11 year old wants iPhone 11

snickers

So long story short my ex partner wants to allow our 11 year old daughter spend nearly 700 euro of her savings on an Iphone 11 apparently all the kids in her class have them and she gets bullied about her current huawei smart phone I offered my old iPhone se that’s working perfect but that’s to small apparently. I am completely against this purchase for obvious reasons is this the norm that 11 year olds have such high end phones I mean I work full time and only have a 7 .

colm_mcm

Ah, the old ‘all my friends have one’

I’d be more concerned about an 11 year old having a smartphone than the value of the phone.
It’s great that she has savings but in my own view a €700 phone is inappropriate for most people nevermind an 11 year old.

I think it is foolish too but it is her savings.
If the phone is stolen, lost or damaged it might be a lesson.

JCX BXC

An 11 year old gets bullied for not having a piece of nearly €1000 technology to carry around with them at all times?


It's an 11 year old, don't buy them a brand new expensive phone. What's the point? I can guarantee you most 11 year olds don't have them.

I feel like this is a windup.

DesperateDan

Christ If you do get a brand new iphone at least try and convince the ex to go for the new iphone SE. It's getting great reviews, brand new product (same CPU as 11) and "only" €500 or less if you trade in.

corks finest

colm_mcm wrote: »

Ah, the old ‘all my friends have one’

I’d be more concerned about an 11 year old having a smartphone than the value of the phone.
It’s great that she has savings but in my own view a €700 phone is inappropriate for most people nevermind an 11 year old.

You're 100 percent right,if u give in to this emotional blackmail crap now you'll deeply reget it
I did and called a halt to it after 2 iPhones, I bought him an Android ,hard at first," dad bit all my friends have all I phones " etc etc I'll be the odd one out



Blah blah
I said can give you what I consider to be a decent phone,pair of football boots,season pass to CCFC,e50 in your credit union account,and still wouldn't have spent as much as if I'd bought you an I phone
7 days of mutterings , crap, different blah blah held firm, traded in his old phone and got a game for his Xbox

DesperateDan

Also would the 6 inch phone even fit in an 11 year old's pocket?! I was extremely clumsy as a child, would have been a disaster to hand me a 1k piece of kit so I would also consider insurance.

corks finest

colm_mcm wrote: »

Ah, the old ‘all my friends have one’

I’d be more concerned about an 11 year old having a smartphone than the value of the phone.
It’s great that she has savings but in my own view a €700 phone is inappropriate for most people nevermind an 11 year old.

It's not an if or when,it will get damaged etc, honestly a 11year old with a e700 phone-, WTF is happening to us in Ireland, priorities all wrong
One of my grandkids had hers bought as a Xmas present (nearly 800 Sterling) lasted 2 months,and she was 12,I ate her mother ( my eldest) who was struggling with 5 other kids on a vv tight budget, minimum wages

corks finest

colm_mcm wrote: »

Ah, the old ‘all my friends have one’

I’d be more concerned about an 11 year old having a smartphone than the value of the phone.
It’s great that she has savings but in my own view a €700 phone is inappropriate for most people nevermind an 11 year old.

It's not an if or when,it will get damaged etc, honestly a 11year old with a e700 phone-, WTF is happening to us in Ireland, priorities all wrong
One of my grandkids had hers bought as a Xmas present (nearly 800 Sterling) lasted 2 months,and she was 12,I ate her mother ( my eldest) who was struggling with 5 other kids on a vv tight budget, minimum wages

snickers

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I think it is foolish too but it is her savings.
If the phone is stolen, lost or damaged it might be a lesson.

Yeah I can understand that they are her savings but I am extremely concerned about her carrying around something so valuable making her a target for opportunist thieves .

Snow Garden

Let her buy it. It will get broken or stolen. Valuable lesson learned for upcoming years of recession.

Boards.ie: Niamh

Two threads merged.

snickers

JCX BXC wrote: »

An 11 year old gets bullied for not having a piece of nearly €1000 technology to carry around with them at all times?


It's an 11 year old, don't buy them a brand new expensive phone. What's the point? I can guarantee you most 11 year olds don't have them.

I feel like this is a windup.

I wish it was a wind up but it’s the truth unfortunately .

minikin

Snickers, not sure what to say to you. In a similar boat, have a ten year old who lives with her mam pretty much all the time... my influence as her dad has fallen off a cliff pretty much the same. She has had tablets etc for the last three years that never would have been in the house had I been her live-in parent.

It is entirely wrong that kids have smart phones at all, they destroy their attention spans, make everything else boring and can make some very impatient and snappy.

I'm making do with a dead battery, cracked screen ip6s because I'd rather pay the maintenance for herself every month than have the latest shiny iThing.

I would ask a fundamental question though... what is an 11 year old doing with >€700 in petty cash???

Sunny Dayz

IMO no it's not acceptable for an 11 year old to have a €700 phone - whether it's from her own money or not. While an 11 year old does have an understanding of money, price and value - they cannot understand the value of a sum like €700. For me that's one mortgage repayment, my car insurance and tax for a year, etc. I have an iphone myself and I can say they are overpriced, it annoys me that there seems to be new releases every 6 months. My son is 15 and he's gotten our old iphones and it's been a case or like it or lump it. (He does have a Hauwai phone now but he researched it, it was discussed as a family, it was still one of the cheaper ones but tbh it actually seems better than the iphone).

If a child is being bullied because she has a Hauwai phone instead of an iphone - that needs to be knocked on the head. If she gets the latest iphone she may get bullied about something else or picked on when that phone very quickly is no longer the latest release. Forking out €700 is not really going to solve the problem.

mvl

Wants is not same as needs - of course everyone does parenting differently. The best motivator I heard from another mother in full time employment (still on the iphone for pre-teens subject) was - "you can get the expensive one honey when you earn enough to pay for it yourself".
If I were you, I would be telling your Ex that while any mother should be free to buy own daughter a 700 EUR gift from her own (mothers) income, but as the father, your prefer to teach your daughter that such amount of money are better left in a savings account than spent on a phone.

Sunny Dayz

Also OP as she is 11 this is the start of the old I want this/that cos "everyone else has one" and I'm the only one without. If it's not the phone, it'll be a particular style of nike runners, a branded coat, a ghd hair straightener, a €50 eyeshadow palette, the underage discos, etc. Give in now and you'll be making a rod for your own back.

It's all well and good that they have their own savings but when that well has run dry there'll still be plenty of other 'must-haves'.

Jaysis.
What 11 year old Even needs any phone!

If your child is being bullied about her phone, teach her to be an individual & stand up for herself. Be proud & never worry about being different to others.
Far more beneficial then a 700 Euro phone.

Randy Archer

Do not give in. 600 quid for any phone is outrageous . For what ? She’s only 11

The kid needs to toughen up and realise that it’s rarely cool or clever to act like a sheep. Time for her to realise the value of money, she’s 11 , old enough

The economy is going to go down the toilet , and I doubt you and the other parent worked so hard to give her such a healthy savings account so that she can waste it on a poxy phone that will be stolen, broken, out of date or slow within 2 years .

c.p.w.g.w

I think any adult that thinks it's acceptable for a child to have a smartphone needs their head examined...

But a 700€ piece of tech, I see many adults that have weird priorities when it comes to were they will spend their money, especially when it come to fancy gadgets(they have no need for) and clothes.

The amount some of my misses friends spend on clothes from river Island and the quality is little better than penny's. .. thankfully my misses isn't too bad with regards that. And the BIL actually spent the bones of 1600€ on 2 pairs of trainers...

I saved and saved before I got my new bike a few years back, despite having the money in savings, but that is savings for our eventual house upgrade(hopefully)

Dravokivich

I wouldn't do it. I'd explain to them exactly what 700euro means.

Randy Archer

Randy Archer wrote: »

Do not give in. 600 quid for any phone is outrageous . For what ? She’s only 11

The kid needs to toughen up and realise that it’s rarely cool or clever to act like a sheep. Time for her to realise the value of money, she’s 11 , old enough

The economy is going to go down the toilet , and I doubt you and the other parent worked so hard to give her such a healthy savings account so that she can waste it on a poxy phone that will be stolen, broken, out of date or slow within 2 years .

Never mind out of date in two years, the iPhone 12 is due to be launched in September.

So in the space of a few months it'll go from a new €700:eek: phone to "the old iPhone".

mvl

just remembered - in our primary school there has been a mini scandal about the use of smartphones/tiktok during school events.

So, I am told phones/smart watches are not allowed in class - but kids are just hiding the phones during breaks.

- I am sure the school principal would want to hear about your 11yo daughter being bullied because of a smartphone - how about you complain there, and ruin it for all the other parents

hero25

A lot of helpful responses there for poor Snickers!! I think we all agree that an 11 year old doesn't need a Smartphone and in an ideal world, none of our 11 year olds would have one, however its a fact of life that most 11 year olds now do have one: http://www.irishhealth.com/article.html?id=26801
Having been through similar to what Snickers is now facing, my experience is from the child's perspective it "has to be" an iPhone (especially girls!!) .... who'd be caught dead with an Android! and obviously the newer the model the better!
Do any of you not remember looking for a Chopper bike or a Calculator watch etc? or even a colour TV !!!
I think a lot of the responders may not appreciate having pre-teens and the difficulties they can face.
Having said that I don't agree with they needing an iphone11, it may be possible to negotiate them down to an iphone8? But a phone, sooner or later, is inevitable.
Advising them, at 11, to take a stance for themselves and be big enough to stand on their own 2 feet ..... well, of course have that conversation.... but it will be a few more years before they're mature enough to be able to fully grasp those principles.
Best of luck!

BorneTobyWilde

The new iphone SE would be a compromise. That's newer than the iphone 11 and is packed with everything the 11 has. Plus it's a decent price.

Outkast_IRE

Most of my extended family operate under the premise of no mobile phones until in secondary school and then its only a basic model and handed over at night.

muddle84

hero25 wrote: »

A lot of helpful responses there for poor Snickers!! I think we all agree that an 11 year old doesn't need a Smartphone and in an ideal world, none of our 11 year olds would have one, however its a fact of life that most 11 year olds now do have one: http://www.irishhealth.com/article.html?id=26801
Having been through similar to what Snickers is now facing, my experience is from the child's perspective it "has to be" an iPhone (especially girls!!) .... who'd be caught dead with an Android! and obviously the newer the model the better!
Do any of you not remember looking for a Chopper bike or a Calculator watch etc? or even a colour TV !!!
I think a lot of the responders may not appreciate having pre-teens and the difficulties they can face.
Having said that I don't agree with they needing an iphone11, it may be possible to negotiate them down to an iphone8? But a phone, sooner or later, is inevitable.
Advising them, at 11, to take a stance for themselves and be big enough to stand on their own 2 feet ..... well, of course have that conversation.... but it will be a few more years before they're mature enough to be able to fully grasp those principles.
Best of luck!

You have a fair point, but its not comparable with a smartphone. None of those things gave the child access to the internet and all the dangerous things on it. How do you protect your child from that?

I just don't think an 11 year old will be mature enough to keep themselves safe online? Maybe I'm wrong! In my opinion the money is one thing, if they have earned the money and saved it then i don't see an issue with it, but the money isn't what would worry me about this! Or is there a way to block what the child can do on the phone and give you full visibility?

mvl

Reading hero25 post above made me go hug my daughter:

- she was bravely telling kids around her she won't get the phone till her pre-secondary bday, and while she would still not be allowed social media her parents don't approve of (e.g. snapchat) till later, she is OK with it.


From another point of view, I am working with educated ppl from Sweden/Finland who've said to me their kids got phones at - shows there is always worse ...

maestroamado

snickers wrote: »

So long story short my ex partner wants to allow our 11 year old daughter spend nearly 700 euro of her savings on an Iphone 11 apparently all the kids in her class have them and she gets bullied about her current huawei smart phone I offered my old iPhone se that’s working perfect but that’s to small apparently. I am completely against this purchase for obvious reasons is this the norm that 11 year olds have such high end phones I mean I work full time and only have a 7 .

While i do not agree you likely will have to give in if all her class have them.
Personally i think of carrying a phone the same as carrying cash and i would normally have only a few hundred in cash at a given time except for the odd exception.

If she does end up getting make sure the ex keeps it insured on the quiet so you have an out, if anything does happen you have a bit of security and she will have learned a valuable lesson.


A friend told me recently. His daughter 1st year secondary had an €800 phone stolen while at a rural secondary school.
He could not understand why with all the cameras the school could not find the thief.
I said to him, if you were principle of the school would you pinpoint the culprit.

One eyed Jack

snickers wrote: »

So long story short my ex partner wants to allow our 11 year old daughter spend nearly 700 euro of her savings on an Iphone 11 apparently all the kids in her class have them and she gets bullied about her current huawei smart phone I offered my old iPhone se that’s working perfect but that’s to small apparently. I am completely against this purchase for obvious reasons is this the norm that 11 year olds have such high end phones I mean I work full time and only have a 7 .

It’s the norm for some children, but generally they wouldn’t be spending their own money on one. It’s a hand me down when their parents upgrade their phones. A lot of children who come into that sort of money around that age (it’s often communion or confirmation money) will be buying new phones or game consoles.

It’s a tricky one but if you have your reservations about it already then quite frankly stick to your guns and don’t have anyone try to guilt trip you or convince you otherwise. It’s not uncommon, but that doesn’t mean you have to go along with it either, and I know how difficult that is when you only want to see your children happy. Immediate gratification isn’t the answer.

All that being said, I do understand where some parents are coming from in that they can afford these things for their children (some parents can’t, and that’s just a fact), but for those parents who can, and whose lives pretty much revolve around technology, and whose children are responsible with technology, then it’s not unusual for them to have things like decent spec mobile phones, laptop, tablet, game console, etc.

My own child is 15 and his current mobile phone is a second hand iPhone 7, he’s happy with that, paid €220 for it at the time. It’s still a lot of money, I know it’s a lot of money, he knows it’s a lot of money, but he’s shown that he’s able to be responsible with it and he’s had a smartphone of some description since he was in primary school. It doesn’t distract him from his schoolwork or his friends unless he were to let it do so, and that’s where a lot of the problems arise - a combination of boredom and an internet connected device can lead to children getting themselves into all sorts of mischief and misery, so it’s not so much the idea of “a smartphone or not a smartphone”, but rather a question of whether or not you judge them to be responsible enough to own and use one responsibly.

jrosen

"everyone else has one" I love it when kids use this and generally I always take it with a pinch of but kids with phones are common enough.

Its a hard one, your ex is completely within his rights to allow her buy the phone just as your totally within your rights to say no. I would urge you to try and come to an agreement. Find some middle ground.

If your daughter is being bullied then you need to speak to her teacher. Students are generally not allowed phones in school either so you should see what the situation is in your daughters class. She could also be chancing her arm and pretending she is getting teased simply to get herself a new phone. They can be very inventive when they want to be.

Randy Archer

hero25 wrote: »

A lot of helpful responses there for poor Snickers!! I think we all agree that an 11 year old doesn't need a Smartphone and in an ideal world, none of our 11 year olds would have one, however its a fact of life that most 11 year olds now do have one: http://www.irishhealth.com/article.html?id=26801
Having been through similar to what Snickers is now facing, my experience is from the child's perspective it "has to be" an iPhone (especially girls!!) .... who'd be caught dead with an Android! and obviously the newer the model the better!
Do any of you not remember looking for a Chopper bike or a Calculator watch etc? or even a colour TV !!!
I think a lot of the responders may not appreciate having pre-teens and the difficulties they can face.
Having said that I don't agree with they needing an iphone11, it may be possible to negotiate them down to an iphone8? But a phone, sooner or later, is inevitable.
Advising them, at 11, to take a stance for themselves and be big enough to stand on their own 2 feet ..... well, of course have that conversation.... but it will be a few more years before they're mature enough to be able to fully grasp those principles.
Best of luck!

Actually we do remember stuff like that

Eg football boots : all the cool kids getting Adidas Predator (the originals) while I get stuck with Umbro (the cheaper kind, Umbro is a great boot btw) or the cheaper Diarrora - but, I just took it like a man (and even then, when I started earning money doing odd jobs at 12, I’d vomit at the idea of spending on something that was just a brand - although Adidas gear is top quality ,and more than a brand lol )

Of course, da Younger brother , oh no, want he wanted ,he got

Oh, those chats with mammy ,before Christmas ... when you don’t believe in Santa , age 10, asked to sacrifice the chance to get a game boy ,because the brother, again, (you see a pattern) wanted the game gear and some other stuff ....

😂

Most of us went through the horrors of potential school shunnings, eg cool Adidas 3 stripe tracksuit bottoms vs Penny’s /Dunne’s Stores 4 stripe - (actually I’d dodged that by just going unbranded )

Likewise ,stuck on a hand me down bmx (When they weren’t as cool ) for 3 years before I had my own money to get the mountain bike I wanted (Again, mammy had to deal with the brother’s demands) . I got laughed at , but I didn’t care, (I was weird like that, never cared what sheep think) (to be honest, the bike was in good Knick and kinda still cool )


Seriously most of us have been there ! Especially kids from the 1980s ! We know what it’s like. Try being the eldest or the in between sibling who get “neglected” because another sibling is more demanding and wants everything

700 quid for a phone, an item that can break within days, is no joke. Least with a cool chopper it can last for years and it actually gets you out in the air etc .

Someone wisely suggested going to the Principal if there’s bullying over this .

Calculator watch, god I remember those, and the watch that could change tv channels ..Even then i use to think those people were dorks

Nothing wrong with Android either (I know what you said and it’s context ) but meh, girls ....and their notions ....

Doctors room ghost

She’d be far better spend a fraction of the 700 on joining the local boxing club and after a few months there she will have no bother with bullies and she will be physically fit aswell.
Win win.

Randy Archer

Doctors room ghost wrote: »

She’d be far better spend a fraction of the 700 on joining the local boxing club and after a few months there she will have no bother with bullies and she will be physically fit aswell.
Win win.

Well said . She might even earn money being hired as the school body guard for the popular girl in the school ��

1hnr79jr65

I would totally be against giving an 11 year old a smart phone, let alone an iphone 11. Cost aside, if your child is being bullied for not having and iphone 11, imagine what will happen whey they do eventually get it. Still being bullied and because your child is targeted by bullies, now an easy mark for theft of same iphone.

There needs to be a limit on these things and understand its a tough spot with the ex, i would suggest putting that money into something more useful which cant be take out of the house easily, will benefit your child in their development/enjoyment and as another user suggested some self defense classes.

These classes are not just to kicking the crap out of a bully but instill some discipline and more importantly, confidence in your child, this would stand to them in life.

snickers

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

The new iphone SE would be a compromise. That's newer than the iphone 11 and is packed with everything the 11 has. Plus it's a decent price.

I have been told the se is to small .

c.p.w.g.w

Doctors room ghost wrote: »

She’d be far better spend a fraction of the 700 on joining the local boxing club and after a few months there she will have no bother with bullies and she will be physically fit aswell.
Win win.

That will probably get her expelled...schools only care about physical bullying from my experience

jaxxx

The fact that people have to stop and think about this is actually insane. Some serious supposed "adults" need an even more serious reality check to even consider buying such a phone for their kid, let alone going out and actually buying one. Can get perfectly good smartphones that do exactly the same thing as any iPhone for way less than even a quarter of that price! Jesus. Even then, I'm personally of the opinion that smartphones shouldn't be allowed for anyone before turning 18.

Not a go at you op btw, just in general.

cruizer101

Randy Archer wrote: »

Seriously most of us have been there ! Especially kids from the 1980s ! We know what it’s like. Try being the eldest or the in between sibling who get “neglected” because another sibling is more demanding and wants everything

700 quid for a phone, an item that can break within days, is no joke. Least with a cool chopper it can last for years and it actually gets you out in the air etc .

I don't know I was youngest and it was more a case of getting hand me downs that being spoiled.
Don't think it is specific to any generation, there is always stuff that the better off kids got that the majority of the rest didn't.

I think the big difference is as you say a decent bike would last you years and the worst you could do was buckle a wheel, similarly football boots aren't going to break if you drop them. A games console wouldn't be outside a house. Even the likes of a gameboy which might be most comparable was nowhere near as relatively expensive and was far more durable.

There is no way all her class have them either, 'all my friends have one' line has been used for generations.

I think it is madness for a kid to have anything worth that much, I've owned cars worth less.

c.p.w.g.w

jaxxx wrote: »

The fact that people have to stop and think about this is actually insane. Some serious supposed "adults" need an even more serious reality check to even consider buying such a phone for their kid, let alone going out and actually buying one. Can get perfectly good smartphones that do exactly the same thing as any iPhone for way less than even a quarter of that price! Jesus. Even then, I'm personally of the opinion that smartphones shouldn't be allowed for anyone before turning 18.

Not a go at you op btw, just in general.

The only justification i can see for the high end smartphones is the camera...But in reality not many folks actually use the camera enough to justify to price

One eyed Jack

c.p.w.g.w wrote: »

The only justification i can see for the high end smartphones is the camera...But in reality not many folks actually use the camera enough to justify to price

They don’t call teenagers nowadays the “Snapchat generation” for nothing :pac:

I can see too where an earlier poster was coming from suggesting an iPhone SE 2, and I’m not going to get into tech specs and all the rest of it, phone has already been ruled out as too small (personally I’d have to agree), but the battery life doesn’t seem great on them either.

A second hand iPhone 7 Plus (I have one myself) would have the same OS (13.4) as an iPhone 11 and dual camera setup, might be worth suggesting that instead.

Though that’s probably not going to be good enough to convince the OP’s daughter when what she wants is an iPhone 11.

mvl

cruizer101 wrote: »

I think it is madness for a kid to have anything worth that much, I've owned cars worth less.

To be clear, this is not a girl thing, its a reflection of the priorities of "average class income or lower" parents who allow it. I am quite biased on this subject too, tbh.

- May even be an issue with the primary school allowing this culture too. So I would defo talk to the school Principal about it.

One eyed Jack

mvl wrote: »

To be clear, this is not a girl thing, its a reflection of the priorities of "average class or lower" parents who allow it. I am quite biased on this subject too, tbh.

- May even be an issue with the primary school allowing this culture too. So I would defo talk to the school Principal about it.

I don’t think so, but to be fair to you at least you admit you’re biased on the subject.

jaxxx

One eyed Jack wrote: »

They don’t call teenagers nowadays the “Snapchat generation” for nothing :pac:

I can see too where an earlier poster was coming from suggesting an iPhone SE 2, and I’m not going to get into tech specs and all the rest of it, phone has already been ruled out as too small (personally I’d have to agree), but the battery life doesn’t seem great on them either.

A second hand iPhone 7 Plus (I have one myself) would have the same OS (13.4) as an iPhone 11 and dual camera setup, might be worth suggesting that instead.

Though that’s probably not going to be good enough to convince the OP’s daughter when what she wants is an iPhone 11.

Bloody well should be. If a kid wants a phone, give 'em a bog standard phone that can be used for calling and texting, or a smartphone for max €150. If you're the one paying for it, then it's you that makes the demands not the kid. Kid doesn't like it? Kid gets no phone. Simples. Kid p1ssed off with you? Good, it's not your job to be their friend, it''s your job to be their parent! If they want an iPhone so bad, tell them they can bloody well save up for one themselves whilst making do with the one you give them. WTF is wrong with society in this day and age where parents don't actually parent their kids!


Again, not a dig at op. General rant.

mvl

One eyed Jack wrote: »

I don’t think so, but to be fair to you at least you admit you’re biased on the subject.

I've re-edited adding income in my text, to be clearer. but do know ppl on low income who seem to want to be investing heavily in these short lived phones - can't help but judge

colm_mcm

snickers wrote: »

I have been told the se is to small .

The 2020 SE is the same size as a 7/8

SE is still €500 of a phone though.

snickers

Thanks for all your reply’s I suggested taking her current phone and the iPhone 5se that I was willing to give her plus an iPod that she has and bring them to cex or somewhere similar and trade them against an iPhone 7or8 but no it seems it has to be an 11 .

c.p.w.g.w

One eyed Jack wrote: »

They don’t call teenagers nowadays the “Snapchat generation” for nothing :pac:

But you don't need a monster camera for that sort of carry on...My missus has a top end samsung...nearly all the photos on our walls are from her phone, from holidays, family days & out with friends. and there are really good quality, so much so that my Dad didn't believe us, he used to be a wedding photographer back in the day, so not a layman

colm_mcm

snickers wrote: »

Thanks for all your reply’s I suggested taking her current phone and the iPhone 5se that I was willing to give her plus an iPod that she has and bring them to cex or somewhere similar and trade them against an iPhone 7or8 but no it seems it has to be an 11 .

I think you know that this is ridiculous. There are people on €150k who don't have an iPhone 11.

I'm getting an upgrade to one from work and I'm concerned it will be too big to lug around.

One eyed Jack

jaxxx wrote: »

Again, not a dig at op. General rant.

I get where you’re coming from, absolutely agree with everything you said, but the issue here is that the child has the money to buy an iPhone 11 out of her own money. Whether it’s money she saved (which would demonstrate responsibility) or whether it was a lump sum she got like communion or confirmation money, we don’t know.

If it was my own child I wouldn’t have a problem with them spending their savings on an iPhone 11, but the OP has their reservations about their own child, for their own good reasons, and that’s why I suggested they stick to their guns.