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Resigning due to bullying

  • 02-05-2021 9:12pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I am being bullied by my work colleagues. My health is suffering. I have decided to resign this week as I have reported it, and have not been supported. The bullying is covert and subtle, so hard to demonstrate.
    I feel like a failure, and am going to be broke soon.


«1

Comments

  • #2
    Jequ0n
    Registered Users Posts: 6,412 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    Enough thanks wrote: »
    I am being bullied by my work colleagues. My health is suffering. I have decided to resign this week as I have reported it, and have not been supported. The bullying is covert and subtle, so hard to demonstrate.
    I feel like a failure, and am going to be broke soon.

    Don’t resign if you know money will be an issue. I believe a GP can sign you off sick for a while but others might be better able to advise here.

    How are you being bullied?


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Jequ0n wrote: »
    Don’t resign if you know money will be an issue. I believe a GP can sign you off sick for a while but others might be better able to advise here.

    How are you being bullied?

    I am currently off sick, but I want a clean break away from them.
    The bullying is subtle, undermining my work, not including me in discussions, going quiet, like tumbleweed quiet when I log into meetings.


  • #4
    Senior
    Registered Users Posts: 37 ✭Senior


    Get signed off due to workplace stress. Don't quit and put yourself under further pressure.

    Sick leave caused by bullying will ensure managers and HR take it seriously.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Senior wrote: »
    Get signed off due to workplace stress. Don't quit and put yourself under further pressure.

    Sick leave caused by bullying will ensure managers and HR take it seriously.
    I would agree with you if I were in the right frame of mind.
    But being bullied has made me lose all my confidence, and has me second guessing and questioning all my actions and reactions. I'm in too bad of a place to try to keep my job. And I did ask for help, and that is not working out. I feel like I need to get out and regroup. I don't think that remaining there is going to be viable or healthy for me.


  • #6
    Jequ0n
    Registered Users Posts: 6,412 ✭✭✭Jequ0n


    Enough thanks wrote: »
    I am currently off sick, but I want a clean break away from them.
    The bullying is subtle, undermining my work, not including me in discussions, going quiet, like tumbleweed quiet when I log into meetings.

    I would not resign without having another job lined up but I know that others would favour your approach.
    Have you raised the issues in writing or verbally?


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  • #7
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,385 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Who is bullying you? Is it colleagues or is it your manager? Does your sick cert from your doctor say it is work related stress? If not, get that put on your next cert.

    If a cert is handed in with that on it, it has to be addressed. It might not mean exactly that the bullying colleagues are disciplined, but you might be assigned to a different Dept, different team, different role.

    If nothing is done then you can resign and perhaps take a case against your employer for constructive dismissal.

    But, if your employer is unaware you are out of work because of workplace stress, or you don't give them the opportunity to put things right in work for you then you will have no comeback.

    Have you a union?


  • #8
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,385 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Thread moved from Personal Issues. Work Problems charter now applies


  • #9
    gameoverdude
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,317 ✭✭✭gameoverdude


    I'd agree with the majority of the above. If it is bullying and hasn't be dealt with as per hr processes, then that is a duty of care failing by your company. Get signed off with the doctors note saying something like "extreme work stress". If they're anyways competent they'll take that seriously. A side note is that they may ask you to go to a company doctor.

    Do not resign until you have something else, in my opinion.


  • #10
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,943 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    I think there is a lot to consider here. Have you rent or a mortgage to pay? I have been in situations like that before and always moved jobs rather than quit with nothing on the cards. How marketable are your skills? If you feel you are in demand and could rock into another job fairly quickly then go for it. If you are in danger of getting into financial difficulty there is more at stake.

    Have you said it to the bully/ies themselves?
    I was being treated badly by a manager before and I said it to her. She apologied and said on reflection she could have handled things better and was super nice to me after that. Sometimes you need to stand up to bullies and they move on to another victim, or else maybe they just didn’t realise what they were doing.

    Far to often people don’t out their hand up and call a bully out.


  • #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    YellowLead wrote: »
    I think there is a lot to consider here. Have you rent or a mortgage to pay? I have been in situations like that before and always moved jobs rather than quit with nothing on the cards. How marketable are your skills? If you feel you are in demand and could rock into another job fairly quickly then go for it. If you are in danger of getting into financial difficulty there is more at stake.

    Have you said it to the bully/ies themselves?
    I was being treated badly by a manager before and I said it to her. She apologied and said on reflection she could have handled things better and was super nice to me after that. Sometimes you need to stand up to bullies and they move on to another victim, or else maybe they just didn’t realise what they were doing.

    Far to often people don’t out their hand up and call a bully out.

    The 'snake in a suit' (to borrow a phrase from a book I read on bullying) who bullied me was always 'super nice' to me. Meanwhile doing as the OP described, leaving me out of meetings, and generally undermining me. I would consider myself a very strong person, and I can honestly say I never had issues previously over a long career. I didn't even recognise that what was happening was bullying, because it was so insidious.

    OP, stay out of there, look around for other roles, if possible and if you can, attend counselling. That was my lifesaver and helped me to get back on my feet. Your workplace might have an Employee Assistance Programme, this is worth checking out.

    I returned to work, then got out, and never looked back.


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  • #12
    Strumms
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,809 ✭✭✭✭Strumms


    gameoverdude wrote: »
    I'd agree with the majority of the above. If it is bullying and hasn't be dealt with as per hr processes, then that is a duty of care failing by your company. Get signed off with the doctors note saying something like "extreme work stress". If they're anyways competent they'll take that seriously. A side note is that they may ask you to go to a company doctor.

    Do not resign until you have something else, in my opinion.

    If they value their bank balance they should take it VERY seriously.


  • #13
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 22,407 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    I would get some legal advice here OP. You may have a claim for constructive dismissal. I would do nothing until you talk to someone.


  • #14
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    Who is bullying you? Is it colleagues or is it your manager? Does your sick cert from your doctor say it is work related stress? If not, get that put on your next cert.

    If a cert is handed in with that on it, it has to be addressed. It might not mean exactly that the bullying colleagues are disciplined, but you might be assigned to a different Dept, different team, different role.


    Have you a union?

    Colleagues are doing the bullying. I went to my supervisor, and she told me to get on with my work and ignore them. They have her wrapped round their little finger, so I'm not even going to try any more. I could go to hr, but I'm just not in the right frame of mind to fight. I'd rather leave quietly.
    There is no union.


  • #15
    JustAThought
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,324 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    OP - the exonomy is in tatters at the
    moment and new jobs will be harder to find.

    Also you will not be eligable for SW benefits if you voluntarily gave up your job. So if you think things are hard now and you are going broke you will soon be broke, bitter and bankrupt with a host of other problems.

    I don’t doubt that you are being bullied and that its subtle, but you need to take some of the advise here and go to your doctor. consider having bullying reported on the doctors cert, and then return to the mNager you made the first complaint to and repeat it. If that dosn’t yield reaults you then go back to the doctor and eacallate it past the manager. They mY not have the skills, experience or competence to deal with it.

    FYI I find that when I join calls or zooms they ‘room’ always goes quiet - there is usually disruption when someone joins wither to the flow or to the screen or configuration online and people know just to stop while the issues are sorted out & people get a minute to settle and say hello if appropriate.

    DO NOT give up your job. That just makes them win. AND managed to put you in an even worse place than you are now - unbelievably.


  • #16
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,084 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    Enough thanks wrote: »
    I am currently off sick, but I want a clean break away from them.
    The bullying is subtle, undermining my work, not including me in discussions, going quiet, like tumbleweed quiet when I log into meetings.

    Have you followed GP's instructions? Have they referred you for counselling, and have you attended?

    If you have, and if the health professionals support you resigning, then you should be eligible for illness benefit straight away.


  • #17
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    YellowLead wrote: »
    I think there is a lot to consider here. Have you rent or a mortgage to pay? I have been in situations like that before and always moved jobs rather than quit with nothing on the cards. How marketable are your skills? If you feel you are in demand and could rock into another job fairly quickly then go for it. If you are in danger of getting into financial difficulty there is more at stake.

    Have you said it to the bully/ies themselves?
    I was being treated badly by a manager before and I said it to her. She apologied and said on reflection she could have handled things better and was super nice to me after that. Sometimes you need to stand up to bullies and they move on to another victim, or else maybe they just didn’t realise what they were doing.

    Far to often people don’t out their hand up and call a bully out.

    I'm worn down too much to call them out. I really hope karma is a thing.


  • #18
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Mrs OBumble wrote: »
    Have you followed GP's instructions? Have they referred you for counselling, and have you attended?

    If you have, and if the health professionals support you resigning, then you should be eligible for illness benefit straight away.

    That's good to know, I am attending counselling, and they support me, as they know how much it has affected my mental and physical health.


  • #19
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,405 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    gameoverdude wrote: »
    I'd agree with the majority of the above. If it is bullying and hasn't be dealt with as per hr processes, then that is a duty of care failing by your company. Get signed off with the doctors note saying something like "extreme work stress". If they're anyways competent they'll take that seriously. A side note is that they may ask you to go to a company doctor.

    Do not resign until you have something else, in my opinion.

    Not every place of employment has a HR department to make complaints to.
    Obviously we dont know where the OP works but reporting bullying for example someone working in a school or hospital, theyd first have to go to management, if management wont take seriously, they take it a step further by contacting their unions or board of management but to be taken seriously at that stage the bullying has to be sever for any action to be taken.
    If the OP was working in a small business, for example a hotel, salon etc, the only person the OP could go to is the manager and if the manager wont take it seriously theres nowhere else to go for help.

    I used to work in a hairdressers and the clicky, bitchy bullying that went on was horrendous, as the op described it was all subtle but it wears you down. Allot of the time managers dont want to know or worse they protect the bullies because theyre friendly with them.

    OP its awful that youre being pushed out of a job because of these miserable sh!theads, I really feel for you. Being bullied & feeling disliked/rejected and having people be awful to you is one of the worst things anyone can go through and I dont say that lightly, it is soul destroying. It makes you doubt your own self worth and thats not easily fixed. People end their own lives because of dealing this sort of behavior.
    Genuinely wouldnt surprise me if the same people who're bullying you post darkness into light/suicide prevention/be kind/'Wear Blue for Autism' on their social media. I dont know why but it's often the same people that post the above on their facebooks and instagrams for clout, all the while theyre being mean and belittling others.
    I digress but my point is youre way above those bullies and no doubt they bully other people they encounter too. It really is nothing about you, themselves alone are responsible for their behavior and its a big reflection on the horrible people they are.
    Regardless, youre much to good for those people and that job.
    I would suggest you put your mental health and personal wellbeing and self respect first. If it was me in your shoes, I would set a resigning date a few weeks/months from now. Give yourself enough time to get your ducks in a row, save some money, apply to other jobs, get some counselling then leave. It might make it a little bit easier to deal with the bullies knowing that you'll be out of that environment within an amount of time.


  • #20
    punisher5112
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,644 ✭✭✭✭punisher5112


    Op do not resign...

    Unless as stated you have another job to fall into or you can stand alone on finances till you do get one but don't forget it's not looking good with what is ahead of us.....

    Have you spoken to family or friends, if not why not, you are not alone.

    If you are not in a position to talk to them for whatever reason speak with Samaritans or similar.
    Does your work place have procedures in place such as counseling if needed.

    Definitely do as you are for the moment with signed off by the doctor and work from there but if you resign that's pretty much it then.


  • #21
    Calahonda52
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,567 ✭✭✭✭Calahonda52


    Enough thanks wrote: »
    I am being bullied by my work colleagues. My health is suffering. I have decided to resign this week as I have reported it, and have not been supported. The bullying is covert and subtle, so hard to demonstrate.
    I feel like a failure, and am going to be broke soon.
    Dont resign,
    Get a cert and start their internal process.

    “I can’t pay my staff or mortgage with instagram likes”.



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  • #22
    Sheep Shagger
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 6,545 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sheep Shagger


    Calahonda52 wrote: »
    Dont resign,
    Get a cert and start their internal process.

    This....

    And you know the saying, its easier to find a job when you already have one.

    Use the signed off time to get a clear head and update your CV/LinkedIn so you can move into a new role. Your employer has a duty of care so has to take bullying seriously.

    Buy yourself some time, but dont put yourself under financial pressure by pulling the trigger and resigning now.


  • #23
    gameoverdude
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,317 ✭✭✭gameoverdude


    Calahonda52 wrote:
    Dont resign, Get a cert and start their internal process.


    I honestly don't mean scare you or anything, I really don't, but a cert doesn't mean much.(but get work related stress on it)
    But! On the other hand, you have made formal complaints and its effecting your health. They do have a duty of care. Most important thing is to look after your wellbeing and make no rash decisions.
    Your boss is being paid to...guess what.. be your boss. You look after yourself. Don't be pressurised. Recover, update the cv and you'll be back smiling soon. I wish you the best.


  • #24
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Airyfairy12 wrote: »
    Not every place of employment has a HR department to make complaints to.


    I used to work in a hairdressers and the clicky, bitchy bullying that went on was horrendous, as the op described it was all subtle but it wears you down. Allot of the time managers dont want to know or worse they protect the bullies because theyre friendly with them.

    OP its awful that youre being pushed out of a job because of these miserable sh!theads, I really feel for you. Being bullied & feeling disliked/rejected and having people be awful to you is one of the worst things anyone can go through and I dont say that lightly, it is soul destroying. It makes you doubt your own self worth and thats not easily fixed. People end their own lives because of dealing this sort of behavior.

    I would suggest you put your mental health and personal wellbeing and self respect first. If it was me in your shoes, I would set a resigning date a few weeks/months from now. Give yourself enough time to get your ducks in a row, save some money, apply to other jobs, get some counselling then leave. It might make it a little bit easier to deal with the bullies knowing that you'll be out of that environment within an amount of time.

    Thanks, you are spot on.
    There is a hr dept, but I would rather walk away without a fuss, than escalate things.
    I hate making a fuss, I suppose I am the ideal candidate for being bullied.
    If someone else was posting here, I would be advising them to hold on till they got another job, but it is different when you are in that situation.


  • #25
    Sheep Shagger
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 6,545 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sheep Shagger


    gameoverdude wrote: »
    I honestly don't mean scare you or anything, I really don't, but a cert doesn't mean much.(but get work related stress on it)
    But! On the other hand, you have made formal complaints and its effecting your health. They do have a duty of care. Most important thing is to look after your wellbeing and make no rash decisions.
    Your boss is being paid to...guess what.. be your boss. You look after yourself. Don't be pressurised. Recover, update the cv and you'll be back smiling soon. I wish you the best.

    A cert gets you paid sick leave while the OP can sort things out financially by finding a new job.


  • #26
    gameoverdude
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,317 ✭✭✭gameoverdude


    Sheep Shagger wrote:
    A cert gets you paid sick leave while the OP can sort things out financially by finding a new job.


    Depends where you work. Inaccurate statement. All I was saying is put the skids under them and most importantly is the OP look after themselves.


  • #27
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 22,407 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    gameoverdude wrote: »
    Depends where you work. Inaccurate statement. All I was saying is put the skids under them and most importantly is the OP look after themselves.

    Sick pay is a social welfare benefit


  • #28
    The DayDream
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 513 ✭✭✭The DayDream


    I've resigned jobs before without anything lined up and I'm still alive. I've also quit and not been made to wait 9 weeks to get the dole - I explained the situation (hired for one role and given another on my start day, hours cut from full to part time with no discussion, stress) and was able to go on straight away. I think they still have to backpay you the 9 weeks anyway so it makes little difference to them.

    But I can see the logic in getting the sick cert - you get paid now and it sends a message to the management. Also, that can support you in getting the dole quicker, you're not just leaving because you don't feel like working anymore.


  • #29
    gameoverdude
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,317 ✭✭✭gameoverdude


    Pawwed Rig wrote:
    Sick pay is a social welfare benefit

    Pawwed Rig wrote:
    Sick pay is a social welfare benefit


    Yes it is. Not full wages. Quite likely I misinterpreted the post. If so I apologise. Sick cert isn't a "get out of jail free" card.


  • #30
    Sheep Shagger
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 6,545 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sheep Shagger


    gameoverdude wrote: »
    Yes it is. Not full wages. Quite likely I misinterpreted the post. If so I apologise. Sick cert isn't a "get out of jail free" card.

    If the OP works for a large company then sick pay is normally is paid by the employer at full whack so no need to jump through the welfare hoops.

    The point is if the employer has done this via an employee which it sounds like is the case here, the OP should use that paid sick leave by the company while they get sorted.


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  • #31
    OTG
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 85 ✭✭OTG


    Personally, I've always walked away, but I've no debt to speak of or any dependants. Think if I'd have stayed in some of my jobs I'd be a dead man today through some stress induced illness. My sister opted out via the anti depressants/ sick cert route and her life is total misery now. Bullies, let them have the spoils, the universe will provide something more worthwhile and better companionship. If you take a look around the current system is on it's last legs so get a head start on the herd and find something that is a necessity and you don't mind doing. Take a break, the weather is getting warmer, try some fasting, meditation, yoga, walking and be good to yourself.


  • #32
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Sheep Shagger wrote: »
    If the OP works for a large company then sick pay is normally is paid by the employer at full whack so no need to jump through the welfare hoops.

    The point is if the employer has done this via an employee which it sounds like is the case here, the OP should use that paid sick leave by the company while they get sorted.
    No sick pay from employer, unfortunately.


  • #33
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OTG wrote: »
    Personally, I've always walked away, but I've no debt to speak of or any dependants. Think if I'd have stayed in some of my jobs I'd be a dead man today through some stress induced illness. My sister opted out via the anti depressants/ sick cert route and her life is total misery now. Bullies, let them have the spoils, the universe will provide something more worthwhile and better companionship. If you take a look around the current system is on it's last legs so get a head start on the herd and find something that is a necessity and you don't mind doing. Take a break, the weather is getting warmer, try some fasting, meditation, yoga, walking and be good to yourself.

    I would love to stay and fight, but I don't have the drive. I feel broken. I visited the company nurse 2weeks ago, and my blood pressure is high. I have never had high blood pressure, and I am sure this is causing it. I don't want those feckers to be the cause of a heart attack or stroke.
    Great idea regarding walking. It helps a lot, thanks!


  • #34
    HildaOgdenx
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,365 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    Sheep Shagger wrote: »
    If the OP works for a large company then sick pay is normally is paid by the employer at full whack so no need to jump through the welfare hoops.

    What usually happens, where an employer provides paid sick leave, the employee claims illness benefit, then advises the employer of the amount received. The employer then deducts that amount from the payment they make to the employee, during the sick leave.

    OP, as others have advised, do whatever you can, first and foremost to regain your health. If there is an EAP, as mentioned upthread, which most big companies have, contact them, and they will arrange counselling for you.

    Continue to take your GP's advice, and continue to submit your certs. I wouldn't rush to resign, if I were you, but I know it must be tempting, even if not ideal for you, financially or otherwise.

    Take care.


  • #35
    Sheep Shagger
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators Posts: 6,545 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sheep Shagger


    HildaOgdenx wrote: »
    What usually happens, where an employer provides paid sick leave, the employee claims illness benefit, then advises the employer of the amount received. The employer then deducts that amount from the payment they make to the employee, during the sick leave.

    OP, as others have advised, do whatever you can, first and foremost to regain your health. If there is an EAP, as mentioned upthread, which most big companies have, contact them, and they will arrange counselling for you.

    Continue to take your GP's advice, and continue to submit your certs. I wouldn't rush to resign, if I were you, but I know it must be tempting, even if not ideal for you, financially or otherwise.

    Take care.

    In my experience of multi nationals. Once you have a sick note you receive salary for normal up to 3 months. Then it's as the company doctor dictates. I'm not saying stay there for ever or go down the anti depressants route but 1-2 months of paid sick leave will give the OP breathing space financially to get themselves sorted (hopefully).

    This is stressful enough as it is, not having to worry about finances while trying to get sorted is important.


  • #36
    mosii
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 332 ✭✭mosii


    Bullying is all about power, try and take the power away from the people individually if possible, take them on individually. Record everything they say and do. If you cant take them on ,go down the sick route if you can, and move on .This stress can be harmful so be careful. Life is short .


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  • #37
    whisky_galore
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,517 ✭✭✭✭whisky_galore


    The DayDream wrote: »
    I've resigned jobs before without anything lined up and I'm still alive. I've also quit and not been made to wait 9 weeks to get the dole - I explained the situation (hired for one role and given another on my start day, hours cut from full to part time with no discussion, stress) and was able to go on straight away. I think they still have to backpay you the 9 weeks anyway so it makes little difference to them.

    But I can see the logic in getting the sick cert - you get paid now and it sends a message to the management. Also, that can support you in getting the dole quicker, you're not just leaving because you don't feel like working anymore.

    Same here, explained situation and got sorted with SW. Boss was the bully, and not to just me, so a no-win scenario anyhow.
    People have been walking out of that company because they can't and wont put up with sh1t anymore.

    Life is too short to stay in a sh1tty job you hate and affects your mental health.


  • #38
    KeepItLight
    Registered Users Posts: 164 ✭✭KeepItLight


    OP take a look at the job market for your role. While in many cases covid has really damaged demand, its not the case for many sectors - especially in IT.

    my two cents, don't try to power through it if you can't, worse case scenario you take social welfare for a while. explaining a gap in the cv is not going to be such a big deal if the gap happened during covid.

    definitely agree with the other posters here though, talk to a doctor and try to get long-term stress leave and use that to plan your next move.


  • #39
    OTG
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 85 ✭✭OTG


    Enough thanks wrote: »
    I would love to stay and fight, but I don't have the drive. I feel broken. I visited the company nurse 2weeks ago, and my blood pressure is high. I have never had high blood pressure, and I am sure this is causing it. I don't want those feckers to be the cause of a heart attack or stroke.
    Great idea regarding walking. It helps a lot, thanks!

    Not worth losing your health. being in fight, flight or freeze mode for too long will cause an over production of cortisone in your system. Your body will not heal in a situation like that, you must do what ever leads you to be able to sleep soundly. You will heal with good sleep. Concentrate on breathing deep and long, imagine a gentle wave coming in and receding on a sunset beach with each breath, that's a good start.
    Good Luck


  • #40
    greasepalm
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,464 ✭✭✭greasepalm


    Sorry to hear the turmoil you are in and talking about it is good as remembering all those kept it bottled up and committed suicide and caused more grief for family and friends.
    Wishing you all the best in overcoming those nasty people and rising above them.
    Stay safe and well and thanks for opening up on a touchy subject.


  • #41
    dd973
    Registered Users Posts: 625 ✭✭✭dd973


    Sometimes I read threads like this and think If I had kids I'd bring them up to be utter c**ts, they seem to be the people who thrive and survive.


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  • #42
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Enough thanks wrote: »
    I would agree with you if I were in the right frame of mind.
    But being bullied has made me lose all my confidence, and has me second guessing and questioning all my actions and reactions. I'm in too bad of a place to try to keep my job. And I did ask for help, and that is not working out. I feel like I need to get out and regroup. I don't think that remaining there is going to be viable or healthy for me.

    For this reason alone, I would put of resigning until you've had a chance to catch your breath and think about what you're going to do next.

    Once you've had some breathing space from work and a chance to gather your thoughts you can then start looking around at the job market.

    I'm not saying never resign, but it sounds like its the nuclear option right now. Stay on illness benefit while you get back on your feet - the company doesn't have to know you never plan on going back.


  • #43
    Arnold Layne
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 976 ✭✭✭Arnold Layne


    As others have said:
    Voice the concerns to your manager;
    Get a doctor's cert for work related stress;
    Continually submit certs.

    This will be asked to visit the company doctor after some time off on sick leave.

    This happened to me some years back. The company doctor actually agreed with me and advised on my next steps. Eventually I got paid to leave, after some time on SW benefits. I am now in a better job and gained my confidence back. It didn't take long to get a new job.

    I have not looked back. It was a chapter in my life that I would not wish on anyone, but follow the process.

    Leaving the job will not help you and it will take time to get your confidence back.


  • #44
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was in same situation. HR totally ussless. I walked. Got another job within 3 month's. Meet the guy who was actually bullying me in a shop later in life. Said to him that I hadn't forgotten him. He left the shop immediately. A dose of there own medicine is no harm.


  • #45
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,405 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    [/HTML]
    dd973 wrote: »
    Sometimes I read threads like this and think If I had kids I'd bring them up to be utter c**ts, they seem to be the people who thrive and survive.

    What goes around comes around! People like this cant be happy, they deflect from their own insecurities by dragging other people around them down instead of looking at themselves. They rarely have any resilience and the slightest inconvenience or negative experience sends them over the edge and they cant cope. They get by so well because they manipulate other people to get what they want. They make friends with the right people to get ahead, if you cant do anything for them or worse, youre a threat to them, they'll go out of their way to make your life difficult. Thats where they get their fun.
    Eventually their insecurities eat away at them and they end up miserable.


  • #46
    tellmeabit
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 986 ✭✭✭tellmeabit


    Enough thanks wrote: »
    I would love to stay and fight, but I don't have the drive. I feel broken. I visited the company nurse 2weeks ago, and my blood pressure is high. I have never had high blood pressure, and I am sure this is causing it. I don't want those feckers to be the cause of a heart attack or stroke.
    Great idea regarding walking. It helps a lot, thanks!

    I am in a similar situation and have gone down the hr route with no success. A year later and it's it same craic, moving goalposts changing rules to suit particular individuals. In A small section 2 people have left and I am looking to move to another job as soon as a suitable one can be gotten. It a just not worth the stress and health risks, make the most of the job for yourself and look to exit


  • #47
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Airyfairy12 wrote: »
    [/HTML]

    They get by so well because they manipulate other people to get what they want. They make friends with the right people to get ahead, if you cant do anything for them or worse, youre a threat to them, they'll go out of their way to make your life difficult.

    Absolutely spot on. Nail on head. That is them to a t. They are cute hoors. Know who to suck up to.


  • #48
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I did it, I resigned. I know a lot of people advised me to hang on and play the game. And I really appreciate the advice.
    But unless you have been in that situation, it is hard to comprehend how worthless, undervalued and gaslit you feel.
    I will hopefully look back at this and know that I made the right decision for my health. I am continuing with counselling so that I never have to experience this again.


  • #49
    gameoverdude
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,317 ✭✭✭gameoverdude


    Good person. ðŸ‘
    I was one of the people saying that, but I can see you are as light as feather now. Onwards and upwards. Good luck.


  • #50
    tellmeabit
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 986 ✭✭✭tellmeabit


    Enough thanks wrote: »
    I did it, I resigned. I know a lot of people advised me to hang on and play the game. And I really appreciate the advice.
    But unless you have been in that situation, it is hard to comprehend how worthless, undervalued and gaslit you feel.
    I will hopefully look back at this and know that I made the right decision for my health. I am continuing with counselling so that I never have to experience this again.

    Best of luck, you'll bounce back from it in time, amazing how much good a break from it will do you


  • #51
    OMM 0000
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,733 ✭✭✭OMM 0000


    Enough thanks wrote: »
    Absolutely spot on. Nail on head. That is them to a t. They are cute hoors. Know who to suck up to.

    You're looking at this wrong.

    They're not sucking up, but rather they're playing the game, and you're not.

    I'm not having a go at you, but something has happened to make you the outsider. This can happen quite easily, as groups like to direct their negative emotions at a scapegoat.

    What you need to do is avoid this going forward.

    When you join a company you must make relationships with the people who have power. People see this and they will not risk bullying you. Also, you greatly increase your chance of being promoted and in general being protected.

    I know in school they teach you to keep your head down and try to earn reward through competency, but that's not how the workplace works.

    You need to stop seeing the game as sucking up and start playing it. Then you won't have this problem again.

    Regarding your current situation, I think every option is OK. But if I had to choose I'd say figure out a way to stay there until you have another job. Perhaps that means listening to music on your headphone in work and forming relationships with people outside of your team.

    Good luck.


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