Dating someone who has kid/s.

Thelonious Monk

For me relationships are hard enough as is without adding someone else's kid to the mix. I've never been around kids in my life so maybe its different for people who are used to them.

Lesalare

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

For me relationships are hard enough as is without adding someone else's kid to the mix. I've never been around kids in my life so maybe its different for people who are used to them.

This is a good point. I have had very little exposure to kids all my life. I know I am good with kids (my mates have told me my entire life and most kids I have been around have taken to me very quickly and seem to dote over me oddly enough) but I never wanted my own. My experience with dating a man (I have found) with a kid is they expect you to be this automatic 'natural' mother and that you will negate all you own needs and wants due to the fact they have a kid and you have chosen to date them.

The kid always comes first of course, but I don't care what anybody says, that's not easy, especially if you really like the person. It's not normal to have to 'share' that person with another human being if they are not your own kid. I think so many parents lose track of their brain and completely forget what it was like to date pre-kids. Who in essence wants to fall in love with someone knowing from the outset there will be so many boundaries and issues to accept re. a little person who has nothing to do with you.

You are also damned if you do and damned if you don't as you are expected to treat their kid a certain way and be patient and do X, Y and Z but yet you really have no say in regards to the kid's upbringing or your views on what you think is right or wrong on a daily basis.

In reality too you are going into a relationship with at least 3 people. Not just 1. I feel for people who take on a child with a partner and they end up not liking the kid/s.

Thelonious Monk

I've always been pretty much allergic to kids and dont know what to do when they're around but my brother has an almost 2 year old son now who I've yet to meet, but he's the only kid I've looked at in photos and thought how cute he is and I actually really care about him even though I've yet to meet him. It just seems to come natural because I'm related and I can't wait to meet him.

Padre_Pio

Lesalare wrote: »

So you are saying that if the father/Mother relationship of said partners child is tumultuous... It's sort of a recipe for disaster?

I had the chance maybe of dating a girl who had a child.

I don't know what's worse; that they have a tumultuous relationship with the father, or they have a really good relationship with the father.

If the former, then you're stuck in the middle of a Jeremy Kyle episode.
If the latter, then there's always the fear they might make up and you're dropped.

Better the father is out of the picture completely.

Lesalare

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

I've always been pretty much allergic to kids and dont know what to do when they're around but my brother has an almost 2 year old son now who I've yet to meet, but he's the only kid I've looked at in photos and thought how cute he is and I actually really care about him even though I've yet to meet him. It just seems to come natural because I'm related and I can't wait to meet him.

That's normal. Even parents will say 'I can't stand other people's kids'. I would look at female colleagues in work years ago and some girl on maternity leave would bring in her baby, they'd all be fawning over the child and oohing and aahing in an almost manic manner. I would find myself thinking 'Ugh, no thanks'. I had zero interest. Same in a supermarket at a till and a kid would be looking at me in the trolley. I'd smile and interact a tad with the kid but in my head I was thinking 'No interest'.

I'm not bad with kids. I just talk to them like they aren't some stupid 'thing'. I chat away and almost speak to them like I would an adult (within reason obvs!). Oddly it's worked to my favour and mates have told me it's why their kids like me and feel easy around me.

It's normal to be more drawn towards your siblings kids and your close mates kids. But other people's/strangers kids literally do nothing for me.

Galwayguy35

Did twice when I was in my 30s, in both cases it didn't work out because there was no time for us to do normal things like a night out without major planning.

And they didn't seem to like a new guy dating mammy either so wasn't worth the hassle having to deal with moody teenagers.

CakeLife

I am married to a man with a 13 year old daughter, we've been together since she was a few months old.
She's a lovely, good kid, but as someone who's just not interested in spending time with kids, much less being a parent, it is absolutely the biggest challenge / threat to my relationship with my husband. By that, I mean that I support everything that needs to be done for my step-daughter's wellbeing and I support them having a great relationship, but when there are problems (of which there have been plenty), it is very very hard to remember why my energy, time and finances are being dragged into this situation.

And I kinda want to point out that like loads of other posters here, I never wanted to meet someone with a child, and I'd always say "no way!" If asked would I have a relationship with someone with a child, but I fell in love and wanted to be with this man, it wasn't a rational and logical thing, it was emotional.

notsoyoungwan

There is no way I’d date someone with young kids. No matter who it was. That may make me seem hard-hearted or cold, but nonetheless it’s a deal breaker for me.

I’m a bit of an outlier in that not only do I not want children, neither do I want a traditional committed relationship either. I date purely for fun with no expectation of commitment or exclusivity. I have a few lovers (or gentleman callers as I prefer to call them) and one of them has a daughter, but she’s 18 and in college so does not really restrict his free time at all.