Your father

Grey Fox

How would you rate the job your father did in being a father and did it affect your life much? How would you have done things differently?

My dad was a good provider but pretty old school in terms of showing love and affection etc. But hey, I believe that was the norm at that time (I'm 40). Feels like things have changed so much in parenting since I was a kid.

_Kaiser_

He wasn't around for most of it and died in the mid-90s. As such I don't remember him really and no big deal. Mam wouldn't have been particularly maternal either though and also now gone.

Completely agree about things being very different now though. Mid-40s myself with an 8 year old and we have a great relationship. Always promised myself that if I ever had a child of my own it'd be different, and so far so good

dzsfah2xoynme9

My hero. The man I aspire to be everyday. Worked hard all his life so we never went hungry, even if it meant he went hungry himself. Always there for us.
My mother too. Best parents anyone could ask for.

Kylta

Absolutely Brilliant Man. I'd imagine like most people's fathers. Oh and the same goes for me Ma, great Mother

Grey Fox

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

Completely agree about things being very different now though. Mid-40s myself with an 8 year old and we have a great relationship. Always promised myself that if I ever had a child of my own it'd be different, and so far so good

Yes I would do things a lot differently too if I had kids. Its funny to think that back in the day a lot of men would go to the pub when their wives were giving birth. Today it must be around 100% of "present fathers" who attend the birth of their kids.

Airyfairy12

Wasnt around much and didnt bother with us once we passed the cute stage. Have a much better relationship with him as an adult, he's still tight as f*ck with his money, wouldnt buy us a packet of tayto if we we're starving to death but I can have a decent conversation with him and get on alright as long as im not asking him to do anything.

Girly Gal

My father was an alcoholic, was fine when sober and obviously cared for us, but, was a different person when drunk, became aggressive and beat up mum, as a result I wasn't close to him. We had nothing growing up largely due to his drinking. It has definitely affected me as I vowed never to drink because of him, which ironically enough in Ireland is probably a negative thing.
He died along time ago and despite all his failings I still think about him and think what could have been if he weren't an alcoholic.

statto25

Horrible man who emotionally, physically and mentally abused us. Has scarred myself and my siblings to this very day and has shaped our lives beyond any doubt. He continues to play the emotional game using blackmail and the "woe is me, what did I ever do to you" mentality. Recently cut him out of my life.

mcgragger

Grey Fox wrote: »

How would you rate the job your father did in being a father and did it affect your life much? How would you have done things differently?

My dad was a good provider but pretty old school in terms of showing love and affection etc. But hey, I believe that was the norm at that time (I'm 40). Feels like things have changed so much in parenting since I was a kid.

My one is dead 10 years - died at the age of 60 from cancer - most likely caused by 48 years of smoking roll ups. I am 40.

There are 4 children.

When I was young my father was an absolute bast*rd. Mam said she would have left numerous times if she had the means to. He controlled her, he controlled me and my older sister, we had nothing, he wouldnt work, any money he did get went behind a bar for the most part so he wasnt a provider. Not at all. He would probably get a jab of conscience once every while and buy us a mars bar but in general he was a creature of habit, a mean f**ker with no sense of guilt. Pure Badness. I never got taken to the cinema, was in the likes of McDonalds probably twice as a child. He didnt teach me to drive, never gave me a lift anywhere or collected me, never helped me with anything really. Put us down at every opportunity.
So zero sense of protection and we wont even talk about love. I dont think he was capable.
I could go on all day about the bad things he did on us and we are sure he had an affair at one point.
He mellowed a little as he got older - but I moved out at 19 as soon as I could really.
My two younger siblings have a different opinion as by the time they were growing up we were into the Celtic tiger and he got off his arse and got a job and there was foreign holidays etc - they see him differently where as me and my sister just remember the violent rage filled angry man that had us living in fear most of the time. I dont challenge their perception. They see him differntly and thats fine.

I am completely different to him lets say that.

Lurching

Great father who cared for us and had family at forefront of his mind.

In saying that, I'm trying to be a bit different with my daughter. I'm trying to emulate 99% of what he did, but I'm focusing on a career that would require less travel than he used do.

mcgragger

Girly Gal wrote: »

My father was an alcoholic, was fine when sober and obviously cared for us, but, was a different person when drunk, became aggressive and beat up mum, as a result I wasn't close to him. We had nothing growing up largely due to his drinking. It has definitely affected me as I vowed never to drink because of him, which ironically enough in Ireland is probably a negative thing.
He died along time ago and despite all his failings I still think about him and think what could have been if he weren't an alcoholic.

I relate to the feeling of what could have been.
Especially when I look at all of my mates whos dads were great. Proper men.

Gregor Samsa

It's funny. I was just about to write about how he was a very good man, but not the kind that would ever put us to bed. And then I remembered something I'd long forgotten. He uses to make up these brilliant bedtime stories about "Freddy The Frog" and the adventures he's get up to that always involved him doing a huge jump to get out of. We absolutely loved them. So he must have put us to bed at least some of the time. That's when we were very young.

I think he was constrained by his time. When he became a grandfather, he showed so much love and affection to my daughters - which I was so appreciative of, but I used to sometimes lament that he never really had that with us, especially once we got to about 6 or 7. But I'm glad to see he actually had it in him.

He influenced me a lot in many ways, but I'm a completely different father to him. Regarding my kids, the only two things I didn't/don't get involved in are breastfeeding and haircuts (there's none so protective than a mother about her daughter's hair). I'm much closer to my daughters than I ever was to my dad.

As a husband, he provided well for the family, but again he had his strict limits and role that he didn't sway from. Work, provide money and pay the bills, do the DIY. Everything else was left up to my mother. In later years, when we were well into out teens, he started cooking for us all - but I think that came out of a row my mother had with him where he criticised the variety of food she was cooking and she told him to do it himself if he wasn't happy. He turned out to be a very good cook.

Things have certainly changed in terms of parenting, and for the better. I think he missed out on a lot.

mfceiling

Great man.

Tough as old boots. Showed no affection to us growing up but that was the way of the time...I'm 45 so he was a 70's and 80's father!!

Never would see you stuck....be that it was money you needed, a car fixed, a floor put down, anything.

Now I see him with my daughters and the love and affection he gives them is unreal. They constantly pester him and are forever fixing his hair or hugging him to death and he LOVES it!

Grey Fox

mfceiling wrote: »

Great man.

Tough as old boots. Showed no affection to us growing up but that was the way of the time...I'm 45 so he was a 70's and 80's father!!

Never would see you stuck....be that it was money you needed, a car fixed, a floor put down, anything.

Now I see him with my daughters and the love and affection he gives them is unreal. They constantly pester him and are forever fixing his hair or hugging him to death and he LOVES it!

Brilliant, sounds the very same as my old pop. I think fathering in those days was about being the strong, silent type. But I doubt if any modern dads have anywhere near the same DIY skills!

drunkmonkey

The only thing I would have done different is not let him near a public hospital, he walked into one, got better, picked up an unknown virus in the hospital ward a couple of days before he was coming home they could not treat, it's the only time I've seen him cry besides the days his own mum and dad died.
Watching your dad go through hell in ICU for a couple months was absolute torture. I really let him down, my family wanted him to stay in that hospital and I fought like hell to get him to the beacon but was overruled. Something I still regret 3yrs later, I should have never backed down.
It's was a clown show in the hospital from start to finish.
Cause of death natural causes heart attack, no mention of months in the hospital that got him to that point or the virus.

Look after your folks.
It took a feckin pandemic to wake up our health services, I hope they learned their lesson about hygiene and letting viruses run wild in hospitals.

Millionaire only not

Had a great dad , died from Alzeimers after10 years of it . Loved work 18 hour days 5 days a week , little easier on a Saturday, Sunday if he could.

Anything he’d have he’d gladly give it , miss him so much didn’t tell him how great he was when alive.

trying to be as good and better than him which I have failed in every angle .

Hard worker and provider - but as another user said was distant and emotionally unavailable in any other way after the "Cute stage" - and have a better relationship with him now as adults than I ever did as a preteen or teen or college student.

As a result I guess I almost over do being present with my children. Teaching them martial arts - firing rifles - hunting and gutting - fishing - home farming - cooking and baking - science experiments and more. And the oldest is not even quite 10 yet so I have packed a lot in already.

Any time I analyse something I feel driven to do with my own kids - I usually find that subconsciously it is something I wish had been done with me back then.

gmisk

Grey Fox wrote: »

How would you rate the job your father did in being a father and did it affect your life much? How would you have done things differently?

My dad was a good provider but pretty old school in terms of showing love and affection etc. But hey, I believe that was the norm at that time (I'm 40). Feels like things have changed so much in parenting since I was a kid.

I would say something similar for my dad.
He worked extremely hard abroad for a lot of the time when I was growing up til I was about 16. He might be away for 3 months then back for 3 weeks max. In truth we have very little in common but I respect him more and more as the years go on.
Having said that I think my mum pretty much raised us.
I am 38.

eviltwin

A man very much ahead of his time emotionally and socially. Due to an accident he was unable to work so he became a stay at home dad in the early 80’s and excelled at it. His own dad died young and he was raised by an outspoken fearless woman who inspired him greatly and he always tried to instill that independence in his children. He was optimistic, positive and emphatic and a great role model.

Dial Hard

My dad was - and is - amazing. I'm the youngest of five at 38 so he was very much of that 70s/80s generation but he was incredibly involved with us; we were played with, hugged, had our hands held and told (and showed) we were loved all the time.

He taught me how to play football, knot a tie, wire a plug, hang a shelf, fix a puncture and myriad other small, handy things he thought it was just as important for girls to know as boys. He also taught me how to be kind and how important it is to stand up for people you see being mistreated.

I'm incredibly lucky to have him.

The Mighty Quinn

Saw this thread last night. Got me thinking hard about my father. I was going to post but said I'd give it time to settle in my mind.

I remember a time when my dad seemed supernatural. World beater, there simply was nobody better than my father as far as I was concerned up until my mid teens.

Don't get me wrong, he worked (very) hard to be a provider to his wife and three children. Early mornings, 80 hour weeks at times as he was double jobbing.

He used to encourage me to play sports, would go to the occasional soccer training session or match to watch. I was useless and he knew it haha but he never said anything.

He always does his best for his children and has been generous, paying for college, and rent while at college, bought us all our first car, helped with deposits at mortgage time, etc. Very generous that way.

I suppose he was in his own way trying to be emotionally present for us, but in reality he isn't a great talker, and this has led him to being a depressed man now. He's having mental struggles which has seen him withdraw from life a bit, there's a lot bottled up. I don't think he ever dealt with his own father's death from lung cancer some 20 odd years ago. As he gets older his physical health is failing because his mental state is telling himself he has cancer, or tumours or aneurysms etc. He doesn't. Tests have shown. He could have 20+ years left, I am worried that he'll be sad and withdrawn and frightened like he is now for the rest of his life.

Anyway, I thought he was the perfect person until I was a teenager. And then I saw snippets of arrogance, insisting he's always right, doesn't like being challenged, very defensive over his views on anything, some sexist views, some racist views, some strong religious views. All that makes him sound a bad person. He's really not, there are just faults. Of course there are.

It's a weird feeling when somebody you've held up in such high regard says or does something that cracks the shiny patina and reveals something underneath.

I no longer think he's the perfect man. But he was the perfect father to the three of us, provided, loved, encouraged, cared for us. Cares for us.

Where he failed was to invest in himself. His life was working for us, looking after those around him while his own mind and emotions were decaying from neglect in the background. He didn't have friends, just family and acquaintances. No social life. And now that his working life is over and his children don't need to be provided for, he's living in his own head. And instead of it being a warm comfortable place for him to retire, it's a damp cold place that needs a lick of paint and a face lift.

So I hope to be as good with my daughter as he was to me, but I have learned I need to look after myself better along the way than he did himself.

I love you dad. I wish you were happier.

Granny Smyth

He grew up in a loveless home and in turn didnt know how to love us although he did and he tried his best. He had issues with alcohol and I feared him but sober he was just my Dad.

He became the best grandad in the world.
He gave them all of his energy, time and love.
I know he had regrets at the end but Dad to me you were the best Dad you could be and I loved you unconditionally.

cannotlogin

A typical Irish dad for the 80s/90s, you'd know he loved you even though he'd never tell you.

Worked hard, provider for us but my mum probably did more of the real parenting. Thought he was strict when we were teenagers, but he really wasn't just tried to keep us save & avoid stupidity.

Great relationship now, think he mellowed a lot once he had put us through college and cleared the mortgage. In hindsight, one wage, loads of kids, at a time when Ireland was much poorer, he must have been under a lot of pressure to provide for us all, even thought we never knew it at the time. Adult issues like stress, finance, worries were always well hidden from us growing up.

Wouldn't change him for the world.

JohnDough

Some stuff was overlooked

Work was always a priority, I don't hold that against him

HalloweenJack

Alcoholic absentee father. He's nothing more than a sperm donor to me.

My parents separated when I was one so I don't remember him ever being around. My older siblings have a bit more of a relationship with him.

In my case, he was great for turning up with presents every now and then but he wasn't any kind of emotional father. I wasn't there for my parent's relationship but I've heard enough to think he was a right prick.

As an adult, there is a clash of personalities and I just don't get on with him and I don't see any reason to make an effort.

He has taught how I don't want to be if I do have kids some day.

gogo

My dad was amazing, he died of cancer at the age of 58... worked his arse off and still attended every match, dance or play that was on. My dad was ‘that dad’ that stood at the back of the disco when he was ready to pick you up and walked arm in arm back home with you listening to how it went.
He worked in a trade and took many young local lads in training with him sending them to Bolton street and making sure they served their time properly. Many of those lads wouldn’t have got a chance anywhere else, didn’t bother him, willing to work and learn, they were welcome. They all done well since and still mention how it was my dad who gave them a start.

I did a post recently about when he died and mentioned when at his funeral I heard my siblings speak about him and realized we all though that we were his favourite child, all of us. I certainly though it, we both loved reading and books and talked for hours about ones we loved. For my older brother is was fishing, my younger, it was sport and so on.
He found something in each of us and shared that passion with us. So many people at his funeral told us how we were ‘his life’ and we were, we weren’t well off, but wanted for nothing, the year I asked for a bass guitar for Christmas, my mother told me years later that he worked nearly 18 hour days to make sure they had enough for it, we did piano, tennis, camps, music, seen every landmark in Ireland, christ I honestly thought we were loaded! I never realized the hours he put in for all the things we had.

Over 2000 showed up for his funeral, they had to close off the main road in our town as the people flowed out side the church, he had three guards of honor, the numbers didn’t matter but the stories they told did.

He used to read the broadsheet papers, and every evening I’d come home and he’d always tip the corner of his paper down when you’d walk in, and say ‘ah, there she is’ and promptly fold the paper down ready to hear about your day, I’d do anything to see the corner of a paper fold down again and him to say ‘there she is’, he was amazing.

Girly Gal

Some of the fathers on here sound amazing, doing everything they could to make their kids want for nothing and even helping to financially support their kids into adulthood. I wonder do most of their kids realise how lucky they are and appreciate them or is it taken for granted.
Some other fathers were not so good; abusive, controlling alcoholics or totally absent, who put themselves first and made life more difficult for their families, resulting in the kids missing out on opportunities and getting off to a bad start in life meaning that they will have to work harder in order to get anywhere decent in life.

One eyed Jack

Grey Fox wrote: »

How would you rate the job your father did in being a father and did it affect your life much? How would you have done things differently?

My dad was a good provider but pretty old school in terms of showing love and affection etc. But hey, I believe that was the norm at that time (I'm 40). Feels like things have changed so much in parenting since I was a kid.

My father was an incredible father and role model to look up to who inspired me in many ways. There were times when I thought he could be incredibly cruel, but when I look back in hindsight I understand how difficult things were for him and how difficult it was to raise me right when I was only thinking of myself at the time, which I now see as my being incredibly selfish.

He was often regarded as tight as a ducks arse with money, but in reality he was laying the foundations for the family’s future, as opposed to giving us everything we wanted when we demanded it or thought we were entitled to it.

He certainly influenced my own thinking about fatherhood and what it means to be responsible for raising a boy to grow up to be a man. I used to think as a child that I wouldn’t want to ever turn out like my father as I saw him at the time, but with hindsight I see that I’ve actually turned out almost identical to him in many ways :pac:

I don’t see that as a bad thing though, I only wish I hadn’t been as obstinate in my teenage years, I wanted to make him proud, still do, and even though he’s dead now 15 years it’s still what motivates me to this day in being a man and being a father that I hope my own father would have been proud of.

FaIIcon

10 out of 10. Hard worker, but also a good listener if I had something sensitive to talk about. I'd go to him before my mother for logical discussion...! if I ever needed a hand with anything, he is always there.

A man that in his early 40s gave up smoking permanently and took up cycling and was finishing No. 1 in his age category (30th overall) in a race with 1600 participants. All this while working self employed 60-70 hours a week.

Some man, I could barely be half the man he is. At 25 I've only just got my life together and career on track, and finally feel like I'm making him proud... although he would say that he is proud of me regardless of course.

He raised me well, my mental health, is A1 and I attribute that to being raised in a loving environment. I could only hope to pass it on to the children I hope to have in years to come, and all I want is to provide as much love as he did for me.

banie01

My Grandfathers, and my Step Grandfather all had far more input on my life growing up and influence on how I comport myself as an adult than did my father or Step-Father.

One thing I can say about Dad and Step-dad however is this.
They both did a wonderful job of illustrating how not to be a parent.
As time passed and I encounter situations in my own path through parenthood, I simply put myself in the position of one of my own failures
And do the opposite.
Simples.

freshpopcorn

My father is 70 and I’m late twenties now.
Growing up he never really knew our Birthdays, ages, interests, etc.
He’d also like to be the center of attention. Examples would be at my sex education night at school he made smart comments in front of my class and another time he reported me missing mainly so he could have a chat with the the teachers.
He is a compulsive hoarder as well. Our house was packed with old news papers, boxes, tools, etc. People used land there old clutter onto him and he used raid skips and this was well known and was a tad embarrassing growing up. It was landed outside the house along with old cars.It also meant I was never able to have a friend over growing up.
He did varies other things also. Adults used give you a look which basically said I feel sorry for you.
He did hit me rarely also but that was rare.
He is over a decade older than my mother and she’d have been naive when she meet him. He basically got her farm and everything was done his way. He essentially ran it into the ground and he spent lots of money on himself, his hobbies,etc.
My mother used look after us and her mother. Any time she wanted to do a course or something. He’d insist he’d want to do it to and she sort of lost interest.
He always portrays himself as the perfect gentleman and his issues such as the hoarding effect him also but he can’t help himself.
He does love us in his own way but growing up I sort of always craved a strong male role model.

freshpopcorn

FHFM50 wrote: »

You had sex education in your school, at night, with your parents?

Yes, it was at the end of sixth class.
We first had a talk with a Garda about drugs and then a lady talked about sex education! It would have been about 19:30 and our parents sat at the back of the room.

FHFM50

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Yes, it was at the end of sixth class.
We first had a talk with a Garda about drugs and then a lady talked about sex education! It would have been about 19:30 and our parents sat at the back of the room.

We just watched a video during class time. I've never heard of parents being present for sex education.

SCOOP 64

I have 2 teenage boys who if have any problems be it with girlfriends or any other will talk to me about it, sometimes i don't know the right answers, some problems its just life, but it always amazes me that they do that and this makes me happy that they feel they can, i put it down to my wife always encourages them to talk, , now no way in hell would i approach my dad in the same way (back in 70/80se), he would think i have lost it, but this generation now is so different maybe because of social media i don't know.
Even though i felt i couldn't talk to him and id be right ,he still done a great job in bringing us up.

Truthvader

Dad objectively terrible in every conceivable way but managed to be loved by all children and their several mothers. Got forgiven a lot of bad ****

Heres the thing though for those with "bad" Dads. What was their father / childhood like? Usually get out what you put in.

Plus thats all over now so move on and for the men here take the opportunity to be the best father you can be because that is the bit you can change.

holdfast

I dont know if I could ever do credit to my father or mother in such a post. But I wanted to acknowledge how good they were to me. So I felt I could not pass this thread without a least giving a token nod to the super father he was.

My father was a very hard working quite man, very tactile and affectionate. He was the oldest boy in the family and went to work at 12. His work allowed the other seven kids to finish school. He got the farmer and tired every way to turn a bob, I can remember him in the summer baling till 1 o clock in the morning for weeks. He would cut timber, sell fencing poles, farmer and work in the forestry. Our oldest brother died in accident and he and my mother carried that hurt without letting it blight our lives. He as I said was tactile and would throw his arm around me a lot, which made me uncomfortable as I got older. As a father now I can see it was his way of showing he loved you, as he came from a generation that did not say it to their kids.

He used to say "come along for the company" when he would be going on a job. Which we taught was code for hard work, but really he did the hard work and we were along for just that "the company". They were great with money and we never wanted for anything, because that was the way everyone lived.

He enjoyed gaa and cards and made a great partnership with my mother. Our house never had a raised voice. He passed away suddenly while on my honeymoon. Massive funeral, he had worked on some many farms and done so many people turns and it was great to hear the stories of such.

I have benefited as he worked to get me through college, so I was set up for life. I think his and my mother work and investment in us has benefited not only me but my family.

statto25

Truthvader wrote: »

Heres the thing though for those with "bad" Dads. What was their father / childhood like? Usually get out what you put in

It was never spoken about. My grandmother once made a comment about my grandfather alluding to a turbulent life with him but again, you aren't allowed to ask. Maybe I'm wrong but past experiences against you don't forgive you for committing the same crimes or worse in the future.

Truthvader

statto25 wrote: »

It was never spoken about. My grandmother once made a comment about my grandfather alluding to a turbulent life with him but again, you aren't allowed to ask. Maybe I'm wrong but past experiences against you don't forgive you for committing the same crimes or worse in the future.

Nope but its hard to learn or know what you've never seen." Forgive"will always be subjective. "Explain" is not

Liamo57

I was lucky to have had the 2 best parents in Ireland. We hadn't a lot but we had it all. He never used bad language or raised his voice. Always a great atmosphere in the house.

Galwayguy35

My father married late in life and was in his 50s when I was born so he was the same age as my friends grandfathers.

He was a man of his time and showing emotion wouldn't be the kind of man he was but we had a happy childhood and he worked hard to provide for us which wasn't easy in the 1970s and 80s.

He was secretly battling cancer but didn't let on and kept working until he could do no more, 25 years gone now but I still miss him.

Feisar

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

My father married late in life and was in his 50s when I was born so he was the same age as my friends grandfathers.

He was a man of his time and showing emotion wouldn't be the kind of man he was but we had a happy childhood and he worked hard to provide for us which wasn't easy in the 1970s and 80s.

He was secretly battling cancer but didn't let on and kept working until he could do no more, 25 years gone now but I still miss him.

Respect, there is a "never say die" toughness to those old school men. I hope you don't mind me saying.

drunkmonkey

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

He was secretly battling cancer but didn't let on and kept working until he could do no more

I'll do the same, I will not worry the hell out of my kids unless the bus for Vegas is about to take off....respect to him.

Ryzken

I never had my real father in my life nor my mother.

I was put into foster care at 7 weeks old and have bein with the same family since and i'm 29 now.

The man and woman fostered me were amazing human beings.

The woman died about 12 years ago.

But they have being the best mam and dad i could ask for but the man i can call a father is a amazing man. Done everything for me and didn't think twice.

WesternZulu

A brilliant man - my hero in every way and in how he approaches life. The hardest worker I know.

He has never said he loves me as he's very much a man of his time, but the thing is he doesn't need to.

He overcame a very serious farm accident a decade ago and where a lot of people would have let it get the better of them but he never did. If I turn out half the man he is I'll be very happy.

TheBoyConor

I usually remember my father bringing home no money and him sending no money from England either when he went for work.
Any time he'd get a job he'd say he'd be home by noon on Friday, and he'd promise us we'd have rashers and eggs and tea. He wasn't ever home by noon... - or 1.00... - Or 2.00... or anytime before the sun went down. He would always come home drunk and penniless after drinking his wages. He'd fall in the hallway singing "Kevin Barry" and saying "I have the Friday penny for you. Up, boys! Those Red Branch Knights! Those Fenian men! The glorious I.R.A.! Up! Up! Up! and I have the Friday penny for you, boys. You line up like soldiers now, and promise to die for Ireland". We didn't want it.
When we'd wake up the next morning, he'd always be still asleep on the stairs. He'd miss work and loose his job...again.
That was my childhood. A miserable Irish Catholic childhood. A happy childhood wouldn't have been worth our while.

LuasSimon

My father was a honest hard working man who died in his 60s , never showed emotion or said i love you to any of us including my mother id say as he like many others were reared similarly in the 40s and 50s where times were really tough and people emigrated at 14 or 15 . He went for drinks every night like many men of his era and id suspect drink was a crutch to deal with emotions he never felt or expressed. Too much time was spent in the pub and was never there to put us to bed or hug us watching tv or tell us stories. It had impacts on all of us but at least in modern day life fathers have learned to express their feelings and spend more time with their children which will make them better and more affectionate fathers and mothers.

c.p.w.g.w

Seeing a whole lot of father's with alcohol issues, two of my buddies father's were full blown alcoholic's, after years of trying to get them treated they went through rehab and councilling...both had been sexually abused by Christian Brothers, I had a uncle suffer the same faith, but he drank himself into an early grave and his kids grew up with only bad things to say about him...which was really sad as he was a victim and trying to live with that while not being believed

FHFM50

Alcoholic who would spend money the second he got it and come out with stories about his past. I believed a lot of them as a kid until I realized when I was older that they were all bull****.

Cut him out of my life and have been much better off.

On the plus side I tend to avoid alcohol except around Christmas so I've saved a lot of money because of him.

El Gato De Negocios

My dad would be similar to alot of the descriptions on here. Hard working, a good provider but very much a man of his time in that mam dealt with all the kids stuff like clothes, parent teacher meetings, dentist and doctors appointments. He doesnt really do emotions and is very much the bottle up your feelings type but at the back of it all he is a really good human. As Ive gotten older Ive developed a much better relationship with him and can always turn to him for advice if i need it. He has helped us out financially with our wedding, deposit for a house and he has been really generous since my two kids came along and I genuinely believe his interaction with them is him reliving what he would have wanted to be like with us as kids. He absolutely adores them and they are mad about him, he is definitely the favourite grandparent, much to my mothers chagrin Id say but I love seeing them interact together. The patience he has with them when reading, playing etc is wonderful. He was never a drinker thankfully but does smoke heavily and has done for more than 50 years, its only a matter of time before that catches up with him. All I hope is that he is with us long enough for the kids to have proper memories of him when he does die. I had a great relationship with my maternal grandfather and even though he is dead over 20 years, I still miss him and think about him regularly.

All in all, he is not without his faults but the good about him by far outweighs the bad.

Mad_maxx

most self absorbed person I've ever known, incapable of seeing beyond his own wants and needs, probably was some kind of narcissistic personality type as he never listened to anyone and everything was always about him,far too arrogant to ever say sorry or admit to being wrong

Almost a tea totaller so no addiction excuse etc ,just entirely engrossed in work, not a bad person but not cut out for parenthood or being a husband, huge funeral as outsider's liked him alot

Dead almost twenty years,mid fifties, sudden death

My father is the gentlest person I've ever known, and he's totally inept at being mean. A bit silly sometimes, not good with finances, works very hard to be more manly than his personality is. he's the one who cooks in our family, and his traditional stews/roasts are to die for.

I love him to bits, and he's my role-model. The perfect gentleman. Strong as a man should be, but without the need to express himself physically/aggressively. Hoping I'll die before him TBH. Can't imagine a world that didn't have him there.