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Dating someone who has kid/s.

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  • 10-04-2021 8:58pm
    #1
    Lesalare
    Registered Users Posts: 342 ✭✭


    I'm interested to find out how people on here who are childless by choice or circumstance, have fared with dating people who have kids?

    Do you think it's inherently very difficult to date someone who has kids or did you take to it ok?

    Should singles with kids stick to same and such.

    Interested to hear peoples experiences.


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    #2
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    When I met my current wife she had 2 kids from a previous marriage. Both were over 18 when we met and have their own lives, jobs, partners etc

    In that sense it wasn't really an issue and anytime either of them needs support I offer it gladly and take a keen interest in their lives.

    However, at the end of the day, they are not my children and they never look at me as a father figure. I'm married to their mother and it doesn't really go beyond that in terms of a relationship.

    If they had been younger when we got together it might have been different


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    #3
    Atlantic Dawn
    Registered Users Posts: 81,404 ✭✭✭✭Atlantic Dawn
    M


    I think the biggest difficulty would be dealing with the other parent of the kids, it would be a complete lifetime of the kids event, could be fine, could be a complete and utter car crash. If there wasn't a good relationship with the mother/father I would say it would be hell and best avoided.


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    #4
    Lesalare
    Registered Users Posts: 342 ✭✭Lesalare


    Atlantic Dawn wrote: »
    I think the biggest difficulty would be dealing with the other parent of the kids, it would be a complete lifetime of the kids event, could be fine, could be a complete and utter car crash. If there wasn't a good relationship with the mother/father I would say it would be hell and best avoided.

    So you are saying that if the father/Mother relationship of said partners child is tumultuous... It's sort of a recipe for disaster?


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    #5
    Sunny Disposition
    Registered Users Posts: 2,715 ✭✭✭Sunny Disposition


    At a time when I was childless I dated a single mother for three years. It is much more difficult than being with someone who is child free, no doubt about it. Small kids need constant attention, everything is about their needs. If anyone child free is going into a relationship with a single parent of small children just know that it will not be easy.


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    #6
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    It's very difficult to find child free people in their 40s.
    My ex had a daughter and she was extremely difficult, she made life very hard for him/us, but she is a child so it's not her fault. I found the situation very hard to deal with, because I wanted to get on with her & I felt sorry for her, but it wasn't easy.
    It was a big reason for us breaking up.
    But, I wouldn't rule it out in future, most people my age have kids who are a bit older so that could make things easier.


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    #7
    bunny_mac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭bunny_mac


    I know someone who got together with a guy with two teenage sons, it was totally cool. Another who got together with a guy with two teenage daughters – absolute nightmare. What both did say was that having the ex in the picture all the time (as is bound to happen with kids involved) was a total pain.


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    #8
    waxmelts2000
    Registered Users Posts: 605 ✭✭✭waxmelts2000


    My ex had a 9 year old little girl who I met after 8 months together. She was a great little girl and I grew extremely fond of her and her of me. However we broke up and I have not seen them since (2 years) , I was heartbroken...

    I have not dated since , mixture of sadness and lockdown but dating someone with young kids in the future would be a no from me , as I honestly could not go through that again. Someone with Older kids living their own lives would not be an issue ( I hope !!)


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    #9
    Curvy Vixen
    Registered Users Posts: 1,131 ✭✭✭Curvy Vixen


    I'm childless by choice and met a man with 3 children - 8, 12 and 14 at the time.

    I love him to death and went on to marry him, we have been together for 8 years.

    But I can't lie, given my time again, I would NEVER date a man with children by choice - it's reminded me about every single reason as to why I am childless.


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    #10
    Lesalare
    Registered Users Posts: 342 ✭✭Lesalare


    Curvy Vixen wrote: »
    I'm childless by choice and met a man with 3 children - 8, 12 and 14 at the time.

    I love him to death and went on to marry him, we have been together for 8 years.

    But I can't lie, given my time again, I would NEVER date a man with children by choice - it's reminded me about every single reason as to why I am childless.

    Why? I'd love to know. Sorry to hear you feel that way :/


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    #11
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,885 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    I wouldn't go out with someone with a child, it's a dealbreaker for me. It may be something I consider when I'm older and the kids are grown up but I just don't know why anyone would want to get involved with someone who has someone else's children, especially if you don't want children yourself!


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    #12
    Lesalare
    Registered Users Posts: 342 ✭✭Lesalare


    Thelonious Monk wrote: »
    I wouldn't go out with someone with a child, it's a dealbreaker for me. It may be something I consider when I'm older and the kids are grown up but I just don't know why anyone would want to get involved with someone who has someone else's children, especially if you don't want children yourself!

    You don't get much of a choice in the matter if you are over 40 in Ireland. Everyone has kids. Near impossible to meet someone who is single without them.


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    #13
    GarIT
    Registered Users Posts: 8,671 ✭✭✭GarIT


    Lesalare wrote: »
    You don't get much of a choice in the matter if you are over 40 in Ireland. Everyone has kids. Near impossible to meet someone who is single without them.


    You absolutely have two choices even if that's the case. You can not date people with children and have significantly more difficulty dating, maybe end up staying single or you can date younger people without kids.


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    #14
    Lesalare
    Registered Users Posts: 342 ✭✭Lesalare


    GarIT wrote: »
    You absolutely have two choices even if that's the case. You can not date people with children and have significantly more difficulty dating, maybe end up staying single or you can date younger people without kids.

    The only bit of positivity there is in the latter suggestion. You probably are not aware there aren't a lot of childless younger men who want to date women in their 40's either. Anyway, that aside, I wouldn't date a man much younger than me so a redundant suggestion (for me anyway).


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    #15
    bunny_mac
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭bunny_mac


    Lesalare wrote: »
    You don't get much of a choice in the matter if you are over 40 in Ireland. Everyone has kids. Near impossible to meet someone who is single without them.

    I'm screwed so. I'd rather stay single than date someone with kids though.


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    #16
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I don't date women with kids, as a rule.

    PS: I'm 40 and I meet loads of single ladies without kids. Never mind that nonsense above.


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    #17
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,885 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    Yes I'm 40 and there are loads of women in and around my age with no kids. Id much rather remain single than have to deal with kids.


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    #18
    Lesalare
    Registered Users Posts: 342 ✭✭Lesalare


    Deleted User wrote: »
    I don't date women with kids, as a rule.

    PS: I'm 40 and I meet loads of single ladies without kids. Never mind that nonsense above.

    You are probably meeting women younger than you in their late 20's/early 30s etc.

    It's not nonsense. I'm 45 and every man I have matched with and got on with via the likes of Tinder etc., all end up having kids. I'd say 90% of them. Crazy thing too is they are in the age bracket of 45-53 and they mainly have 2-3 kids aged from around 3 to 12. Rarer even so to meet someone who has grown up kids.

    A lot of them don't mention it at all in their profiles and then once you ask them the say 'Yeah I have two boys, 5 and 8' etc. A lot of them won't say anything for a considerable amount of time, unless asked.

    The last guy I dated was for 1.5 years and he had a 10 year old. I liked the kid and got on well with him but it was hard.


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    #19
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Lesalare wrote: »
    You are probably meeting women younger than you in their late 20's/early 30s etc.

    It's not nonsense. I'm 45 and every man I have matched with and got on with via the likes of Tinder etc., all end up having kids. I'd say 90% of them. Crazy thing too is they are in the age bracket of 45-53 and they mainly have 2-3 kids aged from around 3 to 12. Rarer even so to meet someone who has grown up kids.

    A lot of them don't mention it at all in their profiles and then once you ask them the say 'Yeah I have two boys, 5 and 8' etc. A lot of them won't say anything for a considerable amount of time, unless asked.

    Ah, maybe it's a male/female difference.


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    #20
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,885 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    Statistically there are more childless men than women so its actually easier for women to meet dudes with no kids


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    #21
    Lesalare
    Registered Users Posts: 342 ✭✭Lesalare


    Thelonious Monk wrote: »
    Statistically there are more childless men than women so its actually easier for women to meet dudes with no kids

    Send them my way will you? :D


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    #22
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 18,749 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Thelonious Monk wrote: »
    Statistically there are more childless men than women so its actually easier for women to meet dudes with no kids

    Is this true?
    Are they all childless old bachelors living in the arsehole of nowhere........


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    #23
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,885 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    bubblypop wrote: »
    Is this true?
    Are they all childless old bachelors living in the arsehole of nowhere........

    Ahem I live in Dublin


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    #24
    Tpcl20
    Registered Users Posts: 293 ✭✭Tpcl20


    Watch now and everybody on this thread ends up hooking up with all the other happily childless 40 year olds on it. :D


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    #25
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Tpcl20 wrote: »
    Watch now and everybody on this thread ends up hooking up with all the other happily childless 40 year olds on it. :D

    :)


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    #26
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,885 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    In the UK anyway it's 20% for women and 25% for men, childlessness that is. Not much of a difference really.

    https://www.researchgate.net/publication/23525293_Postponement_and_childlessness_Evidence_from_two_British_Cohorts


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    #27
    GarIT
    Registered Users Posts: 8,671 ✭✭✭GarIT


    Thelonious Monk wrote: »
    In the UK anyway it's 20% for women and 25% for men, childlessness that is. Not much of a difference really.

    https://www.researchgate.net/publication/23525293_Postponement_and_childlessness_Evidence_from_two_British_Cohorts


    It's actually a 25% difference so could be noticable. Especially if you factor in the people with kids are more likely to be in relationships so wouldn't be dating.


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    #28
    GarIT
    Registered Users Posts: 8,671 ✭✭✭GarIT


    To actually answer the question it depends on what you mean by dating. To many younger people dating now means regularly having sex. To others it could mean almost or actually living together.


    I would go on a date with a single mother, I'd invite a single mother back to mine. But I wouldn't live with a woman with children. I would make that clear from the start.


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    #29
    Thelonious Monk
    Registered Users Posts: 13,885 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk


    It makes sense because any woman can have a kid if they really want as long as they've no biological issues whereas lots of men probably live their lives with zero chance of girlfriends or sex.


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    #30
    Lesalare
    Registered Users Posts: 342 ✭✭Lesalare


    GarIT wrote: »
    I would go on a date with a single mother, I'd invite a single mother back to mine. But I wouldn't live with a woman with children. I would make that clear from the start.

    Is this because you don't want kids of you own at all or that you don't want to be in a relationship with a child fathered by someone else?


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    #31
    GarIT
    Registered Users Posts: 8,671 ✭✭✭GarIT


    Lesalare wrote: »
    Is this because you don't want kids of you own at all or that you don't want to be in a relationship with a child fathered by someone else?


    I don't fully know if I want kids, it's somewhat financially dependant or more of a later life thing.


    The main reason is my own parents were divorced, I've been through both of them dating and living with an authority struggle. I don't think it's right that someone should have any authority over someone else's child, but I don't want to live with children I don't have authority over. I don't want someone in my house that I'm paying for telling me something like "you're not my real dad you can't tell me what to do".


    At the moment while I'm childfree for the foreseeable future I like not having responsibilities beyond myself, so I don't want to take any on.


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