Child maintenance advice

StepMama · 30-09-2018 6:53pm #1

My partner earns 500 euro net per week.
We have mortgage and normal bills plus a few loans. His latest loan was to pay for his solicitor to go to court for access.
His child's mother has since had 2 more daughters witjlh another man and they all live together as a family unit, she is on social welfare and her partner works.my partner currently pays 80 a week (plus half of any school related costs, after school activities, medical and dental etc) and she wants this increased to 100 and half of those things too
My partner wants it decreased to 50 weekly plus half of those things mentioned.
After all bills mortgage maintenance and loans are paid off he has less than 50 a week. We can't afford to start a family the way things are.
Just wondering can anyone give us an idea of what your experiences with maintenance in court was? Would 100 be the norm?
We are worried sick about money
We often send down shoes and clothes (she has loads here and doesn't get the use out of them sometimes she gets roesents etc of clothes and shoes so send them home with her) but mum says she doesn't need them and just needs money!
Any info or advice really appreciated

StepMama · 02-10-2018 6:35am

Anyone?

corks finest · 02-10-2018 6:45am

StepMama wrote: »

Anyone?

I went and spoke to my ex and agreed with joint custody,I have my son 5/ 7 days,she gets children's welfare etc,now after 13 yes we're 50/50 on bills concerning him,im twice her age,Irish,no woman etc for years,I concentrate on him only,after year's of strife she realised that by talking one on one ,no solicitors etc can we move on,my only real advice is make sure he has access to overnight stays ref his kids as much as possible,his ex will eventually relaise where his priorities lie,and should cop the fcuk on ref maintenance etc,mine did

Payton · 02-10-2018 7:03am

Hi from what I know E80 per week is the norm as is paying half of school/activities. Regardless if she has more children your partner has a moral and legal obligation to pay for his child and by reducing that down to 50 is only putting fuel on the fire, especially if there is a court order in place.
Children are expensive and wait until they get older!!
I'm sure the loans he is paying off wont be there for ever but his child will be. Can you ask the loan companies to reduce the payments over a longer term.
As for the clothes dont send anymore down. The clothes you buy keep them at your house so when the child visits you they can wear them, wash the clothes they were sent in and put them on going home, no more resentment.

StepMama · 02-10-2018 2:09pm

Payton wrote: »

Hi from what I know E80 per week is the norm as is paying half of school/activities. Regardless if she has more children your partner has a moral and legal obligation to pay for his child and by reducing that down to 50 is only putting fuel on the fire, especially if there is a court order in place.
Children are expensive and wait until they get older!!
I'm sure the loans he is paying off wont be there for ever but his child will be. Can you ask the loan companies to reduce the payments over a longer term.
As for the clothes dont send anymore down. The clothes you buy keep them at your house so when the child visits you they can wear them, wash the clothes they were sent in and put them on going home, no more resentment.

There is no court order.
My post wasn't about wether he should pay for his child, he always has done and will do, I was asking is 100 euro per week plus half of everything likely to be awarded in court, we don't have that money to give over. Thankfully, after receiving legal advice we have been advised this is way above the average but thanks for your snotty reply anyway

Shelli2 · 22-10-2018 2:14pm

You need to work out out much it takes to maintain the child and then he is liable for half of that.
There is a good worksheet on solo.ie that can help with working it out.

ElizaBennett · 26-10-2018 3:42pm

My child's dad pays 300e per month so that works out under 80 per week. We agreed that with a mediator. He also pays half for birthdays Xmas, back to school and holidays. I thibk it's actually impossible to work this out fairly and firmly believe I contribute more as I'm the one who's there when she asks for things - clothes, outings, sports gear etc etc. I pay for everything and anything every day and believe it's far more than 80 a week. But he loses out in other ways. Think it's a really tough one to work out.

ayux4rj6zql2ph · 28-10-2018 1:17pm

Child maintenance is a case of how long is a piece of string, my sister is going through the courts with her ex for my nephew, as he is on welfare she only gets €10 a week.

Fiona · 30-10-2018 8:19pm

My partner pays €150 a week for his three children and splits all of the school costs.

ChrissieH · 07-11-2018 5:56pm

Hi StepMama,

I'm new to this so I've just seen your thread but am in a slightly similar situation - my husband has a 10yo child with a woman he had a 1-night stand with, so they were never together and never had any sort of formal agreement until a couple of years ago when she sent him a summons out of the blue. Up til then, he'd paid various amounts of weekly maintenance as agreed by them over the years, and she would ask him for 50% towards all the extra stuff, which he just had to trust was legitimate (they live far away from us so he didn't know if anything to do with specific school / hobby expenses were accurate)
When they went to court, he'd been paying €50 a week for a few years, down from a previously higher amount (this was at her request because she wanted to qualify for social welfare payments) she was looking for a minimum of €100 a week. At the time, he was on a zero-hour contract so there were weeks when he literally made no money at all, and weeks where he'd bring home €500, but those weeks were rare.
We had to fill out a statement of means, we also got to see hers (this was all done via solicitor) and saw that she earned more than him and also got state assistance, as well as the maintenance he paid but in court, the judge wasn't one bit interested in any of this, he didn't even look at what my husband earned.
Thankfully he didn't award her €100 a week, because we just couldn't afford it, but he settled halfway by awarding her €75 a week, and stated that that money was to cover everything, so it actually did work out financially better for us in that the chid's mother now can't ask my husband for extra money to cover things that we have no proof of ever happening.

(I know there will be people saying that I shouldn't say "it worked out better for us" etc, that his child is his responsibility - I know all that, he never tried to get out of his responsibility, the fact of the matter is that unfortunately there are women out there who use their children as pawns and with my husband, from the time his daughter was a baby up til this court case, he was constantly told "if you don't give me this money, you can forget about seeing her this weekend" so I don't need to hear it!)

redeye101 · 29-01-2019 12:53am

ChrissieH wrote: »

Hi StepMama,

I'm new to this so I've just seen your thread but am in a slightly similar situation - my husband has a 10yo child with a woman he had a 1-night stand with, so they were never together and never had any sort of formal agreement until a couple of years ago when she sent him a summons out of the blue. Up til then, he'd paid various amounts of weekly maintenance as agreed by them over the years, and she would ask him for 50% towards all the extra stuff, which he just had to trust was legitimate (they live far away from us so he didn't know if anything to do with specific school / hobby expenses were accurate)
When they went to court, he'd been paying €50 a week for a few years, down from a previously higher amount (this was at her request because she wanted to qualify for social welfare payments) she was looking for a minimum of €100 a week. At the time, he was on a zero-hour contract so there were weeks when he literally made no money at all, and weeks where he'd bring home €500, but those weeks were rare.
We had to fill out a statement of means, we also got to see hers (this was all done via solicitor) and saw that she earned more than him and also got state assistance, as well as the maintenance he paid but in court, the judge wasn't one bit interested in any of this, he didn't even look at what my husband earned.
Thankfully he didn't award her €100 a week, because we just couldn't afford it, but he settled halfway by awarding her €75 a week, and stated that that money was to cover everything, so it actually did work out financially better for us in that the chid's mother now can't ask my husband for extra money to cover things that we have no proof of ever happening.

(I know there will be people saying that I shouldn't say "it worked out better for us" etc, that his child is his responsibility - I know all that, he never tried to get out of his responsibility, the fact of the matter is that unfortunately there are women out there who use their children as pawns and with my husband, from the time his daughter was a baby up til this court case, he was constantly told "if you don't give me this money, you can forget about seeing her this weekend" so I don't need to hear it!)

Hi ChrissieH,

Is there a mechanism to view the other persons’ ‘Statement of Means’ by application to court or was this by agreement by the solicitors beforehand?

Thanks!

ChrissieH · 29-01-2019 10:52am

My husband was just sent the child's mother's statement of means by his solicitor before the case was heard. I presume the same applied at the other end. I don't know if this is the norm or if it was something pre-agreed between the 2 solicitors in this case.. they're both based in the same town as my step-child, as that's where the court case was held, so we don't even know the solicitor we had, it was just a case of Googling and hiring someone, there wasn't much contact between us so I don't know if things are done differently depending on the solicitors involved or what. It's all a mystery to me! :-D

ELM327 · 07-02-2019 3:44pm

redeye101 wrote: »

Hi ChrissieH,

Is there a mechanism to view the other persons’ ‘Statement of Means’ by application to court or was this by agreement by the solicitors beforehand?

Thanks!

This happens as normal in a family court hearing, any documents sent to the court for consideration must be shared with the other side and their solicitor (usually via their solicitor) in advance of the hearing.

It happened in my case (partner has 2 children from prior relationship) that documents that were presented in court that had not been shared with us beforehand, were not considered by the judge.

redeye101 · 27-03-2019 10:12pm

ELM327 wrote: »

This happens as normal in a family court hearing, any documents sent to the court for consideration must be shared with the other side and their solicitor (usually via their solicitor) in advance of the hearing.

It happened in my case (partner has 2 children from prior relationship) that documents that were presented in court that had not been shared with us beforehand, were not considered by the judge.

Does anyone know how long in advance before the case do these documents (statement of means) have to be shared with the other part/submitted?

bcklschaps · 30-03-2019 2:00pm

In the typical case of mother having custody and father getting kicked out, €50 a week per child in maintenance plus incidentals was the norm up until recently. Might have changed since to €60 or maybe even if €75.

Where father has custody (probably <1% of the time, I'd guess) I'm not sure how how it works. Undoubtedly the mother will pay a lot less than the father would be asked to pay. Equality me arse.

My advice, have your statement
of means done up and go to court, you'll unlikely work out any worse off anyway.

Ken. · 30-03-2019 2:19pm

bcklschaps wrote: »

In the typical case of mother having custody and father getting kicked out, €50 a week per child in maintenance plus incidentals was the norm up until recently. Might have changed since to €60 or maybe even if €75.

Where father has custody (probably <1% of the time, I'd guess) I'm not sure how how it works. Undoubtedly the mother will pay a lot less than the father would be asked to pay. Equality me arse.

My advice, have your statement
of means done up and go to court, you'll unlikely work out any worse off anyway.

The only father I know that got custody of the kids(4 girls) above the mother gets €25 per week per child from the mother. She is in a low paying job so that's probably the reason for the low amount.

LegacyUser · 04-01-2021 10:24pm

My ex husband has a full time job earning roughly €60,000 a year and looking to pay €35 maintenance a week for our son. Any advice very welcome as you can imagine my struggle

corks finest · 17-02-2021 9:51am

Ken. wrote: »

The only father I know that got custody of the kids(4 girls) above the mother gets €25 per week per child from the mother. She is in a low paying job so that's probably the reason for the low amount.

You're correct ref low percentage of father's getting full custody, I went for it but ended up officially getting joint (ended up getting my son for 5 days of 7-our own unofficial agreement.
She was a non national at the time yet received legal aid - I'm Irish ended up representing myself as I hadn't a bean ( my son was just over 2 when this happened)
Courts at the time (16 yrs ago) were pretty one sided but now getting better, she received all child maintenance etc, at the end of the day it's the kid happiness that counts but if I had 4 to rear I'd have him/her up before a judge ASAP to get adequate maintenance e25 doesen't feed a kid these days

corks finest · 17-02-2021 9:58am

Confusedjon04s wrote: »

My ex husband has a full time job earning roughly €60,000 a year and looking to pay €35 maintenance a week for our son. Any advice very welcome as you can imagine my struggle

That's bloody scandalous if it was me now(I'm male BTW)
Get all your bills in order ref your son.
Receipts for heating
Food
Clothing
Travel
School (Inc uniform, books etc)
Your car insurance, maintenance and tax etc)
Rent or mortgage
Get up in front of a judge with these and keep going until you get a decent weekly sum, e35 doesen't rear a child these days

snor · 17-02-2021 10:01am

Does anyone know what maintenance would typically be awarded If someone is in receipt of social welfare and has minimal living Expense (living with family). Thank you.

corks finest · 17-02-2021 10:04am

snor wrote: »

Does anyone know what maintenance would typically be awarded If someone is in receipt of social welfare and has minimal living Expense (living with family). Thank you.

Yes not much though AFAIK around e25 weekly

ELM327 · 17-02-2021 10:25am

corks finest wrote: »

That's bloody scandalous if it was me now(I'm male BTW)
Get all your bills in order ref your son.
Receipts for heating
Food
Clothing
Travel
School (Inc uniform, books etc)
Your car insurance, maintenance and tax etc)
Rent or mortgage
Get up in front of a judge with these and keep going until you get a decent weekly sum, e35 doesen't rear a child these days

It's not supposed to rear a child, it's supposed to pay 50% of the cost of the child. Certainly not things like funding the ex partner's mortgage.

corks finest · 17-02-2021 10:43am

ELM327 wrote: »

It's not supposed to rear a child, it's supposed to pay 50% of the cost of the child. Certainly not things like funding the ex partner's mortgage.

It's the child's home whether rented or mortgage, obviously I didn't mean pay the whole thing but certainly a chunk towards it, it's his child and where do you think she's rearing him in the side of the road?

Child support, at its simplest, is meant to help with the “normal” expenses associated with raising a child. These normal expenses include food, shelter, transportation, clothing, and certain educational costs.

YellowLead · 17-02-2021 12:56pm

corks finest wrote: »

It's the child's home whether rented or mortgage, obviously I didn't mean pay the whole thing but certainly a chunk towards it, it's his child and where do you think she's rearing him in the side of the road?

Child support, at its simplest, is meant to help with the “normal” expenses associated with raising a child. These normal expenses include food, shelter, transportation, clothing, and certain educational costs.

We don’t know exactly what confused’s exact situation is - if the child is living with both parents half and half of the time for example.

corks finest · 17-02-2021 1:04pm

YellowLead wrote: »

We don’t know exactly what confused’s exact situation is - if the child is living with both parents half and half of the time for example.

True, but having went through the family court

it's a horrible experience but the bottom dollar is the child has to come first, and in the main I think this happens after all the stupid stuff stops I think most cop on and get their priorities in order,
it's still largely in favour of the woman bit getting more equitable, men get a bad rap but not all dodge their responsibilities

ELM327 · 17-02-2021 1:24pm

corks finest wrote: »

It's the child's home whether rented or mortgage, obviously I didn't mean pay the whole thing but certainly a chunk towards it, it's his child and where do you think she's rearing him in the side of the road?

Child support, at its simplest, is meant to help with the “normal” expenses associated with raising a child. These normal expenses include food, shelter, transportation, clothing, and certain educational costs.

I have 2 stepkids, my partner's from a prior relationship. They share custody and as a result no one pays maintenance/support.

Due to some past health issues , the children did spend over a year living 100% with their father (who lives at home with his parents and thus no mortgage), and now with the home schooling the kids spend more time with us then with them. In either situation neither side would be expected to pay maintenance to the other. If you have a child or children you should be prepared to raise them 100%. What if your partner dies for instance?

HotMama89 · 17-02-2021 2:08pm

I get 50 a week for one child and half of school costs nothing towards anything else father has custody one day a week has a full time job and no outgoings/car lives at home. This was an informal agreement and I could probably get more if I did go to court but I have a good job so can support myself so it’s just not worth the hassle but 50euro comes nowhere near the 50% of the costs of raising a child. I’d probably spend that alone feeding them for the 6 days I have them. I think the 75 your paying with half of all costs is very reasonable.

Meeoow · 17-02-2021 3:43pm

HotMama89 wrote: »

I get 50 a week for one child and half of school costs nothing towards anything else father has custody one day a week has a full time job and no outgoings/car lives at home. This was an informal agreement and I could probably get more if I did go to court but I have a good job so can support myself so it’s just not worth the hassle but 50euro comes nowhere near the 50% of the costs of raising a child. I’d probably spend that alone feeding them for the 6 days I have them. I think the 75 your paying with half of all costs is very reasonable.

Completely agree. People here saying that courts are skewed towards mothers is complete rubbish. Mothers mostly have custody of the children, and the pittance of maintenance and children's allowance doesn't nearly cover half the costs of children.
I asked my ex to share custody of our child and share costs equally. He said no, why should he?
I always worked full time and never got any social welfare, but I would have absolutely spent much more than half on our child than he ever contributed. I am happy to help her, but it really pisses me off to hear people say that courts favour mothers, as if we go out partying with the maintenance money. Chance would be a fine thing, a fine thing indeed.

corks finest · 17-02-2021 3:43pm

bcklschaps wrote: »

In the typical case of mother having custody and father getting kicked out, €50 a week per child in maintenance plus incidentals was the norm up until recently. Might have changed since to €60 or maybe even if €75.

Where father has custody (probably <1% of the time, I'd guess) I'm not sure how how it works. Undoubtedly the mother will pay a lot less than the father would be asked to pay. Equality me arse.

My advice, have your statement
of means done up and go to court, you'll unlikely work out any worse off anyway.

Before you go to court you have to have sworn affidavit of means etc so you need to have all your ducks on a row, some ppl screw their other half's which is horrible and drives some men to suicide as has happened within 6 miles of Cork City 2 days ago

corks finest · 17-02-2021 3:50pm

Meeoow wrote: »

Completely agree. People here saying that courts are skewed towards mothers is complete rubbish. Mothers mostly have custody of the children, and the pittance of maintenance and children's allowance doesn't nearly cover half the costs of children.
I asked my ex to share custody of our child and share costs equally. He said no, why should he?
I always worked full time and never got any social welfare, but I would have absolutely spent much more than half on our child than he ever contributed. She is over 18 now, but at college, and I asked him to help with her costs. He handed her an envelope with 250 euro in it. I am paying 5000 on her accommodation annually. I am happy to help her, but it really pisses me off to hear people say that courts favour mothers, as if we go out partying with the maintenance money. Chance would be a fine thing, a fine thing indeed.

Courts do favour the women ref property never yet heard of a man getting the house have you?

FYI I raised my kid without maintenance from anyone despite having him since he was 2 years old and for 5 days out of 7, shed been receiving children's allowance all that that time, and had the balls to look for my one eight share in my family home in Bishopstown, I knocked that on the head by proving on court that I ploughed it into his cu and bank for his college fees, pure greed dictates at times

Also I paid her college fees prior to our break up, she was earning as a beautician etc yet never offered to even give him holiday money when him and I went on holidays

It's taken 15 or 16 years for us to agree on bills shared but it's working

Meeoow · 17-02-2021 4:26pm

corks finest wrote: »

Courts do favour the women ref property never yet heard of a man getting the house have you?

Also I paid her college fees prior to our break up, she was earning as a beautician etc yet never offered to even give him holiday money when him and I went on holidays

It's taken 15 or 16 years for us to agree on bills shared but it's working

The primary care giver would surely keep the home, which is mostly the mother? Or would you like to see the kids kicked out?
I have my own house, as I work, as many women do now too. There seems to be a perception that women don't work, which is rubbish.
If you paid for her course when you were together, I don't really understand what that has to do with anything, that is on you. Did you claim tax back on the fees?
Well done that you have finally agreed on bills, better late than never.

Child maintenance advice

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