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The Dishwasher Conspiracy

  • 16-01-2016 10:57pm
    #1
    ArtSmart
    Registered Users Posts: 5,614 ✭✭✭ArtSmart


    It is with a somewhat fearful heart that I write this thread, but I've reached the point where I believe I must.

    Dishwashers are a con. An out 'n out con.

    But dare you say that to one of its ardent adherents!

    They are a lie. A falsehood. ''A painted lady from the brow of the Superbrain.''

    The cult of time-saving has enslaved us all.

    Now, when we look for the one good knife, that one favourite bowl or plate, that one and only steamer - where is it?

    Yup.

    In the F***ink dishwasher.

    Oh, no. Not 'left in the sink' - God no. Not, left on the counter - of course not. Who'd you think they are - Barbarians??

    No. All is placed in the dishwasher. Out of sight. Out of mind. Their duty done.

    The one item you need - that's in the dishwasher.

    Placed there by responsible, upright citizens.

    And, of course, in two or three days time, when the dishwasher is full (and NEVER, EVER before then) it will be washed.

    Properly.

    By a machine.

    Properly.

    None of that aul hot water, lemon squeezy, 'n elbow grease nonsense. No sir.

    Properly. Or not at all.

    And DARE you say different.


    (But who - who empties the dishwasher? Hmmmm? (Shusshhh, don't even think that!))


    So now, thanks to time-saving technology, we live in a world of unobtainable knives and crappy second choice plates. (And God help you if you rummage around in there, looking for that one good knife/ favourite plate. Sacrilege! Non-Believer!!)

    And DARE you point out the craziness of it all.

    Yup. We live in marvelous times.

    Marvelous, I tell you.


«1

Comments

  • #2
    Fleawuss
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,681 ✭✭✭Fleawuss


    Buy more cutlery


  • #3
    The_Valeyard
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,452 ✭✭✭✭The_Valeyard


    Do not have time to read all that.

    Save some time and shorten it for me.


  • #4
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I blame third wave feminism, rebelling against what was traditionally a woman's job...


  • #5
    Fleawuss
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,681 ✭✭✭Fleawuss


    Buy more delph


  • #6
    SEPT 23 1989
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43,028 ✭✭✭✭SEPT 23 1989


    Party plates and cups are the way forward

    Table to the bin


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  • #7
    The Cycling pianist
    Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭The Cycling pianist


    If it takes you three days to fill a dishwasher, then you're the one who got conned because you don't need it. There's 5 of us at home and the dishwasher is full every single evening. If there's only 1 or 2 of you in the house, you don't need a dishwasher


  • #8
    Canadel
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,586 ✭✭✭Canadel


    Fleawuss wrote: »
    Buy more delph
    Doubt he'd leave Man City.


  • #9
    Sam Kade
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,313 ✭✭✭✭Sam Kade


    If you weren't so fcuking choosey about what plate, knife, fork you use there would be no problem :)


  • #10
    PC Lackey
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 69 ✭✭PC Lackey


    why not a painted gentleman ?


  • #11
    c_man
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,436 ✭✭✭c_man


    Ok, I confess. I've never used a dishwasher. I have no idea how to.

    I just hand wash whatever I used pretty much straight away after. Half the places I've lived in haven't even had a working one. Mock me if you must, but the truth has set me free.


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  • #12
    ArtSmart
    Registered Users Posts: 5,614 ✭✭✭ArtSmart


    The Cycling pianist wrote: »
    If it takes you three days to fill a dishwasher, then you're the one who got conned because you don't need it. There's 5 of us at home and the dishwasher is full every single evening. If there's only 1 or 2 of you in the house, you don't need a dishwasher
    Waiting one day is enough. One hour is enough!

    The olden days, you use - you wash.

    And the next person can then use the item.

    But, tell me this....

    Who empties your dishwasher?


    Hmmmm?


    HMMMMMMM?????


  • #13
    ArtSmart
    Registered Users Posts: 5,614 ✭✭✭ArtSmart


    c_man wrote: »
    Ok, I confess. I've never used a dishwasher. I have no idea how to.

    I just hand wash whatever I used pretty much straight away after. Half the places I've lived in haven't even had a working one. Mock me if you must, but the truth has set me free.
    YOU ARE FREE INDEED MY FRIEND!

    TRULY FREE!!


  • #14
    ArtSmart
    Registered Users Posts: 5,614 ✭✭✭ArtSmart


    PC Lackey wrote: »
    why not a painted gentleman ?
    Ask Bowie.

    Em, or rather, er...google it.


  • #15
    Kovu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,241 ✭✭✭✭Kovu


    Dishwashers??? Dishwashers!! D'ya know how many washing-up basins I can buy for the price of a dishwasher.

    T'was far from a dishwasher ye were reared.


  • #16
    Corpus Twisty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 396 ✭✭Corpus Twisty


    They break all the time too, and go on fire...the sink never burnt your house down, in the good old days..


  • #17
    ArtSmart
    Registered Users Posts: 5,614 ✭✭✭ArtSmart


    Sam Kade wrote: »
    If you weren't so fcuking choosey about what plate, knife, fork you use there would be no problem :)
    Yes, that's what the Dishwasher Cultist say....

    that or buy more dishes/ cutlery, sharp knives.

    Buy more! they say.

    But aint that a little crazy?


  • #18
    Fleawuss
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,681 ✭✭✭Fleawuss


    Canadel wrote: »
    Doubt he'd leave Man City.

    I had to google that. Fabian Delph. Does he crack under pressure? Is he prone to lots of breakages? etc etc.:pac:


  • #19
    Menas
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Menas


    You would need to take my dishwasher from my cold dead hands....I love it!


  • #20
    Corpus Twisty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 396 ✭✭Corpus Twisty


    Menas wrote: »
    You would need to take my dishwasher from my cold dead hands....I love it!

    Wait till it goes on fire and burns you out of house and home..come back then..:D


  • #21
    mad muffin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭mad muffin


    If God wanted us to use dishwasher he wouldn't have invented paper plates.


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  • #22
    Earthhorse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,714 ✭✭✭✭Earthhorse


    Kovu wrote: »
    T'was far from a dishwasher ye were reared.

    Not really, it was just in the next room.


  • #23
    Into The Blue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,358 ✭✭✭Into The Blue


    When you move from your bedsit to your first house, you'll know the pleasure of an 8 place dinner set


  • #24
    Into The Blue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,358 ✭✭✭Into The Blue


    ArtSmart wrote: »
    Yes, that's what the Dishwasher Cultist say....

    that or buy more dishes/ cutlery, sharp knives.

    Buy more! they say.

    But aint that a little crazy?

    Only thing crazy is you don't have enough plates for a dinner party.. the fück?!?!


  • #25
    OU812
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,072 ✭✭✭OU812


    ArtSmart wrote: »
    SNIP
    that one favourite bowl or plate
    SNIP

    Who the **** has a "favourite bowl or plate"?
    Kovu wrote: »
    D'ya know how many washing-up basins I can buy for the price of a dishwasher.

    The sink is the ****ing washing up basin!


  • #26
    Fr_Dougal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,166 ✭✭✭Fr_Dougal


    Buy two sets of identical delph. Problem solved.


  • #27
    we'llallhavetea
    Registered Users Posts: 1,031 ✭✭✭we'llallhavetea


    i would weep if my dishwasher died, three of us in the house and I could have the fcuker going twice in one day.


  • #28
    Menas
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Menas


    Corpus Twisty wrote: »
    Wait till it goes on fire and burns you out of house and home..come back then..:D

    Ha! There is more a chance of getting hit by a bus as I cross the road while typing th


  • #29
    Into The Blue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,358 ✭✭✭Into The Blue


    Time to ban these death traps!!!

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-182547/Woman-dies-freak-dishwasher-accident.html

    "A woman died after she slipped in her kitchen and landed on knives lying upright in a dishwasher, police said today. The freak accident happened in the 31-year-old's home in Dunrobin Road, Airdrie, Lanarkshire."


  • #30
    IvyTheTerrible
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,949 ✭✭✭✭IvyTheTerrible


    Into The Blue wrote: »
    Time to ban these death traps!!!

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-182547/Woman-dies-freak-dishwasher-accident.html

    "A woman died after she slipped in her kitchen and landed on knives lying upright in a dishwasher, police said today. The freak accident happened in the 31-year-old's home in Dunrobin Road, Airdrie, Lanarkshire."

    Or just put the knives in upside down?
    (I think that's a rule in professional kitchens anyway)


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  • #31
    GreatDefector
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 540 ✭✭✭GreatDefector


    The_Valeyard wrote: »
    Do not have time to read all that.

    Save some time and shorten it for me.

    Washing machines live longer with calgon


  • #32
    Into The Blue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,358 ✭✭✭Into The Blue


    IvyTheTerrible wrote: »
    Or just put the knives in upside down?
    (I think that's a rule in professional kitchens anyway)

    Can't take that chance


  • #33
    looksee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,782 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    Foooorty-five years I rared a family and never had a dishwasher. Never wanted one. Never even used one. 'Tis far etc.

    Then last year, with just two of us at home, I decided, on a whim, to get one. I like dishwashers.


  • #34
    Kiwi in IE
    Registered Users Posts: 3,063 ✭✭✭Kiwi in IE


    I admit I have on occasion had to rifle through the dishwasher to get a needed item (sieve, measuring cup etc), before it is washed and then had to hand wash it before use, but it beats the hell out of hand washing every single plate, bowl and item of cutlery. I think the OP is coming from the perspective of someone sharing with housemates, rather than a parent who makes meals for a family several times a day. I think when they have a family they will begin to understand the value of a dishwasher. The OP's post might apply in a house sharing situation where everyone buys and cooks their food separately, but in a family home it's a different story altogether! I do not want to waste hours of my day washing and drying dishes, life is too short for that crap!

    And yeah a dishwasher is more hygienic! The water runs off the dishes. It's like the difference between someone who has shat their pants getting into a bath or a shower!


  • #35
    looksee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,782 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    Yuck. I'd say that was one comparison more than we needed Kiwi!!


  • #36
    Medusa22
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,400 ✭✭✭Medusa22


    I love my dishwasher, I am a little bit in love with it. There's just two of us in the apartment and it's on every second day but I'm a lazy bitch and I adore any and all modern conveniences.

    We wash the pots and pans ourselves or any sort of measuring jug etc as we will usually have to use them again before the dishwasher goes on, but other than that, it's very convenient. I am the one who usually empties it by the way.


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  • #37
    Kiwi in IE
    Registered Users Posts: 3,063 ✭✭✭Kiwi in IE


    looksee wrote: »
    Yuck. I'd say that was one comparison more than we needed Kiwi!!

    Sorry I'm a nurse, such comparisons come naturally haha!


  • #38
    MilesMorales1
    Registered Users Posts: 6,431 ✭✭✭MilesMorales1


    I hate our dishwasher, never use it no more. Everything comes out a little dirty or grimy, gross as ****.


  • #39
    Graces7
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    There is a dishwasher here in my rental. never used it.. well I do, to store crockery in.. costs too much to run and I am happy washing up the old way..


  • #40
    Temptamperu
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,303 ✭✭✭Temptamperu


    I empty the dishwasher.


  • #41
    C.K Dexter Haven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,711 ✭✭✭C.K Dexter Haven


    Fleawuss wrote: »
    Buy more cutlery
    Fleawuss wrote: »
    Buy more delph

    Not quite- the secret is- buy TWO Dishwashers- then you never have to empty either of them- just keep pulling dishes when you need them from the one that has the clean dishes- save on cupboard space too!!


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  • #42
    Paramite Pie
    Registered Users Posts: 1,312 ✭✭✭Paramite Pie


    The_Valeyard wrote: »
    Do not have time to read all that.

    Save some time and shorten it for me.

    Christ, this isn't twitter.


  • #43
    Ruu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,622 ✭✭✭Ruu


    What is your opinion on lagging jackets, conspiracy too? :eek::eek:


  • #44
    C.K Dexter Haven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,711 ✭✭✭C.K Dexter Haven


    Ruu wrote: »
    What is your opinion on lagging jackets, conspiracy too? :eek::eek:

    I hear they'll be the "in-thing" for Autumn/Winter 2016:p


  • #45
    MadsL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,299 ✭✭✭✭MadsL


    MilesMorales1 wrote: »
    I hate our dishwasher, never use it no more. Everything comes out a little dirty or grimy, gross as ****.

    http://www.tesco.ie/groceries/product/details/?id=263578725

    Your dishwasher needs cleaning.


  • #46
    CelticRambler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,890 ✭✭✭CelticRambler


    Into The Blue wrote: »
    Only thing crazy is you don't have enough plates for a dinner party.. the fück?!?!

    Ultimate dinner part challenge: to be able to serve dessert on the same plates (or in the same "verrines") that you used for the entrée, without your guests knowing/noticing that the machine has washed everything while they were working their way thorough their main courses. ;)

    I'd sooner part with my kettle than the dishwasher. I can't stand the after-dinner pantomime in pagan households with half the guests saying "I'll help with the washing up", the other half feeling guilty for not offering, and the host saying "ah no, it's fine, no leave it, oh alright then..." Oh, and then the soggy tea towels hanging on every press door. :rolleyes:

    Feck that! Throw everything in the dishwasher - delph, cutlery, pots, pans, the yoke that no-one knows the proper name for, everything. Keep your glass if you want to finish that bottle of wine. Five minutes and the kitchen's clean and tidy. :cool:


  • #47
    ToddyDoody
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,417 ✭✭✭ToddyDoody


    Don't forget that things which clean things need to themselves be cleaned. (I keep a box of dishwasher cleaner in the van)


  • #48
    Spanish Eyes
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,000 ✭✭✭✭Spanish Eyes


    I would never be without the dishwasher. It is full size and there is only me!!

    Just rinse off the dishes as I use them, into the machine. Once a week on it goes. God you cannot beat the way the glasses and cutlery come out absolutely sparking. And there is NADA in the sink or countertops.

    Now in fairness I have abolutely heaps of delph, cutlery and glasses. So I get by for a week or so. Now remember, I rinse the gunge off before entry to my loving machine. And that's that.

    Occsionally I will rinse a cup or plate and put it on the rack beside the sink. But that's when I have had one too many and forget about my VBF!


  • #49
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 17,378 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Have one, never use it.. It's above the sink so it's just another drying rack.

    Gotta be the only machine slower than us.


  • #50
    Badly Drunk Boy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,699 ✭✭✭Badly Drunk Boy


    Fr_Dougal wrote: »
    Buy two sets of identical delph. Problem solved.
    I do that with clothes. If I get something I like, I go and buy 6 or 7 of them. And each 'set' I have is black.


  • #51
    Badly Drunk Boy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,699 ✭✭✭Badly Drunk Boy


    In other news, I've never used a dishwasher.


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