Jealous neighbours

08-04-2021 12:17pm #1

What is with jealous neighbours, every time I do something in my house my neighbour complains, I don't make noise at odd times and actually try to time it when the neighbour is not there. Another neighbour told me that my neighbour has had multiple issues with other people and neighbours. She's a big gossiper as well, very dangerous in my opion. I think she thinks the world should revolve around her.

Any experiences? I have tried the ignoring route

08-04-2021 1:09pm

OSI wrote: »

What is she complaining about and what makes you think she is jealous?

Other neighbour told me she is money obsessed and a very jealous person, wants the best house on the road. When I am doing any bit of improvements she is out complaining, threatening solicitors letters, guards etc., trying to figure out how to deal with her. I have tried the nicey nicey approach, I have tried the ignoring approach but its very hard when she is in your face whenever I start something in the house,

GreeBo · 08-04-2021 1:11pm

I'm afraid we still have no idea what your neighbour is actually doing?

Can you give an example of what you are doing and what they are doing in response?

Browney7 · 08-04-2021 1:18pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Other neighbour told me she is money obsessed and a very jealous person, wants the best house on the road. When I am doing any bit of improvements she is out complaining, threatening solicitors letters, guards etc., trying to figure out how to deal with her. I have tried the nicey nicey approach, I have tried the ignoring approach but its very hard when she is in your face whenever I start something in the house,

If it was me, the next time she threatens the guards I'd just take out my phone and offer it to her and go "there you go, ring away".

Firmly on the ignore list OP

Paulzx · 08-04-2021 1:19pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Other neighbour told me she is money obsessed and a very jealous person, wants the best house on the road. When I am doing any bit of improvements she is out complaining, threatening solicitors letters, guards etc., trying to figure out how to deal with her. I have tried the nicey nicey approach, I have tried the ignoring approach but its very hard when she is in your face whenever I start something in the house,

She can threaten Guards, solicitors letters etc. all she wants. If you are not doing anything wrong she's wasting her time. Just ignore any letters etc.

Next time she engages with you just tell her nicely you do not wish to speak to her again and that you will not under any circumstances try to solve the problems she is attempting to bring to you irrespective of her threats.

The problem with neighbours like her is that when you try and facilitate them they just see it as a sign of weakness and it encourages them to look for more and more. She will never be happy no matter what you do for her.

Accept the fact that you will never have a relationship with her and get on with your life. If other neighbours have had problems with her that just reinforces your course of action.

I have been down this road and its the only course of action with people like her

Bio Mech · 08-04-2021 1:39pm

Next time she approaches you take out your phone and tell her she is being recorded as she is harassing you and you are building a case. If it’s on your property or on a public path she has no expectation of privacy so no GDPR concerns.

That’ll drive her mad!

Repeat as needed. Or ignore her, that’s probably easier.

08-04-2021 2:10pm

Cheers all, will take it on board. I know she can't do anything and its empty threats but its still tiring having to put up with it. She should be living in a detached house out the country

punisher5112 · 08-04-2021 2:14pm

Stop pussy footing around her, live your life, do as you please in a legal way and forget about her....

She obviously craves the attention.

Do work whether she is there or not, why wouldn't you be improving things if that's what you want, she ain't your mother so tell her to fcuk right off, if she insists on continuing the harassment then you will have no choice to go further about it.....

Video her tirades.

emeldc · 08-04-2021 2:37pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Cheers all, will take it on board. I know she can't do anything and its empty threats but its still tiring having to put up with it. She should be living in a detached house out the country

Are you decorating in the nude or something. Can you not tell us what exactly you are doing that makes it worth her while to complain.

bullpost · 08-04-2021 2:51pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Cheers all, will take it on board. I know she can't do anything and its empty threats but its still tiring having to put up with it. She should be living in a detached house out the country

In a word, Flattery. Works every time

PatrickSmithUS · 08-04-2021 3:56pm

Bio Mech wrote: »

Next time she approaches you take out your phone and tell her she is being recorded as she is harassing you and you are building a case. If it’s on your property or on a public path she has no expectation of privacy so no GDPR concerns.

That’ll drive her mad!

Repeat as needed. Or ignore her, that’s probably easier.

As long as you're using it to report to the Gardai and not to publish for general viewing then GDPR shouldn't be a worry here.

rightmove · 08-04-2021 5:39pm

OP you need to provide more circumstances of the interactions. The advice can be more pointed then.

the_syco · 09-04-2021 7:17pm

Do you rent, or own the house? If you own it, install a Ring doorbell camera, so when she comes to you to complain, it's all on video.

Lmkrnr · 09-04-2021 7:21pm

Fr stone here, my neighbor is mad.

karlitob · 09-04-2021 7:26pm

Paulzx wrote: »

She can threaten Guards, solicitors letters etc. all she wants. If you are not doing anything wrong she's wasting her time. Just ignore any letters etc.

Next time she engages with you just tell her nicely you do not wish to speak to her again and that you will not under any circumstances try to solve the problems she is attempting to bring to you irrespective of her threats.

The problem with neighbours like her is that when you try and facilitate them they just see it as a sign of weakness and it encourages them to look for more and more. She will never be happy no matter what you do for her.

Accept the fact that you will never have a relationship with her and get on with your life. If other neighbours have had problems with her that just reinforces your course of action.

I have been down this road and its the only course of action with people like her

100% agree with this. Same thing happened with us. An enormous pain in the hoop beside us - lots of threats...solicitors and guards and all of that. A bully, short and simple. And like all bullies - they hate reason, calmness and non-engagement.....and finally standing up to them.

Got to end of my tether. Told her I wouldn’t accept her tone of language with me and if she spoke in a civilised manner to me I would engage with her. She hated that of course, threatened the same stuff again. Finally wrote a letter with the help of our solicitor which closed the issue and that was it. No engagement. No commentary. No putting up with her. Nothing. She either had to actually ring the guards or engage a solicitor abs would happily go to court. What criminal or Civil law we were breaking?....who knows?

We’re the only the only ones in the street that don’t have to put up with her, speak to her, even look at her. And every one is jealous of us. Cos everyone knows what she’s like.

It’s not fun OP. I would take the above posters advice. Be reasonable. But know your line and don’t get pushed over it.

D3V!L · 09-04-2021 7:32pm

karlitob wrote: »

100% agree with this. Same thing happened with us. An enormous pain in the hoop beside us - lots of threats...solicitors and guards and all of that. A bully, short and simple. And like all bullies - they hate reason, calmness and non-engagement.....and finally standing up to them.

Got to end of my tether. Told her I wouldn’t accept her tone of language with me and if she spoke in a civilised manner to me I would engage with her. She hated that of course, threatened the same stuff again. Finally wrote a letter with the help of our solicitor which closed the issue and that was it. No engagement. No commentary. No putting up with her. Nothing. She either had to actually ring the guards or engage a solicitor abs would happily go to court. What criminal or Civil law we were breaking?....who knows?

We’re the only the only ones in the street that don’t have to put up with her, speak to her, even look at her. And every one is jealous of us. Cos everyone knows what she’s like.

It’s not fun OP. I would take the above posters advice. Be reasonable. But know your line and don’t get pushed over it.

I could have written this. Same thing happened to us when we moved into a house two years ago. We set about making it really nice. Not over the top but smartening it up and putting our stamp on it. Others on our block haven't so much as painted their house in 20 years so it didn't go down too well.

riclad · 09-04-2021 8:52pm

my advice is ignore her, shes an idiot.
shes a karen.
theres no law against decorating or improving your house.maybe shes jealous because she can,t afford to do the work you can do.

killbillvol2 · 09-04-2021 9:35pm

My next home improvement would be new speakers.

09-04-2021 11:15pm

rightmove wrote: »

OP you need to provide more circumstances of the interactions. The advice can be more pointed then.

Classic example, I told my builder not to make noise before 10, I respect other neighbours might not get up as early as me. He started at 10.30 with drilling etc., she went and told other neighbours we were making loads of noise from 7.30 and I am the most inconsiderate neighbour. That's just 1 mild example. Another time my builder was on the roof tapping lead and she threatened the guards as her cousin was in bed cos he was in nights. There has been loads and loads of lies to build her victim narrative.

I actually think there is an underlying mental illness that will probably get worse

09-04-2021 11:17pm

riclad wrote: »

my advice is ignore her, shes an idiot.
shes a karen.
theres no law against decorating or improving your house.maybe shes jealous because she can,t afford to do the work you can do.

A karen, I never thought of that.

Yeah first ever conversation I had before it went downhill, she was saying how she spent so much in 05 on the house and still in negative equity and how I was so lucky etc. Also I was getting the passive aggressive remarks about my bins and what I should do to my house, things she hadn't done in her own house

Buddy Bubs · 09-04-2021 11:37pm

We have similar problem, we are all here 10 years or so and pretty harmonious. Polish family moved into a rental property and immediately started off about dogs barking, yes there's a good few dogs on the road and they bark the odd time, but nothing excessive. He called into me at midnight one night, rang the doorbell, saying he was just back from work and his wife said a dog was barking earlier and woke up the kid. I told him to f**k off and don't call in again and he hasn't. He's still calling in to other neighbours complaining.
Don't give in to her nonsense.

PuddingBreath · 10-04-2021 12:51am

Deleted User wrote: »

Classic example, I told my builder not to make noise before 10, I respect other neighbours might not get up as early as me. He started at 10.30 with drilling etc., she went and told other neighbours we were making loads of noise from 7.30 and I am the most inconsiderate neighbour. That's just 1 mild example. Another time my builder was on the roof tapping lead and she threatened the guards as her cousin was in bed cos he was in nights. There has been loads and loads of lies to build her victim narrative.

I actually think there is an underlying mental illness that will probably get worse

this ^^^^, does anyone have enough legal knowledge to know if a barring order or asbo type order can be got against this person, or something to say she can't contact unless it's thru a solicitor.? it's would quieten her down.

JohnMcm1 · 10-04-2021 12:54am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Other neighbour told me she is money obsessed and a very jealous person, wants the best house on the road. When I am doing any bit of improvements she is out complaining, threatening solicitors letters, guards etc., trying to figure out how to deal with her. I have tried the nicey nicey approach, I have tried the ignoring approach but its very hard when she is in your face whenever I start something in the house,

Tell her to phuck off

jmlad2020 · 10-04-2021 12:59am

Kill her with kindness and a smile.

Sounds like a Narcissist

WoollyRedHat · 10-04-2021 1:05am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Classic example, I told my builder not to make noise before 10, I respect other neighbours might not get up as early as me. He started at 10.30 with drilling etc., she went and told other neighbours we were making loads of noise from 7.30 and I am the most inconsiderate neighbour. That's just 1 mild example. Another time my builder was on the roof tapping lead and she threatened the guards as her cousin was in bed cos he was in nights. There has been loads and loads of lies to build her victim narrative.

I actually think there is an underlying mental illness that will probably get worse

When did the building work take place?

JohnMcm1 · 10-04-2021 1:06am

I'd go out and make a point of mowing the lawn at 9am every morning to sicken her if she keeps it up.

KaneToad · 10-04-2021 1:06am

Do you make unecessary noise? Play music outside... Barking dogs...keep pigeons? etc...

9 times out of 10 it's noise that irks neighbours. One person's idea of acceptable noise is very different from another's.

KaneToad · 10-04-2021 1:07am

JohnMcm1 wrote: »

I'd go out and make a point of mowing the lawn at 9am every morning to sicken her if she keeps it up.

Not very mature behaviour

JohnMcm1 · 10-04-2021 1:08am

KaneToad wrote: »

Not very mature behaviour

Neither is hers.

JohnMcm1 · 10-04-2021 1:09am

KaneToad wrote: »

Do you make unecessary noise? Play music outside... Barking dogs...keep pigeons? etc...

9 times out of 10 it's noise that irks neighbours. One person's idea of acceptable noise is very different from another's.

Did you bother to read the man's post? He clearly stated that he is a conscientious neighbour when it comes to noise etc but this lady is totally irrational.

Darc19 · 10-04-2021 7:52am

Next time she harks at you tell her that she has two choices.

A - start minding her own business

Or

B - look forward to legal proceedings for defamation as you have two statements from other neighbors regarding false allegations she made against you.

Have a couple of letters in your hand in different styles and with black lines over pretend names.

Tell her that one more false allegation to anyone will see an immediate commencement of proceedings and that you have been told you would win a case hands down get compensation of about €15,000 and she'd be liable for all the legal costs and most likely it will be in the local paper

And say that there will be no further warning.

10-04-2021 10:07am

WoollyRedHat wrote: »

When did the building work take place?

This has been going on the last year. I have been majorly constrained over the lockdowns, so all in all I would say building work over a scattered 5 week period of which at most 1 week was loud.

Its a manifestation with her, she had a builder in last summer hammering in the house till 8pm, I said nothing but was just thinking the hypocrisy.

Its the gossiping and spreading lies that is the real poison

10-04-2021 10:11am

KaneToad wrote: »

Do you make unecessary noise? Play music outside... Barking dogs...keep pigeons? etc...

9 times out of 10 it's noise that irks neighbours. One person's idea of acceptable noise is very different from another's.

Nope, I would class myself as pretty quiet,I'm out of the house Monday to Friday from 7.30 am to 6pm, I have my kids at the weekend and don't leave them out in the garden till after 10.30 and I would only ever cut grass or hedges after that time also.

Have no dogs either.

Actually it was her last summer blasting music that I couldn't even sit in my kitchen and she'd open the back doors too. So I was thinking after was that her hoping the neighbours thought that was me

Samuel T. Cogley · 10-04-2021 10:11am

Sue her for defamation and take her house!

Alternatively ignore what sounds like the neighbourhood header.

10-04-2021 10:12am

Darc19 wrote: »

Next time she harks at you tell her that she has two choices.

A - start minding her own business

Or

B - look forward to legal proceedings for defamation as you have two statements from other neighbors regarding false allegations she made against you.

Have a couple of letters in your hand in different styles and with black lines over pretend names.

Tell her that one more false allegation to anyone will see an immediate commencement of proceedings and that you have been told you would win a case hands down get compensation of about €15,000 and she'd be liable for all the legal costs and most likely it will be in the local paper

And say that there will be no further warning.

Thats not a bad idea to be fair.

10-04-2021 10:13am

JohnMcm1 wrote: »

Neither is hers.

To be honest I wouldn't do that as you are dragging other neighbours in unfairly as I would be disturbing them to get at her

Bio Mech · 10-04-2021 11:58am

Darc19 wrote: »

Next time she harks at you tell her that she has two choices.

A - start minding her own business

Or

B - look forward to legal proceedings for defamation as you have two statements from other neighbors regarding false allegations she made against you.

Have a couple of letters in your hand in different styles and with black lines over pretend names.

Tell her that one more false allegation to anyone will see an immediate commencement of proceedings and that you have been told you would win a case hands down get compensation of about €15,000 and she'd be liable for all the legal costs and most likely it will be in the local paper

And say that there will be no further warning.

That’s a great idea. That’ll settler her.

16-04-2021 10:32am

so just to update, i have a builder there and this week work was mainly outside. today they are slabbing a ceiling. Every day she has been out hassling them saying she is sick of it and she is going further. She made these threats before, at this stage any builder or vendor that calls are getting harassed. She is lying about the extent and with her talk to the builder today you'd swear its been ongoing which it hasnt. She even said most people would get 10 people in and have it done in a day. At this stage i am considering legal action to get her to back off, its constant the minute i do anything in my house.
Literally no work was happening since last summer which was at most 2 or 3 days work.

punisher5112 · 16-04-2021 10:39am

Surprised the builder doesn't tell her to fcuk right off to be honest.

You need to stand up to her and tell her this is it, no more.

JimmyVik · 16-04-2021 10:40am

Deleted User wrote: »

so just to update, i have a builder there and this week work was mainly outside. today they are slabbing a ceiling. Every day she has been out hassling them saying she is sick of it and she is going further. She made these threats before, at this stage any builder or vendor that calls are getting harassed. She is lying about the extent and with her talk to the builder today you'd swear its been ongoing which it hasnt. She even said most people would get 10 people in and have it done in a day. At this stage i am considering legal action to get her to back off, its constant the minute i do anything in my house.
Literally no work was happening since last summer which was at most 2 or 3 days work.

Ive a friend who sold her house on the quiet without advertising because she had a neighbour like yours. Other people on the road sold before and as soon as the signs went up said neighbour was over questioning everyone who looked at the house about where they were from and did they have a dog. how many cars did they have. Put most of them off.
This neighbour needs to understanmd that SHE is the nightmare neighbour to people.
Get a solicitor to convey this to her.

Cuddlesworth · 16-04-2021 10:40am

Deleted User wrote: »

so just to update, i have a builder there and this week work was mainly outside. today they are slabbing a ceiling. Every day she has been out hassling them saying she is sick of it and she is going further. She made these threats before, at this stage any builder or vendor that calls are getting harassed. She is lying about the extent and with her talk to the builder today you'd swear its been ongoing which it hasnt. She even said most people would get 10 people in and have it done in a day. At this stage i am considering legal action to get her to back off, its constant the minute i do anything in my house.
Literally no work was happening since last summer which was at most 2 or 3 days work.

Grow a backbone and tell her to get lost. And let your builder know the same. You can amp things up, be childest. But the best course of action is to just simply and calmly ignore her. Limited responses, "go away", "then sue me", "no".

If your worried about your reputation, I wouldn't care in the slightest. Its really unlikely your other neighbours don't already know what she is like and pay her lip service.

spaceHopper · 16-04-2021 10:45am

Deleted User wrote: »

so just to update, i have a builder there and this week work was mainly outside. today they are slabbing a ceiling. Every day she has been out hassling them saying she is sick of it and she is going further. She made these threats before, at this stage any builder or vendor that calls are getting harassed. She is lying about the extent and with her talk to the builder today you'd swear its been ongoing which it hasnt. She even said most people would get 10 people in and have it done in a day. At this stage i am considering legal action to get her to back off, its constant the minute i do anything in my house.
Literally no work was happening since last summer which was at most 2 or 3 days work.

She will never be happy and you will never please her, tell her she's going to have to suck it up and stop complaining as it going to do no good. We did an extension and you should have heard the noise and vibration next door the builder drilled hindrents holes on the brick work to open up a door between two rooms. Our neighbours didn't mind.

Mad_maxx · 16-04-2021 11:00am

Deleted User wrote: »

so just to update, i have a builder there and this week work was mainly outside. today they are slabbing a ceiling. Every day she has been out hassling them saying she is sick of it and she is going further. She made these threats before, at this stage any builder or vendor that calls are getting harassed. She is lying about the extent and with her talk to the builder today you'd swear its been ongoing which it hasnt. She even said most people would get 10 people in and have it done in a day. At this stage i am considering legal action to get her to back off, its constant the minute i do anything in my house.
Literally no work was happening since last summer which was at most 2 or 3 days work.

builders are rarely a precious bunch , if they dont tell her where to go , they are not worth having around the place

Browney7 · 16-04-2021 11:40am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

so just to update, i have a builder there and this week work was mainly outside. today they are slabbing a ceiling. Every day she has been out hassling them saying she is sick of it and she is going further. She made these threats before, at this stage any builder or vendor that calls are getting harassed. She is lying about the extent and with her talk to the builder today you'd swear its been ongoing which it hasnt. She even said most people would get 10 people in and have it done in a day. At this stage i am considering legal action to get her to back off, its constant the minute i do anything in my house.
Literally no work was happening since last summer which was at most 2 or 3 days work.

Builder should tell her to take it as far as she wants and you won't be stopping be work. Or else keep the kango hammer going whilst she's ranting and raving.

DuffleBag · 16-04-2021 11:41am

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Other neighbour told me she is money obsessed and a very jealous person, wants the best house on the road. When I am doing any bit of improvements she is out complaining, threatening solicitors letters, guards etc., trying to figure out how to deal with her. I have tried the nicey nicey approach, I have tried the ignoring approach but its very hard when she is in your face whenever I start something in the house,

Whatever about the one next to you gossiping, sounds like you and the other neighbour are doing a fair bit yourself...

Mimon · 16-04-2021 11:44am

The neighbour must have mental issues OP?

In any case she would hassle workmen coming to my house once and I'd tell her in no uncertain terms that was unacceptable. A verbal kick up the hole would be delivered.

December2012 · 16-04-2021 1:20pm

If she wanted to send a solicitors letter, she would do that. So let her.
Really - what can she do? You will not satisfy her, so why try?

16-04-2021 1:29pm

The only thing you’re doing wrong here OP is mollying her at all and giving one **** what she says. Tell her to piss off.

Batattackrat · 16-04-2021 2:38pm

I wouldn't even say hello to her. She's love if you told her to **** off.

Let her rant and get on with your daily work. Just ignore her and don't acknowledge her and that will drive her bananas.

mrslancaster · 16-04-2021 3:43pm

Very annoying to see posters here stating the cranky neighbour must have mental health issues. it's a bit of a jump & happens a lot as I've read it on a few different threads.

That neighbour comes across as a busybody, grumpy & bad tempered, a gossip & a bully. The constant complaining must be a nuisance for the OP but it doesn't mean they have a mental illness. If they have then they need professional help. mental health issues can be very serious & its really time people stopped using a medical issue as a derogatory slur.

Mimon · 16-04-2021 3:48pm

mrslancaster wrote: »

Very annoying to see posters here stating the cranky neighbour must have mental health issues. it's a bit of a jump & happens a lot as I've read it on a few different threads.

That neighbour comes across as a busybody, grumpy & bad tempered, a gossip & a bully. The constant complaining must be a nuisance for the OP but it doesn't mean they have a mental illness. If they have then they need professional help. mental health issues can be very serious & its really time people stopped using a medical issue as a derogatory slur.

Seriously, harrasing workmen going to a neighbours house is not normal behaviour hence why it has been speculated about the person having mental health issues.

I wasn't using it as a slur so get down off your high horse and cop on.

Jealous neighbours

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