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Dementia help

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  • 31-07-2019 11:12pm
    #1
    Coconut123
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭


    Hi my Dad is 83 and just been diagnosed with Dementia, we were planning on him selling his house and putting a structure in the garden for him to live here with me but since a hospital stint were his mobility has decreased a lot, the doctors have advised 24 hour care is needed, we had no option but to put him in a nursing home which he hates, he always said through his life not to put him in one , unless we are there all day with him he rings so depressed and sad and it’s heart breaking to watch his spirit just dying . I wanted to see if anyone else was in the same situation, if I went ahead with the structure for the garden for him, i know I would be entitled to hse homecare for a few hours a week but is there any other help out there ? I work until 2:30 every day and have 2 children, I couldn’t leave him on his own for that length of time and everyone else in the family works . My family think I would be taking on way too much if I did take him up but I’m heart broken looking at him the way he is...


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    #2
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    Sorry to say but you don't know how quickly the dementia will progress.. by the time the structure is built he may not be fit to live in it.

    The nursing home is his home now. Try to visit regularly (but i would say you should take 1 day a week off for yourself), and take him out as often as possible.


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    #3
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,656 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    we're in the same boat, in fact we were told today my mum has vascular dementia. She has been in a nursing home for 6 months due to mobility issues but this confusion/dementia onset only happened in the last 2/3 months due to infections. Each time she got one she declined. She has been in Blanchardstown hospital for the last 2 weeks with an infection and pneumonia and is now clear of them but extremely confused. She has almost no mobility and needs a hoist. So its impossible to have her at home as like OP we are all working. Its awful to see her like this but almost a relief now that she has become more confused as she is living in her past memories more than present.

    We had plans to extend and renovate her house and get carers in privately but she has now gone beyond this.... and very quickly too. Its extremely hard to see this, its like her spirit is gone, she is 85 and this time last year she was at home and still driving her car and minding her dog.


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    #4
    Coconut123
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭Coconut123


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    we're in the same boat, in fact we were told today my mum has vascular dementia. She has been in a nursing home for 6 months due to mobility issues but this confusion/dementia onset only happened in the last 2/3 months due to infections. Each time she got one she declined. She has been in Blanchardstown hospital for the last 2 weeks with an infection and pneumonia and is now clear of them but extremely confused. She has almost no mobility and needs a hoist. So its impossible to have her at home as like OP we are all working. Its awful to see her like this but almost a relief now that she has become more confused as she is living in her past memories more than present.

    We had plans to extend and renovate her house and get carers in privately but she has now gone beyond this.... and very quickly too. Its extremely hard to see this, its like her spirit is gone, she is 85 and this time last year she was at home and still driving her car and minding her dog.

    I know it’s heart breaking to watch , we are just so shocked by how quickly it has come on him , same situation with the hoist were 3 months ago he could walk to the bed from the car etc with support on the furniture, we had good news today in that a nursing home literally beside me has a bed for him so that will make it a bit easier for him to know we are up the road. Good luck with your mam , we’ll just have to treasure the moments we have with them now , thanks all for the comments x


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    #5
    TrixIrl
    Registered Users Posts: 200 ✭✭TrixIrl


    It's really hard but he's in the right place. Use all the time you think you would have to care for him at home to visit or take him out... And use any extra money (if any) that you would have spent on extra carers at home on private carers to take him out as well.

    Also some nursing homes would be only delighted for you to take him home at weekends when you're home anyways, they earn the same amount of money but with a patient less at weekends, and your dad has something to look forward to.

    Best of luck X


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    #6
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,656 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    TrixIrl wrote: »
    It's really hard but he's in the right place. Use all the time you think you would have to care for him at home to visit or take him out... And use any extra money (if any) that you would have spent on extra carers at home on private carers to take him out as well.

    Also some nursing homes would be only delighted for you to take him home at weekends when you're home anyways, they earn the same amount of money but with a patient less at weekends, and your dad has something to look forward to.

    Best of luck X

    the trouble is once they lose mobility and move to a hoist for all forms of movement its impossible to take them out of the nursing home. Our mum has become increasingly more rigid now and cant move without a hoist and her legs barely bend. It would no longer to possible to get her into a car for a day trip and she would no longer be comfortable in chairs at home. It all happened so quickly.


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    #7
    beauf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,651 ✭✭✭✭beauf


    Be aware if you use his house as collateral the fair deal will only take max 22.5% of its value. If you convert it to cash, they use 7.5% per year every year your parent is in care. But maybe you are not using the fair deal. But just to be aware. There's more to it than that but that's a heads up. Best to take professional advice.

    If some one needs 24 care I think you've run out of time at home. Especially if you have other commitments. Rather than looking at hse home help. / Consider the home as the 24 home help. Then you are able to use visits as 100% quality time with your dad. Also for day trips hire a wheel chair taxi. I'm sure others will have more practical advice.


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    #8
    the_syco
    Registered Users Posts: 37,295 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    Perhaps check around for hospices; my granddad spent his last fear or so in one down in Kerry. Unfortunately, by the time he went in, he had limited mobility, so didn't get to use much of the facilitates; there was a veg garden there, hens, a donkey (LoL, wut?) and a few other things. Although he didn't have dementia, part of the hospice catered for those that did.

    Nursing homes have a bad name, so he may like a hospice more.


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    #9
    Ace2007
    Registered Users Posts: 19,695 ✭✭✭✭Ace2007


    Coconut123 wrote: »
    i know I would be entitled to hse homecare for a few hours a week but is there any other help out there ?

    Just in case anyone else comes across this thread...

    you can get private care in from companies although they can be quite expensive, you can go onto care.com and hire some privately which would be cheaper than a private company.

    Alternatively a much cheaper way of doing it is to hire an Aupair for the elderly. There are a few agencies out there that do it - basically you give an Aupair a room in your house + food and some pocket money (for example €450 a month), and they will look after your loved one, for instance 35 hours a week or whatever - more you pay more hours you'll get etc. I have looked into this option myself and there are quite a lot of South American girls in their 20's willing to do this role - its a win-win situation if you are based in Dublin - as accommodation is expensive for them, and you can get extra help at a fraction of the cost it might be with a company.


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    #10
    Coconut123
    Registered Users Posts: 3 ✭Coconut123


    Thanks a million I’ll look into this , I didn’t realise ...

    Ace2007 wrote: »
    Just in case anyone else comes across this thread...

    you can get private care in from companies although they can be quite expensive, you can go onto care.com and hire some privately which would be cheaper than a private company.

    Alternatively a much cheaper way of doing it is to hire an Aupair for the elderly. There are a few agencies out there that do it - basically you give an Aupair a room in your house + food and some pocket money (for example €450 a month), and they will look after your loved one, for instance 35 hours a week or whatever - more you pay more hours you'll get etc. I have looked into this option myself and there are quite a lot of South American girls in their 20's willing to do this role - its a win-win situation if you are based in Dublin - as accommodation is expensive for them, and you can get extra help at a fraction of the cost it might be with a company.


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