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Forgiving/Unforgiving

Kylta

If your husband/wife/partner was unfaithful to you
Would you forgive them?
Maybe their are kids, mortagages etc involved?
Would you be unforgiving with them?
Would you pack up their gear and kick them out.

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jaxxx

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Who cares if it's a nasty word.
We are talking about cheaters here. Cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do to someone in this world. Physical scars can heal but emotional ones can last a very long time.

Are you seriously taking offense to someone who does that as being called a whore? Do you not realise how mental that sounds? :pac:

What next? We shouldn't call junkies junkies even if they do something on you like robbing you? Cause it's a nasty word?

Shut up you whore!

:pac:

B.A._Baracus

SnowyMay wrote: »

Yes, because he used the word “whores”. I’m no snowflake, but if somebody called me a a whore, I’d be gone faster than if they cheated. It’s a word meant to degenerate, and, as I think we have seen from this thread, lots of people cheat. Maybe some of them have reasons. That word is unnecessary and purposefully nasty.

Maybe you have a different interpretation of the word?

Who cares if it's a nasty word.
We are talking about cheaters here. Cheating on someone is one of the worst things you can do to someone in this world. Physical scars can heal but emotional ones can last a very long time.

Are you seriously taking offense to someone who does that as being called a whore? Do you not realise how mental that sounds? :pac:

What next? We shouldn't call junkies junkies even if they do something on you like robbing you? Cause it's a nasty word?

SnowyMay

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

How does he have anger issues? Because he used the word whores?

Look, there's plenty of whores in this world. Doesn't make you angry and it doesn't make you some male sexist pig by using the word.

Yes, because he used the word “whores”. I’m no snowflake, but if somebody called me a a whore, I’d be gone faster than if they cheated. It’s a word meant to degenerate, and, as I think we have seen from this thread, lots of people cheat. Maybe some of them have reasons. That word is unnecessary and purposefully nasty.

Maybe you have a different interpretation of the word?

Gretas Gonna Get Ya!

I know several guys (I wouldn't call them friends - more acquaintances) who have definitely cheated on their wives while away on business trips.

I know their wives would be absolutely devastated if they ever found this out. But it's none of my business, so I keep well out of it.

Some of them are really smug f*ckers too. Not a hint of shame or remorse, and see themselves as good decent family men.

No wonder I have no respect for the whole institution of marriage... the whole damn thing looks like a sham from where I'm standing!

bobbyy gee

I would become a widower quite quickly

Kylta

Deleted User wrote: »

To answer the OP,I'd never forgive or forget and I'll definitely never trust 100% again.

If you can trust somebody how do you proceed to have a relationship. All relationships are built on trust.
And if people are going to cheat why stay in a relationship, why doesn't the person whose going to cheat (betray/break a trust) just dissolve the relationship before they actually cheat.

B.A._Baracus

SnowyMay wrote: »

Jesus Wibbs. Do you have some anger issues?

How does he have anger issues? Because he used the word whores?

Look, there's plenty of whores in this world. Doesn't make you angry and it doesn't make you some male sexist pig by using the word.

Purple Mountain

IAMAMORON wrote: »

If your partner is riding someone else it is nothing to do with forgiving or forgetting. It is over. Move on.

...and get yourself tested

[Deleted User]

I have no kids and I am currently without woman.

If I got a partner this evening and she cheated, that would be that, the relationship would be cooked. Regardless of how remorseful she was is of no importance, no hope for the relationship.

Kids are obviously a different scenario and I suppose if I felt there was genuine remorse I'd consider giving it another go. Staying together purely for the sake of children is of no use so I definitely wouldn't chug along just because of said child/children.

[Deleted User]

Wibbs wrote: »

When I was much younger and when I was in love TBH I'd probably try to work it out, but since my 30's no way, I'd look to my own behaviour to see if I was a factor in it, but regardless I'd scrape them off with extreme prejudice. Plenty more fish in the sea who aren't untrustworthy whores.

How do you know there are plenty of trustworthy people out there Wibbs? It's impossible to know, given the chance I think a huge amount would cheat if they thought they'd get away with it or actually had an opportunity to do so, of course none will admit to that, I know I'm cynical after what I discovered after over 20yrs with someone but I think I'm being realistic tbh.

To answer the OP,I'd never forgive or forget and I'll definitely never trust 100% again.

SnowyMay

Wibbs wrote: »

When I was much younger and when I was in love TBH I'd probably try to work it out, but since my 30's no way, I'd look to my own behaviour to see if I was a factor in it, but regardless I'd scrape them off with extreme prejudice. Plenty more fish in the sea who aren't untrustworthy whores.

Jesus Wibbs. Do you have some anger issues?

Anyway, I'm in a lucky position that I've never been cheated on (to my knowledge), and I've never cheated. Don't get me wrong, I've found other people attractive, and been in situations where things could happen, but trust and love are very important, and that's it for me.

But relationships differ, as do people.

I would find it very hard to stay with somebody who cheated on me. Would question a lot of things afterwards.

Strumms

Trust is everything. I’ve never cheated or been cheated on to my knowledge but I couldn’t imagine having the will or want to remain in a relationship where my OH has cheated.

Trust is the very foundation on which relationships are built and if trust is gone, i imagine it’s quite difficult to keep liking the person as well as trusting them... not simply a standalone trust issue, will you still like the person, see them in the same light, I can’t imagine I would or could . I wouldn’t stay in a relationship if I’d been cheated on... I wouldn’t necessarily be throwing the good china around the sitting room, it would just be goodbye and good luck.

Wibbs

Kylta wrote: »

If your husband/wife/partner was unfaithful to you
Would you forgive them?
Maybe their are kids, mortagages etc involved?
Would you be unforgiving with them?
Would you pack up their gear and kick them out.

When I was much younger and when I was in love TBH I'd probably try to work it out, but since my 30's no way, I'd look to my own behaviour to see if I was a factor in it, but regardless I'd scrape them off with extreme prejudice. Plenty more fish in the sea who aren't untrustworthy whores.

Gruffalux

Kylta wrote: »

But its not really about sex, its about the fact that its betrayal. If you fu¢k everything that moves thinking your going to get back at your partner, (it might not even bother them) it might give you pleasure but it doesn't and won't hide the fact that an act of betrayal has taken place. And no matter how much spite or reconciliation that goes on, the trust is broken and doubt will always follow their actions ie. Going to a do/golfing/ out with colleagues etc

Probably. But ach, it would be worth the trying

Kylta

Gruffalux wrote: »

Look the deal is if he is going to shag someone else then tell his trusting friend and lover first as to do otherwise is to demean them. Give them an opportunity to unshackle from him with dignity before the sweaty session. If that is too big for him to do then I would forgive on one condition. That I get to shag other people at least as many times as he shagged her or my best guess thereof, and then we can (maybe!) resettle after I have that out of my system. If he does not agree to that condition then no forgiveness. Hehe.

But its not really about sex, its about the fact that its betrayal. If you fu¢k everything that moves thinking your going to get back at your partner, (it might not even bother them) it might give you pleasure but it doesn't and won't hide the fact that an act of betrayal has taken place. And no matter how much spite or reconciliation that goes on, the trust is broken and doubt will always follow their actions ie. Going to a do/golfing/ out with colleagues etc

Gruffalux

Deleted User wrote: »

I do not like to have hard rules on how I would react to events that have not happened yet. Context would be everything.

However in my relationship communication and honesty are infinitely more important to me than fidelity.

So if after an infidelity she came directly to me and told me it happened - how why and where - we would be in a strong place to work through it.

If it happened and I found out myself somehow weeks or months later - I could see very little coming back from that.

Surely you would allow her the time to put back on her knickers and comb her hair? :pac:

[Deleted User]

I do not like to have hard rules on how I would react to events that have not happened yet. Context would be everything.

However in my relationship communication and honesty are infinitely more important to me than fidelity.

So if after an infidelity she came directly to me and told me it happened - how why and where - we would be in a strong place to work through it.

If it happened and I found out myself somehow weeks or months later - I could see very little coming back from that.

Pherekydes

When I found out my first wife cheated on me I knew my marriage was over. Forgiveness never came into play.

Plus, she never asked, so why would I?

Graces7

Foggy Jew wrote: »

If the cheating party apologises, begs your forgiveness, says it was a one-night-stand, promises never to play away again..... Don't believe them. Trust is like a clean white sheet of AFour paper. When that paper has been scrunched up, trampled into the mud, wiped somebody's backside, it will never be the same again. Neither will the trust. Believe me.

Forgiveness and trust are very different. If I was walking on a bridge with someone and they pushed me off, I may well forgive them when I was recovering in hospital but I do not think I would ever walk on a bridge with them again... Yet that would mean I had not really forgiven them?

Also in a deeper way you forgive to heal yourself not the other person. Holding on to hurts creates bitterness that does not affect the abuser.

completedit

We have to remember we're all human; someone can love you a lot but at the same time, fall victim to their own impulses, their need for excitement and novelty. I would forgive them and find peace with their decision but it would be the end of the relationship.

But the sad reality is that over time, relationships do change. No matter how hot you are, eventually, the thrill and sheer sexual attraction will fade.

Gruffalux

Feisar wrote: »

I know it's childish but I'd be the same. I'd have to do a lock of harm.

It is not childish! How very dare you!

Foggy Jew

If the cheating party apologises, begs your forgiveness, says it was a one-night-stand, promises never to play away again..... Don't believe them. Trust is like a clean white sheet of AFour paper. When that paper has been scrunched up, trampled into the mud, wiped somebody's backside, it will never be the same again. Neither will the trust. Believe me.

Feisar

Gruffalox wrote: »

Look the deal is if he is going to shag someone else then tell his trusting friend and lover first as to do otherwise is to demean them. Give them an opportunity to unshackle from him with dignity before the sweaty session. If that is too big for him to do then I would forgive on one condition. That I get to shag other people at least as many times as he shagged her or my best guess thereof, and then we can (maybe!) resettle after I have that out of my system. If he does not agree to that condition then no forgiveness. Hehe.

I know it's childish but I'd be the same. I'd have to do a lock of harm.

Earthhorse

It would definitely depend on the circumstances but for the most part I would say I wouldn't be able to forgive it. I can barely forgive spelling mistakes never mind infidelity.

I think this is one of those things you couldn't really know until you were in the situation.

Gruffalux

Look the deal is if he is going to shag someone else then tell his trusting friend and lover first as to do otherwise is to demean them. Give them an opportunity to unshackle from him with dignity before the sweaty session. If that is too big for him to do then I would forgive on one condition. That I get to shag other people at least as many times as he shagged her or my best guess thereof, and then we can (maybe!) resettle after I have that out of my system. If he does not agree to that condition then no forgiveness. Hehe.

[Deleted User]

Kylta wrote: »

If your husband/wife/partner was unfaithful to you
Would you forgive them?
Maybe their are kids, mortagages etc involved?
Would you be unforgiving with them?
Would you pack up their gear and kick them out.

Depends on the circumstances. If I'd left him without explanation after a bump on the head and a case of amnesia, and he moved on in my absence and I came back to rekindle what we once had (I've been watching a lot of Hallmark movies lately), then yes.

If he did it because the opportunity presented itself and he didn't care about the consequences to myself and our child, then no.

In-betweeny circumstances will be decided on a case-by-case basis. But probably a loud NO to any excuse. Kids are better off with parents who live separately and civil instead of parents cohabiting while loathing one another, I'm guessing.

Cheaters can pack up their own gear and find the door themselves. I wouldn't be making things easier.

Feisar

I was cheated on one time, it broke my heart. It also broke me heart to send her packing. It nearly broke me mentally, only a friend who was my boss at work kept me together. I feel bad about the women I used after that. Looking back I was emotionally unavailable at times. I'd blame myself to be honest. Married to a lady now, if she cheated I'd have to ask why, we have a wee lad and he is the priority. I have unreal respect for single mums however there is stuff he needs to learn that only I can teach. Breaking the family would be a last resort.

Galwayguy35

IAMAMORON wrote: »

If your partner is riding someone else it is nothing to do with forgiving or forgetting. It is over. Move on.

Maybe ask to join in and bring a friend.

Leg End Reject

IAMAMORON wrote: »

If your partner is riding someone else it is nothing to do with forgiving or forgetting. It is over. Move on.

This is my view on it too.

Seeing as he's been mentioned, where is feg these days?

ILoveYourVibes

Kylta wrote: »

If your husband/wife/partner was unfaithful to you
Would you forgive them?
Maybe their are kids, mortagages etc involved?
Would you be unforgiving with them?
Would you pack up their gear and kick them out.

leave..and TAKE EVERYTHING!

:pac: