish. You could have just continued talking to her instead of running off like a scared child. She would have got the message that you weren’t interested without you having to run away.

Why do you not want anything to do with her? Is she dangerous or from a criminal family? Or is it simply because she’s not good looking or fat and you’re simply not attracted to her? Be honest.

Church on Tuesday

I'd have politely declined her offer of a drink.

Doesn't get any more clear than that you're not interested.

Professor Genius

FSO_Polonez wrote: »

Okay, so I went out last weekend to a pub. I met a few people from work there. A few of them I recognised & I joined them for a drink. But I met one girl who walked up to me & introduced herself to me, off her own bat. I did not approach her. I never saw her before. She told me her name, which I can't remember. I don't think I was even listening to be honest.

One thing that I do remember is that we were outside having a smoke with at least one of the other guys & she continued talking to me. She told me that she sees me walking down the corridors at work all the time. She was, in all fairness to her, behaving in a friendly & easy-going manner, but what she said didn't sit well with me. Since then I take indirect routes around the plant. At one point during the conversation, the two other guys went back inside, one of them said something along the lines of "I'll leave ye two alone". Then the fight-or-flight mode took over.

She continued talking to me, very confident & well able to talk she was. It was obvious that she was interested in me.

Me? I just hijacked the conversation onto random crap, topics I remember were, in no particular order: 80's one-it-wonders, small towns that I had visited, even MS-DOS. I tried to give the impression that I was oblivious. When she went back into the bar later on, she asked me if I wanted a drink. I said "hold on a minute I need to go for a slash". I headed for the men's room but instead exited by the back way & went to a different pub.

As soon as I saw this opportunity, I had already decided that I was going to deliberately **** it up, but to do it in a subtle way so as not cause offence. Do ye think that I convincingly acted like a clueless idiot? Or was it obvious that I was trying to get rid of her? Also, if I keep acting like that, is it possible that she will eventually get bored, lose interest & move on?

Thinly veiled look at all the vjj getting thrown at me thread

dxhound2005

Me? I'm trying to figure out that workplace.

bellylint

If you had a crush and asked to buy her a drink after doing the same and they walked off and said they needed to go for a piss, how do you think you would feel. Most likely you left her feeling like **** after she bolstered up enough confidence to make an obvious pass at you. If you dont think you have done anything wrong here then you are good to go, but then again this is AH

ChikiChiki

Unusual behaviour OP. Go have a chat with a professional or it will hold you back. You can have a chat to someome without it meaning anything. Your way over thinking it.

Good luck.

chrissb8

Just talk kindly to her and make a point of heading back in to the rest of the group with the words "Jesus we've been out here a while, let's head back in shall we?". Then just spend the night talking with her within a group of people making a point that you're not left alone with her, Girls aren't stupid and will get the strong hint. What you did was just weird.

If that doesn't work and she kept trying, Just say thank you but you're not interested.