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Spanking kids?

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    #62
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »
    I think I grew up in a different society to you if you think it wasn't broken. it was just very well covered up.

    An exaggeration. I, and many others, were punished physically when the situation merited it, and we turned out perfectly fine.

    This topic is full of extremes.


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    #63
    MayoAreMagic
    Registered Users Posts: 2,922 ✭✭✭MayoAreMagic


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    An exaggeration. I, and many others, were punished physically when the situation merited it, and we turned out perfectly fine.

    This topic is full of extremes.

    Agreed. This is how people tend to argue this topic, and it generally kills meaningful discussion.
    Like it or lump it, but smacking can be incorporated into a successful mode of parenting without it having averse affects on the children. Yes there are potential pitfalls with it that need to be avoided, but then there are potential pitfalls with all types of parenting. Im fairly sure screaming and shouting at a child can have bad side effects also. In my experience, sometimes someones tongue can be far more hurtful than their hand.


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    #64
    MeTheMan
    Registered Users Posts: 527 ✭✭✭MeTheMan


    Peatys wrote: »
    You first

    I usually go with ignoring them. Let them settle and distract with toys/tv/playing when they have settled a bit. This obviously isn't really possible in a shop. But, thankfully we haven't had a major shop meltdown yet.

    I was smacked as a child. It wasn't a common thing. I knew if I was smacked what I done was very bad. Eg shouting, no smack. Flinging my toy tractor at my mother's head, would probably get a smack. I remember once at mass I was sticking my leg out into the aisle trying to trip people going for communion. Thought it was great fun. The smack when I got home let me know it wasn't.

    Your turn!


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    #65
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    MeTheMan wrote: »
    What is the appropriate response to a child that has lost it in a shop or at home??

    I went home from the shops, last time he was acting up in there and wouldn't stay with me.

    At home, I just put him to bed. After a while he'll express he knows what he's doing is unwanted behaviour and he'll talk it out.

    Fundamentally young kids want attention, while older kids want independence. Manage'em to get the results you're looking for.


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    #66
    Lillyfae
    Registered Users Posts: 1,813 ✭✭✭Lillyfae


    We don’t smack and haven’t even considered it. She’s three so I would cautiously say that we’re aware of how bad she could get- no guarantees I know :D

    Once though, about a year ago, we were having lunch in a nice farmhouse hotel that we go to periodically because they frequently have very young calves that you can pet and feed- adorable. She was at the age where they start copying, hitting and pushing other children if they’re frustrated, mostly to do with communication as far as I know. We would tell her hitting and pushing was wrong as and when needed and not to do it. This particular time, there was a little boy sitting at the table next to us with his mom, colouring with pencils. Kids watch other kids, so she’s there watching intently, when he accidentally knocks some pencils on the ground. His mama reaches out and flakes him across the head, a 3 year old, for some pencils falling off the table.

    The confusion all over my small ones face- why would a mama do that, what was the reason, hitting is wrong- I honestly nearly had words with the woman. If she would do that in a busy restaurant, FOR NOTHING, wtf was the poor child enduring at home? And it bothered me a lot because I could see how confusing it was for my daughter, can’t imagine how her child processed it.

    It’s bad parenting, lack of even. We remove toys or send out of the room if there is misbehaviour or tantrums. Of course there will be, and you would lose your voice from constant repetition but that is rule number one in parenting.


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    #67
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    mr_fegelien wrote: »
    More importantly, why is there such a strong resistance among people regarding spanking their kids to other alternatives?

    Probably because it is easier and many of the other methods require time and effort and consistency. We as a species do seem to love convenience and fast alternatives.
    fritzelly wrote: »
    And now we have feral kids because you can't touch them

    Not so sure it is that simple. I suspect the issues we have with kids - where we have them - is not that we are not touching them but that we are not implementing the alternatives to touching them very well.

    The Mayo user above said it best so I will just repeat their line "However, the issue arising here is where people believe that as long as they are not slapping their children, they are parenting well. This is not the case." and I would also reverse that sentence and suggest an issue also arises when people believe that as long as they _are_ slapping their kids - that they are automativelly therefore parenting or disciplining well.

    Sometimes we are better at screaming at people about what they should not do. We tend not to be as good at offering suggestions of what else they might do.
    Salary Negotiator wrote: »
    If you have to hit a kid to keep them under control you’re failing as a parent.

    I would extend that to most things in life actually. Very often the moment we recourse to violence - it is because we have failed in some way in that context.
    andekwarhola wrote: »
    Spanking doesn't sound quite right.

    I think it was Dara OBrian who recommends being very careful what language you use in your sex life because when you later have kids and have to use certain words - it messes with your head.

    Spanking - dirty - daddys little girl - and naughty I think were some of his recommendations on words to avoid :)
    MeTheMan wrote: »
    What is the appropriate response to a child that has lost it in a shop or at home??

    The question is very vague so the answer has to be too I am afraid. But in general I would say a consistent approach to conflict resolution and consequences.

    It is curious that many people will not simply leave the situation and resolve it. I have heard parents actually say they were "trapped" in that situation and felt they had to resolve it there and then as "everyone would be watching them". When I suggested that they simply abandon the trolley and take themselves and the child out of the situation they looked at me like I had suggested something so out there that they simply had not even considered it before. An idea so absolutely simple they simply had never had it occur to them.


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    #68
    noinc
    Registered Users Posts: 71 ✭✭noinc


    ote="mr_fegelien;111976634"]In all seriousness, yes I was. back when i was living in Africa. My dad spanked me until he went to America in 2005 (when I was 7 years old).

    Don't think it helped me cause look where I am...lol. Have friends in college who were never spanked and turned out very successful.[/quote]

    Do you judge everyone by their successfullness? The idea of spanking is to put manners on the child not to make them successor.


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    #69
    Stone Deaf 4evr
    Registered Users Posts: 7,994 ✭✭✭Stone Deaf 4evr




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    #70
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,056 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    fritzelly wrote: »
    You seem to be mixing up child abuse worth child discipline

    Where did I mention either child discipline or abuse in my post?

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #71
    Princess Consuela Bananahammock
    Registered Users Posts: 33,056 ✭✭✭✭Princess Consuela Bananahammock


    Deleted User wrote: »
    An exaggeration. I, and many others, were punished physically when the situation merited it, and we turned out perfectly fine.

    This topic is full of extremes.

    I don't know you well enough to say whether or not you're "perfectly fine" but answer me this: if you hadn't been punished physically - as in, if your parents had use alternate methods - how would you have turned out?

    Everything I don't like is either woke or fascist - possibly both - pick one.



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    #72
    DeanAustin
    Registered Users Posts: 3,784 ✭✭✭DeanAustin


    MayoAreMagic wrote: »
    True enough.
    However, the issue arising here is where people believe that as long as they are not slapping their children, they are parenting well. This is not the case.

    A rising issue with kids today is their parents going to bat for them too much, acting more as a personal bodyguard than a parent. The problem is it also a readymade way to foster a disrespectful, entitled or superior attitude towards others, and towards elders in particular. This is evident in the noticeable change in attitude displayed towards teachers for example. Parents are guilty of refusing to place blame at their childs door far too often because they dont want to accept or believe that their child can act out in a school environment.

    I remember being in school, and while I was a good child in general and never in any real trouble, at second level I could be a little sh*t if I knew I would get away with it. It was the whole pack mentality thing and I acted and spoke in there in a manner i never would have at home. Many people were like this truth be told. I dont get why anyone would expect their own child to, in turn, be any different to what they experienced themselves.

    That's a fantastic post and absolutely spot on. Too many parents won't accept an ounce of criticism of their kid from anyone else. Or else you get the "I know my Johnny can be a sh!t but...". There's always a "but" which invariably goes a long way towards distancing Johnny from sh1t behaviour.


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