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11 year old wants iPhone 11

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  • 15-05-2020 11:53am
    #1
    snickers
    Registered Users Posts: 159 ✭✭


    So long story short my ex partner wants to allow our 11 year old daughter spend nearly 700 euro of her savings on an Iphone 11 apparently all the kids in her class have them and she gets bullied about her current huawei smart phone I offered my old iPhone se that’s working perfect but that’s to small apparently. I am completely against this purchase for obvious reasons is this the norm that 11 year olds have such high end phones I mean I work full time and only have a 7 .


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    #2
    colm_mcm
    Registered Users Posts: 73,390 ✭✭✭✭colm_mcm


    Ah, the old ‘all my friends have one’

    I’d be more concerned about an 11 year old having a smartphone than the value of the phone.
    It’s great that she has savings but in my own view a €700 phone is inappropriate for most people nevermind an 11 year old.


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    #3
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 5,121 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I think it is foolish too but it is her savings.
    If the phone is stolen, lost or damaged it might be a lesson.


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    #4
    JCX BXC
    Registered Users Posts: 18,116 ✭✭✭✭JCX BXC


    An 11 year old gets bullied for not having a piece of nearly €1000 technology to carry around with them at all times?


    It's an 11 year old, don't buy them a brand new expensive phone. What's the point? I can guarantee you most 11 year olds don't have them.

    I feel like this is a windup.


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    #5
    DesperateDan
    Registered Users Posts: 1,582 ✭✭✭DesperateDan


    Christ :D If you do get a brand new iphone at least try and convince the ex to go for the new iphone SE. It's getting great reviews, brand new product (same CPU as 11) and "only" €500 or less if you trade in.


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    #6
    corks finest
    Registered Users Posts: 8,641 ✭✭✭corks finest


    colm_mcm wrote: »
    Ah, the old ‘all my friends have one’

    I’d be more concerned about an 11 year old having a smartphone than the value of the phone.
    It’s great that she has savings but in my own view a €700 phone is inappropriate for most people nevermind an 11 year old.
    You're 100 percent right,if u give in to this emotional blackmail crap now you'll deeply reget it
    I did and called a halt to it after 2 iPhones, I bought him an Android ,hard at first," dad bit all my friends have all I phones " etc etc I'll be the odd one out



    Blah blah
    I said can give you what I consider to be a decent phone,pair of football boots,season pass to CCFC,e50 in your credit union account,and still wouldn't have spent as much as if I'd bought you an I phone
    7 days of mutterings , crap, different blah blah held firm, traded in his old phone and got a game for his Xbox


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    #7
    DesperateDan
    Registered Users Posts: 1,582 ✭✭✭DesperateDan


    Also would the 6 inch phone even fit in an 11 year old's pocket?! I was extremely clumsy as a child, would have been a disaster to hand me a 1k piece of kit so I would also consider insurance.


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    #8
    corks finest
    Registered Users Posts: 8,641 ✭✭✭corks finest


    colm_mcm wrote: »
    Ah, the old ‘all my friends have one’

    I’d be more concerned about an 11 year old having a smartphone than the value of the phone.
    It’s great that she has savings but in my own view a €700 phone is inappropriate for most people nevermind an 11 year old.

    It's not an if or when,it will get damaged etc, honestly a 11year old with a e700 phone-, WTF is happening to us in Ireland, priorities all wrong
    One of my grandkids had hers bought as a Xmas present (nearly 800 Sterling) lasted 2 months,and she was 12,I ate her mother ( my eldest) who was struggling with 5 other kids on a vv tight budget, minimum wages


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    #9
    corks finest
    Registered Users Posts: 8,641 ✭✭✭corks finest


    colm_mcm wrote: »
    Ah, the old ‘all my friends have one’

    I’d be more concerned about an 11 year old having a smartphone than the value of the phone.
    It’s great that she has savings but in my own view a €700 phone is inappropriate for most people nevermind an 11 year old.

    It's not an if or when,it will get damaged etc, honestly a 11year old with a e700 phone-, WTF is happening to us in Ireland, priorities all wrong
    One of my grandkids had hers bought as a Xmas present (nearly 800 Sterling) lasted 2 months,and she was 12,I ate her mother ( my eldest) who was struggling with 5 other kids on a vv tight budget, minimum wages


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    #10
    snickers
    Registered Users Posts: 159 ✭✭snickers


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I think it is foolish too but it is her savings.
    If the phone is stolen, lost or damaged it might be a lesson.

    Yeah I can understand that they are her savings but I am extremely concerned about her carrying around something so valuable making her a target for opportunist thieves .


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    #11
    Snow Garden
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,126 ✭✭✭Snow Garden


    Let her buy it. It will get broken or stolen. Valuable lesson learned for upcoming years of recession.


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    #12
    Boards.ie: Niamh
    Boards.ie Employee Posts: 12,597 ✭✭✭✭✭Boards.ie: Niamh
    Boards.ie Community Manager


    Two threads merged.

    How can I? User's guide to some features on the new site



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    #13
    snickers
    Registered Users Posts: 159 ✭✭snickers


    JCX BXC wrote: »
    An 11 year old gets bullied for not having a piece of nearly €1000 technology to carry around with them at all times?


    It's an 11 year old, don't buy them a brand new expensive phone. What's the point? I can guarantee you most 11 year olds don't have them.

    I feel like this is a windup.

    I wish it was a wind up but it’s the truth unfortunately .


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    #14
    minikin
    Registered Users Posts: 2,980 ✭✭✭minikin


    Snickers, not sure what to say to you. In a similar boat, have a ten year old who lives with her mam pretty much all the time... my influence as her dad has fallen off a cliff pretty much the same. She has had tablets etc for the last three years that never would have been in the house had I been her live-in parent.

    It is entirely wrong that kids have smart phones at all, they destroy their attention spans, make everything else boring and can make some very impatient and snappy.

    I'm making do with a dead battery, cracked screen ip6s because I'd rather pay the maintenance for herself every month than have the latest shiny iThing.

    I would ask a fundamental question though... what is an 11 year old doing with >€700 in petty cash???


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    #15
    Sunny Dayz
    Registered Users Posts: 5,308 ✭✭✭Sunny Dayz


    IMO no it's not acceptable for an 11 year old to have a €700 phone - whether it's from her own money or not. While an 11 year old does have an understanding of money, price and value - they cannot understand the value of a sum like €700. For me that's one mortgage repayment, my car insurance and tax for a year, etc. I have an iphone myself and I can say they are overpriced, it annoys me that there seems to be new releases every 6 months. My son is 15 and he's gotten our old iphones and it's been a case or like it or lump it. (He does have a Hauwai phone now but he researched it, it was discussed as a family, it was still one of the cheaper ones but tbh it actually seems better than the iphone).

    If a child is being bullied because she has a Hauwai phone instead of an iphone - that needs to be knocked on the head. If she gets the latest iphone she may get bullied about something else or picked on when that phone very quickly is no longer the latest release. Forking out €700 is not really going to solve the problem.


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    #16
    mvl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,229 ✭✭✭mvl


    Wants is not same as needs - of course everyone does parenting differently. The best motivator I heard from another mother in full time employment (still on the iphone for pre-teens subject) was - "you can get the expensive one honey when you earn enough to pay for it yourself".
    If I were you, I would be telling your Ex that while any mother should be free to buy own daughter a 700 EUR gift from her own (mothers) income, but as the father, your prefer to teach your daughter that such amount of money are better left in a savings account than spent on a phone.


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    #17
    Sunny Dayz
    Registered Users Posts: 5,308 ✭✭✭Sunny Dayz


    Also OP as she is 11 this is the start of the old I want this/that cos "everyone else has one" and I'm the only one without. If it's not the phone, it'll be a particular style of nike runners, a branded coat, a ghd hair straightener, a €50 eyeshadow palette, the underage discos, etc. Give in now and you'll be making a rod for your own back.


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    #18
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    It's all well and good that they have their own savings but when that well has run dry there'll still be plenty of other 'must-haves'.


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    #19
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Jaysis.
    What 11 year old Even needs any phone!

    If your child is being bullied about her phone, teach her to be an individual & stand up for herself. Be proud & never worry about being different to others.
    Far more beneficial then a 700 Euro phone.


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    #20
    Randy Archer
    Registered Users Posts: 859 ✭✭✭Randy Archer


    Do not give in. 600 quid for any phone is outrageous . For what ? She’s only 11

    The kid needs to toughen up and realise that it’s rarely cool or clever to act like a sheep. Time for her to realise the value of money, she’s 11 , old enough

    The economy is going to go down the toilet , and I doubt you and the other parent worked so hard to give her such a healthy savings account so that she can waste it on a poxy phone that will be stolen, broken, out of date or slow within 2 years .


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    #21
    c.p.w.g.w
    Registered Users Posts: 4,994 ✭✭✭c.p.w.g.w


    I think any adult that thinks it's acceptable for a child to have a smartphone needs their head examined...

    But a 700€ piece of tech, I see many adults that have weird priorities when it comes to were they will spend their money, especially when it come to fancy gadgets(they have no need for) and clothes.

    The amount some of my misses friends spend on clothes from river Island and the quality is little better than penny's. .. thankfully my misses isn't too bad with regards that. And the BIL actually spent the bones of 1600€ on 2 pairs of trainers...

    I saved and saved before I got my new bike a few years back, despite having the money in savings, but that is savings for our eventual house upgrade(hopefully)


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    #22
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    I wouldn't do it. I'd explain to them exactly what 700euro means.


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    #23
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Randy Archer wrote: »
    Do not give in. 600 quid for any phone is outrageous . For what ? She’s only 11

    The kid needs to toughen up and realise that it’s rarely cool or clever to act like a sheep. Time for her to realise the value of money, she’s 11 , old enough

    The economy is going to go down the toilet , and I doubt you and the other parent worked so hard to give her such a healthy savings account so that she can waste it on a poxy phone that will be stolen, broken, out of date or slow within 2 years .

    Never mind out of date in two years, the iPhone 12 is due to be launched in September.

    So in the space of a few months it'll go from a new €700:eek: phone to "the old iPhone".


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    #24
    mvl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,229 ✭✭✭mvl


    just remembered - in our primary school there has been a mini scandal about the use of smartphones/tiktok during school events.

    So, I am told phones/smart watches are not allowed in class - but kids are just hiding the phones during breaks.

    - I am sure the school principal would want to hear about your 11yo daughter being bullied because of a smartphone - how about you complain there, and ruin it for all the other parents :)


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    #25
    hero25
    Registered Users Posts: 124 ✭✭hero25


    A lot of helpful responses there for poor Snickers!! I think we all agree that an 11 year old doesn't need a Smartphone and in an ideal world, none of our 11 year olds would have one, however its a fact of life that most 11 year olds now do have one: http://www.irishhealth.com/article.html?id=26801
    Having been through similar to what Snickers is now facing, my experience is from the child's perspective it "has to be" an iPhone (especially girls!!) .... who'd be caught dead with an Android! and obviously the newer the model the better!
    Do any of you not remember looking for a Chopper bike or a Calculator watch etc? or even a colour TV !!!
    I think a lot of the responders may not appreciate having pre-teens and the difficulties they can face.
    Having said that I don't agree with they needing an iphone11, it may be possible to negotiate them down to an iphone8? But a phone, sooner or later, is inevitable.
    Advising them, at 11, to take a stance for themselves and be big enough to stand on their own 2 feet ..... well, of course have that conversation.... but it will be a few more years before they're mature enough to be able to fully grasp those principles.
    Best of luck!


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    #26
    BorneTobyWilde
    Registered Users Posts: 35,747 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde


    The new iphone SE would be a compromise. That's newer than the iphone 11 and is packed with everything the 11 has. Plus it's a decent price.


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    #27
    Outkast_IRE
    Registered Users Posts: 7,515 ✭✭✭Outkast_IRE


    Most of my extended family operate under the premise of no mobile phones until in secondary school and then its only a basic model and handed over at night.


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    #28
    muddle84
    Registered Users Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭muddle84


    hero25 wrote: »
    A lot of helpful responses there for poor Snickers!! I think we all agree that an 11 year old doesn't need a Smartphone and in an ideal world, none of our 11 year olds would have one, however its a fact of life that most 11 year olds now do have one: http://www.irishhealth.com/article.html?id=26801
    Having been through similar to what Snickers is now facing, my experience is from the child's perspective it "has to be" an iPhone (especially girls!!) .... who'd be caught dead with an Android! and obviously the newer the model the better!
    Do any of you not remember looking for a Chopper bike or a Calculator watch etc? or even a colour TV !!!
    I think a lot of the responders may not appreciate having pre-teens and the difficulties they can face.
    Having said that I don't agree with they needing an iphone11, it may be possible to negotiate them down to an iphone8? But a phone, sooner or later, is inevitable.
    Advising them, at 11, to take a stance for themselves and be big enough to stand on their own 2 feet ..... well, of course have that conversation.... but it will be a few more years before they're mature enough to be able to fully grasp those principles.
    Best of luck!

    You have a fair point, but its not comparable with a smartphone. None of those things gave the child access to the internet and all the dangerous things on it. How do you protect your child from that?

    I just don't think an 11 year old will be mature enough to keep themselves safe online? Maybe I'm wrong! In my opinion the money is one thing, if they have earned the money and saved it then i don't see an issue with it, but the money isn't what would worry me about this! Or is there a way to block what the child can do on the phone and give you full visibility?


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    #29
    mvl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,229 ✭✭✭mvl


    Reading hero25 post above made me go hug my daughter:

    - she was bravely telling kids around her she won't get the phone till her pre-secondary bday, and while she would still not be allowed social media her parents don't approve of (e.g. snapchat) till later, she is OK with it.


    From another point of view, I am working with educated ppl from Sweden/Finland who've said to me their kids got phones at - shows there is always worse ...


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    #30
    maestroamado
    Registered Users Posts: 4,426 ✭✭✭maestroamado


    snickers wrote: »
    So long story short my ex partner wants to allow our 11 year old daughter spend nearly 700 euro of her savings on an Iphone 11 apparently all the kids in her class have them and she gets bullied about her current huawei smart phone I offered my old iPhone se that’s working perfect but that’s to small apparently. I am completely against this purchase for obvious reasons is this the norm that 11 year olds have such high end phones I mean I work full time and only have a 7 .


    While i do not agree you likely will have to give in if all her class have them.
    Personally i think of carrying a phone the same as carrying cash and i would normally have only a few hundred in cash at a given time except for the odd exception.

    If she does end up getting make sure the ex keeps it insured on the quiet so you have an out, if anything does happen you have a bit of security and she will have learned a valuable lesson.


    A friend told me recently. His daughter 1st year secondary had an €800 phone stolen while at a rural secondary school.
    He could not understand why with all the cameras the school could not find the thief.
    I said to him, if you were principle of the school would you pinpoint the culprit.


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    #31
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users Posts: 23,695 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    snickers wrote: »
    So long story short my ex partner wants to allow our 11 year old daughter spend nearly 700 euro of her savings on an Iphone 11 apparently all the kids in her class have them and she gets bullied about her current huawei smart phone I offered my old iPhone se that’s working perfect but that’s to small apparently. I am completely against this purchase for obvious reasons is this the norm that 11 year olds have such high end phones I mean I work full time and only have a 7 .


    It’s the norm for some children, but generally they wouldn’t be spending their own money on one. It’s a hand me down when their parents upgrade their phones. A lot of children who come into that sort of money around that age (it’s often communion or confirmation money) will be buying new phones or game consoles.

    It’s a tricky one but if you have your reservations about it already then quite frankly stick to your guns and don’t have anyone try to guilt trip you or convince you otherwise. It’s not uncommon, but that doesn’t mean you have to go along with it either, and I know how difficult that is when you only want to see your children happy. Immediate gratification isn’t the answer.

    All that being said, I do understand where some parents are coming from in that they can afford these things for their children (some parents can’t, and that’s just a fact), but for those parents who can, and whose lives pretty much revolve around technology, and whose children are responsible with technology, then it’s not unusual for them to have things like decent spec mobile phones, laptop, tablet, game console, etc.

    My own child is 15 and his current mobile phone is a second hand iPhone 7, he’s happy with that, paid €220 for it at the time. It’s still a lot of money, I know it’s a lot of money, he knows it’s a lot of money, but he’s shown that he’s able to be responsible with it and he’s had a smartphone of some description since he was in primary school. It doesn’t distract him from his schoolwork or his friends unless he were to let it do so, and that’s where a lot of the problems arise - a combination of boredom and an internet connected device can lead to children getting themselves into all sorts of mischief and misery, so it’s not so much the idea of “a smartphone or not a smartphone”, but rather a question of whether or not you judge them to be responsible enough to own and use one responsibly.


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