Forgiving/Unforgiving

Kylta · 20-09-2020 1:20pm #1

If your husband/wife/partner was unfaithful to you
Would you forgive them?
Maybe their are kids, mortagages etc involved?
Would you be unforgiving with them?
Would you pack up their gear and kick them out.

corner of hells · 20-09-2020 2:19pm

Kylta wrote: »

If your husband/wife/partner was unfaithful to you
Would you forgive them?
Maybe their are kids, mortagages etc involved?
Would you be unforgiving with them?
Would you pack up their gear and kick them out.

I'd start a thread on Boards looking for advice.

Notmything · 20-09-2020 2:21pm

Someone's taken up the baton from mr fegs.

Capt'n Midnight · 20-09-2020 2:33pm

My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding.

She got mad and said she’s never playing Scrabble with me again.

Kylta · 20-09-2020 2:48pm

corner of hells wrote: »

I'd start a thread on Boards looking for advice.

Not looking for advice, its a question, and i'm amused that when you ask certain questions on boards, how posters are reluctant to answer them for some reason, but I also am aware you dont have to reply to posts either. But thats just my opinion.

Kylta · 20-09-2020 2:51pm

Notmything wrote: »

Someone's taken up the baton from mr fegs.

I will accept that i've taken over from the above named person. the day I post a thread asking 'do you sniff your grannys knickers on a sunday' since thats not going to happen your statement just became redundant.

Kylta · 20-09-2020 2:52pm

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding.

She got mad and said she’s never playing Scrabble with me again.

Made me laugh that did. But I bet its an old one

IAMAMORON · 20-09-2020 2:54pm

If your partner is riding someone else it is nothing to do with forgiving or forgetting. It is over. Move on.

Ronin247 · 20-09-2020 2:55pm

Kylta wrote: »

Made me laugh that did. But I bet its an old one

We still talking about sniffing your Grannies knickers??

Kylta · 20-09-2020 2:58pm

Ronin247 wrote: »

We still talking about sniffing your Grannies knickers??

Its impossible I have to dig both of them up, and their in the clay along time. If your interest in doing that you have my blessing (won't say the family be happy). I can give you the plot numbers and the graveyard if you so desire. Actually are you MrFegs?

ILoveYourVibes · 20-09-2020 9:12pm

Kylta wrote: »

If your husband/wife/partner was unfaithful to you
Would you forgive them?
Maybe their are kids, mortagages etc involved?
Would you be unforgiving with them?
Would you pack up their gear and kick them out.

leave..and TAKE EVERYTHING!

:pac:

Leg End Reject · 20-09-2020 9:18pm

IAMAMORON wrote: »

If your partner is riding someone else it is nothing to do with forgiving or forgetting. It is over. Move on.

This is my view on it too.

Seeing as he's been mentioned, where is feg these days?

Galwayguy35 · 20-09-2020 9:25pm

IAMAMORON wrote: »

If your partner is riding someone else it is nothing to do with forgiving or forgetting. It is over. Move on.

Maybe ask to join in and bring a friend.

Feisar · 20-09-2020 9:53pm

I was cheated on one time, it broke my heart. It also broke me heart to send her packing. It nearly broke me mentally, only a friend who was my boss at work kept me together. I feel bad about the women I used after that. Looking back I was emotionally unavailable at times. I'd blame myself to be honest. Married to a lady now, if she cheated I'd have to ask why, we have a wee lad and he is the priority. I have unreal respect for single mums however there is stuff he needs to learn that only I can teach. Breaking the family would be a last resort.

20-09-2020 10:17pm

Kylta wrote: »

If your husband/wife/partner was unfaithful to you
Would you forgive them?
Maybe their are kids, mortagages etc involved?
Would you be unforgiving with them?
Would you pack up their gear and kick them out.

Depends on the circumstances. If I'd left him without explanation after a bump on the head and a case of amnesia, and he moved on in my absence and I came back to rekindle what we once had (I've been watching a lot of Hallmark movies lately), then yes.

If he did it because the opportunity presented itself and he didn't care about the consequences to myself and our child, then no.

In-betweeny circumstances will be decided on a case-by-case basis. But probably a loud NO to any excuse. Kids are better off with parents who live separately and civil instead of parents cohabiting while loathing one another, I'm guessing.

Cheaters can pack up their own gear and find the door themselves. I wouldn't be making things easier.

Gruffalux · 21-09-2020 6:32am

Look the deal is if he is going to shag someone else then tell his trusting friend and lover first as to do otherwise is to demean them. Give them an opportunity to unshackle from him with dignity before the sweaty session. If that is too big for him to do then I would forgive on one condition. That I get to shag other people at least as many times as he shagged her or my best guess thereof, and then we can (maybe!) resettle after I have that out of my system. If he does not agree to that condition then no forgiveness. Hehe.

Earthhorse · 21-09-2020 11:18am

It would definitely depend on the circumstances but for the most part I would say I wouldn't be able to forgive it. I can barely forgive spelling mistakes never mind infidelity.

I think this is one of those things you couldn't really know until you were in the situation.

Feisar · 21-09-2020 11:22am

Gruffalox wrote: »

Look the deal is if he is going to shag someone else then tell his trusting friend and lover first as to do otherwise is to demean them. Give them an opportunity to unshackle from him with dignity before the sweaty session. If that is too big for him to do then I would forgive on one condition. That I get to shag other people at least as many times as he shagged her or my best guess thereof, and then we can (maybe!) resettle after I have that out of my system. If he does not agree to that condition then no forgiveness. Hehe.

I know it's childish but I'd be the same. I'd have to do a lock of harm.

Foggy Jew · 21-09-2020 11:27am

If the cheating party apologises, begs your forgiveness, says it was a one-night-stand, promises never to play away again..... Don't believe them. Trust is like a clean white sheet of AFour paper. When that paper has been scrunched up, trampled into the mud, wiped somebody's backside, it will never be the same again. Neither will the trust. Believe me.

Gruffalux · 21-09-2020 1:05pm

Feisar wrote: »

I know it's childish but I'd be the same. I'd have to do a lock of harm.

It is not childish! How very dare you!

completedit · 21-09-2020 2:29pm

We have to remember we're all human; someone can love you a lot but at the same time, fall victim to their own impulses, their need for excitement and novelty. I would forgive them and find peace with their decision but it would be the end of the relationship.

But the sad reality is that over time, relationships do change. No matter how hot you are, eventually, the thrill and sheer sexual attraction will fade.

Graces7 · 25-09-2020 12:22pm

Foggy Jew wrote: »

If the cheating party apologises, begs your forgiveness, says it was a one-night-stand, promises never to play away again..... Don't believe them. Trust is like a clean white sheet of AFour paper. When that paper has been scrunched up, trampled into the mud, wiped somebody's backside, it will never be the same again. Neither will the trust. Believe me.

Forgiveness and trust are very different. If I was walking on a bridge with someone and they pushed me off, I may well forgive them when I was recovering in hospital but I do not think I would ever walk on a bridge with them again... Yet that would mean I had not really forgiven them?

Also in a deeper way you forgive to heal yourself not the other person. Holding on to hurts creates bitterness that does not affect the abuser.

Pherekydes · 25-09-2020 12:37pm

When I found out my first wife cheated on me I knew my marriage was over. Forgiveness never came into play.

Plus, she never asked, so why would I?

26-09-2020 8:56am

I do not like to have hard rules on how I would react to events that have not happened yet. Context would be everything.

However in my relationship communication and honesty are infinitely more important to me than fidelity.

So if after an infidelity she came directly to me and told me it happened - how why and where - we would be in a strong place to work through it.

If it happened and I found out myself somehow weeks or months later - I could see very little coming back from that.

Gruffalux · 26-09-2020 9:04am

Deleted User wrote: »

I do not like to have hard rules on how I would react to events that have not happened yet. Context would be everything.

However in my relationship communication and honesty are infinitely more important to me than fidelity.

So if after an infidelity she came directly to me and told me it happened - how why and where - we would be in a strong place to work through it.

If it happened and I found out myself somehow weeks or months later - I could see very little coming back from that.

Surely you would allow her the time to put back on her knickers and comb her hair? :pac:

Kylta · 26-09-2020 9:53am

Gruffalux wrote: »

Look the deal is if he is going to shag someone else then tell his trusting friend and lover first as to do otherwise is to demean them. Give them an opportunity to unshackle from him with dignity before the sweaty session. If that is too big for him to do then I would forgive on one condition. That I get to shag other people at least as many times as he shagged her or my best guess thereof, and then we can (maybe!) resettle after I have that out of my system. If he does not agree to that condition then no forgiveness. Hehe.

But its not really about sex, its about the fact that its betrayal. If you fu¢k everything that moves thinking your going to get back at your partner, (it might not even bother them) it might give you pleasure but it doesn't and won't hide the fact that an act of betrayal has taken place. And no matter how much spite or reconciliation that goes on, the trust is broken and doubt will always follow their actions ie. Going to a do/golfing/ out with colleagues etc

Gruffalux · 26-09-2020 10:21am

Kylta wrote: »

But its not really about sex, its about the fact that its betrayal. If you fu¢k everything that moves thinking your going to get back at your partner, (it might not even bother them) it might give you pleasure but it doesn't and won't hide the fact that an act of betrayal has taken place. And no matter how much spite or reconciliation that goes on, the trust is broken and doubt will always follow their actions ie. Going to a do/golfing/ out with colleagues etc

Probably. But ach, it would be worth the trying

Wibbs · 26-09-2020 12:14pm

Kylta wrote: »

If your husband/wife/partner was unfaithful to you
Would you forgive them?
Maybe their are kids, mortagages etc involved?
Would you be unforgiving with them?
Would you pack up their gear and kick them out.

When I was much younger and when I was in love TBH I'd probably try to work it out, but since my 30's no way, I'd look to my own behaviour to see if I was a factor in it, but regardless I'd scrape them off with extreme prejudice. Plenty more fish in the sea who aren't untrustworthy whores.

Strumms · 26-09-2020 12:38pm

Trust is everything. I’ve never cheated or been cheated on to my knowledge but I couldn’t imagine having the will or want to remain in a relationship where my OH has cheated.

Trust is the very foundation on which relationships are built and if trust is gone, i imagine it’s quite difficult to keep liking the person as well as trusting them... not simply a standalone trust issue, will you still like the person, see them in the same light, I can’t imagine I would or could . I wouldn’t stay in a relationship if I’d been cheated on... I wouldn’t necessarily be throwing the good china around the sitting room, it would just be goodbye and good luck.

SnowyMay · 26-09-2020 12:44pm

Wibbs wrote: »

When I was much younger and when I was in love TBH I'd probably try to work it out, but since my 30's no way, I'd look to my own behaviour to see if I was a factor in it, but regardless I'd scrape them off with extreme prejudice. Plenty more fish in the sea who aren't untrustworthy whores.

Jesus Wibbs. Do you have some anger issues?

Anyway, I'm in a lucky position that I've never been cheated on (to my knowledge), and I've never cheated. Don't get me wrong, I've found other people attractive, and been in situations where things could happen, but trust and love are very important, and that's it for me.

But relationships differ, as do people.

I would find it very hard to stay with somebody who cheated on me. Would question a lot of things afterwards.

26-09-2020 12:44pm

Wibbs wrote: »

When I was much younger and when I was in love TBH I'd probably try to work it out, but since my 30's no way, I'd look to my own behaviour to see if I was a factor in it, but regardless I'd scrape them off with extreme prejudice. Plenty more fish in the sea who aren't untrustworthy whores.

How do you know there are plenty of trustworthy people out there Wibbs? It's impossible to know, given the chance I think a huge amount would cheat if they thought they'd get away with it or actually had an opportunity to do so, of course none will admit to that, I know I'm cynical after what I discovered after over 20yrs with someone but I think I'm being realistic tbh.

To answer the OP,I'd never forgive or forget and I'll definitely never trust 100% again.

26-09-2020 12:52pm

I have no kids and I am currently without woman.

If I got a partner this evening and she cheated, that would be that, the relationship would be cooked. Regardless of how remorseful she was is of no importance, no hope for the relationship.

Kids are obviously a different scenario and I suppose if I felt there was genuine remorse I'd consider giving it another go. Staying together purely for the sake of children is of no use so I definitely wouldn't chug along just because of said child/children.

Purple Mountain · 26-09-2020 12:54pm

IAMAMORON wrote: »

If your partner is riding someone else it is nothing to do with forgiving or forgetting. It is over. Move on.

...and get yourself tested

B.A._Baracus · 26-09-2020 2:42pm

SnowyMay wrote: »

Jesus Wibbs. Do you have some anger issues?

How does he have anger issues? Because he used the word whores?

Look, there's plenty of whores in this world. Doesn't make you angry and it doesn't make you some male sexist pig by using the word.

Kylta · 26-09-2020 5:29pm

Deleted User wrote: »

To answer the OP,I'd never forgive or forget and I'll definitely never trust 100% again.

If you can trust somebody how do you proceed to have a relationship. All relationships are built on trust.
And if people are going to cheat why stay in a relationship, why doesn't the person whose going to cheat (betray/break a trust) just dissolve the relationship before they actually cheat.

bobbyy gee · 26-09-2020 5:31pm

I would become a widower quite quickly

Gretas Gonna Get Ya! · 26-09-2020 5:45pm

I know several guys (I wouldn't call them friends - more acquaintances) who have definitely cheated on their wives while away on business trips.

I know their wives would be absolutely devastated if they ever found this out. But it's none of my business, so I keep well out of it.

Some of them are really smug f*ckers too. Not a hint of shame or remorse, and see themselves as good decent family men.

No wonder I have no respect for the whole institution of marriage... the whole damn thing looks like a sham from where I'm standing!

SnowyMay · 26-09-2020 7:57pm

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

How does he have anger issues? Because he used the word whores?

Look, there's plenty of whores in this world. Doesn't make you angry and it doesn't make you some male sexist pig by using the word.

Yes, because he used the word “whores”. I’m no snowflake, but if somebody called me a a whore, I’d be gone faster than if they cheated. It’s a word meant to degenerate, and, as I think we have seen from this thread, lots of people cheat. Maybe some of them have reasons. That word is unnecessary and purposefully nasty.

Maybe you have a different interpretation of the word?

B.A._Baracus · 26-09-2020 9:06pm

SnowyMay wrote: »

Yes, because he used the word “whores”. I’m no snowflake, but if somebody called me a a whore, I’d be gone faster than if they cheated. It’s a word meant to degenerate, and, as I think we have seen from this thread, lots of people cheat. Maybe some of them have reasons. That word is unnecessary and purposefully nasty.

Maybe you have a different interpretation of the word?

Who cares if it's a nasty word.
We are talking about cheaters here. Cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do to someone in this world. Physical scars can heal but emotional ones can last a very long time.

Are you seriously taking offense to someone who does that as being called a whore? Do you not realise how mental that sounds? :pac:

What next? We shouldn't call junkies junkies even if they do something on you like robbing you? Cause it's a nasty word?

jaxxx · 26-09-2020 9:10pm

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Who cares if it's a nasty word.
We are talking about cheaters here. Cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do to someone in this world. Physical scars can heal but emotional ones can last a very long time.

Are you seriously taking offense to someone who does that as being called a whore? Do you not realise how mental that sounds? :pac:

What next? We shouldn't call junkies junkies even if they do something on you like robbing you? Cause it's a nasty word?

Shut up you whore!

:pac:

SnowyMay · 26-09-2020 9:35pm

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Who cares if it's a nasty word.
We are talking about cheaters here. Cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do to someone in this world. Physical scars can heal but emotional ones can last a very long time.

Are you seriously taking offense to someone who does that as being called a whore? Do you not realise how mental that sounds? :pac:

What next? We shouldn't call junkies junkies even if they do something on you like robbing you? Cause it's a nasty word?

Well, clearly, I care.

We do not know the circumstances under which people cheat.

I do not condone cheating. I don’t think it’s a good idea. But there can be genuine reasons for it. It’s better to break a relationship off before meeting the next person, but maybe there is abuse, coldness, hurt, fear, children in the equation meaning that it could be harder to leave. And so on and so forth.

But it happens. And if somebody is being cheated on repeatedly, they are either unlucky, or something else is in play.

Your junkie analogy doesn’t really work, as I guess you are talking about people addicted to drugs being called junkies, whereas whores are people who have sex for money, or who are unscrupulous in their moral standards.

Generalizing any woman who cheats, and calling them whores is a nasty thing to do.

We may have to agree to disagree on this one, as I stand by what I say.

For what it’s worth - cheating = not good. Calling women who cheat whores = not good. They aren’t mutually exclusive.

Kylta · 26-09-2020 10:15pm

Name calling is all about social concept.
Why does the word whore upset a woman when she is called it? Yet when a man is called a whoremaster he is adored and idolised.

SnowyMay · 26-09-2020 10:30pm

Kylta wrote: »

Name calling is all about social concept.
Why does the word whore upset a woman when she is called it? Yet when a man is called a whoremaster he is adored and idolised.

I wouldn't go as far as to say that a whoremaster would be adored and idolised! But it's a fair point in terms of why one word is worse than another.

We express ourselves in words and motions. They are powerful. They influence, and shape opinions. Their standing and meaning become embedded in society, and I, for one, would much rather be called sound, than nasty.

Words have meanings which go far beyond the letters they are made up of.

Think we are going off topic a bit now though..

B.A._Baracus · 26-09-2020 11:32pm

SnowyMay wrote: »

Well, clearly, I care.

We do not know the circumstances under which people cheat.

I do not condone cheating. I don’t think it’s a good idea. But there can be genuine reasons for it. It’s better to break a relationship off before meeting the next person, but maybe there is abuse, coldness, hurt, fear, children in the equation meaning that it could be harder to leave. And so on and so forth.

But it happens. And if somebody is being cheated on repeatedly, they are either unlucky, or something else is in play.

Your junkie analogy doesn’t really work, as I guess you are talking about people addicted to drugs being called junkies, whereas whores are people who have sex for money, or who are unscrupulous in their moral standards.

Generalizing any woman who cheats, and calling them whores is a nasty thing to do.

We may have to agree to disagree on this one, as I stand by what I say.

For what it’s worth - cheating = not good. Calling women who cheat whores = not good. They aren’t mutually exclusive.

Then we shall agree to disagree as I too stand by what I say.

Sandor Clegane · 26-09-2020 11:51pm

People draw their own lines and have their own standards, some are content to be walked all over and be made a fool of. Its an individual choice.

In saying that binding commitments like marriage and kids can complicate things tremendously, making it more difficult to just walk, which is a nightmare not worth thinking about in my opinion.

I honestly never understood tying yourself to someone else, be it with marriage or with kids, these long term commitments just don't suit modern humans imo, people change and things sour so these things inevitably fall apart, sure you get exceptions but realistically in todays world things just don't last.

Potential-Monke · 27-09-2020 12:07am

As far as I'm aware, I've only been cheated on once. And it was just a kiss. But looking back, after 6 years together and this happens, and I tried to accept the apology (happened in a nightclub, we were both in very early 20's going out since 3rd year in secondary school, or something like that, she came straight home to tell me), we tried to move on, but I had lost all trust. Any time she wasn't beside me, or specifically if she went out without me, even to house parties or early day drinks/dinner, it played over and over in my mind. I lost all trust that night, but it took longer to realise this. I ended it within the next few months, we got back together for another few months after that but still couldn't trust her. We went our separate ways (and I went straight into another 7 year relationship).

I couldn't cheat, because I know how it feels and how it can affect you. In the subsequent relationship, I somehow found myself in a "it didn't happen/he's making it up" situation, where I had a position of power (Garda) and 2 women (young, like myself at the time) were victims of their crappy boyfriends breaking stuff because they were upset. A few months later I was out and met said 2 girls, who were with another girl. Spent the night talking, drinking, dancing, and ended up back at their place, completely oblivious to the (what I believe to be) intent behind it. Suddenly, while sitting on the couch I copped there was one sitting on one knee, another on the other knee, and one kneeling between my legs. I didn't cop it, because this stuff doesn't happen to me. I apologised and said I couldn't do anything, and they did seem disappointed, but understood and that was the end of the night (ok, there were some tears, because what man wouldn't cry when turning down a potential 4-some with 3 women!). I turned that down because I was in a relationship.

Hindsight is great, looking back I would have totally went for it knowing what I know now (relationship ended amicably a couple of years later as she wanted kids, I didn't, best to let her off to find the person who could/wanted to give her kids). But at the time I made the rig.. *cough* righ... *clears throat* right decision. I have never been in that situation again, and have trouble finding just 1 who wants to do something with me now, but still the right choice.

So, yeah, imo once the trust is broken it's not possible to fix it. No amount of forgivness can fix that, and while I think it's great that there are some out there who did forgive and all is rosy since, I'm not one of those people. Of course, it all depends on the person. Emma Watson, for example, can do whatever she likes as long as she comes home to me. But that'll never happen so...

ShatterAlan · 27-09-2020 1:03am

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Who cares if it's a nasty word.
We are talking about cheaters here. Cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do to someone in this world. Physical scars can heal but emotional ones can last a very long time.

Are you seriously taking offense to someone who does that as being called a whore? Do you not realise how mental that sounds? :pac:

What next? We shouldn't call junkies junkies even if they do something on you like robbing you? Cause it's a nasty word?

That's a bit of a stretch. Robbing, raping, beating, torturing, abusing, murdering, scamming, kidnapping, bullying would definitely be worse in my opinion.

And you sound like a bitter person. Yes whore and junkie are nasty demeaning words. Calling someone a bastard or a scumbag (nasty words too) is a bit different beause you are labelling someone who is a nasty fcuker with a term that fits their behaviour. But calling someone a whore because they cheated or a junkie because they have a drug problem just shows that you are vindictive. I don't need to cast judgement on someone because of their own weaknesses. I'm bigger than that.

Pherekydes · 27-09-2020 1:28am

My first wife cheated on me, but I would never call her a whore. Seems unconscionable to me.

ShatterAlan · 27-09-2020 1:34am

I was cheated on by a girl after about a year into the relationship. It crushed me but I stayed with her for a few more years. I just didn't want to admit defeat. It was a mistake. I should have ended the relationship and gone and had fun but I didn't. Instead I cheated on her several times. She found out about one fling I had and now she had the moral advantage. Our relationship sputtered along for a couple more months and then died. I moved country but still thought I'd somehow win her back. I even flew back and surprised her when she was leaving work and said I just wanted to meet for a drink. By this time she was with someone else but she agreed to the drink and we had a bit of a laugh. I guess I was just desperately clinging on to something that was dead. I suppose I'm weak in that sense. As if "how dare someone not want to be with me".

JustAThought · 27-09-2020 1:51am

I used hang out with a group and one of the girls in the grouo would literally go off with anyone within about 5 minutes (or less) of meeting them - no drink required - in a toilet, out back down a laneway, in her car - literlally aNy trousers that moved were fair game in her opinion. It was shocking to watch - she was then in her mid 30’s. I have never included her and her now husband in anything I now organise as I would be afraid of what she would do and wouldn’t like to ever have to answer any questions from him about her past/college days. I wonder if she magically changed when she started dating him or if ‘their’ children are even ‘his’. I’d never seen an adult slut in action before and I fear leopards really don’t change their spots, and just learn to hide better in the shadows.

Regarding cheating IF something happened once I wouldn’t want to know or be told. It would ruin the relationship and the trust and seed doubts that could never be reassured nor promised away. I would rather they live with their guilt and dirty secret and remorse that try and clean their conscience and make themselves the victim by asking for my ‘forgiveness’.

I can’t imagine how you could come back from it as a ‘trusting’ couple - nothing would ever be the same again. Personally I would be better not knowing - assuming it was ‘just’ a once. Especially if there were kids involved.

Friends husband cheated - otherwise lovely guy - her neighbour/friend told her - she threw him out and it has torn the faMily and kids apart. She has no income, no self esteem, is devestated and medicated and won’t have him back. He has begged her for years. She and her kids are now living on a pittance compared to their previous lifestyle as he went and bought a house so he would have a home for himself and for the kids to permanently stay & live over in. She dates in the internet and has one night stands and is miserable and loveless. He still works and is single - nobody won. She would have better off never knowing - and so would the kids.

ShatterAlan · 27-09-2020 2:23am

JustAThought wrote: »

I used hang out with a group and one of the girls in the grouo would literally go off with anyone within about 5 minutes (or less) of meeting them - no drink required - in a toilet, out back down a laneway, in her car - literlally aNy trousers that moved were fair game in her opinion. It was shocking to watch - she was then in her mid 30’s. I have never included her and her now husband in anything I now organise as I would be afraid of what she would do and wouldn’t like to ever have to answer any questions from him about her past/college days. I wonder if she magically changed when she started dating him or if ‘their’ children are even ‘his’. I’d never seen an adult slut in action before and I fear leopards really don’t change their spots, and just learn to hide better in the shadows.

Regarding cheating IF something happened once I wouldn’t want to know or be told. It would ruin the relationship and the trust and seed doubts that could never be reassured nor promised away. I would rather they live with their guilt and dirty secret and remorse that try and clean their conscience and make themselves the victim by asking for my ‘forgiveness’.

I can’t imagine how you could come back from it as a ‘trusting’ couple - nothing would ever be the same again. Personally I would be better not knowing - assuming it was ‘just’ a once. Especially if there were kids involved.

Friends husband cheated - otherwise lovely guy - her neighbour/friend told her - she threw him out and it has torn the faMily and kids apart. She has no income, no self esteem, is devestated and medicated and won’t have him back. He has begged her for years. She and her kids are now living on a pittance compared to their previous lifestyle as he went and bought a house so he would have a home for himself and for the kids to permanently stay & live over in. She dates in the internet and has one night stands and is miserable and loveless. He still works and is single - nobody won. She would have better off never knowing - and so would the kids.

That neighbour didn't do anybody any favours. She just told because she didn't want the burden of knowing and keeping it a secret. Sometimes you have to be stronger. I like to think that if the wife/girlfriend of a friend of mine cheated on him I wouldn't go running to him and spill the beans especially if there were children involved.

Forgiving/Unforgiving

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