How much for a wedding gift?

Smee_Again · 30-10-2020 7:35pm

Pinoy adventure wrote: »

Oh and how would 14 nights AI sound in either the Maldives or the Bahamas,flying first class of course ?

Sounds like a step down from what I’d planned to be honest.

Pinoy adventure · 30-10-2020 7:36pm

Smee_Again wrote: »

Sounds like a step down from what I’d planned to be honest.

Private jet so

lawrencesummers · 30-10-2020 8:26pm

witchgirl26 wrote: »

So you base their gift on the type of wedding they have as opposed to your relationship with them?

No, that comes into it as well, it’s one of a few factors I consider, but I do consider the cost of the wedding As being relevant.

If attending a second day with a meal or BBQ I would always include a bit more in the gift as well.

When the wedding is reasonable and not OTT I think it’s fair to expect the B&G to break even on the costs from the gifts received.

Now if someone wants to get helicopters and handpicked Overnight couriered Egyptian lilies on every table then away with you.

NeonCookies · 30-10-2020 8:59pm

For the people saying they adjust the gift amount based on what the couple provide on the day (open bar etc), do you bring along a card and then take out or add a 50 depending on what you "get"? I would never know in advance what extras the couple have arranged unless they're a sibling/close friend.

Or do you look up the wedding venues package rates to work out how much to gift? We've booked a 3 star hotel as we love it, but their best package along with added extras for guests like an open toast. I give depending on my relationship with the couple and what I can afford at the time, anything else seems like madness!

JayRoc · 30-10-2020 9:34pm

tiredblondie wrote: »

What did annoy me though, was the 2 that didn't even give a card - that was just feckin odd!! An empty card is better than nothing even just to acknowledge it!!

My first thought was that they would have been embarrassed to give a card with nothing in it.

jlm29 · 30-10-2020 9:44pm

NeonCookies wrote: »

For the people saying they adjust the gift amount based on what the couple provide on the day (open bar etc), do you bring along a card and then take out or add a 50 depending on what you "get"? I would never know in advance what extras the couple have arranged unless they're a sibling/close friend.

Or do you look up the wedding venues package rates to work out how much to gift? We've booked a 3 star hotel as we love it, but their best package along with added extras for guests like an open toast. I give depending on my relationship with the couple and what I can afford at the time, anything else seems like madness!

This exactly. I definitely don’t look for details of what I’ll get, I think that’s bizarre. I don’t like wine, it sounds like I should be knocking €20 off my present because I’m not availing of the Prosecco on arrival or the couple of glasses with the dinner.

People do have a mad attitude to weddings in general. I’ve gone to weddings of good friends at considerable expense, and given a decent present to wish them well, not to pay for my meal. When we got married it was with our kids and two witnesses present. I didn’t expect gifts, but I was quite hurt that some of those friends didn’t stick a card in the post to say congratulations, because I definitely wouldn’t Have let the occasion past without sending something

Teach30 · 30-10-2020 10:19pm

jlm29 wrote: »

I didn’t expect gifts, but I was quite hurt that some of those friends didn’t stick a card in the post to say congratulations, because I definitely wouldn’t Have let the occasion past without sending something

Just on this, I’m exceptionally bad at sending cards for special occasions etc but purely because I see them as a total waste of money and I’m not bothered about receiving them myself. I’d send a text though.

On wedding gifts we give a flat rate of €200 for friends and more for family. Anyone I know who had gotten married has used the cash received to pay for wedding, down to counting the opening the cards the morning after and using the cash to pay...

We haven’t worked out our costs yet but I’d imagine we will do the same. Would love to do a gift register but not allowed!

jlm29 · 30-10-2020 10:44pm

Teach30 wrote: »

Just on this, I’m exceptionally bad at sending cards for special occasions etc but purely because I see them as a total waste of money and I’m not bothered about receiving them myself. I’d send a text though.

By the time I’ve travelled to weddings, taken annual leave, paid for a hotel if far away, and put €200 in a card, I’ve “wasted” around €500. I do really feel it would be a nice gesture for someone to pay €4 for a card and €1 for a stamp in return, even if it is a waste of a fiver.

Teach30 · 30-10-2020 11:02pm

jlm29 wrote: »

By the time I’ve travelled to weddings, taken annual leave, paid for a hotel if far away, and put €200 in a card, I’ve “wasted” around €500. I do really feel it would be a nice gesture for someone to pay €4 for a card and €1 for a stamp in return, even if it is a waste of a fiver.

Oh I though you meant people who didn’t attend the wedding didn’t give a card.

That’s v different, if I’m Invited to a wedding I’d obv give cash in a card however for babies, engagement and the like I’m hopeless at card giving. The way I look at that is if you start it once for say birthdays and babies you’ve to keep doing it.

Also if I didn’t get invited to a wedding I’d just send a text. Some place more value on the card, I’ve no mass in them, plus hate having to come with something “meaningful” to write in a card!

lawrencesummers · 01-11-2020 2:56am

NeonCookies wrote: »

For the people saying they adjust the gift amount based on what the couple provide on the day (open bar etc), do you bring along a card and then take out or add a 50 depending on what you "get"? I would never know in advance what extras the couple have arranged unless they're a sibling/close friend.

Or do you look up the wedding venues package rates to work out how much to gift? We've booked a 3 star hotel as we love it, but their best package along with added extras for guests like an open toast. I give depending on my relationship with the couple and what I can afford at the time, anything else seems like madness!

My view is not about what I “get” it’s that I want to pay my way on the day at least.

A bog standard average size and cost wedding depending on numbers when all is said and done costs something like €70-100+ per person. If you give a Gift of €100-150 your not even covering the cost of attending and for a couple at that age in life i like to think I’m covering myself at least.

jlm29 · 01-11-2020 10:05am

Teach30 wrote: »

Oh I though you meant people who didn’t attend the wedding didn’t give a card.

That’s v different, if I’m Invited to a wedding I’d obv give cash in a card however for babies, engagement and the like I’m hopeless at card giving. The way I look at that is if you start it once for say birthdays and babies you’ve to keep doing it.

Also if I didn’t get invited to a wedding I’d just send a text. Some place more value on the card, I’ve no mass in them, plus hate having to come with something “meaningful” to write in a card!

I did mean that people didn’t attend the wedding and didn’t send a card. But nobody attended, we just had 2 witnesses. I would have just thought that some people close to us might have stuck a card in the post to wish us well, that’s all. And I’m genuinely not talking about presents, I wouldn’t have expected them at all.

I think it’s interesting (and very evident from this thread) that a wedding gift/card seems to be viewed purely as an entrance fee to many people, rather than an actual gift, given to wish someone well.

Teach30 · 01-11-2020 12:42pm

jlm29 wrote: »

I did mean that people didn’t attend the wedding and didn’t send a card. But nobody attended, we just had 2 witnesses. I would have just thought that some people close to us might have stuck a card in the post to wish us well, that’s all. And I’m genuinely not talking about presents, I wouldn’t have expected them at all.

I think it’s interesting (and very evident from this thread) that a wedding gift/card seems to be viewed purely as an entrance fee to many people, rather than an actual gift, given to wish someone well.

Yea the cash is to cover your plate, well amongst my group of friends and family it is. I would much prefer physical gifts over cash but purely because we aren’t living together and items for a new home would be great! I suppose they days of a gift register are gone because people live together/out of home before marriage and don’t need anything.

I’ve never even thought of people using the cash gifts for themselves tbh I assumed everyone used it to pay for the day. I suppose that’s why numbers of 250-350 are common, ask enough people to pay for it and anything left over is a bonus.

Pinoy adventure · 01-11-2020 12:58pm

Teach30 wrote: »

Yea the cash is to cover your plate, well amongst my group of friends and family it is. I would much prefer physical gifts over cash but purely because we aren’t living together and items for a new home would be great! I suppose they days of a gift register are gone because people live together/out of home before marriage and don’t need anything.

I’ve never even thought of people using the cash gifts for themselves tbh I assumed everyone used it to pay for the day. I suppose that’s why numbers of 250-350 are common, ask enough people to pay for it and anything left over is a bonus.

Never mind Items for a new home.
A new home would make an ideal gift right ?

Toots · 01-11-2020 1:20pm

Pinoy Adventure, that's enough.

Do not post in this thread again.

Meauldsegosha · 01-11-2020 1:52pm

Teach30 wrote: »

Anyone I know who had gotten married has used the cash received to pay for wedding, down to counting the opening the cards the morning after and using the cash to pay...

I couldn’t imagine anything worse than sitting in bed the morning after my wedding counting money hoping we had enough money to pay for the day. We got married last year and the next morning we had a relaxing breakfast chatting with our friends and family.

road_high · 01-11-2020 1:57pm

One of the very few positives of Covid has been the big reduction in a lot of this non sense- I’m hoping it’ll stay close family and friends affairs into the future (seems to be the case in lots of other countries anyhow). And you won’t be invited to your 2nd cousins wedding who you see twice a decade as a norm

01-11-2020 2:04pm

Pinoy adventure wrote: »

With reduced numbers going too the wedding your gift should be higher.€500 -€1000 would be reasonable

I bet your on everyone's invite list ðŸ˜‰

eviltwin · 01-11-2020 2:10pm

jlm29 wrote: »

I did mean that people didn’t attend the wedding and didn’t send a card. But nobody attended, we just had 2 witnesses. I would have just thought that some people close to us might have stuck a card in the post to wish us well, that’s all. And I’m genuinely not talking about presents, I wouldn’t have expected them at all.

I think it’s interesting (and very evident from this thread) that a wedding gift/card seems to be viewed purely as an entrance fee to many people, rather than an actual gift, given to wish someone well.

Seems like some view it as payment for the night out. It’s the only event people seem to think must be paid for in part by the guests. It’s just a fancy party and if a couple choose to put themselves in the position of paying thousands for it that’s their responsibility. Guests are invited, they don’t buy tickets.

kravmaga · 01-11-2020 2:17pm

El_robbo1980 wrote: »

Hi all,

What’s the expected amount for a cash-gift for a wedding these days? Think the last wedding I was at (pre-covid) for a friend we gave €250 as a couple. But attending one soon solo and with a huge chunk of the country on reduced wages/unemployed im just wondering what’s a good amount to give?

Thanks

If your going solo as you say, I think €100 is enough, considering the current economy, job losses, financial hardship.

Teach30 · 01-11-2020 4:22pm

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

I couldn’t imagine anything worse than sitting in bed the morning after my wedding counting money hoping we had enough money to pay for the day. We got married last year and the next morning we had a relaxing breakfast chatting with our friends and family.

I know I thought it was mad when I heard it myself. The couples would have very good jobs with no cash flow problems but was easier pay out of the cards and get rid of the money so they wouldn’t have to mind it until the bank opened the following Monday. Made sense to be fair!

I’ll actually miss inviting the crowd it’s nice to see the cousins you never see or invite the neighbours and let them have a day/night off. I’m coming at it from a very rural perspective though and I know not everyone likes to be invited to wedding nor would everyone invite their neighbours. For us it’s certainly a way to celebrate friendships and family after the most important part - the ceremony.

01-11-2020 4:35pm

I got married abroad so we were conscious of the price for fights and hotels for everyone.

We organised apartments at a discount and the Ryanair flight certainly looked like we had chartered it. We did a BBQ the night before the wedding, wedding was open bar all night and then we provided a dinner the next day that we didn't attend ourselves.

For my part I wasn't looking at the gifts as being used to pay for it but my wife was more finance orientated as it's the way it is in her country. That kinda played out with the guests as generally her side provided bigger gifts but again, they didn't have the same travel and accommodation costs.

The other side is a wedding I went to, not only was it a paid bar abroad but they made a profit on the booze as they bought it in a wholesaler and employed the barman. That was miserable in my opinion

lazygal · 01-11-2020 9:19pm

Teach30 wrote: »

Yea the cash is to cover your plate, well amongst my group of friends and family it is. I would much prefer physical gifts over cash but purely because we aren’t living together and items for a new home would be great! I suppose they days of a gift register are gone because people live together/out of home before marriage and don’t need anything.

I’ve never even thought of people using the cash gifts for themselves tbh I assumed everyone used it to pay for the day. I suppose that’s why numbers of 250-350 are common, ask enough people to pay for it and anything left over is a bonus.

A bunch of us got married within a few years of each other and not one of us paid for the wedding with gifts. Some had parents pay, or a mix, or paid themselves. And most were 200 guests for fewer.

Pen Rua · 10-11-2020 8:59pm

We were married in early October, with about 40 guests.

We saved really hard for the previous 18 months, so it wasn't a question of gifts covering the day.

I would guess on average, there was a cash gift of €100 per person. One or two people went way above that, but that was well within their personal means.

Others gave nothing, but that was what was within their means. We didn't care. They took a day of leave from work, travelled to Galway, stayed two nights in the hotel, paid their drinks, ate out the first evening... it all adds up. They came to our wedding, and that was all that mattered. Heck, some of the people who gave no cash wrote some of the most heartwarming & special messages in their cards!

We had two friends give us handmade, framed pictures for our home and that was more special and valuable than any envelope with cash! Very few people gave tangible gifts, which is probably a good thing since otherwise you end up with junk you don't need...! Mrs Pen Rua is from America, and registries are a huge thing. No Irish person used them, but some of her friends from home got stuff for us (household bits we always wanted).

Now that we'll be on the other side of the envelope going forward, we'll probably go with €100 per person as a baseline, and increase for people we are very close to.

tayto lover · 10-11-2020 9:18pm

You’d get some meal for €100 a head.

I’d give €250 and leave it at that.

Mad_maxx · 17-11-2020 7:23pm

id be happy to get 100 euro even from a couple

How much for a wedding gift?

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