Mixed signals from a woman

fryup · 02-12-2018 11:47pm #1

There's this cute as a button babe who has a stall at my local market we sometimes have a chat & flirt every sunday....but today she was as cold as ice

giving me one word answers no eye contact...is she playing it cool? or is it an indirect signal > i'm not into you move on??

advice please?

(btw - before you ask she's definitely single.....and straight)

Silentcorner · 03-12-2018 12:10am

It sounds like the latter to me, but that is just me.

You may have pushed it a bit far last time, maybe not.

She mightn't be feeling good about herself today, which probably happens more than we realise.

Approach with just a bit more caution next week, you'll know for sure then...and good luck!!

cameramonkey · 03-12-2018 12:15am

Silentcorner wrote: »

It sounds like the latter to me, but that is just me.

You may have pushed it a bit far last time, maybe not.

She mightn't be feeling good about herself today, which probably happens more than we realise.

Approach with just a bit more caution next week, you'll know for sure then...and good luck!!

Or don't approach, who wants to go out with a moody bitch?

boombang · 03-12-2018 12:17am

Which market would this be now? : )

eviltwin · 03-12-2018 12:17am

the only person who can tell you what she's thinking is the lady herself so just ask and at least you'll know.

I wouldn't assume anything by her mood today, maybe something's happened to make her a bit preoccupied. It might not be you.

one world order · 03-12-2018 12:18am

cameramonkey wrote: »

Or don't approach, who wants to go out with a moody bitch?

Oh yea, everybody is in a great mood every day!!

03-12-2018 12:45am

fryup wrote: »

There's this cute as a button babe who has a stall at my local market we sometimes have a chat & flirt every sunday....but today she was as cold as ice giving me one word answers no eye contact...is she playing it cool? or is it an indirect signal > i'm not into you move on??

advice please?

(btw - before you ask she's definitely single.....and straight)

I'd say she's having a bad day. Don't take it personally. She might be back tomorrow full of the joys.

My only advice is ask her out before someone else does.

03-12-2018 12:47am

Give it a crack and move on one way or the other.

dhaughton99 · 03-12-2018 12:51am

Maybe you were a complete arse the last time you seen her.

fryup · 03-12-2018 1:05am

^^^^^^^^^^^

nope, we were having a laugh together................today it was like i p!ssed in her handbag...just wondering did someone bad mouth me???? hmmmmm

Timberrrrrrrr · 03-12-2018 1:07am

We all have our off days, see how she is next time would be my advice, if she was off with me.again i would ask out straight if i had offended her in some way.

03-12-2018 1:11am

fryup wrote: »

There's this cute as a button babe who has a stall at my local market we sometimes have a chat & flirt every sunday....but today she was as cold as ice giving me one word answers no eye contact...is she playing it cool? or is it an indirect signal > i'm not into you move on??

advice please?

(btw - before you ask she's definitely single.....and straight)

She works in a market trying to make you buy stuff. All day she has guys flirting with her, it's meaningless banter. Probably just having a bad day but I wouldn't expect much from the situation even if she is back all bubbly next week.

cameramonkey · 03-12-2018 9:51am

one world order wrote: »

Oh yea, everybody is in a great mood every day!!

some people are. and even if the are not they do not behave like the woman in the OP. Avoid I would say.

s7ryf3925pivug · 03-12-2018 10:02am

Badmouthing sounds unlikely if you don't have any known mutual acquaintances.

She's not giving mixed signals. She's giving very clear fnck off signals. The polite response is to fnck off.

The worst thing you can do is to respond by becoming more forward. Don't ask if you offended her. Don't ask her out. If you go back to the stall be polite and don't try to engage with her.

03-12-2018 10:39am

Classic female behaviour. She got you interested, now she wants to get you obsessed, so she is short. See how being friendly with you got you thinking you have a chance? See now how she has you on the internet like a teenager?

Skip her for a week. But pass her stall

Then buy something at her stall, see how she reacts.

Plopsu · 03-12-2018 11:54am

She's about to be made homeless. Or her cat died. Or her BFF ghosted her when she went looking for the money they owed her. Could be a hundred and one reasons for a bad mood.
Did she serve anybody else while you were nearby? Was she the same with them?

fryup · 03-12-2018 12:28pm

^^^^^^^^

No, she was friendly with other customers bar me

Dia1988 · 03-12-2018 12:34pm

Maybe like a typical MAN you ****ed up as usual !

Typical MAN always blaming women!

Sexist pigs!!

#metoo

Plopsu · 03-12-2018 12:44pm

fryup wrote: »

^^^^^^^^

No, she was friendly with other customers bar me

Uh-oh!

NSAman · 03-12-2018 12:48pm

fryup wrote: »

^^^^^^^^

No, she was friendly with other customers bar me

Did you actually piss in her handbag? That might explain it.

listermint · 03-12-2018 12:48pm

Erm,

Im not sure what you want from this thread OP.

Do you want to ask her out? Or do you want to be her friend with friendly banter.

If its the former, then why havent you..........

if its the latter than just be friendly like a normal person.

fryup · 03-12-2018 3:07pm

Bodhi Rich Meatball wrote: »

Badmouthing sounds unlikely if you don't have any known mutual acquaintances.

we do have mutual acquaintances (2 females) but can't think of any reason why they would badmouth me...unless they're two-faced

listermint wrote: »

Do you want to ask her out? Or do you want to be her friend with friendly banter.

If its the former, then why havent you..........

cause if i ask her out and she's says no...i'll never be able to show my face at that market again, i'd find it mortifying

i want to be certain she likes me

Teyla Emmagan · 03-12-2018 3:19pm

She is just trying to sell you stuff.

dhaughton99 · 03-12-2018 4:03pm

fryup wrote: »

we do have mutual acquaintances (2 females) but can't think of any reason why they would badmouth me...unless they're two-faced

cause if i ask her out and she's says no...i'll never be able to show my face at that market again, i'd find it mortifying

i want to be certain she likes me

What kind of market is this? Snotty jams and over priced coffee place, an Xmas market or auldwans selling week old fruit and knock off nikes?

4ensic15 · 03-12-2018 8:36pm

Her boyfriend was watching.

fryup · 03-12-2018 11:04pm

dhaughton99 wrote: »

What kind of market is this? Snotty jams and over priced coffee place, an Xmas market or auldwans selling week old fruit and knock off nikes?

the former, Snotty jams and over priced coffee place

03-12-2018 11:08pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Classic female behaviour. .....

I agree...... but many males are no different

Dyr · 03-12-2018 11:09pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqsTmF2Oicc

That's pretty much the situation if shes daycent looking and working behind a counter

spockety · 04-12-2018 10:12am

Is there a chance you have some sort of RomCom fantasy going on in your head about how this could end up for you two, whereas her reality is that you're just one of dozens of people she sells stuff to from a stall every weekend?

fryup · 04-12-2018 10:32am

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

shush

carltonleon · 04-12-2018 10:46am

Just buy something from the stall next to her next week and just nod a hello as you walk past. Be as friendly as you can with the seller next door and then just walk away !!

Tomw86 · 04-12-2018 11:06am

I'd say a bad day at the office....maybe the mother of all hangovers?!

Approach next week and see has she cheered up a bit!

H3llR4iser · 05-12-2018 12:28pm

99% she's just playing "flirty barista" to sell more stuff and get more commissions/tips. It's amazing how many guys believe they're "the special one" in this situation.

fryup wrote: »

^^^^^^^^

No, she was friendly with other customers bar me

Small chances are that she figured out you're reading more than you should in her behaviour, and she's toning it down with you specifically...

fryup · 05-12-2018 2:05pm

H3llR4iser wrote: »

99% she's just playing "flirty barista" to sell more stuff and get more commissions/tips. It's amazing how many guys believe they're "the special one" in this situation.

shush

spockety · 05-12-2018 6:00pm

I'm wondering if one of your mutual acquaintances have also given her a heads up as to your nefarious intentions...

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 06-12-2018 5:40pm

Are you sure she's been flirting and not just being friendly and chatty like you have to be in those jobs? I've noticed it before with very pretty women that people can tend to interpret any behaviour that's not actively rude as flirting or at least ambiguous. And seriously, I've had "right old laughs" with customers who I couldn't wait to see the back of and responded to comments I found inappropriate with the old "oh you cheeky old rogue, what are you like" kind of thing rather than the swift "**** off" they'd get if I wasn't at work and they weren't a customer.

You haven't done anything wrong, but given that she was specifically cold to you I'd say it's most likely you've misread the situation. No need to address it any further imo, chalk it down.

carrollsno1 · 11-12-2018 8:57am

Ask her out mate, there was one south american barmaid out here who never really made much conversation with any of us much but for some reason always made an effort to make conversation with myself always got a smile and wave whenever i was coming or going too despite the fact the only reason we got talking was that ive such a thick bogger acccent even the irish here find it hard to understand me. However she asked an old mate of mine one night was he marrried? Now hes about 30 years older than me and the barmaid but we dont look too far apart in terms of age maybey 10 years (outdoor worker vs indoor worker) he said was too old for her etc and put it to me that night to ask her out in the next fortnight however i kept making excuses and never did after the two weeks had passed and she turned fairly cold as in wouldnt even say hello at the bar now i dobt know whether she was told i was to ask her out or not but anyway the moral of the story is go for it mate worst she can say is no, and no you don't have to avoid that particular market either thereafter

Lux23 · 12-12-2018 12:03pm

I used to be quite friendly with a lad who worked in the local Spar, but I have a partner, and I was only ever interested in being nice to the guy. One day I went in to pick up a package, and he said 'oh now I know your address.' I found this creepy, so I don't even make eye contact with him now. Perhaps you said something she didn't like, and she has decided to be rude, so you get the message that she has no interest in you.

Tell me how · 12-12-2018 12:51pm

You know when women say that men are only thinking about one thing and if they even as much smile at them the man thinks they are definitely in to them? And men respond and say that it is not like that and to get over yourself.

Reading some of the responses in this thread makes me think those women might be correct more often than I previously thought.

All debate on an online forum about this is pointless (is it not??

) If you are interested OP, ask her to go for a coffee next Sunday. If she accepts, do that and then ask for her number. That's it.

ginandtonicsky · 12-12-2018 9:00pm

Yeah what Electro-bitch said. A high number of men will willingly believe that a woman is into them if she so much as smiles or makes friendly banter with them, particularly if they find her in any way attractive. It's astonishing and kind of impressive - fair play with the self-esteem like :pac:

I used to meet a guy in the corridor at work fairly regularly, quite often I'd end up ahead of him and would hold the door and smile/nod at him, as I would with anyone. Met him at a work drinks thing on another occasion and his mate said "oh you're the one who flirts with Johnny in the corridor every morning!"

Be cautious of seeing perfectly mundane and expected social niceties as something more than they actually are just because you happy to fancy someone.

ittakestwo · 13-12-2018 2:45am

H3llR4iser wrote: »

99% she's just playing "flirty barista" to sell more stuff and get more commissions/tips. It's amazing how many guys believe they're "the special one" in this situation.

Small chances are that she figured out you're reading more than you should in her behaviour, and she's toning it down with you specifically...

I would read it that way too. First one or two times you went to her stall she was friendly as she would be with all customers..... she is trying to sell.

But you go to her stall every week that sells specialist items and she has coped you have taken more of an intrest in her than what she is selling so she had to give you a signal she is not interested.

RobMc59 · 13-12-2018 2:53am

You should ask her out-if you don't you'll keep going over it in your head for years....

ongarboy · 13-12-2018 11:43am

It's funny how so many men are wired. If a woman they fancy is friendly with them, then it must be that they are being flirty (because that is what the man wants/wishes). If a woman they don't fancy is friendly with them, then that's all they are...friendly.

Are you a fellow stall holder? How else do you know how she consistently is with other customers? If not, are you just loitering around (slightly creepy) and not buying anything (a nuisance) which might grate even the most friendly stall seller after a while.

johnnyskeleton · 13-12-2018 4:33pm

This video might be useful to you:

professore · 14-12-2018 6:05pm

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Yeah what Electro-bitch said. A high number of men will willingly believe that a woman is into them if she so much as smiles or makes friendly banter with them, particularly if they find her in any way attractive. It's astonishing and kind of impressive - fair play with the self-esteem like :pac.

Conversely lots of women have hundreds of guys hitting on them and still have low self esteem about their looks ....

The guys do the chasing, if we were like women and said no woman ever fancied us the human race would die out in one generation.

I used to meet a guy in the corridor at work fairly regularly, quite often I'd end up ahead of him and would hold the door and smile/nod at him, as I would with anyone. Met him at a work drinks thing on another occasion and his mate said "oh you're the one who flirts with Johnny in the corridor every morning!"

That's possibly because most women blanked him or were actively nasty to him and he mistook friendliness for flirting as he never experienced it. A lot of guys go through life like this, especially the shyer or lacking in the looks department ones. ANY female attention is such a novelty. The other reaction is that they think the woman is trying to trick them in some way.

poeticjustice · 14-12-2018 6:33pm

Op, how long had you been flirting with her before she got cold with you? Maybe she got tired of waiting for you to make a move!

This is an optimistic outlook

Church on Tuesday · 15-12-2018 4:12pm

fryup wrote: »

we do have mutual acquaintances (2 females) but can't think of any reason why they would badmouth me...unless they're two-faced

cause if i ask her out and she's says no...i'll never be able to show my face at that market again, i'd find it mortifying

i want to be certain she likes me

A lot of women tend to be two faced...

Leave her for a couple of weeks and see then, I guarantee she will wonder where you disappeared to.

ArchXStanton · 15-12-2018 9:45pm

professore wrote: »

Conversely lots of women have hundreds of guys hitting on them and still have low self esteem about their looks ....

The guys do the chasing, if we were like women and said no woman ever fancied us the human race would die out in one generation.

That's possibly because most women blanked him or were actively nasty to him and he mistook friendliness for flirting as he never experienced it. A lot of guys go through life like this, especially the shyer or lacking in the looks department ones. ANY female attention is such a novelty. The other reaction is that they think the woman is trying to trick them in some way.

Indeed the societal expectation is for men to make the first move/ask them out, but this opens you up to a lot of messers, being strung along for attention etc. What a lot of women won't admit is that their egos wouldn't take the hit of a rejection and still expect in this day and age of equality for men to make the first move.

To the op, having had recent experience of the whole hot/cold strung along/asking them out thing, I'd say proceed with caution and keep your eyes wide open, if your moves aren't being reciprocated move on quickly.

Airyfairy12 · 03-01-2019 3:28am

Sounds like she wasnt flirting, she was just being friendly and you read too much into it. She obviously picked up on this so pulled back enough to let you know she's not interested. Theres no mixed signals here, you misread her niceness and jumped to conclusions. Respect the fact she was never into you and stop flirting.

worded · 03-01-2019 3:44am

H3llR4iser wrote: »

99% she's just playing "flirty barista" to sell more stuff and get more commissions/tips. It's amazing how many guys believe they're "the special one" in this situation.

Small chances are that she figured out you're reading more than you should in her behaviour, and she's toning it down with you specifically...

My girlfriend works as a barista and it can be a busy demanding job ...

Well she doesn’t know she my girlfriend yet

Jeju · 04-01-2019 4:37am

With a good looking female friend goto the market and as you pass her stall have a fulfilled and content smug face. Wait a week and goto the market and go to her stall. In conversation mention that you have just broken up with the love of your life, she cheated on you is best, and you will never be the same again etc etc. She will see you as an old romantic type who needs comforting and it's a win win situation from here

Mixed signals from a woman

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