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Your father

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    #32
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users Posts: 30,186 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    FHFM50 wrote: »
    You had sex education in your school, at night, with your parents?

    Yes, it was at the end of sixth class.
    We first had a talk with a Garda about drugs and then a lady talked about sex education! It would have been about 19:30 and our parents sat at the back of the room.


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    #33
    FHFM50
    Closed Accounts Posts: 165 ✭✭FHFM50


    freshpopcorn wrote: »
    Yes, it was at the end of sixth class.
    We first had a talk with a Garda about drugs and then a lady talked about sex education! It would have been about 19:30 and our parents sat at the back of the room.

    We just watched a video during class time. I've never heard of parents being present for sex education.


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    #34
    SCOOP 64
    Registered Users Posts: 5,207 ✭✭✭SCOOP 64


    I have 2 teenage boys who if have any problems be it with girlfriends or any other will talk to me about it, sometimes i don't know the right answers, some problems its just life, but it always amazes me that they do that and this makes me happy that they feel they can, i put it down to my wife always encourages them to talk, , now no way in hell would i approach my dad in the same way (back in 70/80se), he would think i have lost it, but this generation now is so different maybe because of social media i don't know.
    Even though i felt i couldn't talk to him and id be right ,he still done a great job in bringing us up.


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    #35
    Truthvader
    Registered Users Posts: 1,826 ✭✭✭Truthvader


    Dad objectively terrible in every conceivable way but managed to be loved by all children and their several mothers. Got forgiven a lot of bad ****

    Heres the thing though for those with "bad" Dads. What was their father / childhood like? Usually get out what you put in.

    Plus thats all over now so move on and for the men here take the opportunity to be the best father you can be because that is the bit you can change.


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    #36
    holdfast
    Registered Users Posts: 1,150 ✭✭✭holdfast


    I dont know if I could ever do credit to my father or mother in such a post. But I wanted to acknowledge how good they were to me. So I felt I could not pass this thread without a least giving a token nod to the super father he was.

    My father was a very hard working quite man, very tactile and affectionate. He was the oldest boy in the family and went to work at 12. His work allowed the other seven kids to finish school. He got the farmer and tired every way to turn a bob, I can remember him in the summer baling till 1 o clock in the morning for weeks. He would cut timber, sell fencing poles, farmer and work in the forestry. Our oldest brother died in accident and he and my mother carried that hurt without letting it blight our lives. He as I said was tactile and would throw his arm around me a lot, which made me uncomfortable as I got older. As a father now I can see it was his way of showing he loved you, as he came from a generation that did not say it to their kids.

    He used to say "come along for the company" when he would be going on a job. Which we taught was code for hard work, but really he did the hard work and we were along for just that "the company". They were great with money and we never wanted for anything, because that was the way everyone lived.

    He enjoyed gaa and cards and made a great partnership with my mother. Our house never had a raised voice. He passed away suddenly while on my honeymoon. Massive funeral, he had worked on some many farms and done so many people turns and it was great to hear the stories of such.

    I have benefited as he worked to get me through college, so I was set up for life. I think his and my mother work and investment in us has benefited not only me but my family.


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    #37
    statto25
    Registered Users Posts: 3,836 ✭✭✭statto25


    Truthvader wrote: »

    Heres the thing though for those with "bad" Dads. What was their father / childhood like? Usually get out what you put in

    It was never spoken about. My grandmother once made a comment about my grandfather alluding to a turbulent life with him but again, you aren't allowed to ask. Maybe I'm wrong but past experiences against you don't forgive you for committing the same crimes or worse in the future.


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    #38
    Truthvader
    Registered Users Posts: 1,826 ✭✭✭Truthvader


    statto25 wrote: »
    It was never spoken about. My grandmother once made a comment about my grandfather alluding to a turbulent life with him but again, you aren't allowed to ask. Maybe I'm wrong but past experiences against you don't forgive you for committing the same crimes or worse in the future.

    Nope but its hard to learn or know what you've never seen." Forgive"will always be subjective. "Explain" is not


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    #39
    Liamo57
    Closed Accounts Posts: 157 ✭✭Liamo57


    I was lucky to have had the 2 best parents in Ireland. We hadn't a lot but we had it all. He never used bad language or raised his voice. Always a great atmosphere in the house.


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    #40
    Galwayguy35
    Registered Users Posts: 16,272 ✭✭✭✭Galwayguy35


    My father married late in life and was in his 50s when I was born so he was the same age as my friends grandfathers.

    He was a man of his time and showing emotion wouldn't be the kind of man he was but we had a happy childhood and he worked hard to provide for us which wasn't easy in the 1970s and 80s.

    He was secretly battling cancer but didn't let on and kept working until he could do no more, 25 years gone now but I still miss him.


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    #41
    Feisar
    Registered Users Posts: 6,597 ✭✭✭Feisar


    Galwayguy35 wrote: »
    My father married late in life and was in his 50s when I was born so he was the same age as my friends grandfathers.

    He was a man of his time and showing emotion wouldn't be the kind of man he was but we had a happy childhood and he worked hard to provide for us which wasn't easy in the 1970s and 80s.

    He was secretly battling cancer but didn't let on and kept working until he could do no more, 25 years gone now but I still miss him.

    Respect, there is a "never say die" toughness to those old school men. I hope you don't mind me saying.

    First they came for the socialists...



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    #42
    drunkmonkey
    Registered Users Posts: 28,116 ✭✭✭✭drunkmonkey


    Galwayguy35 wrote: »
    He was secretly battling cancer but didn't let on and kept working until he could do no more

    I'll do the same, I will not worry the hell out of my kids unless the bus for Vegas is about to take off....respect to him.


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    #43
    Ryzken
    Registered Users Posts: 26 ✭Ryzken


    I never had my real father in my life nor my mother.

    I was put into foster care at 7 weeks old and have bein with the same family since and i'm 29 now.

    The man and woman fostered me were amazing human beings.

    The woman died about 12 years ago.

    But they have being the best mam and dad i could ask for but the man i can call a father is a amazing man. Done everything for me and didn't think twice.


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    #44
    WesternZulu
    Registered Users Posts: 1,924 ✭✭✭WesternZulu


    A brilliant man - my hero in every way and in how he approaches life. The hardest worker I know.

    He has never said he loves me as he's very much a man of his time, but the thing is he doesn't need to.

    He overcame a very serious farm accident a decade ago and where a lot of people would have let it get the better of them but he never did. If I turn out half the man he is I'll be very happy.


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    #45
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    I usually remember my father bringing home no money and him sending no money from England either when he went for work.
    Any time he'd get a job he'd say he'd be home by noon on Friday, and he'd promise us we'd have rashers and eggs and tea. He wasn't ever home by noon... - or 1.00... - Or 2.00... or anytime before the sun went down. He would always come home drunk and penniless after drinking his wages. He'd fall in the hallway singing "Kevin Barry" and saying "I have the Friday penny for you. Up, boys! Those Red Branch Knights! Those Fenian men! The glorious I.R.A.! Up! Up! Up! and I have the Friday penny for you, boys. You line up like soldiers now, and promise to die for Ireland". We didn't want it.
    When we'd wake up the next morning, he'd always be still asleep on the stairs. He'd miss work and loose his job...again.
    That was my childhood. A miserable Irish Catholic childhood. A happy childhood wouldn't have been worth our while.


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    #46
    LuasSimon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,208 ✭✭✭LuasSimon


    My father was a honest hard working man who died in his 60s , never showed emotion or said i love you to any of us including my mother id say as he like many others were reared similarly in the 40s and 50s where times were really tough and people emigrated at 14 or 15 . He went for drinks every night like many men of his era and id suspect drink was a crutch to deal with emotions he never felt or expressed. Too much time was spent in the pub and was never there to put us to bed or hug us watching tv or tell us stories. It had impacts on all of us but at least in modern day life fathers have learned to express their feelings and spend more time with their children which will make them better and more affectionate fathers and mothers.


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    #47
    c.p.w.g.w
    Registered Users Posts: 4,994 ✭✭✭c.p.w.g.w


    Seeing a whole lot of father's with alcohol issues, two of my buddies father's were full blown alcoholic's, after years of trying to get them treated they went through rehab and councilling...both had been sexually abused by Christian Brothers, I had a uncle suffer the same faith, but he drank himself into an early grave and his kids grew up with only bad things to say about him...which was really sad as he was a victim and trying to live with that while not being believed


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    #48
    FHFM50
    Closed Accounts Posts: 165 ✭✭FHFM50


    Alcoholic who would spend money the second he got it and come out with stories about his past. I believed a lot of them as a kid until I realized when I was older that they were all bull****.

    Cut him out of my life and have been much better off.

    On the plus side I tend to avoid alcohol except around Christmas so I've saved a lot of money because of him.


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    #49
    El Gato De Negocios
    Registered Users Posts: 6,644 ✭✭✭El Gato De Negocios


    My dad would be similar to alot of the descriptions on here. Hard working, a good provider but very much a man of his time in that mam dealt with all the kids stuff like clothes, parent teacher meetings, dentist and doctors appointments. He doesnt really do emotions and is very much the bottle up your feelings type but at the back of it all he is a really good human. As Ive gotten older Ive developed a much better relationship with him and can always turn to him for advice if i need it. He has helped us out financially with our wedding, deposit for a house and he has been really generous since my two kids came along and I genuinely believe his interaction with them is him reliving what he would have wanted to be like with us as kids. He absolutely adores them and they are mad about him, he is definitely the favourite grandparent, much to my mothers chagrin Id say but I love seeing them interact together. The patience he has with them when reading, playing etc is wonderful. He was never a drinker thankfully but does smoke heavily and has done for more than 50 years, its only a matter of time before that catches up with him. All I hope is that he is with us long enough for the kids to have proper memories of him when he does die. I had a great relationship with my maternal grandfather and even though he is dead over 20 years, I still miss him and think about him regularly.

    All in all, he is not without his faults but the good about him by far outweighs the bad.


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    #50
    Mad_maxx
    Registered Users Posts: 13,505 ✭✭✭✭Mad_maxx


    most self absorbed person I've ever known, incapable of seeing beyond his own wants and needs, probably was some kind of narcissistic personality type as he never listened to anyone and everything was always about him,far too arrogant to ever say sorry or admit to being wrong

    Almost a tea totaller so no addiction excuse etc ,just entirely engrossed in work, not a bad person but not cut out for parenthood or being a husband, huge funeral as outsider's liked him alot

    Dead almost twenty years,mid fifties, sudden death


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    #51
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    My father is the gentlest person I've ever known, and he's totally inept at being mean. A bit silly sometimes, not good with finances, works very hard to be more manly than his personality is. he's the one who cooks in our family, and his traditional stews/roasts are to die for.

    I love him to bits, and he's my role-model. The perfect gentleman. Strong as a man should be, but without the need to express himself physically/aggressively. Hoping I'll die before him TBH. Can't imagine a world that didn't have him there.


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    #52
    tc20
    Registered Users Posts: 2,416 ✭✭✭tc20


    Not sure if I've posted here before but this thread has got me where it hurts - my Dad is gone 10 years but he was a gentleman all day long.
    I arrived late in his life, he was almost 50, I'm a similar age with an 11 Yr old. He was brought up in a very Catholic Ireland - like many, I have a great dislike (to put it mildly) for all that.
    He was a loving father & husband, of his time, so no great emotion displayed but later in life, after my mother passed, he came to live with my wife and I before our daughter came along.
    During this time we grew closer again, which was lovely in his twilight years.
    He would have loved our daughter. (and vice versa) but such is life.
    He had a good innings and I'm very grateful for that - many lose their parents way before their time.
    To echo others here - my Mother was amazing too (and the boss of the house ðŸ˜)


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    #53
    Filmer Paradise
    Registered Users Posts: 1,339 ✭✭✭Filmer Paradise


    Just posting to say I've read this thread from start to finish.

    I'm 52, so I'm a bit of an inbetweener on this issue.

    I'm old school like my Dad, but with a slightly modern twist. (The Paradise family knows how to adapt to survive;))

    My Dad is 85 and my kids are teenagers.

    Great stories on here, good and bad.

    Loving this thread.


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    #54
    kerryjack
    Registered Users Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭kerryjack


    Sad tread this so many had difficult childhoods. My own father wasn't too bad, small farmer, outside a lot was always in a hurry even having a pint he would only have about an hour in the pub he probably would drink about 6 pints and that would bo only about 2 times a week. No drinking at home back than, no time for football or to watch us play or any other activities, its funny when I started drinking myself that's the way I thought you were supposed to drink I used to be in some heap after a couple of hours , it took me a few years to enjoy a pint at a my own pace and relax a bit, I don't kill myself working anymore there isn't much thanks for it. All in all he was a good family man a good man for his local community and he was loved by his kids and his grandkids and even great grandkids.


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    #55
    Neames
    Registered Users Posts: 951 ✭✭✭Neames


    My father worked hard in a low paid job. We really had very little growing up. He's very elderly now and I think he resents the life he had. He wasn't one for showing affection or even talking to us. Not a bad man as he did no harm, gave up all his money to put food on the table for a large family.

    What have I done differently. Much more affectionate to my wife and daughter. Try to spend as much time as I can with both of them and friends as well. My father never took a risk, so I put myself out there in terms of work and trying to make extra money. I have the life I want and don't have resentment eating away at me.


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    #56
    paw patrol
    Registered Users Posts: 2,314 ✭✭✭paw patrol


    This is a tough one, i 'm not sure he knew how to be a father as his dad died young. he was smart and could be nice and good fun.


    The problem was my mother was (still is) a horrible narcissist with extreme religious fervour thrown into the mix. And for some unknown reason he was her enforcer and rarely stood up to her.

    As a result I had a mostly unhappy and violent home and have little happy memories of growing up.

    Drink wasn't an issue , it was control issues and religion from my mother. what is crazy is he never believed her sh1te just went along with it.



    They did stuff like education well - but inside the home was horrible.

    We rarely had anything nice and my favourite memories of my childhood was getting away to irish college and stuff that didn't involve my parents.


    however as an adult now, my dad is fairly sound. my mam and him are still married but seem to live separate lives. There is no enforcing to be done anymore cos we've all grown up so his real personality comes out. he seems to have lost all his anger too. He is very good with the grand kids and they like to visit.


    I feel sorry for him, he could have had a better life if he'd married better or stood up for himself and us. Sadly while I enjoy his company now I can't forget what happened and what he allowed to happen.


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    #57
    helimachoptor
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 21,640 Mod ✭✭✭✭helimachoptor


    My dad died when i was pretty young, so few memories tbh.

    My granddad and godfather stepped in and have some great memories of times with them. Grandparents lived 30 seconds away so was up there pretty much every day.

    Again a man of his time, looked after his wife while she had Parkinsons and he had cancer and didn't say a word until it became very obvious and died shortly after, but in the few weeks when he was at home and sick, it was nice to see a more emotional side of him.

    I've got 3 kids under 6 but I make sure i am there as much as possible (and not glued to the phone), hiking, swimming, bikes etc all the stuff I didn't have a dad for, they have.


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    #58
    Rikand
    Registered Users Posts: 20,340 ✭✭✭✭Rikand


    Hes a legend. A total legend


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    #59
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    "I tried hard to have a father, instead I had a dad".


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    #60
    Ultrflat
    Registered Users Posts: 1,016 ✭✭✭Ultrflat


    Honestly I can safely say my father has been a friend a mentor and some one to look up to. Taught me right from wrong and so much more.
    I leave it there because I don't like digging up my past its not healthy for me.


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    #61
    who what when
    Registered Users Posts: 810 ✭✭✭who what when


    paw patrol wrote: »
    I feel sorry for him, he could have had a better life if he'd married better or stood up for himself and us. Sadly while I enjoy his company now I can't forget what happened and what he allowed to happen.

    I hope you don't mind me saying this as really I have little right to comment on a life you lived and I know little about but it seems to me that you're angry at the wrong person. Your father was a victim in an abusive relationship.

    When the abuser is male nobody ever says the woman should have just stood up for herself or that she allowed it to happen.
    He was a victim of circumstance as much as you were.


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