Ridiculous things your teachers said in school.

0byme75341jo28 · 01-10-2014 8:17pm #1

Junior Cert chemistry teacher:

"Now Andy I'll be seeing your parents at the parent-teacher meetings and I'll be expecting them to be the exact same as you; SCUM!"

:pac:

Schwiiing · 01-10-2014 8:19pm

2nd year Christmas Report:

Maths: Schwiiing reached rock bottom some time ago but has recently started to dig.

blaze1 · 01-10-2014 8:20pm

Head teacher to my mate.

"You must be the master roller in your group"

131spanner · 01-10-2014 8:20pm

"There's no need to practise for the oral exam, ye're well able to talk ****e."

hairyslug · 01-10-2014 8:20pm

Our headmaster is primary school told us that it was good not to eat for a day every now and again so that we could give our stomachs a break

Bassfish · 01-10-2014 8:21pm

Primary school teacher in the mid nineties told us to never shake hands with a gay person as we'll get the AIDS!

Satriale · 01-10-2014 8:23pm

hairyslug wrote: »

Our headmaster is primary school told us that it was good not to eat for a day every now and again so that we could give our stomachs a break

He was dead right! My headmaster used to just beat me:(

saintsaltynuts · 01-10-2014 8:24pm

"You'll go far son".

cactuspaw · 01-10-2014 8:26pm

" I think you should study agricultural science "

Ompala · 01-10-2014 8:30pm

Junior Cert German, guy was hitting his pen off the desk

Teacher "If you don't stop banging that I will bang you!"

One threat she never carried out :pac:

TheDoc90 · 01-10-2014 8:32pm

"You should get a trade youngfella the Leaving Cert isn't for you, there's plenty of jobs and money in a trade" 6 months later the housing crash... lucky I never did what I was told.

flas · 01-10-2014 8:35pm

Leaving cert english teacher said to my mam on parents teacher meeting that if I was any more laid back id be lying down and that he is thinking about bringing me in a hammock! I took it as a compliment and seeing as I got a b grade(both years I did my leaving) I think I was right too!

is mise spartacus · 01-10-2014 8:43pm

When I was in second year
Teacher: "I suppose everyone's gone down to the bookies to put a few bob on a horse, haven't they?"
Uh, we were 14

crazygeryy · 01-10-2014 8:44pm

come out i know your in there you ll go blind if you keep doing that.

sullivlo · 01-10-2014 8:45pm

hairyslug wrote: »

Our headmaster is primary school told us that it was good not to eat for a day every now and again so that we could give our stomachs a break

My gastroenterologist says the same

The Backwards Man · 01-10-2014 8:49pm

I got hauled up before the principal for getting my head shaved in class, the principal goes over a whole spiel about health and safety and hygiene when the teacher who ratted on me interjected

'In fairness Mr *******, they were using a bucket'

ricero · 01-10-2014 8:51pm

"If I was your parent I would be ashamed of yas". He was a great teacher though.

Cienciano · 01-10-2014 8:52pm

The Backwards Man wrote: »

I got hauled up before the principal for getting my head shaved in class, the principal goes over a whole spiel about health and safety and hygiene when the teacher who ratted on me interjected

'In fairness Mr *******, they were using a bucket'

I'm glad you censored his name. To avoid an unnecessary court case

DEFTLEFTHAND · 01-10-2014 8:53pm

hairyslug wrote: »

Our headmaster is primary school told us that it was good not to eat for a day every now and again so that we could give our stomachs a break

There is benefits to intermittent fasting for adults. Though not something you'd want children doing obviously.

The Backwards Man · 01-10-2014 8:55pm

Cienciano wrote: »

I'm glad you censored his name. To avoid an unnecessary court case

I kinda have to, he's one of the most famous ex school principals in the country.:pac:

And he remembers me very well . . . .

Rabbo · 01-10-2014 8:55pm

Our teachers used to always give us the impression that the inspector was coming to inspect our work and not the theirs. They used to scare the ****e out of us, make us think that we were at risk of being held back a year if we didn't perform and have us preparing for days before. If only we had known we could have had a little fun- "did that child just say what's a battle?"

01-10-2014 8:55pm

"Well, Shifty, I've come across some asses in my time, but you take some beating"

Took me a while to live that one down.

veryangryman · 01-10-2014 8:56pm

Metalwork teacher: I'll stick your head through that vice!

sunshine and showers · 01-10-2014 8:57pm

French teacher about my uncle on a school report:

"M is like a bucket filling with knowledge. Too bad there's a hole in the bucket."

DEFTLEFTHAND · 01-10-2014 9:02pm

TheDoc90 wrote: »

"You should get a trade youngfella the Leaving Cert isn't for you, there's plenty of jobs and money in a trade" 6 months later the housing crash... lucky I never did what I was told.

Shocking advice to receive from a person who works in education.

I remember a few in my school leaving after the JC to work on sites, at least our school did try to dissuade them but the lure of the 'big bucks':rolleyes: was too strong for many. They probably thought we were mugs for staying.

MRnotlob606 · 01-10-2014 9:06pm

Business teacher told us by the time we finished school ,the financial crisis would be over, I'm now two years out of school and things aren't looking great on the jobs front.

Tigger · 01-10-2014 9:10pm

that thing about valance shells

Molester Stallone II · 01-10-2014 9:12pm

"You're a useless little fckr and I already know you've failed your Xmas exam"
First year Latin teacher to me 30 mins before I took a 6" nail to his car door

Winty · 01-10-2014 9:15pm

My English teacher told us all that the best job you can have is one that supplies a uniform and we should aim for that.

Czarcasm · 01-10-2014 9:17pm

Really too many to mention, but this I suppose would be one of the funniest times -

Czarcasm wrote: »

I remember being in sixth class in Primary school and we had a sub-teacher in for a couple of months. I had stayed back in fifth class as my mother wanted us all in a row when it came to passing our books down. So in came this guy anyway and every so often when he was explaining something to the class he'd look at me and go -

"You know all this already Czarcasm..."

I just thought to myself -

"Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about?"

I only figured it out later that someone must have told him I was staying back in sixth class and not fifth, but he was a really nice guy and I didn't want to be a prick so I just stayed a week ahead of him in the book so that every time he'd say "You know all this already Czarcasm", I'd just nod and say nothing.

If I was back there now I'd encourage any child to speak up for themselves and don't be afraid to tell their teacher if they're having difficulties, because as brilliant as some teachers are, and as much as teacher training methods have moved on to spot the early signs of cognitive and learning disabilities, they're still not capable of mind reading!

You had to be there :pac:

sunshine and showers · 01-10-2014 9:19pm

My LC Irish teacher told my parents (in front of me) that I was "underwhelming" her.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 01-10-2014 9:24pm

Mid 1950s a teacher told us that by the time we were adults machines would be doing so much that the biggest problem people would have was how to fill all their spare time. He got that one wrong!

byhookorbycrook · 01-10-2014 9:28pm

Rather old nun: Left handed people are evil
The thread you waste when you sew will be measured against your soul when you die and if your soul is lighter you'll go to hell.

0byme75341jo28 · 01-10-2014 9:28pm

Rosa Fluffy Bacteria wrote: »

Mid 1950s a teacher told us that by the time we were adults machines would be doing so much that the biggest problem people would have was how to fill all their spare time. He got that one wrong!

And people have been saying that every day since!

steddyeddy · 01-10-2014 10:09pm

Working class people don't want to go to college.

Paramite Pie · 01-10-2014 10:10pm

Christ, some of ye must have been awful pricks in school!! I've never seen a teacher say **** like that!

fleet_admiral · 01-10-2014 10:16pm

My TG teacher told a big boned girl that she looked like she was fond of potatoes. Her father and brothers mashed him up

tomwaterford · 01-10-2014 10:16pm

Paramite Pie wrote: »

Christ, some of ye must have been awful pricks in school!! I've never seen a teacher say **** like that!

well...I had a teacher tell me id never amount to anything:pac:

a carrer guidance meeting where I was half thinking of going to collage but too shy to say...so was handed a leaflet on apprenticeships and told try find one:rolleyes:

repeatedly took on Fridays not to bother coming back Mondays and asked why I wasn't expelled/thrown out yet

* I may have been a disruptive influence on others

Czarcasm · 01-10-2014 10:19pm

Paramite Pie wrote: »

Christ, some of ye must have been awful pricks in school!! I've never seen a teacher say **** like that!

If you're a teacher in Ireland nowadays -

"In Ireland, students tell you what to do!"

Mr Rhode Island Red · 01-10-2014 10:20pm

I'll wring your neck and then I'll ring your parents

steddyeddy · 01-10-2014 10:22pm

fleet_admiral wrote: »

My TG teacher told a big boned girl that she looked like she was fond of potatoes. Her father and brothers mashed him up

The teacher who spouted the working class bs got a hiding too luckily. Best thing for people like that really.

herisson · 01-10-2014 10:22pm

My friend had a few pairs of headphones on his pockets. So he had a few wires sticking out.

Principal at the time goes

"Jesus you look like a terrorist with all those wires sticking out of ya"

Kev_2012 · 01-10-2014 10:25pm

*One of the lads said something funny and I couldn't stop laughing*

Teacher : "Kev_2012!!!, shut your mouth!!! Or I'll shut it for you with this! (while pointing to his elbow). I won't go around the desks, I'll go through them!!!"

I laughed twice as hard!

steddyeddy · 01-10-2014 10:25pm

Another teacher directed "Hey yellow fella" at an Asian student. My teachers were classy people:(

Her name was Lola · 01-10-2014 10:26pm

Could do better.

mickstupp · 01-10-2014 10:26pm

"The Junior Cert is the most important exam of your life!"

...

"The Junior Cert meant nothing, the Leaving Cert is the most important exam of your life!"

15 years later I realise the Leaving Cert meant nothing, because I went to college as a mature student and got a degree that I couldn't possibly have gotten into with my Leaving Cert points.

Czarcasm · 01-10-2014 10:36pm

steddyeddy wrote: »

The teacher who spouted the working class bs got a hiding too luckily. Best thing for people like that really.

How did you survive at all eddy in a 'working class' school with that attitude? It's the sort of attitude that's a self fulfilling prophecy and does a person no good!

I suppose it was hard to take my secondary school English teacher seriously when he walked into school in his banana colored shell suit! We pretty much spent the whole class breathless from laughing at the poor guy! Still though, if it weren't for his ineptitude (he made Mr. Bean look like Albert Einstein), I wouldn't have been encouraged to use my own initiative to study instead, because we sure as hell weren't learning anything in class!

My mother taught me in 3rd and 4th class in primary school, the amount of times I came out with "Mam" instead of "Teacher"... Jaysus :rolleyes:

Virtanen · 01-10-2014 10:46pm

Went to a CBS school where an actual Christian Brother taught. Unlike most, he was sound out, always taking the p1ss out of others and having a laugh with the class

One guy in our class broke both his arms, and was henceforth known as the Two-Armed Bandit thanks to him

He'd also proudly declare "this is my school" due to his Christian Brother status. He'd say that every now and then, but especially every time the Principal or VP would drop by, just after they leave the room

Then there was also "laptop dancing", which he claimed went down in strip clubs, something to do with computers, can't remember exactly

Other famous shtick's included trying to smoke a stick of chalk, threatening people with a 1m ruler, and dancing on a picture of Margaret Thatcher

nullzero · 01-10-2014 10:53pm

A leaving cert biology teacher told us that the reason "all black people are lazy" isn't because they want to be but rather because they all have malaria. Although he didn't refer to them as black people I think "darkies" was the term he used, usually after beginning another word beginning with an N and correcting himself.

Her name was Lola · 01-10-2014 11:06pm

Leaving cert biology teacher told me Ventolin inhalers contain oxygen. No amount of telling her that they contain the chemical salbutamol could convince her. I got an A1 in Biology, despite her genius.

Her name was Lola · 01-10-2014 11:07pm

Also got an A1 in Chemistry - but that was a different teacher heh heh.

Ridiculous things your teachers said in school.

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