Workplace Christmas parties: obligation to attend?

han2000 · 09-12-2019 5:41pm

political analyst wrote: »

Why would it mean so much to management for staff to go to these parties?

Because if you don't want to go then you are implying that it is not a nice place to work, when in actual fact it is the best job in the whole wide world :rolleyes:

Huntergonzo · 09-12-2019 5:42pm

Have to say I love the christmas work outings, I generally get on very well with my colleagues and enjoy their company so naturally I enjoy going out with them (which only happens maybe 2 or 3 times a year anyway).

But I don't think there's any pressure to go out at all, I've missed night's out and it's not big deal, go if you want and don't if you don't.

CrabRevolution · 09-12-2019 5:49pm

seamus wrote: »

This is probably more of an issue for people under 25, or jobs where 95% of getting ahead is about talking to the right people rather than actually doing a good job.

I have kids, I'm in my 30s. Nobody gives it a second thought if I say I can't make it. Likewise if one of my colleagues can't make it, I'm not going to grill them. We're all big boys and girls, able to make our own decisions.

This "pressure" is not something I've ever experienced. Sure, you'll sometimes get someone who does a Mrs. Doyle on it, but I've never worked somewhere that a person was looked down on for not going to social events. The only people who get looked down on are the ones who always say they'll go but never turn up.

Probably helps that I do enjoy the odd work piss-up though. I don't do any gossiping or sh1tetalking in work, I just go in, get the head down and go home. So I find a few beers every couple of months is a good opportunity to get to know colleagues without just talking about work. I can imagine if you did a lot of chatting in work about personal lives with colleagues, the christmas party would just feel like being in work, with beer.

I always find it really strange though when people say, "I hate these bastards every day of the year, I'm not going drinking with them". I've had jobs that I disliked and stuck them out longer than I had to because the people at least were tolerable. But if I hated everyone I worked with, I'd be out of there like a shot.

When I hear it I'm always reminded of that saying; “If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.”

That's pretty much sums up what I'm thinking reading this thread.
Almost every response, to a man, has been "Nah I'm too good for that. I hate my insufferable coworkers, why would I drink with them?". But if you hate everyone so badly you're probably in the wrong job.

I like going to work Christmas parties, it's a novel environment and can feel relieving to socialise with coworkers outside the formal environment. I even get invited to and sometimes attend the Christmas party of the last place I worked, because I enjoyed their company too.

LirW · 09-12-2019 5:49pm

blue note wrote: »

The amount of people here who are proud that they have real friends and therefore don't need work ones is quite sad to be honest. You spend 40 hours a week with these people and at least have the fact that you work in the same place in common. You can have your school friends too and your college friends, family friends, sports club friends and whatever friends you want too. But you're spending more time with these people than your wife and kids sometimes. If you can't call them work friends, you're the one who is to be pitied.

See, you can't choose your colleagues, you quite literally have no say. The fact that we work together doesn't mean I have to like them. I worked in places with great people that I'd consider work friends and then I worked in places that were full of worn out people that hated their jobs and the general vibe was to keep interaction as short as possible.
Not everyone is in the fortunate position of coping well with social events or working in a place with great colleagues.

1800_Ladladlad · 09-12-2019 6:00pm

blue note wrote: »

The amount of people here who are proud that they have real friends and therefore don't need work ones is quite sad to be honest. You spend 40 hours a week with these people and at least have the fact that you work in the same place in common. You can have your school friends too and your college friends, family friends, sports club friends and whatever friends you want too. But you're spending more time with these people than your wife and kids sometimes. If you can't call them work friends, you're the one who is to be pitied.

That's a bit intense, tho I only read of one poster who mentioned external friends. I understand the sentiment behind having your full-time mates and sticking with them but I also your point invalid considering time spet with them.

I worked in retail for about 10 years and met two of my best mates through going our after work with work. I don't really do this anymore now that Im in a legitimate salary job. Let's say, I learned hard the way. Naive to trust people in my job.

you're spending more time with these people than your wife and kids sometimes

And what makes you think people even like spending time with them either

seamus · 09-12-2019 6:17pm

blue note wrote: »

If you can't call them work friends, you're the one who is to be pitied.

Friendships are usually borne out of relationships that aren't obligatory. The best test is to ask yourself whether you would still be "friends" with this person when you remove the thing you have in common. Whether that's the job, or a hobby, or the fact that you're neighbours. If that changed tomorrow, would you still meet up to just talk?

We're getting down to the nitty-gritty of the word "friend" here really. The reality is that even people who have "work friends", don't really have them. As soon as they or the "work friend" change jobs, they basically don't see eachother again.

I know people who get a new job, get into the chats, get to know eachother's lives. And then when it's all over there are a few misfired attempts to meet up. But within 24 months the friendships are gone.

This is probably why people can be largely cynical about work stuff. Because we all know that once one of us changes job we're not going to be talking again. That doesn't mean we can't have friendly chats now, but people in my experience are generally pretty guarded in work unless they've been working together for many years. Because they know the work friendship is ethereal.

So when you want to do something properly fun and get into proper sh1tetalking (or serious talking), then you'll go see your actual friends.

whisky_galore · 09-12-2019 6:20pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

Only 8 people showed up to mine last weekend. I think thats a record. In fairness we had to pay for it ourselves. No free food or drink.

You work for Scrooge and Marley?

whisky_galore · 09-12-2019 6:27pm

Antonella Gifted Stubble wrote: »

I said this to my manager once after being harrassed and pressurised into attending for days (I had no intention of going and tried initially to give a polite excuse but she wouldn't stop at me).

Took her a while to pick her jaw up off the floor but she stopped asking after that.

I don't have a problem with a small select group of colleagues for drinks, just no boss / middle management types or arseholes present.

I dislike Xmas hype, organised "fun" and late night messy drinking antics.

09-12-2019 6:36pm

seamus wrote: »

We're getting down to the nitty-gritty of the word "friend" here really. The reality is that even people who have "work friends", don't really have them. As soon as they or the "work friend" change jobs, they basically don't see eachother again.

I disagree, I've kept up many friendships after leaving jobs. One job in particular I am still very good friends with a load of people, almost daily whatsapping, meeting some at least once a month for beers. I'm even still in the whatsapp group of the team I was in (along with a few other former team members). A number were at my wedding even though I was left the job etc.

Another group of friends I have from a job whom I was very close friends with, there were 4 of us and all 3 except have moved abroad (none of them originally from Ireland). They are in different corners of the world but we still try to all meet for a monster weekend on the beer once a year at one of the locations along with almost daily whatsapping etc (2/3 flew back for my wedding also). Some of these people its many many years since we actually worked together.

Thats just a few examples.

andekwarhola · 09-12-2019 7:04pm

LirW wrote: »

I think for some it's not so much hating who they work with, it's more that after a year full of work, 40 hours a week plus travel people would much rather spend their time as they wish.

I rarely go to office things myself because I've got family stuff or around Christmas I'd have a small enough window to meet friends.

Nor would I even notice or care what others do but I just find the near-vehemence of the aversion to colleagues weird.

Most people in my current office are perfectly OK and quite a few are people I'd have no issues chatting to. This has been my general experience in different workplaces over the last 20 years.

Maybe I should just agree to disagree on this one.

IAMAMORON · 09-12-2019 7:13pm

It is 3 or 4 hours, once a year.

Most employees are working on average 1,920 hours a year … and they can't party for 4 hours? For free ?

If an employer is having the decency to throw a party I am turning up. I am putting up with assholes I don't like, smiling away like a Cheshire Cat.

Cheers everybody.

Spanish Eyes · 09-12-2019 7:22pm

I will just say this, many people are extroverts and thrive on a noisy night out. Grand.

Others are introverts and find nights out with colleagues very difficult after a couple of hours of shyte and small talk and BS.

Just saying that not everyone is a party person. Each to their own, so live and let live.

andekwarhola · 09-12-2019 7:26pm

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

after a couple of hours of shyte and small talk and BS..

Or just people pleasantly chatting together for an hour or two.

It must be really tiring for some of the people in this thread to spend so much of their lives silently fuming about social trivialities.

09-12-2019 7:29pm

Show face and then an early Irish goodbye.
We’re staying over at ours so after the dinner I’ll slip off to my room and send a message to the work slack once I’m there.

blue note · 09-12-2019 7:40pm

LirW wrote: »

See, you can't choose your colleagues, you quite literally have no say. The fact that we work together doesn't mean I have to like them. I worked in places with great people that I'd consider work friends and then I worked in places that were full of worn out people that hated their jobs and the general vibe was to keep interaction as short as possible.
Not everyone is in the fortunate position of coping well with social events or working in a place with great colleagues.

You can't choose your family either, or who you go to school with, or your college class, or your sports team mates, etc. Throughout your life you'll be paired with people through circumstance. Work is a little different, because it's an area where you'll need to have occasional conflict. But it's up to you how you view these relationships. I'm getting married in a couple of months and won't be inviting anyone from work to the wedding. But I'd consider them work friends and always looked forward to social events where you'd see people out of a work setting.

Sunny Disposition · 09-12-2019 7:44pm

As I said earlier I wouldn’t mind at all if the staff don’t go to my one, no issue at all. I do know another guy who does take a bit of offence when people don’t go to the one he organises, but I think that’s unfair. You’re better off to accept that going to a party just isn’t a priority for some people.But the idea that it’s rude to an employer or their colleagues is a strange one to me, I don’t see it at all.

Deebles McBeebles · 09-12-2019 7:50pm

blue note wrote: »

The amount of people here who are proud that they have real friends and therefore don't need work ones is quite sad to be honest. You spend 40 hours a week with these people and at least have the fact that you work in the same place in common. You can have your school friends too and your college friends, family friends, sports club friends and whatever friends you want too. But you're spending more time with these people than your wife and kids sometimes. If you can't call them work friends, you're the one who is to be pitied.

Nah, I just call them colleagues because I'm an adult and that's what they are. I reckon 40 hours a week plus O/T is enough time to spend with colleagues. No problem socialising with some, a handful, but the rest I really would have zero interest in. Around this time of year with loud, packed pubs, even less. Organised work "fun" night out where Nuala gets drunk and cries to the boss about how unhappy her marriage is, less again.

Work friends... G'wan ta f*ck

ted1 · 09-12-2019 7:53pm

Potential-Monke wrote: »

Yeah, it's peer pressure, plain and simple. I did attend this years one, only because it's a new job and the place they were having it in was supposed to have savage food. I usually don't attend these. I didn't drink, but the food was indeed savage. Then the tipsy managers coming over asking how you are and speaking work speak. Like, go away, I don't want to talk about work outside of work...

My brother works here too, but for 5 years before I started. He doesn't attend because a: he's 48 and most of his team are <25, b: he's married with 2 young teens, and c: he lives in the country so a taxi would be €80+. And they're constantly onto him about attending.

Most/ many places Would allow the taxi receipt as an expensive. When you work in a team the party is part of team bonding. If you don’t want to goody for the night , then slip away quietly in to the distance

El_Duderino 09 · 09-12-2019 7:59pm

IAMAMORON wrote: »

If an employer is having the decency to throw a party I am turning up. I am putting up with assholes I don't like, smiling away like a Cheshire Cat.

Putting up with people you don’t like but mostly having the craic with the people you actually like.

To be fair I end up chatting with people I don’t normally chat with in work. I like that aspect of it too. I don’t think I work with many/any people I actively dislike. A fair few who are pretty boring in my opinion but that’s not an egregious crime.

mfceiling · 09-12-2019 8:00pm

I'm self employed so Christmas party my arse.

I'm friendly enough with a couple of lads I work with (we stick together for work/subbies) so we normally go for a few pints in town.

Worked for a fairly big subbie a few years back (I know him for years). Went to his Christmas party and was surprised at the level of drug taking among middle aged lads. Coke, weed and pills going round like sweets at a kids party. Not my scene at all so I slipped off about 11 and left them at it.

Tauriel · 09-12-2019 8:07pm

I went to mine last year but not going this year, which I am disappointed with.

The location doesn't appeal to me as I would be driving and parking isn't particularly great or plentiful plus the fact that there is no sit down dinner. No way I'd be able to work a full day and go out to the Christmas party without a dinner in me. I also don't want finger food that any Tom, Dick or Harry could be pawing at, coughing/sneezing on, etc. I have a thing for avoiding food that could be contaminated by others.

The theme is also kinda **** this year and would involve trying to find a costume after I already got a new dress before we were told what the party involved.

09-12-2019 8:11pm

mustang shelly wrote: »

I went to mine last year but not going this year, which I am disappointed with.

The location doesn't appeal to me as I would be driving and parking isn't particularly great or plentiful plus the fact that there is no sit down dinner. No way I'd be able to work a full day and go out to the Christmas party without a dinner in me. I also don't want finger food that any Tom, Dick or Harry could be pawing at, coughing/sneezing on, etc. I have a thing for avoiding food that could be contaminated by others.

The theme is also kinda **** this year and would involve trying to find a costume after I already got a new dress before we were told what the party involved.

God we’ve tried for years to get finger food and the boss won’t go for it at all. It’s dream night out eating instead of a big three course that you just want to sleep after.

Fancy dress though? **** that from a massive height. It’s always only an excuse for infidelity.

Tauriel · 09-12-2019 8:12pm

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

God we’ve tried for years to get finger food and the boss won’t go for it at all. It’s dream night out eating instead of a big three course that you just want to sleep after.

I'll swap with ya!

09-12-2019 8:46pm

I can’t wait for ours anyway! Been a crazy busy year and finishing up on the 20th and straight out for the party after work and off then until the 6th Jan. Few hours on the beer first (free) then dinner in a nice restaurant followed by more beer until closing (drinking after the food probably out of my own pocket but I’m not bothered).

Mister Vain · 09-12-2019 10:50pm

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

I will just say this, many people are extroverts and thrive on a noisy night out. Grand.

Others are introverts and find nights out with colleagues very difficult after a couple of hours of shyte and small talk and BS.

Just saying that not everyone is a party person. Each to their own, so live and let live.

Exactly. It's not for everyone. Being an introvert doesn't make you a dry shyte. You can usually spot the people that are only there for the sake of it. You can tell they'd rather be somewhere else.

Mister Vain · 09-12-2019 10:52pm

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

That’s pretty outrageous. It’s bad enough to do the Christmas party during the weekend but making you pay for it as well is a recipe for nobody showing up.

Are Christmas parties generally done during the week?

09-12-2019 10:54pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

Are Christmas parties generally done during the week?

For as long as I can remember I’ve only heard of one mid week one and they were all raging about it.

Mister Vain · 09-12-2019 11:00pm

It seems like an odd time to be having it alright, unless all the staff work weekends.

Turquoise Hexagon Sun · 09-12-2019 11:05pm

Kimbot wrote: »

..drinkies

Ugh.. I hate this word "drinkies." :P

Raconteuse · 09-12-2019 11:07pm

seamus wrote: »

The reality is that even people who have "work friends", don't really have them. As soon as they or the "work friend" change jobs, they basically don't see eachother again.

I know people who get a new job, get into the chats, get to know eachother's lives. And then when it's all over there are a few misfired attempts to meet up. But within 24 months the friendships are gone.

blue note wrote: »

The amount of people here who are proud that they have real friends and therefore don't need work ones is quite sad to be honest. You spend 40 hours a week with these people and at least have the fact that you work in the same place in common. You can have your school friends too and your college friends, family friends, sports club friends and whatever friends you want too. But you're spending more time with these people than your wife and kids sometimes. If you can't call them work friends, you're the one who is to be pitied.

Both of these positions are so extreme. There's a middle ground.

I get on with the vast majority of my colleagues - and i'm friends/good friends with a handful. There's nobody I'm on bad terms with - there are just lots who I don't know, and yeah a handful I don't like (no doubt the same is felt about me) but nobody I've had an argument with or that I'm not speaking to. We have two do's coming up - one department, one company. I might drop into the department one for a short while but I won't be going to the company one. I don't think I'm too good for them or anything, I just want to go out with my friends, some of whom don't get out often because they have children/moved a good bit away for property affordability. It's that time of year where you have to choose. In that sense there's validity to the point about seeing them nearly every day for most of the day, and seeing your friends far less.

Workplace Christmas parties: obligation to attend?

Comments