Do you appreciate being complimented on your appearance?

mr_fegelien · 08-11-2019 6:22pm #1

I've heard conflicting things about this from women and the internet. Some girls I've talked to say that they don't like comments about their appearance from strangers like "you're really pretty" but others say they have no problem with it, even outside a club/pub setting.

I told a nurse in a hospital a few months ago who was taking care of me at my discharge that I thought she was attractive. She seemed to chuckle/smile when I said that. My mother thought that was a bit inappropriate as she has a few colleauges in her office that say they've been creeped out by random men commenting on their appearance.

Would that be the attitude of most women in regards to comments on how they look or would they be flattered by it?

pwurple · 09-11-2019 9:18am

For me, depends on context.

I like compliments that are about specifics. about how I take care of myself, like hair, nails, clothes style, from people who are noticing the effort that takes. (Men or women). That’s more of a Good for You compliment.

Compliments that are more general, like “you are attractive “, I would find slightly more seedy/creepy. To me, saying that can sometimes seem more like they want or expect something from me.

Sunny Dayz · 09-11-2019 2:04pm

Quite a lot of what pwurple said - specific complements rather than general.

I prefer to be complemented by other females - and I'm a straight married woman. I think getting a complement from another woman is like admiration or it seems more genuine. Like complementing my shoes, my hair etc. From men I think specific complements are more acceptable than general. For example a guy a regularly train with commented on my hair being done one time but I did get a good chunk cut off and he does see me the same time every week. However an ex-work colleague of my husband once said to me on a work night out that I was a very beautiful woman and all I could say was "okay...thanks...." - it was so awkward. Now the tone was more you're a lovely woman and you should be told it rather than being hit on but it was still so awkward.

Tammy! · 10-11-2019 11:58am

Mostly I like them but it depends on the context.

Dial Hard · 11-11-2019 5:39pm

If I was at work and simply engaged in doing my job and some randomer told me out of the blue he thought I was attractive I'd be questioning his social skills, tbh.

CivilCybil · 11-11-2019 5:41pm

I'd be ok with someone (particularly another woman) complimenting my clothes or hair or nails.
I'd be less comfortable with a man saying the same.

And I'd be completely uncomfortable with a random person (male or female) commenting on my perceived attractiveness.

mr_fegelien · 11-11-2019 8:54pm

Dial Hard wrote: »

If I was at work and simply engaged in doing my job and some randomer told me out of the blue he thought I was attractive I'd be questioning his social skills, tbh.

Well I have Aspergers and have complimented someone on their appearance at a pharmacy. Was told it's not a good idea as they can't really tell you to piss off like they could if a man said it at a bus stop or when they're shopping. A bit unfair to flirt at someones place of work.

But what exactly would make you question social skills? Is it inappropriate?

Has it ever happened to you personally?

meeeeh · 11-11-2019 11:50pm

I've been complimented before. Usually by someone ancient and senile enough I wasn't insulted by it but I didn't take it seriously either. I don't mind my friends voicing their opinion about my looks. My favourite is a friend of mine staring at my legs for a bit and eventually saying 'I'm no trying to insult you but you have footballer's legs'. It wasn't a compliment.

Anyway I don't get offended but some compliments made me feel very uncomfortable and some were actually creepy.

Better not to do it unless you are close enough to the person to know they will like it.

Edit: just to add. There were two people who definitely lacked social skills and probably a bit more. One stalked the house for a while, and would stand outside looking through the window. The other one followed me around woods telling me I have beautiful smile. He didn't approach me again but the first one's family had to be asked to keep him away. If people who are close to you advise you not to do it then you should probably listen to them.

Raconteuse · 12-11-2019 1:20am

Yes usually. But like anything, it's not always appropriate.

If a woman said to a man he was gorgeous in a strange setting, it would be considered weird too.

Sheridan81 · 12-11-2019 2:46am

One time I complimented a woman who I'd known for a little while. She was about 8 years younger than me. I said 'you're really beautiful' and she was-or so I thought at the time. She had this weird effect on me. I didn't want to sleep with her or have a relationship with her really cause she wasn't very bright, but I thought she'd like it if I complimented her.

Well she didn't, she just got embarrassed. It's a bit sad how you can't tell someone you think they're beautiful and when you say it, they don't care. I know if a woman said that to me it would please me, but then I wouldn't really believe her; I'd think that was a bit weird cause I'm not physically striking. Anyway, that's' never happened and it's never going to happen. Maybe the lady I said it to didn't believe me...

I guess it's not a good idea generally speaking.

skallywag · 12-11-2019 10:22am

I think that there certainly may well be a certain element of flattery taken from such a comment, but it would also get me thinking along the lines of 'is yer man a bit touched I wonder?!'.

mfceiling · 12-11-2019 2:32pm

I actually saw a woman in a coffee shop and she looked particularly good. Not stunningly beautiful but very elegant with a really nice outfit. I wanted to tell her she was looking great but I thought it might sound weird so I chickened out. Told my wife later and she laughed...."who doesn't love a compliment" she says.
Still thought it might have sounded weird though.

skallywag · 12-11-2019 2:40pm

mfceiling wrote: »

I actually saw a woman in a coffee shop and she looked particularly good. Not stunningly beautiful but very elegant with a really nice outfit. I wanted to tell her she was looking great but I thought it might sound weird so I chickened out. Told my wife later and she laughed...."who doesn't love a compliment" she says.
Still thought it might have sounded weird though.

I actually can see where you are coming from, and know exactly what you mean. Sometimes you do see someone who really stands out from a style and elegance point of view, e.g. let's call it far removed from the norm for the sake of discussion, but I would also hold back myself form passing any comment, for the exact same reasons that you mention.

I guess it is pretty much also related to the fact that it is quite rare these days that someone will ask a stranger out in a public situation. I somehow get the feeling that such behaviour is viewed as weird/creepy these days, whereas I do not believe that this was the case before the turn of the millenium etc. at least not in my recollection. There have actually even been threads on Boards where posters have commented that they would be completely creeped out if a man were to ask them out just on a whim in a public place etc.

meeeeh · 12-11-2019 4:06pm

I don't mind strangers complimenting my clothes at all as long as it's not the same people doing it multiple times. For me someone complimenting my clothes or hair is completely different as long as they are not complimenting my cleavage in that top.

B0jangles · 13-11-2019 9:46am

I've no problem with being complimented about something I'm wearing etc., (unless like meeeh says it's an obvious cover for saying 'nice tits'), wouldn't be a fan of random remarks on my general attractiveness though, and especially not in a situation where I'm required by my job to be polite and friendly to people.

I suppose it's the difference between someone commenting on something I chose, versus something I've no control over. Like, imagine someone randomly walking up to you and saying 'You're so tall!' - it's just weird and awkward.

Segotias · 13-11-2019 6:06pm

No a huge fan of it myself. The last compliment I got was told I've a lovely face...we all know that means its a shame about the rest of you. Especially as my friends were told they were lovely or gorgeous...every part of them not just their face!!!

KaneToad · 13-11-2019 6:11pm

B0jangles wrote: »

I've no problem with being complimented about something I'm wearing etc., (unless like meeeh says it's an obvious cover for saying 'nice tits'), wouldn't be a fan of random remarks on my general attractiveness though, and especially not in a situation where I'm required by my job to be polite and friendly to people.

I suppose it's the difference between someone commenting on something I chose, versus something I've no control over. Like, imagine someone randomly walking up to you and saying 'You're so tall!' - it's just weird and awkward.

Is is not all dependent on the compliment giver ? If you like the look of them then the compliment is warmly received. If you don't like the look of them then it would be deemed creepy/seedy/inappropriate.

mr_fegelien · 13-11-2019 6:17pm

Segotias wrote: »

No a huge fan of it myself. The last compliment I got was told I've a lovely face...we all know that means its a shame about the rest of you. Especially as my friends were told they were lovely or gorgeous...every part of them not just their face!!!

A butterbody as they call it (everything good looking, but-her-body).

mr_fegelien · 13-11-2019 6:19pm

Raconteuse wrote: »

Yes usually. But like anything, it's not always appropriate.

If a woman said to a man he was gorgeous in a strange setting, it would be considered weird too.

Eh, I firmly disagree with that to be honest. Maybe it's the way men are raised but It seems to me that many men I know love any type of attention from women including random complements since they so rarely get them. It's the same with all these stories you hear of 20yr old female teachers having sex with students. Many girls I've talked to think it's creepy but guys think the opposite i.e. "where were these teachers when I was in school".

Segotias · 13-11-2019 6:22pm

mr_fegelien wrote: »

A butterbody as they call it (everything good looking, but-her-body).

Yes pretty much a back handed compliment. Better off just saying nothing and continue on to the one you are complimenting properly

spurious · 13-11-2019 6:23pm

I find it a bit creepy if said by anyone over about the age of 6 and would think there was something wrong with the person remarking on other people's appearance.

mr_fegelien · 13-11-2019 6:30pm

spurious wrote: »

I find it a bit creepy if said by anyone over about the age of 6 and would think there was something wrong with the person remarking on other people's appearance.

But why? Even by a man you found attractive? What is it that creeps you out.

skallywag · 13-11-2019 6:55pm

Segotias wrote: »

The last compliment I got was told I've a lovely face...we all know that means its a shame about the rest of you...

I think the phrasing is important here.

If it was put in the way 'you are really pretty' then I guess you might interpret it differently? To me this phrase means that your face is really attractive looking, and has no negative insinuations towards the rest of you.

skallywag · 13-11-2019 7:07pm

spurious wrote: »

I find it a bit creepy if said by anyone over about the age of 6 and would think there was something wrong with the person remarking on other people's appearance.

I agree that this would be the way that such a comment would be interpreted today, I think it is just a sign of the times in general and a sign of how social interaction has evolved in the last 20 years or so.

That said, I do think that it is a sad reflection on where we stand today that such a positive comment is mostly interpreted as being something creepy.

CivilCybil · 13-11-2019 7:18pm

KaneToad wrote: »

Is is not all dependent on the compliment giver ? If you like the look of them then the compliment is warmly received. If you don't like the look of them then it would be deemed creepy/seedy/inappropriate.

I can't speak for everyone but if a random stranger comments on my attractiveness I would be unimpressed no matter what they looked like. A good looking guy saying it comes across as a sleaze or a creep. A less attractive guy like a sleaze or a creep.
If someone is warm and genuine and said they loved my sense of style or my confidence or the way I carry myself I wouldn't be overly creeped out.
If someone says they think I'm pretty or attractive etc then it's shallow and feels like a come on. There's a way to give a compliment without bringing just physical appearance into it.

dartboardio · 13-11-2019 7:22pm

Definitely depends on the context actually.

I was on a train in Amsterdam and the train guy who checks the tickets said to my boyfriend 'Your girlfriend/wife has the nicest smile I've seen all day' '

Things like that are definitely appreciated, and I didn't find it creepy. However if it was a man saying' the nicest legs' that would be completely different!

meeeeh · 13-11-2019 7:55pm

KaneToad wrote: »

Is is not all dependent on the compliment giver ? If you like the look of them then the compliment is warmly received. If you don't like the look of them then it would be deemed creepy/seedy/inappropriate.

Eh no. A good looking moron is still a moron.

skallywag · 13-11-2019 8:02pm

CivilCybil wrote: »

If someone is warm and genuine and said they loved my sense of style or my confidence or the way I carry myself I wouldn't be overly creeped out.

For me this is the crux of the situation.

Even if the comment is made in a genuine way, and indeed accepted so, then it is still creepy, just not overly creepy.

CivilCybil · 13-11-2019 9:23pm

skallywag wrote: »

For me this is the crux of the situation.

Even if the comment is made in a genuine way, and indeed accepted so, then it is still creepy, just not overly creepy.

Well yeah. I'd find it strange and be unsettled that someone approached me and felt the need to interrupt my day to tell me that they like my appearance.
Context is huge.
If I'm standing in a long queue beside someone and they start off with "this is taking ages, weather is awful, omg I love your coat, you've great style" then it's conversation and not really out of place.
If I'm standing on the Luas and someone walks past and stops to say "you're really pretty" then I 100% am thinking that I need to get my keys out between my fingers and make sure they don't get off at my stop. Or that they're trying to sell me something or setting me up by distracting me to rob my bag

Sheridan81 · 13-11-2019 9:33pm

One time a guy came up to my sis in a bar when she was with her boyfriend and congratulated the boyfriend on having a gorgeous girlfriend. She liked it.

Segotias · 13-11-2019 10:02pm

skallywag wrote: »

I think the phrasing is important here.

If it was put in the way 'you are really pretty' then I guess you might interpret it differently? To me this phrase means that your face is really attractive looking, and has no negative insinuations towards the rest of you.

I think where the negative insinuations arose were as a result of him saying to the others in the group that they were lovely or they were gorgeous. No specific part of them

bitofabind · 19-11-2019 2:28pm

If it's something along the lines of "you're really attractive / pretty / beautiful" and it's coming from a man, I'd assume he was hitting on me. It's not really the done thing, especially in Ireland and can't imagine it ever being received favourably. It's quite common in the States though but again, totally cringe!

I like the specific compliments, your hair looks great, I love your dress, nice bag etc, regardless of who they're coming from.

Tammy! · 20-11-2019 1:36pm

bitofabind wrote: »

If it's something along the lines of "you're really attractive / pretty / beautiful" and it's coming from a man, I'd assume he was hitting on me. It's not really the done thing, especially in Ireland and can't imagine it ever being received favourably.

Honest to God, id rarely assume if a man compliments me that he's hitting on me. It's probably just because I'm with my oh since I was a late teen and have never been available and a lot of times I've got compliments in front of him.

There are times when you can get backhanded compliments or in context are not appropriate so it's hard to respond to the op but who doesnt like to be complimented? It's often just someone trying to be nice. In general I think just take it at face value and don't let it go to your head.

Accepting Cookies · 26-11-2019 11:21am

I also think it depends on the context. As a woman I have complimented other women on certain things such as 'I LOVE your shoes/dress/coat' etc and might ask where they got it, and the same has happened to me. I think it's really lovely for women to be so friendly and complimenting of other women. I wouldn't be offended or unappreciative of a compliment from a guy, but I suppose I would be wary he's going to follow it up by a come on of some sort, or further attention. That has happened more often than not. At work a few of the guys in my dept are quirky or good dressers, and I've offered up a 'that's an amazing shirt,' or 'love the socks' but they'd be used to that from everyone as those things are their trademarks if you get me and we're all like family with one another, so in short- context matters!

24-01-2020 11:37pm

I think, as a general rule, people should stay away from more romantic adjectives like beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, attractive, etc unless you're close to the person.

There are a lot of other gender neutral adjectives you can use to compliment someone without making them uncomfortable:

"Those glasses are deadly"
"Cool shirt"
"You've got mad typing skills"
"Awesome socks"

And I know these all make me sound like a 90s american cartoon but nobody will get offended by them. In fact, subbing any adjective you're thinking of using for "deadly" will probably work just fine.

And don't ever try to compliment someone in their place of work, like in a shop or a bar. Because they are obliged to be nice back. If a shop assistant is wearing bright blue eyeliner and they're already talking to you you can say "your eyeliner is wicked, who's make is it?" Don't say "that eyeliner is so pretty on you, it brings out the beautiful colour of your eyes..."

bitofabind · 25-01-2020 7:14pm

Tammy! wrote: »

Honest to God, id rarely assume if a man compliments me that he's hitting on me. It's probably just because I'm with my oh since I was a late teen and have never been available and a lot of times I've got compliments in front of him.

As another posted mentioned, context is everything. A man complimenting you in front of your partner is a fairly good indicator he's NOT hitting on you and is just being friendly and platonic, whereas sidling up to you on your own and calling you beautiful is a totally different thing.

I'm single, so being called beautiful / gorgeous / stunning eyes or whatever by a guy usually doesn't happen platonically. Unless it's a random observation from someone clearly off the market and / or that I'm close to - the father of the bride at a wedding, a close male friend, etc.

Airyfairy12 · 26-01-2020 3:07am

Theyre fine, depending on context.
I have to say, I appreciate them more now that im getting older as im a bit more self conscious about my looks but again, context makes all the difference.

26-01-2020 3:55am

Guy here. I do what was said in the first reply.. Compliment specifics. I pretty much only do this in work with women I've known for years or get on with.

I wear the same shlte to work and it takes me no time to get ready. Doesn't take any time either to tell someone their new dress is nice or I like their new hair. I always get a smile and a thanks so I guess I'm doing it right.

The only time I'd ever give a general compliment telling a woman they look beautiful is on the special occasions where they wear an "ao dai" to work. Then it's definitely ok because it's about the dress, which is arguably the nicest dress style in the world.

Starfish25 · 27-01-2020 3:54pm

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

Theyre fine, depending on context..

I agree.
Compliments are nice but it depends on the context. Last year I lost weight and worked on my appearance.
It was something personal I decided to improve on, eat less - move more and get fitter.
It was something I would only discuss with my family/close friends really. I wasn’t openly discussing it, just tipping away myself and reaping the rewards.

After a few months, the weight loss was obvious but not extreme.
Work was a nightmare for a few weeks. I was getting so many comments or “compliments” from other women and the odd man about how much weight I lost, how great I looked, who was I trying to impress etc etc and whilst one would interpret all these comments as a positive or a compliment about my achievement, it got to the point where it became embarrassing and uncomfortable. But most of all - overwhelming.
For a short time, It made me more self conscious about how I looked and how I looked beforehand.

So depends on the context. Some people should understand there is a time and place... I’m sure some of them meant well.

IMO it is highly inappropriate to comment, negatively or positively on someone’s body unless it is invited by the person themselves.

Obviously there are worse things in this world but while we are on the subject of compliments etc said I’d give my 2cents

Segotias · 28-01-2020 11:32am

Starfish25 wrote: »

For a short time, It made me more self conscious about how I looked and how I looked beforehand.

I find this an issue too. You start think how bad did I look before that people are commenting so much now

Airyfairy12 · 28-01-2020 11:36am

Segotias wrote: »

I find this an issue too. You start think how bad did I look before that people are commenting so much now

And when they dont comment you can start feeling like youre not as attractive anymore. For me anyway, I used to put my self worth in it.

Segotias · 28-01-2020 11:41am

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

And when they dont comment you can start feeling like youre not as attractive anymore. For me anyway, I used to put my self worth in it.

That can be hard as you say if you were putting self worth with the compliments. Hopefully as you've said "used" you know that's not the case

I don't feel attractive in general but definitely makes me wonder about how I was seen before

MissDisaster · 04-02-2020 5:50pm

My partner....yes. Other girls who arnt hitting on me...also yes.

Random dudes whom I dont know? Hell no.

woodchuck · 05-02-2020 5:34pm

Starfish25 wrote: »

I agree.
Compliments are nice but it depends on the context. Last year I lost weight and worked on my appearance.
It was something personal I decided to improve on, eat less - move more and get fitter.
It was something I would only discuss with my family/close friends really. I wasn’t openly discussing it, just tipping away myself and reaping the rewards.

After a few months, the weight loss was obvious but not extreme.
Work was a nightmare for a few weeks. I was getting so many comments or “compliments” from other women and the odd man about how much weight I lost, how great I looked, who was I trying to impress etc etc and whilst one would interpret all these comments as a positive or a compliment about my achievement, it got to the point where it became embarrassing and uncomfortable. But most of all - overwhelming.
For a short time, It made me more self conscious about how I looked and how I looked beforehand.

So depends on the context. Some people should understand there is a time and place... I’m sure some of them meant well.

IMO it is highly inappropriate to comment, negatively or positively on someone’s body unless it is invited by the person themselves.

Obviously there are worse things in this world but while we are on the subject of compliments etc said I’d give my 2cents

I had a very similar experience. Decided to put a lot of work into losing weight and ended up getting a lot of comments about the weight loss at work - I loved it though! I was delighted that the results were so obvious. They were all phrased as compliments though "you're looking really well, you've lost a lot of weight" etc, nothing inappropriate. And these were colleagues I'd chat to daily, not randomers in the canteen or anything like that.

Although it did make me start to think how I must have looked before when some people mentioned that I'd lost LOADS of weight

Do you appreciate being complimented on your appearance?

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