Still living with the Mammy

Spanish Eyes · 21-05-2015 6:40pm

It's not unusual in Europe at all.

In this article it says (amongst other stats) that 79% of Italian adults live with their parents. Yikes!

Interesting piece for anyone who is interested...

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/mar/24/dependent-generation-half-young-european-adults-live-parents

kfallon · 21-05-2015 6:41pm

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

In this article it says (amongst other stats) that 79% of Italian adults live with their parents. Yikes!

Be hard to give up them big Italian 'Mammy' meals in fairness

Spanish Eyes · 21-05-2015 6:44pm

kfallon wrote: »

Be hard to give up them big Italian 'Mammy' meals in fairness

In fairness, they could do what I do, and go home on a Sunday for the big lunch. Still love doing that.

kfallon · 21-05-2015 6:46pm

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

In fairness, they could do what I do, and go home on a Sunday for the big lunch. Still love doing that.

Sponger :P Hope you at least bring a dessert?

Spanish Eyes · 21-05-2015 6:48pm

kfallon wrote: »

Sponger :P Hope you at least bring a dessert?

I load the dishwasher. It kills me, but I do it as a thank you.

lickme · 21-05-2015 6:50pm

I pay 600 euro for a studio apartment in Dublin. I go back down to Waterford most weekends and stay with parents which annoys the absolute he'll out of me because there *****. All my friends are from Waterford and enjoy hanging around with them on the weekend.

Can I get a high paying job in Waterford and the simple answer is no So technically half living with the parents!

21-05-2015 6:50pm

kfallon wrote: »

As long as you have a job and you are not dependent on your parents (or them dependent on you thru ill-health etc) then it's time to flee the nest!

I don't see why to be honest if the person is happy living at home. I know many have a different opinion (particularly in AH) but I dont really get why someone would move say 15 mins away to live in a houseshare with strangers or pay massive rent eating up their wages that could be being saved when they could live at home in a far nicer and more comfortable environment. As I said I had no choice in the matter as work was outside commuting distance but I didn't even dream of moving out during university and to be honest I don't think I would have moved out yet were I working close to home unless I'd bought a place.

I'm always on the look out for jobs near home and my intention would be to move back in home were I to get one until I was in a position to buy.

Also a high paying job and living at home is a ticket to buying a house with a very small or no mortgage so I would say a person living at home with a good job is being smart.

Roger_007 · 21-05-2015 6:50pm

In view of the marriage referendum, is the title of this thread not a bit politically incorrect?

Hollister11 · 21-05-2015 6:54pm

I'm 19 and still live with the folks. I love it cause i get on with them. I'm in college atm. But i would like to move out and move in with my mates after college.

21-05-2015 6:56pm

Hollister11 wrote: »

I'm 19 and still live with the folks. I love it cause i get on with them. I'm in college atm. But i would like to move out and move in with my mates after college.

19 isn't a problem, especially when you're at college. It's more people mid 20's + who aren't making any effort to move out who suffer in terms of maturity from remaining at their parents house.

Elessar · 21-05-2015 7:00pm

Live at home myself and don't really mind it (I'm 29). If I were to move out I'd be looking €1000+ per month rent and possibly living farther from work (work is only 10 mins away here). It doesn't make sense to move out of home just for the sake of it, and there is not a hope in hell I'd pay that kind of money when I could save it instead. I plan on saving as much as I possibly can. I have good friends and a good life by all accounts, and I honestly couldn't see myself moving out unless I met someone I really liked.

Admittedly my life is quite cozy but for the most part I'm happy and I couldn't give a toss what anyone else thinks.

There is no rule, if you still live at home and like it, don't feel ashamed. Once you're happy that's all that matters

kfallon · 21-05-2015 7:05pm

lickme wrote: »

I pay 600 euro for a studio apartment in Dublin. I go back down to Waterford most weekends and stay with parents which annoys the absolute he'll out of me because there *****. All my friends are from Waterford and enjoy hanging around with them on the weekend.

Can I get a high paying job in Waterford and the simple answer is no So technically half living with the parents!

Nothing wrong with that, nobody would expect you to pay 2 rents!! When I go home to Waterford I stay at home with the parents too tho my trips home are not as frequent as they once were!

anncoates · 21-05-2015 7:06pm

lickme wrote: »

I pay 600 euro for a studio apartment in Dublin.

A bedsit?

Ethel · 21-05-2015 7:09pm

I don't think its nice to judge anyone living in their family home, because you don't know their circumstances.

I don't live at home, and I haven't since I was a teenager. With that said, the only reason why I was out at that age is because I'd a strict upbringing and generally speaking nobody was allowed in the home, never mind a boyfriend. Those were my parents rules, and their home. With all honesty, if rules weren't so tight I would have stayed on. I think its fantastic when adult children and their parents are lucky enough to continue living at home, without any hiccups.

It is a fear however, that some women have about men that have been living with their parents; That the man is so used to having his cooking, cleaning etc done for him that he won't survive a 'modern' relationship. Years ago men worked, women stayed home and cooked and cleaned and looked after children. Now women work too, and home responsibilities have shifted. The women scared of the guy living at home are afraid they won't be able to share these responsibilities and to step up to the plate in that regard.

Again, I'll never judge a girl or a guy living at home, no matter the circumstances. However, they should be carrying out duties at home as though they were living with someone else. Make your parents dinner. Ask if they have anything for the wash because you're putting one on. You're going to the shop, is there anything needed? And split bills. If you're at home because you're saving for a house you'll need to practice the latter anyway.

21-05-2015 7:09pm

Candie wrote: »

19 isn't a problem, especially when you're at college. It's more people mid 20's + who aren't making any effort to move out who suffer in terms of maturity from remaining at their parents house.

In what way do they suffer in terms of maturity? I can't say I see any difference between people I know living at home up to their early 30's and those who moved out for 1st year in college and never went back.

I think it's really what you want yourself and what you are happy doing.

anncoates · 21-05-2015 7:12pm

Living at home when at college, when saving, caring for a parent or after something bad like a marriage breakdown is obviously fine.

Also don't think it's such a big deal in your 20s, even early 30s but after that age, it's a bit strange to be living with your parents if you have an income. Sorry.

catallus · 21-05-2015 7:13pm

Candie wrote: »

I wouldn't be put off by a man living at home, I would be very put off by a man living at home making no effort to move forward with his life and move out.

Why would you try to change him if he's happy?

Aongus Von Bismarck · 21-05-2015 7:18pm

I moved to Dublin when I was 18 to attend Trinners. Being from East Galway I wasn't exactly in a position to commute. While I wasn't surprised that my colleagues from Dublin still lived with their parents, I was surprised how many of them were still pulling on their mothers' apron strings. Intelligent men and women relying utterly on the largesse of their parents for things like lifts and money.

I don't think it's any coincidence that those of us who excelled in our careers were all from the country. Moving out and being independent at that age gives you an opportunity to grow as a person.

Spanish Eyes · 21-05-2015 7:20pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I moved to Dublin when I was 18 to attend Trinners. Being from East Galway I wasn't exactly in a position to commute. While I wasn't surprised that my colleagues from Dublin still lived with their parents, I was surprised how many of them were still pulling on their mothers' apron strings. Intelligent men and women relying utterly on the largesse of their parents for things like lifts and money.

I don't think it's any coincidence that those of us who excelled in our careers were all from the country. Moving out and being independent at that age gives you an opportunity to grow as a person.

I think it depends on whether you get a grant for University Education or not....

City dwellers are low on the list for grants...:D

Paul.k.b.90 · 21-05-2015 7:23pm

I'm 25 now..Moved out when I was 17 for college but moved back home when I was 23 because I just wouldn't be able to afford rent and pay for fuel for my 100 mile a day commute..

Currently saving to be able to buy my own place but saying that my mam gets 450e a month off me to help with bills and food (No mortgage on the house). I don't see a problem with people living at home with their parents in their mid/late 20s so long as they help contribute and aren't relying on my Mammy and Daddy for everything if they have an income.

My mam is in her mid 50s and still works so the money she earns is basically hers and the money I give her covers most of the bills. Becasue I'm not spending 1200 a month on rent I'm saving between 600e-1000e a month for a deposit which I should have a 25% deposit saved for by the end of the year

Aongus Von Bismarck · 21-05-2015 7:23pm

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

I think it depends on whether you get a grant for University Education or not....

City dwellers are low on the list for grants...:D

I didn't get a grant. I did balance my academic and sporting commitments with holding down a part-time job. As I said it was an education in independence.

Spanish Eyes · 21-05-2015 7:26pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I didn't get a grant. I did balance my academic and sporting commitments with holding down a part-time job. As I said it was an education in independence.

I didn't say that you did.

I am merely showing you and others that not getting a grant can often mean staying at home with parents during 3rd level, in the cities anyway.

We all know that the farmers kids get all the feckin grants, now don't we

Maximus Alexander · 21-05-2015 7:32pm

I have some friends who will be 30 this year, that have never even made an attempt to fly the nest. I find it odd, personally, because I couldn't wait to get out and be my own person. But, I wouldn't judge them either. If all concerned are happy with the situation, then what harm?

lickme · 21-05-2015 7:37pm

Who else will breast feed me at 27?

Spanish Eyes · 21-05-2015 7:41pm

There could also be pressure from the Mammy to stay, and it could be difficult to leave with that kind of emotional blackmail too. It happens, some Mammies do not like the thought of the "empty nest" syndrome.

My Mam and Dad whooshed us out so they could enjoy their lives. LOL.

Best thing they ever did for us. No guilt or worry from either side!

That was many years ago now, when it was de rigeur to stay at home until you got married. Yes I am a slightly older wan now!

So it was great that we were encouraged to do it. I bought my house when I was 28, and that was not today nor yesterday, and as a single woman aswell back in the day that was considered to be something else!

Each to their own, there are circumstances that will mean you either stay or go.

the_syco · 21-05-2015 8:09pm

Candie wrote: »

That doesn't mean its good for a person, a marriage, or that its in any way a good idea.

Going from not living with them, to having to spend the rest of your life with them... is madness. Also, you don't really know someone until you have to live with them, and all of their annoying habits come to light!

Ethel wrote: »

Those were my parents rules, and their home. With all honesty, if rules weren't so tight I would have stayed on. I think its fantastic when adult children and their parents are lucky enough to continue living at home, without any hiccups.

Most people who I know that have moved out, moved out because they don't get on with their parents.

=-=

Two lads I know have their own houses, married to their sweethearts, and have kids. I plan to goto Canada in a couple of months to work for two years. Each to their own.

Emsloe · 21-05-2015 8:25pm

I'm just north of 30 and whilst I know people live at home for any number of reasons I'd be wary of anyone my age who has never lived away from home.

Emsloe · 21-05-2015 8:26pm

lickme wrote: »

Who else will breast feed me at 27?

PM sent.

c_man · 21-05-2015 8:55pm

I've had to return living at home twice since moving out (seven years ago) due to various circumstances. I get on with my parents, they seemed to like it were very insistent on me staying on for a while longer. It was pretty bad because they wouldn't accept cash at all from me! Mad. I had to get around this by buying the groceries etc. and chores and stuff.

Now I know they love me and kept on about "not being in a rush to start handing over hard earned money to a landlord" but c'mon. I'm a grown man with a decent paying job, the idea of intruding on my parents at this stage in their lives for purely financial benefits seems... a bit selfish imo. They've worked hard, brought up a family and I reckon they deserve some peace and quiet.

Cold War Kid · 21-05-2015 8:57pm

Under normal circumstances (e.g. parents not needing care) if you're working and so long as you're just treating it like a house-share rather than your childhood home - paying towards bills, food, rent/mortgage, doing your cooking, washing and cleaning, having a social life and your own mode of transport, nothing wrong with it, but not sure I can understand the appeal or point.

Mister Vain · 22-05-2015 1:37am

Candie wrote: »

I can't believe anyone would willingly marry an adult who's never taken care of themselves outside their parents home.

Ehh because they love them and believe they're well capable of looking after themselves despite the fact they lived at home. It's not that hard to believe really.

Candie wrote: »

I do believe that learning to live as an adult is an important life skill.

Indeed it is, and not necessarily a skill that can only be acquired by fleeing the nest. You seem to think anyone living at home is completely dependent on their parents and can't do a thing for themselves. That's just not the case.

Candie wrote: »

I would be very put off by a man living at home making no effort to move forward with his life.

So every man living at home is unambitious and making no effort? Where the hell are you getting all this from? I know plenty of people who left home and couldn't be bothered looking for work and have absolutely no prospects. You can live at home and still be a mature responsible independent adult.

Cold War Kid · 22-05-2015 1:46am

Mister Vain wrote: »

So every man living at home is unambitious and making no effort?

Ah in fairness, you're completely misrepresenting what was said. There was no indication whatsoever of the view that every man living at home is unambitious and making no effort. If anything there was a bit before your quote, which you didn't include:

Candie wrote: »

I wouldn't be put off by a man living at home, I would be very put off by a man living at home making no effort to move forward with his life and move out.

It would be off-putting if a person lived at home as a manchild or womanchild, as opposed to an adult in a house-share, paying their way/pulling their weight.

Mister Vain · 22-05-2015 1:56am

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Ah in fairness, you're completely misrepresenting what was said. There was no indication whatsoever of the view that every man living at home is unambitious and making no effort. If anything there was a bit before your quote, which you didn't include:

It would be off-putting if a person lived at home as a manchild or womanchild, as opposed to an adult in a house-share, paying their way/pulling their weight.

She is still making out that people living at home can't take care of themselves though. Just to quote that first bit again -

Candie wrote: »

I can't believe anyone would willingly marry an adult who's never taken care of themselves outside their parents home. Going straight from your parents house to a house you share with a spouse is a recipe for stunted personal growth.

That's a really bizarre attitude in fairness.

efb · 22-05-2015 1:59am

I moved home for a while- 5 years, got stuff sorted, then I got my own place.

People don't know whats going on it other peoples lives.

ifritzero · 22-05-2015 2:06am

Yeah it's fine living with Mammy/ daddy I'm sure they will feed you guide you and put a roof over your head but in fairness why not be a grown up and move out the fact that your asking for advice in a forum tells me you need to start thinking things for yourself

Mister Vain · 22-05-2015 2:20am

ifritzero wrote: »

Yeah it's fine living with Mammy/ daddy I'm sure they will feed you guide you and put a roof over your head but in fairness why not be a grown up and move out the fact that your asking for advice in a forum tells me you need to start thinking things for yourself

Who is asking for advice?

Minderbinder · 22-05-2015 2:41am

I don't think the expense of renting is a valid excuse outside of dublin. even on welfare you get housing allowance and there are plenty of places to choose from and lots of options like house sharing.

i was the same a few years ago always making excuses but it was sheer laziness keeping me at home. it really had a negative impact on my confidence and sucked the ambition out of me.

to those saying it's better than living in a hole eating takeaway... well it's not obligatory to do that don't you know. i'm a man but i always like a clean home and nice decor. i didn't know how to cook but my mother taught me a few things and i learned some others online . living at home after your mid twenties and you're wasting your youth in my opinion.

triple nipple · 22-05-2015 3:06am

The Backwards Man wrote:

I think it's a bit sad when I hear of people living in squalid hovels, living off takeaways because they can't cook and throwing out their secondhand clothes after wearing them because they can't wash them. But hey, at least they're 'manning up' right?

At least they have their dignity and a hovel of their own ! Its called living your life. I started out that way, but certainly dont have those problems anymore. Each to their own, but don't expect me not to judge just because you're to afraid to live your life (not directly pointed at you) unless you or your parent/s are ill there's no excuse for it.

22-05-2015 9:57am

Cold War Kid wrote: »

Under normal circumstances (e.g. parents not needing care) if you're working and so long as you're just treating it like a house-share rather than your childhood home - paying towards bills, food, rent/mortgage, doing your cooking, washing and cleaning, having a social life and your own mode of transport, nothing wrong with it, but not sure I can understand the appeal or point.

I dont think anyone is going to treat living at home like a houseshare in fairness. For example why would you cook your own meal if a meal is being cooked in the house, these people aren't strangers who you wouldn't want to eat what they cook like would happen in a houseshare.

Living at home I would have no problem paying towards some bills or paying some bills outright such as internet etc which I would want myself. I would not pay rent though, the concept is madness, paying rent to live in your own house and sleep in your room. On top of that there is no way my parents would accept it, they would transfer the money back into my account if I tried. Saving extra money is one of the big advantages of living at home, paying rent sort of defeats the purpose. The exception being if your parents are under financial pressure.

Cooking and washing I would look on as a shared thing when living at home. All washing into one pile or if someone is putting on a wash they ask if you need stuff done and vice versa. Same for cooking, food cooked for you some days and you would cook other days depending on work schedules etc etc.

triple nipple wrote: »

At least they have their dignity and a hovel of their own ! Its called living your life. I started out that way, but certainly dont have those problems anymore. Each to their own, but don't expect me not to judge just because you're to afraid to live your life (not directly pointed at you) unless you or your parent/s are ill there's no excuse for it.

I dont see any difference in dignity between someone living at home, living in a hovel or living in their own house. To be honest I would see someone as foolish if they were paying their money to live in a hovel if living at home was an option (obviously its different if you have no choice due to living too far away etc).

I also don't see why someone isn't living their life if they life at home. Maybe they are living the life they want, some people don't want to be away from family. Building right next to your home house is very common among my friends and in my area in general.

Mister Vain · 22-05-2015 10:36am

Adelina Mango Granule wrote: »

I also don't see why someone isn't living their life if they life at home. Maybe they are living the life they want

+1

Living at home for most of my 20's allowed me to do a lot of traveling and other things that I wouldn't have been able to afford if I was renting. It was great actually. I got on well with my folks, and lived close to my job. It just didn't make any sense to move out at the time. It was only after getting into a relationship that I decided it would be for the best. I didn't feel anymore mature for doing so. It's just a matter of timing.

rottie 11 · 22-05-2015 10:43am

I'm living alone now nearly 2 years. Was sharing for most of it but have been alone nearly 3 months and even tho I have **** all money over rent bills etc I don't think I could move home. I get on great with my parents but love having my own place

genericguy · 22-05-2015 10:47am

Roger_007 wrote: »

In view of the marriage referendum, is the title of this thread not a bit politically incorrect?

Dafuq?

The Backwards Man · 22-05-2015 10:51am

triple nipple wrote: »

At least they have their dignity and a hovel of their own ! Its called living your life. I started out that way, but certainly dont have those problems anymore. Each to their own, but don't expect me not to judge just because you're to afraid to live your life (not directly pointed at you) unless you or your parent/s are ill there's no excuse for it.

I disagree with that. All around me I see people living on their own, where they have a perfectly good home with their parents. Sorry living isn't the word, existing would be a better word, and their quality of life is deplorable, all in the name of independence and somewhere to have a party with hangers on after a Saturday in the pub. Come Tuesday they have no money for heating or food, never mind any rainy day putasides. That's not dignity, that's stupidity.

I live on my own, but there's no way in hell I'd live on my own if I wasn't able to look after myself, and my home, properly, if I had an alternative. Independence me hole!

HalloweenJack · 22-05-2015 11:08am

It all depends on circumstances.

Personally, if someone's living at home, it depends more on the person rather than a sweeping generalisation.

Some people might do their own washing or the dishes or their meals, pay their bills and have an adult life. If that's the case, I don't see it doing them any harm.

However, if it's someone who has mammy do everything for them, despite being able to afford to move out, and, worse, they don't contribute a cent, then they definitely have a problem.

FWIW, I think people should move out as early as possible as it's the best way to grow as a person.

the_syco · 22-05-2015 3:31pm

Adelina Mango Granule wrote: »

I would not pay rent though, the concept is madness, paying rent to live in your own house and sleep in your room. On top of that there is no way my parents would accept it, they would transfer the money back into my account if I tried.

If I'm living at home, I pay money to the parents for living there. It may not be rent, but it's the same amount as rent, so I'll call it rent.

22-05-2015 3:35pm

the_syco wrote: »

If I'm living at home, I pay money to the parents for living there. It may not be rent, but it's the same amount as rent, so I'll call it rent.

As I said I'd take on a bill or two and/or pay towards some bills and alternate with my parents who does the shopping for the house etc but I wouldn't be handing up a set amount every month or paying to live in the house nor would I be expected to. Again the exception to this being a household where the money was actually needed for the parents to get by.

22-05-2015 4:03pm

Confucius say wrote: »

Hi all. I signed up to contribute to this. I recently had to move home due to a relationship breakdown and yeah it isn't perfect but it's something I'm lucky to have the good fortune to be able to do. I'm in my mid 30s and the house is empty most of the time anyway as they are semi-living abroad. I have a good paying job.
What would you do in my situation? I've a few quid put away anyway but I've set a goal of having 35k saved by the end of the year, I had savings already, so I should get there. Then I guess I'll consider buying something or who knows what.
The thought of flatsharing, again, is just really not what I want at my age. I'd rather have to share with my parents now and then than strangers in a messy flat or house.
It's really given me a chance to rebuild myself from the ground up after recent dramas so right now there's nowhere I'd rather be.
So yeah, I wouldn't have considered this in my 20s when I was living with friends etc but sometimes you just need to come home and get your life in order.

Fair play man! I was in pretty much the same boat as you nearly 2 years ago with the added complication of a young daughter and having a not so well paying job. I managed to sort some stuff out and while I have absolutely no savings, I managed to find a little 2 bed for me and the little one and we have enough for rent and bills with a little left over for treats (for young and old).

Good for you buddy.

DamienOB · 22-05-2015 4:19pm

I live at home. 24 years of age. After finishing college at 21, I got niggly jobs here and there but was basically unemployed. After 9 months on Jobbridge (194 per week), I eventually got a job (Luckily, and not with the place i was in). It was minimum wage Job. It has slightly increased but in no way is it enough to afford living on my own.

On the home front, my folks split up and my mother was left with the house and the huge mortgage.

So now, I'm saving my arse off to get a deposit/money up while helping my mam with the mortgage. She's also saving on her part.

She lives away on the weekends.

Do I want to live at home? No.
Do I blame myself? No. Its a timing issue (R.E recession)
Do I care what people think? You bet your ass I don't

I no longer consider it living with my Parent(s). I consider it house sharing. Bills split/Food split/Cooking Split etc.

each to their own but there is some judgemental people out there.

(Side Note: I do have friends who still live at home, still get washing done etc and dont pay up money - and have no intentions of moving out ever)

22-05-2015 4:24pm

Why is getting washing done always highlighted as such a big deal in these types of threads? Its a pretty insignificant thing really, particularly when it just means getting thrown in with the rest of the houses washing as opposed to actually doing it separately for an extra person.

Zardoz · 22-05-2015 4:41pm

I moved back home with my mum after my Dad died .

I only planned on it being short term but I ended up staying for a good few years !
My mum has a big house and a large garden to maintain.

As regards cooking and cleaning ,I did most of that for myself and her ,its the way I was brought up .
I also maintained the house and gardens ,did diy , and paid most of the bills .

This idea that if you leave home you are manning up ,is rubbish ,it would have been much easier for me to rent a flat and not have a care in the world .

Still living with the Mammy

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