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114 Days

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  • 24-06-2015 2:18pm
    #1
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,182 ✭✭✭✭


    It's been 114 long, boring frustrating days for Pighead. His right foot is as useless as the Cuckoo's Nest forum. A lifeless broken stump at the end of an otherwise tanned beautifully sculpted leg.

    Where once Pighead strode through Dundalk Town Centre like a modern day Emperor Nero, nowadays he hops and hobbles about like some sort of circus freak. Back arched, head down and wearing a big stupid ugly moon boot. Pighead's probably the most positive, optimistic person he knows but to be perfectly honest the past three and a half months have been hell. No, worse than hell. At least you still have the use of your legs in hell.

    For most of the geeks and nerdlingers that populate After Hours a broken foot wouldn't be a big deal because all you do is type buttons on keyboards, eat ice cream and sigh heavily a lot. None of which needs a working foot but for a primed athlete like yours truly a broken foot is like you losing your head. There's been no dancing, no running, no kicking people up the arse and even lovemaking has been compromised with special move 23 and special move 37 rendered unusable due to an inability to wriggle the little toe.

    Looking down at the dead limb now it looks pathetic weak and almost flabby. Callouses and broken skin dominate the palms of Pighead's hands from carrying his crutches day after day after day. One wonders will Dundalk ever see their favourite son again at his best.

    Anyway, Pighead is due to see his doctor in nine days time. Will it be good news? Will it be bad news? Who knows? The doctor probably does actually but apart from that it's a mystery.

    Keep having daydreams where the doc says 'Sorry Pighead, we're going to have to cut it off' and I reply by kicking him up the arse with my suddenly unbroken foot and everything is ok again but then I snap back to reality into a world of single socks and a broken metatarsal.

    So what's the scariest visit to a doctor you've had?
    Tagged:


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    #2
    NachoBusiness
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,389 ✭✭✭NachoBusiness


    Pighead wrote: »
    .. but then I snap back to reality into a world of single socks and a broken metatarsal.

    Stop listening to Eminem.


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    #3
    eamonnq
    Registered Users Posts: 4,009 ✭✭✭eamonnq


    Lose yourself:

    Looking down at the dead limb now it looks pathetic
    weak and almost flabby.
    Callouses and broken skin dominate the palms
    of Pighead's hands
    from carrying his crutches
    day after day after day.
    One wonders will Dundalk ever see their favourite son again.


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    #4
    The_Valeyard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,452 ✭✭✭✭The_Valeyard


    YOU LEAVE THE CUCKOOS NEST FORUM ALONE , YOU BASTERDO


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    #5
    keano_afc
    Registered Users Posts: 8,711 ✭✭✭keano_afc


    I'd get the whole constantly referring to yourself in the third person looked at while you're there too.


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    #6
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    The one where I was dying of meningitis and septicemia. That wasn't nice at all, but I imagine it pales in comparison to the foot. :)


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    #7
    One eyed Jack
    Registered Users Posts: 23,681 ✭✭✭✭One eyed Jack


    Pighead wrote: »
    So what's the scariest visit to a doctor you've had?


    The one where she tried to demonstrate special move 23 and special move 37 on me after I'd had my hip operation.

    I just wasn't ready for that jelly :(


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    #8
    Magico Gonzalez
    Registered Users Posts: 2,328 ✭✭✭Magico Gonzalez


    Pighead posts - Someone has a go at the 3rd person business - Pighead responds with slightly less withering wit than the last 200 times.

    The law of diminishing returns.


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    #9
    Banjo String
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,380 ✭✭✭✭Banjo String


    I woke up from an operation to remove a very severe ingrown toenail once.


    Standing at the end of my bed was the doctor, and after asking me how I felt, went on to tell me "we have good news and bad news for you"


    So I asked him for the bad news first (at least I had something to look forward to)


    "the operation went severely wrong, and we had to amputate your feet" Said the Doc.


    After a good while crying and trying to imagine the rest of my life in Prostetic limbs/a wheel chair, I asked for the good news.


    "That guy over there in bed 5 wants to buy your shoes" said the Doctor.


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    #10
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,182 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Magico Gonzalez wrote: »
    Pighead posts - Someone has a go at the 3rd person business - Pighead responds with slightly less withering wit than the last 200 times.

    The law of diminishing returns.
    Pighead posts. Magico posts about something completely unrelated to the thread topic.

    The law of meandering and not being able to stay on topic.

    You should see a doctor about that.

    Nice segue Pighead.


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    #11
    CountingCrows
    Registered Users Posts: 1,830 ✭✭✭CountingCrows


    Once you mentioned Dundalk I really started to feel sorry for you.


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    #12
    whiskeyman
    Registered Users Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    A broken foot wouldn't keep down our hero Aongus V B...
    Perhaps ask for his advice on what life skills you need to apply to be the best in such a circumstance?


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    #13
    CountingCrows
    Registered Users Posts: 1,830 ✭✭✭CountingCrows


    Banjo String wrote: »
    I woke up from an operation to remove a very sever operation

    :confused:


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    #14
    Magico Gonzalez
    Registered Users Posts: 2,328 ✭✭✭Magico Gonzalez


    Pighead wrote: »
    Pighead posts. Magico posts about something completely unrelated to the thread topic.

    The law of meandering and not being able to stay on topic.

    You should see a doctor about that.

    Nice segue Pighead.

    See!...see!

    I don't feel sufficiently chastened. Not even nearly.


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    #15
    brevity
    Registered Users Posts: 8,495 ✭✭✭brevity


    Took the stalk of a banana to the right eye. Ended up in A&E due to possible scratched retina. Had to wear a big white pad on my face for the weekend. I looked like a confused pirate.


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    #16
    Reoil
    Registered Users Posts: 1,126 ✭✭✭Reoil


    Change your username to Pegleg.


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    #17
    NachoBusiness
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,389 ✭✭✭NachoBusiness


    Ironically the biggest hit for a Dundalk band is.. Runaway :p


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    #18
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,182 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Magico Gonzalez wrote: »
    See!...see!

    I don't feel sufficiently chastened. Not even nearly.
    Pighead was not put on this earth to chasten anonymous internet people. Pighead is here to shine a light on those who have suffered broken bones, hearts and minds. This thread is their free therapy outlet.

    Walk on by into the 'Ireland to assist in migrant crisis in the Med' thread and say something like 'I think we as a modern developed forward thinking country should help all our fellow downtrodden citizens all over the world and maybe give them some money to get back on their feet' if you're looking to be chastened.


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    #19
    Pherekydes
    Registered Users Posts: 16,115 ✭✭✭✭Pherekydes


    Pighead wrote: »
    So what's the scariest visit to a doctor you've had?

    The one where he told me I had 114 days to live.

    That was 16 weeks' ago...


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    #20
    Magico Gonzalez
    Registered Users Posts: 2,328 ✭✭✭Magico Gonzalez


    Pighead wrote: »
    Pighead was not put on this earth to chasten anonymous internet people. Pighead is here to shine a light on those who have suffered broken bones, hearts and minds. This thread is their free therapy outlet.

    Walk on by into the 'Ireland to assist in migrant crisis in the Med' thread and say something like 'I think we as a modern developed forward thinking country should help all our fellow downtrodden citizens all over the world and maybe give them some money to get back on their feet' if you're looking to be chastened.

    Goddam hippy.


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    #21
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,182 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Magico Gonzalez wrote: »
    Goddam hoppy.
    Indeed.


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    #22
    Sheep Lover
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,730 ✭✭✭Sheep Lover


    With all the other limping inbreds and knee capped "Nordies" that inhabit Dundalk you won't even stand out.


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    #23
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,182 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Sheep Lover wrote: »
    With all the other limping inbreds and knee capped "Nordies" that inhabit Dundalk you won't even stand out.
    From a nobody like you it comes as no surprise to hear that you would be perfectly happy with simply 'not standing out' but for Pighead it would be pure hell. Raise your standards Sheep Lover and one day you too may be king of whatever god forsaken backwater hellhole you inhabit.


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    #24
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,182 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    OSI wrote: »
    The one where they presented MRI images of an apple sized hole where part of my brain should be.
    Ok, need to hear a bit more about this one. Sounds almost as bad as Pighead's foot. Are you ok now?


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    #25
    Sheep Lover
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,730 ✭✭✭Sheep Lover


    Pighead wrote: »
    From a nobody like you it comes as no surprise to hear that you would be perfectly happy with simply 'not standing out' but for Pighead it would be pure hell. Raise your standards Sheep Lover and one day you too may be king of whatever god forsaken backwater hellhole you inhabit.

    Having a foot like an old man's flaccid penis flopping away at the end of your leg must of brought back fond memories for you.


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    #26
    aaronjumper
    Registered Users Posts: 14,128 ✭✭✭✭aaronjumper


    I collapsed in the pub once. I went to the doctor who did a load of tests and he said to call back in two weeks. That was a very long two weeks for me.

    Turns out there is nothing wrong and he didn't know what could have caused it. Hadn't happened before or since, said it was just a once off.


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    #27
    Boom_Bap
    Moderators, Music Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,730 Mod ✭✭✭✭Boom_Bap


    Can I recommend going to the Muirhevna Pub, or whatever they call it these days. I'm sure you'll find a trusty patron to be your human dancing crutch.

    The scariest visit to a doctor is actually with a girl I had just met in that pub. After a night of poetry reading, wine tasting and a sleepover in my place, I was a gentleman and upon her request accompanied her to the hospital for company while she had an appointment.
    Obviously my brain was still in my pants and didn't really think why or what the appointment was all about, and never thought to ask.
    Lets just say that she had a pretty serious medical condition that she wanted me to be a part of because she saw us with a huge future together. We knew each other about 12 hours.

    EDIT: Malt House....it just came to me. What a stoopid name.


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    #28
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,182 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Boom_Bap wrote: »
    Can I recommend going to the Muirhevna Pub, or whatever they call it these days. I'm sure you'll find a trusty patron to be your human dancing crutch.

    The scariest visit to a doctor is actually with a girl I had just met in that pub. After a night of poetry reading, wine tasting and a sleepover in my place, I was a gentleman and upon her request accompanied her to the hospital for company while she had an appointment.
    Obviously my brain was still in my pants and didn't really think why or what the appointment was all about, and never thought to ask.
    Lets just say that she had a pretty serious medical condition that she wanted me to be a part of because she saw us with a huge future together. We knew each other about 12 hours.
    What a beautiful story. I hope your wife is ok now and you have many more years together.


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    #29
    Boom_Bap
    Moderators, Music Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,730 Mod ✭✭✭✭Boom_Bap


    Pighead wrote: »
    What a beautiful story. I hope your wife is ok now and you have many more years together.

    I'm afraid she didn't quite make it........




    ....to be my wife of course.


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    #30
    Skullface McGubbin
    Registered Users Posts: 455 ✭✭Skullface McGubbin


    Pighead wrote: »
    What a beautiful story. I hope your wife is ok now and you have many more years together.

    You forgot to refer to yourself in the third person. :D


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    #31
    Pighead
    Registered Users Posts: 14,182 ✭✭✭✭Pighead


    Skullface McGubbin wrote: »
    You forgot to refer to yourself in the third person. :D
    Pighead's a chameleon so I am.


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