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Old housemate desperately wants to be friends

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    #62
    JustAThought
    Registered Users Posts: 5,323 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    oldhousemate wrote: »
    Thanks for all your replies. Doesn't seem to be an easy answer out there but I'm thinking I might just continue doing what I'm doing and ignore any message or call from him. It feels cruel, but I just don't think that responding to him will lead to anything productive. I feel if I try to give him an explanation, he won't understand or will try harder to be my friend.

    I have no reason to think he's depressed, but you never know. Is there anything else I can do to maybe check that he's okay on that front without committing myself to being his friend? It sounds awful even typing that out.

    Easiest way is just to send a random kind reply from time to time & the crazy covid work schedule excuses - keep him distant but not isolated and not discarded or dumped. Its nice to be just a
    little bit kind & the OP sounds
    like a reasonable & decent guy.

    You have the opposite problem of the other person on this page with their ‘Housemate Problem’ flatmate who gives them the silent treatment - might be worth a read for another perspective on how this affects the other person. Not freaks, not mentally ill - just different people & different upbringings/outlooks..


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    #63
    eleventh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 436 ✭✭eleventh


    JustAThought wrote: »
    Easiest way is just to send a random kind reply from time to time & the crazy covid work schedule excuses - keep him distant but not isolated and not discarded or dumped. Its nice to be just a
    little bit kind & the OP sounds like a reasonable & decent guy.
    That won't work where someone believes they are friends.
    Try imagine yourself in the situation - How would you feel or what would you think if somone messaged you with something 'kind' once or twice a year but ignored your reply or message the rest of the time.


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    #64
    bertiebomber
    Registered Users Posts: 728 ✭✭✭bertiebomber


    change your number simple save the numbers you want and delete the numbers you dont want its a very good exercise to do every so often. our phones are clogged with numbers of random assholes. The numbers you need are family you like, doctor vet dentist garage and if you have a friend you do like maybe keep their number otherwise - let them go .....


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    #65
    o1s1n
    Registered Users Posts: 34,541 ✭✭✭✭o1s1n
    Master of the Universe


    Pinkyboi wrote: »
    Hi OP, I lived with someone before who I thought I was friends with. We lived together for maybe 2/2.5 years and then he moved out. We kept in touch, had days out, nights out. Communications between us went from being really regular to minimal to nothing. He went from being a reliable friend to zilch. Seeing this post brought back some of that emotion. I don't know the whole sitch on your side. Perhaps, a gentle text to him might be nice to check in. Just something along the lines of "Hope you are well. Sorry I haven't been in touch. Work/Life is mad busy at the moment. Take care."
    Just a thought. For me, I would have loved the closure at the time. How and ever, that is in the past and we just have to get on with life.

    Would you really want someone to pretend to be your friend as to not hurt your feelings?

    I'd be mortified if I found that out, wouldn't want someone's pity.

    OP if you don't want to be his friend then the best thing you can do is just not to reply. He'll get the idea eventually.

    Stringing people along with pity friendships as some kind of act of charity is really demeaning IMO.


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