Still living with the Mammy

22-05-2015 4:59pm

Confucius say wrote: »

Thanks. Funny how a strangers encouragement put a lump in my throat. Well done you too, life can be tough but you come out stronger. I guess considering i should own somewhere this time next year its not that bad being at home? I'm dating again and its kind of embarrassing when the subject comes up.

There is nothing bad about being at home. It's great to be around people you love and trust, regardless of what age you are. Put yourself under no pressure. Don't rush out buying just because you feel like you "should" - take your time to sort yourself out and if a place comes around that takes your breath away, take it. Otherwise, keep waiting.

I remember that awkward question of "So where do you live with/do you live on your own?" came up. You have a couple of outs:

1) I've moved back in with the parents for a bit; they've been struggling a bit financially and I want to give them a hand. It works out well for both of us as they are away a lot so it's a good situation

2) I'm in the process of buying a place in *****, so I've decided to move back for a couple of months until the sale is finalised. Didn't want to sign a new lease in the place i was renting.

3) Honest approach. I'm out of a relationship and was getting my finances and other issues sorted. It's going great now and I'm excited about where life is taking me. Living with the folks for a bit to get the deposit sorted, it's not ideal but it's done me the world of good!

The last one sounds the best to me. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.

(unless it's a one night stand type date; then tell them that your d4 apartment is being refurbished due to an infestation of gold swans)

readyletsgo · 22-05-2015 5:04pm

Zardoz wrote: »

I moved back home with my mum after my Dad died .

I only planned on it being short term but I ended up staying for a good few years !
My mum has a big house and a large garden to maintain.

As regards cooking and cleaning ,I did most of that for myself and her ,its the way I was brought up .
I also maintained the house and gardens ,did diy , and paid most of the bills .

This idea that if you leave home you are manning up ,is rubbish ,it would have been much easier for me to rent a flat and not have a care in the world .

This is pretty much the same for me. I moved back home with intensions of moving back out in a year to clear stupid loans. And over that year my dad developed Alzheimer's, which was there for a long time, but got diagnosed with it properly while I was back living at home, and then it was a steady decline from there.

He has a house to look after and a massive garden to up keep(was a market gardener). Along with his meals etc.

Also Dr appointments and groups to go to, all while I work full time miles away during the day, thank God for home help, I would be lost without them in the morning time.

But yeah I would fooking kill to live back in Dublin city where all my friends are, my work is, maybe a relationship. But that has to be all put on hold for now.

Life can deal you a sh1t hand from time to time. But I am saving as much as I can while I can, and when the inevitable happens, I can rent, or maybe even buy somewhere if my own. Silver lining.

I personally know no one who is in their 30s who still lives at home, except for myself, and yeah, people make a snap judgement when I say that. But they have no idea why, unless they ask why.

Mesrine65 · 22-05-2015 5:17pm

readyletsgo wrote: »

This is pretty much the same for me. I moved back home with intensions of moving back out in a year to clear stupid loans. And over that year my dad developed Alzheimer's, which was there for a long time, but got diagnosed with it properly while I was back living at home, and then it was a steady decline from there.

I'm in exactly the same boat, mother with alzheimers, diabetes & cardiac issues.

I'm rattling around in a big 4 bedroom house, I figure, feck it, you might as well move in with me ma & we'll deal with it together.

readyletsgo · 22-05-2015 5:23pm

Mesrine65 wrote: »

I'm in exactly the same boat, mother with alzheimers, diabetes & cardiac issues.

I'm rattling around in a big 4 bedroom house, I figure, feck it, you might as well move in with me ma & we'll deal with it together.

Ah yeah pretty much, sure what else would ya be doing! Lol. Fair play man, that's a lot to take on.

It also helps to have good mates around that let you vent the (sometimes) frustration.

Robsweezie · 22-05-2015 5:25pm

I wouldn't be inclined to make snooty judgements until I knew the full circumstances of someone's situation. depends on the person's character and their level of contribution.

Joe prim · 22-05-2015 5:25pm

lickme wrote: »

I pay 600 euro for a studio apartment in Dublin. I go back down to Waterford most weekends and stay with parents which annoys the absolute he'll out of me because there *****. All my friends are from Waterford and enjoy hanging around with them on the weekend.

Can I get a high paying job in Waterford and the simple answer is no So technically half living with the parents!

Why do your friends enjoy hanging around with your parents on the weekend, and do they let you come along? They must be fun folks!

Emsloe · 22-05-2015 5:36pm

I live at home right now for the same reasons as the last few posters but will be moving out again in the next few weeks. I don't judge people who live at home but if they've never lived award from home it does ring the alarm bells a bit. I was dating a fella a while back who had always lived at home, he was very nice and so was his mum, but when it became obvious that he really had no intention of ever moving out (or did but only to my/some other girl's place) it was time to chuck in the towel. Life can take you all kinds of places (including back to your parents' place when you least expect it) but a little bit of living away builds character and independence.

OneArt · 22-05-2015 6:19pm

I wouldn't mind living with my folks again. The main reason I left was because where they live there's nothing to do and I'm more of a city person.

If I moved back to Ireland they'd be my first port of call, complete with payment for rent, bills etc. until I found my own place.

It's just different circumstances. A friend of mine lives with her mum (who's about 25), and someone started telling her she ought to move out and be more independent. It turned out her mum is out of work, she has a full-time job AND pays the full rent for the apartment. Her mum had actually moved in with her, she'd lived in the apartment for two years before by herself. The look of your man's face was priceless when she told him.

Heckler · 22-05-2015 6:22pm

I lived at home a bit longer than I hoped for as my father was ill. After he died I moved out. Since then I've moved around a lot, lived with my future wife for years, got married etc. Then my marriage broke up and a few months later I lost my job. I spent a year on the dole looking for work but nada. I moved back home at 42 to do a college course as the college was 5 mins away as opposed to a 30 mile commute everyday.

I hand up money every week and although I did 95% of the cooking when I was married my mother won't hear of it. Do my own laundry and all that.

Course is just finished and if I'm lucky enough to get a job soon I'll move out again. In the meantime I'm very grateful to my mother for having me back into her home.

DEFTLEFTHAND · 22-05-2015 7:57pm

My cousin lives in an apartment with his wife and baby on his parents estate in the Golden Vale. His father is a gentleman farmer and he's lived all his life there apart from a stint in UCD studying Agricultural Science for four years. Good strong family unit

Cold War Kid · 22-05-2015 9:55pm

Adelina Mango Granule wrote: »

I dont think anyone is going to treat living at home like a houseshare in fairness. For example why would you cook your own meal if a meal is being cooked in the house, these people aren't strangers who you wouldn't want to eat what they cook like would happen in a houseshare.

Living at home I would have no problem paying towards some bills or paying some bills outright such as internet etc which I would want myself. I would not pay rent though, the concept is madness, paying rent to live in your own house and sleep in your room. On top of that there is no way my parents would accept it, they would transfer the money back into my account if I tried. Saving extra money is one of the big advantages of living at home, paying rent sort of defeats the purpose. The exception being if your parents are under financial pressure.

Cooking and washing I would look on as a shared thing when living at home. All washing into one pile or if someone is putting on a wash they ask if you need stuff done and vice versa. Same for cooking, food cooked for you some days and you would cook other days depending on work schedules etc etc.

It's not your own house.

You're pretty much saying "Someone else can pay for it". As a child/teenager/student it's reasonable not to be expected to pay towards the mortgage/rent, but as an adult working full-time, you're not in the same position, you're no longer one of the kiddies.
Obviously if the mortgage is paid, there is no rent to contribute, but not paying towards it while others do, is just selfish.
If your parents refuse to take payment of course, well then that's their individual situation, but it's not unreasonable of parents to expect a contribution towards the mortgage/rent from adult, earning children living there.

Yeh if the dinner is already cooked when you get home, it would be pointless to go cooking another, and may as well throw your washing in with the full household load of washing. But what I mean is, not waiting for the mammy to do both either.

I agree there's nothing wrong with living at home once you're an independent person also, and I wholeheartedly agree that it makes no sense to do so when it's an option and the alternative would be living in squalor and misery.

Jamsiek · 23-05-2015 4:48pm

Adelina Mango Granule wrote: »

I don't see why to be honest if the person is happy living at home. I know many have a different opinion (particularly in AH) but I dont really get why someone would move say 15 mins away to live in a houseshare with strangers or pay massive rent eating up their wages that could be being saved when they could live at home in a far nicer and more comfortable environment.

It's not about living in a "houseshare with strangers". They might be your friends or your partner.
It's about independence and learning an important life skill.
If you are going to marry someone, it's nice to know you can actually live together first. I wouldn't have it any other way.

lickme · 23-05-2015 5:00pm

Jamsiek wrote: »

It's not about living in a "houseshare with strangers". They might be your friends or your partner.
It's about independence and learning an important life skill.
If you are going to marry someone, it's nice to know you can actually live together first. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Independence and life skill. Palming my face here.Can you take a college course in this life skill?

Mister Vain · 23-05-2015 8:15pm

lickme wrote: »

Can you take a college course in this life skill?

You could do a home learning course but then it wouldn't really count if you're learning at home. :rolleyes: :pac:

Still living with the Mammy

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