114 Days

Pighead

It's been 114 long, boring frustrating days for Pighead. His right foot is as useless as the Cuckoo's Nest forum. A lifeless broken stump at the end of an otherwise tanned beautifully sculpted leg.

Where once Pighead strode through Dundalk Town Centre like a modern day Emperor Nero, nowadays he hops and hobbles about like some sort of circus freak. Back arched, head down and wearing a big stupid ugly moon boot. Pighead's probably the most positive, optimistic person he knows but to be perfectly honest the past three and a half months have been hell. No, worse than hell. At least you still have the use of your legs in hell.

For most of the geeks and nerdlingers that populate After Hours a broken foot wouldn't be a big deal because all you do is type buttons on keyboards, eat ice cream and sigh heavily a lot. None of which needs a working foot but for a primed athlete like yours truly a broken foot is like you losing your head. There's been no dancing, no running, no kicking people up the arse and even lovemaking has been compromised with special move 23 and special move 37 rendered unusable due to an inability to wriggle the little toe.

Looking down at the dead limb now it looks pathetic weak and almost flabby. Callouses and broken skin dominate the palms of Pighead's hands from carrying his crutches day after day after day. One wonders will Dundalk ever see their favourite son again at his best.

Anyway, Pighead is due to see his doctor in nine days time. Will it be good news? Will it be bad news? Who knows? The doctor probably does actually but apart from that it's a mystery.

Keep having daydreams where the doc says 'Sorry Pighead, we're going to have to cut it off' and I reply by kicking him up the arse with my suddenly unbroken foot and everything is ok again but then I snap back to reality into a world of single socks and a broken metatarsal.

So what's the scariest visit to a doctor you've had?

NachoBusiness

Pighead wrote: »

.. but then I snap back to reality into a world of single socks and a broken metatarsal.

Stop listening to Eminem.

eamonnq

Lose yourself:

Looking down at the dead limb now it looks pathetic
weak and almost flabby.
Callouses and broken skin dominate the palms
of Pighead's hands
from carrying his crutches
day after day after day.
One wonders will Dundalk ever see their favourite son again.

The_Valeyard

YOU LEAVE THE CUCKOOS NEST FORUM ALONE , YOU BASTERDO

keano_afc

I'd get the whole constantly referring to yourself in the third person looked at while you're there too.

The one where I was dying of meningitis and septicemia. That wasn't nice at all, but I imagine it pales in comparison to the foot.

One eyed Jack

Pighead wrote: »

So what's the scariest visit to a doctor you've had?

The one where she tried to demonstrate special move 23 and special move 37 on me after I'd had my hip operation.

I just wasn't ready for that jelly

Magico Gonzalez

Pighead posts - Someone has a go at the 3rd person business - Pighead responds with slightly less withering wit than the last 200 times.

The law of diminishing returns.

Banjo String

I woke up from an operation to remove a very severe ingrown toenail once.


Standing at the end of my bed was the doctor, and after asking me how I felt, went on to tell me "we have good news and bad news for you"


So I asked him for the bad news first (at least I had something to look forward to)


"the operation went severely wrong, and we had to amputate your feet" Said the Doc.


After a good while crying and trying to imagine the rest of my life in Prostetic limbs/a wheel chair, I asked for the good news.


"That guy over there in bed 5 wants to buy your shoes" said the Doctor.

Pighead

Magico Gonzalez wrote: »

Pighead posts - Someone has a go at the 3rd person business - Pighead responds with slightly less withering wit than the last 200 times.

The law of diminishing returns.

Pighead posts. Magico posts about something completely unrelated to the thread topic.

The law of meandering and not being able to stay on topic.

You should see a doctor about that.

Nice segue Pighead.

CountingCrows

Once you mentioned Dundalk I really started to feel sorry for you.

whiskeyman

A broken foot wouldn't keep down our hero Aongus V B...
Perhaps ask for his advice on what life skills you need to apply to be the best in such a circumstance?

CountingCrows

Banjo String wrote: »

I woke up from an operation to remove a very sever operation

Magico Gonzalez

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead posts. Magico posts about something completely unrelated to the thread topic.

The law of meandering and not being able to stay on topic.

You should see a doctor about that.

Nice segue Pighead.

See!...see!

I don't feel sufficiently chastened. Not even nearly.

brevity

Took the stalk of a banana to the right eye. Ended up in A&E due to possible scratched retina. Had to wear a big white pad on my face for the weekend. I looked like a confused pirate.

Reoil

Change your username to Pegleg.

NachoBusiness

Ironically the biggest hit for a Dundalk band is.. Runaway

Pighead

Magico Gonzalez wrote: »

See!...see!

I don't feel sufficiently chastened. Not even nearly.

Pighead was not put on this earth to chasten anonymous internet people. Pighead is here to shine a light on those who have suffered broken bones, hearts and minds. This thread is their free therapy outlet.

Walk on by into the 'Ireland to assist in migrant crisis in the Med' thread and say something like 'I think we as a modern developed forward thinking country should help all our fellow downtrodden citizens all over the world and maybe give them some money to get back on their feet' if you're looking to be chastened.

Pherekydes

Pighead wrote: »

So what's the scariest visit to a doctor you've had?

The one where he told me I had 114 days to live.

That was 16 weeks' ago...

Magico Gonzalez

Pighead wrote: »

Pighead was not put on this earth to chasten anonymous internet people. Pighead is here to shine a light on those who have suffered broken bones, hearts and minds. This thread is their free therapy outlet.

Walk on by into the 'Ireland to assist in migrant crisis in the Med' thread and say something like 'I think we as a modern developed forward thinking country should help all our fellow downtrodden citizens all over the world and maybe give them some money to get back on their feet' if you're looking to be chastened.

Goddam hippy.

Pighead

Magico Gonzalez wrote: »

Goddam hoppy.

Indeed.

Sheep Lover

With all the other limping inbreds and knee capped "Nordies" that inhabit Dundalk you won't even stand out.

Pighead

Sheep Lover wrote: »

With all the other limping inbreds and knee capped "Nordies" that inhabit Dundalk you won't even stand out.

From a nobody like you it comes as no surprise to hear that you would be perfectly happy with simply 'not standing out' but for Pighead it would be pure hell. Raise your standards Sheep Lover and one day you too may be king of whatever god forsaken backwater hellhole you inhabit.

Pighead

OSI wrote: »

The one where they presented MRI images of an apple sized hole where part of my brain should be.

Ok, need to hear a bit more about this one. Sounds almost as bad as Pighead's foot. Are you ok now?

Sheep Lover

Pighead wrote: »

From a nobody like you it comes as no surprise to hear that you would be perfectly happy with simply 'not standing out' but for Pighead it would be pure hell. Raise your standards Sheep Lover and one day you too may be king of whatever god forsaken backwater hellhole you inhabit.

Having a foot like an old man's flaccid penis flopping away at the end of your leg must of brought back fond memories for you.

aaronjumper

I collapsed in the pub once. I went to the doctor who did a load of tests and he said to call back in two weeks. That was a very long two weeks for me.

Turns out there is nothing wrong and he didn't know what could have caused it. Hadn't happened before or since, said it was just a once off.

Boom_Bap

Can I recommend going to the Muirhevna Pub, or whatever they call it these days. I'm sure you'll find a trusty patron to be your human dancing crutch.

The scariest visit to a doctor is actually with a girl I had just met in that pub. After a night of poetry reading, wine tasting and a sleepover in my place, I was a gentleman and upon her request accompanied her to the hospital for company while she had an appointment.
Obviously my brain was still in my pants and didn't really think why or what the appointment was all about, and never thought to ask.
Lets just say that she had a pretty serious medical condition that she wanted me to be a part of because she saw us with a huge future together. We knew each other about 12 hours.

EDIT: Malt House....it just came to me. What a stoopid name.

Pighead

Boom_Bap wrote: »

Can I recommend going to the Muirhevna Pub, or whatever they call it these days. I'm sure you'll find a trusty patron to be your human dancing crutch.

The scariest visit to a doctor is actually with a girl I had just met in that pub. After a night of poetry reading, wine tasting and a sleepover in my place, I was a gentleman and upon her request accompanied her to the hospital for company while she had an appointment.
Obviously my brain was still in my pants and didn't really think why or what the appointment was all about, and never thought to ask.
Lets just say that she had a pretty serious medical condition that she wanted me to be a part of because she saw us with a huge future together. We knew each other about 12 hours.

What a beautiful story. I hope your wife is ok now and you have many more years together.

Boom_Bap

Pighead wrote: »

What a beautiful story. I hope your wife is ok now and you have many more years together.

I'm afraid she didn't quite make it........




....to be my wife of course.

Skullface McGubbin

Pighead wrote: »

What a beautiful story. I hope your wife is ok now and you have many more years together.

You forgot to refer to yourself in the third person.

Pighead

Skullface McGubbin wrote: »

You forgot to refer to yourself in the third person.

Pighead's a chameleon so I am.

Aongus Von Bismarck

I had a rather unfortunate injury earlier this year. The Baroness and I went skiing in St Anton in Austria. The conditions were far from ideal. It was a poor season, but we had it booked. I decided to tackle one of the more notorious black runs, despite the Baroness pleading with me not to try it. It was a tough run. I made it to the bottom with an acknowledgment that the Baroness was correct in her protests - and with an excruciating injury that I now know was a torn groin muscle.

The weekend was ruined and the next few weeks found me in rather a lot of pain. Mindfulness, yoga and twice daily visits to the sauna in the apartment really did help. I'm over the worst of it now, but my 10k times still haven't returned to the extremely competitive times I was putting in last year. A positive mental attitude helps, Pighead.

Wish you well in your recuperation.

Neyite

So what's the scariest visit to a doctor you've had?

Will the most mortifying one do ya?

It started out badly when the doctor was male, as HSE guidelines stated that it is always done by a female. That threw me initially, but since I was a public patient and had been on the waiting list for months for it, thought 'meh'. Gender equality and all that.

This doctor was very good-looking. This was initally a pleasing distraction, but quickly became a source of discomfort once I remembered this doctor would be shortly poking around my rather unkempt nethers.

Alas, Dr. Gorgeous also had the skill of a turnip, so what should have been a a quick and discreet insertion of a catheter into my innards via my lady parts became a long and protracted rummage, involving several bright lights warming my arse, stirrups, forceps-types yokes and lots of poking the end of the catherter in the approximate direction of my cervix. Which was bloody sore.

This type of procedure is supposed to take no longer than 10 mins. My one took so long that the nurse holding my hand was getting tired on her feet and fetched a chair for herself.

Pighead

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I had a rather unfortunate injury earlier this year. The Baroness and I went skiing in St Anton in Austria. The conditions were far from ideal. It was a poor season, but we had it booked. I decided to tackle one of the more notorious black runs, despite the Baroness pleading with me not to try it. It was a tough run. I made it to the bottom with an acknowledgment that the Baroness was correct in her protests - and with an excruciating injury that I now know was a torn groin muscle.

The weekend was ruined and the next few weeks found me in rather a lot of pain. Mindfulness, yoga and twice daily visits to the sauna in the apartment really did help. I'm over the worst of it now, but my 10k times still haven't returned to the extremely competitive times I was putting in last year. A positive mental attitude helps, Pighead.

Wish you well in your recuperation.

Pighead suffered his break from a sports injury as well so he feels your pain. Breaking a bone in the pursuit of greatness doesn't seem fair. Stretching every fibre and sinew in your body as you try and set new boundaries in the sport you love.

Determined to make it back on to the pool table at some point in the future though. Glad you're over the worst of it Aonghus.

Tilly

Neyite wrote: »

Will the most mortifying one do ya?

It started out badly when the doctor was male, as HSE guidelines stated that it is always done by a female. That threw me initially, but since I was a public patient and had been on the waiting list for months for it, thought 'meh'. Gender equality and all that.

This doctor was very good-looking. This was initally a pleasing distraction, but quickly became a source of discomfort once I remembered this doctor would be shortly poking around my rather unkempt nethers.

Alas, Dr. Gorgeous also had the skill of a turnip, so what should have been a a quick and discreet insertion of a catheter into my innards via my lady parts became a long and protracted rummage, involving several bright lights warming my arse, stirrups, forceps-types yokes and lots of poking the end of the catherter in the approximate direction of my cervix. Which was bloody sore.

This type of procedure is supposed to take no longer than 10 mins. My one took so long that the nurse holding my hand was getting tired on her feet and fetched a chair for herself.

Sweet Jesus!!!! I really hope this is the worst post i read in this thread. :eek:

Fat Christy

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I had a rather unfortunate injury earlier this year. The Baroness and I went skiing in St Anton in Austria. The conditions were far from ideal. It was a poor season, but we had it booked. I decided to tackle one of the more notorious black runs, despite the Baroness pleading with me not to try it. It was a tough run. I made it to the bottom with an acknowledgment that the Baroness was correct in her protests - and with an excruciating injury that I now know was a torn groin muscle.

The weekend was ruined and the next few weeks found me in rather a lot of pain. Mindfulness, yoga and twice daily visits to the sauna in the apartment really did help. I'm over the worst of it now, but my 10k times still haven't returned to the extremely competitive times I was putting in last year. A positive mental attitude helps, Pighead.

Wish you well in your recuperation.

You should have brought some weed with you. I hear it's a great pain reliever.

Menas

114 Days sounds like the title of a great movie. Who would play the lead though?

Pighead

Menas wrote: »

114 Days sounds like the title of a great movie. Who would play the lead though?

That Dr Gorgeous fella who molested Neyite could play Pighead. Sounds like he has the movie star looks to pull it off.

Neyite

Tilly wrote: »

Sweet Jesus!!!! I really hope this is the worst post i read in this thread. :eek:

I hope so too. I think the worst of it was that I never once complained. Wimp that I am.

Menas

Pighead wrote: »

That Dr Gorgeous fella who molested Neyite could play Pighead. Sounds like he has the movie star looks to pull it off.

Sounds like he was just 'acting' at been a doctor too. But lets not tell her that.

Little CuChulainn

Pighead wrote: »

So what's the scariest visit to a doctor you've had?

Pain in the testicle. Sent me straight to ER because he thought it was twisted and necrosis had set in. Was full sure I'd be going home with only one ball.

Ruu

How is Miss Piggy treating you in this time of need?

Dr. Zaius Dr. Zaius!

I feel your pain, Im in a cast myself with a broken ankle and its getting flipping tedious at this stage!


3 more weeks to go, and im hoping and praying I dont get the hot doctor that did my recent checkup for the cast removal, 6 weeks of leg hair growth...oh god...

Neyite

Menas wrote: »

Sounds like he was just 'acting' at been a doctor too. But lets not tell her that.

:eek: Oh fcuk. He could have been a psych patient who thought he was a doctor.

Timberrrrrrrr

Menas wrote: »

114 Days sounds like the title of a great movie. Who would play the lead though?

Rupert Grint would be perfect.

Pumpkinseeds

The one were I was being wheeled down to theatre for major surgery and then there was a powercut. I got all freaked out lying on the trolley looking at the ceiling when suddenly everything went dark until the generator kicked in. The worst bit was waiting back on the ward wondering if the surgery would go ahead and freaking out about maybe the powercut was an omen etc etc. I had the surgery, it went fine and 22 days later I got to go home.

Xaracatz

Crutches are awful. I spent three weeks on them and, whatever skill I gained in moving around, was offset by the increasing misery of being on crutches. By the end, I was mostly dragging myself along, with the occasional proper wheeeeeee crutch-swing-jump 'cause that's just fun.

Might I suggest a wheeeeeee crutch-swing-jump to lighten your misery?

Pighead

Ruu wrote: »

How is Miss Piggy treating you in this time of need?

Sympathy ran out after day two Ruu. Today's women, while more beautiful and sophisticated than their mothers and grandmothers, are sadly lacking in the compassion stakes.

endacl

Pighead wrote: »

Where once Pighead strode through Dundalk Town Centre like a modern day Emperor Nero, nowadays he hops and hobbles about like some sort of circus freak.

Automatically read the rest in a Dundalk accent, in the style of a Shawshank voiceover.

Didn't help.

:pac:

osarusan

When I was about 8 I had this weird bug or something that temporarily caused the muscles on my legs to go tingly and then they could not bear any weight at all. I literally couldn't walk, as I couldn't stand up or bend my knees - the muscles required to bend and straighten a knee, as well as the muscles needed to hold me up simply were not working.

It only lasted about 2 or 3 days, but at the end, it briefly started up in my arms also, before my immune system fought off whatever it was that was effectively paralysing my muscles.

I had already been taken to the doctor when it was just my legs, but was rushed back there once it affected my arms.

I was too young to understand, by my parents and the doctor were absolutely terrified that the paralysis would eventually get to my heart.

Capt'n Midnight

OSI wrote: »

For the most part perfectly fine. I have some neurological issues, epilepsy, deaf, some mental health quirks but nothing that's stopped me from having a perfectly normal life.

It's actually amazing how the brain can workaround stuff.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Lawrence_%28British_Army_officer%29

Lawrence lost 43% of his brain ... He eventually regained most movement although with a slight limp, a paralysed left arm, involuntary muscle contractions and posttraumatic stress disorder. ...Lawrence is a popular and entertaining after dinner speaker.