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Am I getting better looking or are women getting more desperate?

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    #92
    the purple tin
    Registered Users Posts: 10,943 ✭✭✭✭the purple tin


    topper75 wrote: »
    No harm glancing over shoulders now and then to check how other mammals approach things for comparison sake.

    But you don't allow 'other mammals' to write your behaviour rule book. We are humans!

    Otherwise you'd be pissing on every odd rock and lamppost you saw and banging heads with other lads in woods of an autumn evening.
    Try hanging round town on a saturday night when the niteclubs are herding them out :P


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    #93
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    professore wrote: »
    If you are an average or below average looking woman, men will hit on you, even if you are a failure in life and unable to string two coherent sentences together.

    Agree with this. This is why that 'A girl can ride three lads and be a slut, but if a lad rides three girls then he's a legend' argument doesn't really expose an hypocrisy, because it's far more difficult for a lad to pull than it is for a woman. Unless you're me, in which case it's as easy as turning up, dancing and sweating profusely on potential mates.


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    #94
    Potatoeman
    Registered Users Posts: 4,240 ✭✭✭Potatoeman


    Debtocracy wrote: »
    No you're not getting betting looking. It’s not that women are getting desperate, it’s that the effect of hypergamy lessens after 30.

    So hypergamy is at its most extreme at a women’s peak attractiveness, let’s say about 22. If we categorise people into deciles of attractiveness, we should see the following patterns for relationships at this age:

    10/10 man - 10/10 woman
    9/10 man – 7/10 woman
    8/10 man – 5/10 woman
    7/10 man – 4/10 woman
    6/10 man – 3/10 woman
    5/10 man – 2/10 woman

    Now hypergamy works fine when most people are single. Basically, the top 20% of men can get with 50%+ of woman through short-term relationships or hook-ups. The problem for hypergamy occurs when people start pairing into monogamous long-term relationships. The 1:1 gender ratio kicks in and women have to start settling for men closer to their own attractiveness level.

    If you're a man it makes sense to wait a bit longer to start a long-term relationship. The chances of having a relationship with an attractive, intelligent girl at 22 is very slim – she’ll be in demand from guys from 1/10 - 10/10 and from guys aged 18 to 40. However, such a relationship can become realistic at 32 when you’re no longer competing with most of the ‘good men’ and she’ll probably won’t go for guys under 30. So good things come to those who wait… except if you’re a woman.

    There are also other factors at play too. There are more single men than single women under 29 but there are more single women than men from 30+. This because more women date older guys, more men die younger and more men remove themselves from that dating market.

    In the U.S. surveys show that most women prefer men that are 3-5 years older. Where men are more attracted to women in their early to mid twenties consistently at every age.


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    #95
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    mojesius wrote: »
    You sound like Carrie Bradshaw OP

    Such a Samantha thing to say.


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    #96
    defrule
    Registered Users Posts: 190 ✭✭defrule


    Debtocracy wrote: »
    No you're not getting betting looking. It’s not that women are getting desperate, it’s that the effect of hypergamy lessens after 30.

    So hypergamy is at its most extreme at a women’s peak attractiveness, let’s say about 22. If we categorise people into deciles of attractiveness, we should see the following patterns for relationships at this age:

    10/10 man - 10/10 woman
    9/10 man – 7/10 woman
    8/10 man – 5/10 woman
    7/10 man – 4/10 woman
    6/10 man – 3/10 woman
    5/10 man – 2/10 woman

    Now hypergamy works fine when most people are single. Basically, the top 20% of men can get with 50%+ of woman through short-term relationships or hook-ups. The problem for hypergamy occurs when people start pairing into monogamous long-term relationships. The 1:1 gender ratio kicks in and women have to start settling for men closer to their own attractiveness level.

    If you're a man it makes sense to wait a bit longer to start a long-term relationship. The chances of having a relationship with an attractive, intelligent girl at 22 is very slim – she’ll be in demand from guys from 1/10 - 10/10 and from guys aged 18 to 40. However, such a relationship can become realistic at 32 when you’re no longer competing with most of the ‘good men’ and she’ll probably won’t go for guys under 30. So good things come to those who wait… except if you’re a woman.

    This makes me so happy!


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    #97
    Greentopia
    Registered Users Posts: 3,221 ✭✭✭Greentopia


    professore wrote: »
    Oooh someone's been triggered

    Triggered when I see the word triggered.
    Hammer89 wrote: »
    Would you be interested in a bear who smells like smoke and Jagerbombs by any chance?

    Too late Hammer, I have my own boozy smelling bear sitting beside me. ;)

    And in answer to your question- pretty hard to tell without a photo but if your confidence has increased and you've become more self accepting of any flaws as you've aged I'd say that has more to do with your increased luck with the ladies.


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    #98
    Greentopia
    Registered Users Posts: 3,221 ✭✭✭Greentopia


    Potatoeman wrote: »
    In the U.S. surveys show that most women prefer men that are 3-5 years older. Where men are more attracted to women in their early to mid twenties consistently at every age.

    Life expectancy is four years less for men than for women (in Ireland) so it makes more logical sense for women to go for younger men really.

    They may be more attracted to women in their twenties but it doesn't mean they'll have any success with them if they don't stack up to what women that age want. But you're taking data from the U.S. anyway where money, status and looks are everything so it's hardly an example of a healthy example to go by.


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    #99
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    Greentopia wrote: »
    Too late Hammer, I have my own boozy smelling bear sitting beside me. ;)

    Fair enough, but if you ever want to stroke a decent beard and feel disappointed sexually then you know where to find me.


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    #100
    retired00
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32 ✭retired00


    Greentopia wrote: »
    Triggered when I see the word triggered.



    Too late Hammer, I have my own boozy smelling bear sitting beside me. ;)

    And in answer to your question- pretty hard to tell without a photo but if your confidence has increased and you've become more self accepting of any flaws as you've aged I'd say that has more to do with your increased luck with the ladies.
    it's whats on the inside that counts


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    #101
    seanrambo87
    Registered Users Posts: 134 ✭✭seanrambo87


    Sir, by my standards you are a bit sad. Not by your preference but by how you judge yourself. I think you are looking to be emotionally massaged. I think also you are looking for comrades in your cause. I hope I'm not as emotionally insecure as yourself when I'm your age. (30 y.o. at time of print)
    Please don't take this as criticism but we're different and it's no harm to digest differing opinions.


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    #102
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    You've got the air of a bloke who started a one-night-a-week night course in psychology at Ballyfermot College of Further Education last month.

    You're older than me by the way*


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    #103
    Bambi985
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Bambi985


    Kissing 5 women over a boozy weekend in nightclubs is not much of an accomplishment tbh and icks me out tbh when you think about it too much like. All that saliva, all those germs.

    Have you had any substantial relationships with the opposite sex at all?


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    #104
    irishrebe
    Registered Users Posts: 612 ✭✭✭irishrebe


    Debtocracy wrote: »
    No you're not getting betting looking.  It’s not that women are getting desperate, it’s that the effect of hypergamy lessens after 30.

    So hypergamy is at its most extreme at a women’s peak attractiveness, let’s say about 22.  If we categorise people into deciles of attractiveness, we should see the following patterns for relationships at this age:

    10/10 man - 10/10 woman
    9/10 man – 7/10 woman
    8/10 man – 5/10 woman
    7/10 man – 4/10 woman
    6/10 man – 3/10 woman
    5/10 man – 2/10 woman

    Now hypergamy works fine when most people are single. Basically, the top 20% of men can get with 50%+ of woman through short-term relationships or hook-ups.  The problem for hypergamy occurs when people start pairing into monogamous long-term relationships.  The 1:1 gender ratio kicks in and women have to start settling for men closer to their own attractiveness level.

    If you're a man it makes sense to wait a bit longer to start a long-term relationship.  The chances of having a relationship with an attractive, intelligent girl at 22 is very slim – she’ll be in demand from guys from 1/10 - 10/10 and from guys aged 18 to 40. However, such a relationship can become realistic at 32 when you’re no longer competing with most of the ‘good men’ and she’ll probably won’t go for guys under 30.  So good things come to those who wait… except if you’re a woman.
    I'm sure OP is probably a lot better looking than he thinks he is and/or has charisma and a good personality, maybe more confidence than he had before. Contrary to what he seems to think, women over 28 aren't all desperate to settle down and have kids asap (I know plenty of women who would run a mile at the thought of kids) and it's quite the comical reach to think that some woman who is wasted in a nightclub drunkenly snogging him means she's desperate and wants to have his babies. I'm fairly recently single and kiss someone pretty much every time I go out, the same I did when I was single at 21! It's just a bit of fun, dancing with and kissing cute guys and enjoying myself. I would like to find another relationship eventually but I'm definitely not looking for one in a nightclub. OP's self deprecation seems to be masking some very sexist, outdated ideas about women and the rather arrogant assumption that getting a snog means that she wants anything more than that.


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    #105
    irishrebe
    Registered Users Posts: 612 ✭✭✭irishrebe


    Potatoeman wrote: »
    Debtocracy wrote: »
    No you're not getting betting looking.  It’s not that women are getting desperate, it’s that the effect of hypergamy lessens after 30.

    So hypergamy is at its most extreme at a women’s peak attractiveness, let’s say about 22.  If we categorise people into deciles of attractiveness, we should see the following patterns for relationships at this age:

    10/10 man - 10/10 woman
    9/10 man – 7/10 woman
    8/10 man – 5/10 woman
    7/10 man – 4/10 woman
    6/10 man – 3/10 woman
    5/10 man – 2/10 woman

    Now hypergamy works fine when most people are single. Basically, the top 20% of men can get with 50%+ of woman through short-term relationships or hook-ups.  The problem for hypergamy occurs when people start pairing into monogamous long-term relationships.  The 1:1 gender ratio kicks in and women have to start settling for men closer to their own attractiveness level.

    If you're a man it makes sense to wait a bit longer to start a long-term relationship.  The chances of having a relationship with an attractive, intelligent girl at 22 is very slim – she’ll be in demand from guys from 1/10 - 10/10 and from guys aged 18 to 40. However, such a relationship can become realistic at 32 when you’re no longer competing with most of the ‘good men’ and she’ll probably won’t go for guys under 30.  So good things come to those who wait… except if you’re a woman.

    There are also other factors at play too. There are more single men than single women under 29 but there are more single women than men from 30+. This because more women date older guys, more men die younger and more men remove themselves from that dating market.

    In the U.S. surveys show that most women prefer men that are 3-5 years older. Where men are more attracted to women in their early to mid twenties consistently at every age.
    Being more attracted to that age group doesn't mean they have any success in it though, does it? I was constantly hit on by older guys when I was 20-25. Found it creepy and sad. I wanted to enjoy my youth with someone my own age, not be an accessory for some balding middle aged guy trying to relive his.


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    #106
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    irishrebe wrote: »
    OP's self deprecation seems to be masking some very sexist, outdated ideas about women and the rather arrogant assumption that getting a snog means that she wants anything more than that.

    Are you doing the same one-night-a-week psychology course at the Marino Institute as the other fella?

    You know that philosophy trick in regards to Wikipedia? I think it's something like, if you visit some random Wikipedia thread and keep clicking the very first hyperlink in the article then you'll eventually come across the 'philosophy' page. Well, there's an equivalent to that on After Hours, in the sense that no matter the subject, we'll always come to sexism eventually. The thread could be about Postman Pat, or pogs, or whether Tesco are bastards for phasing out traditional plastic bags, there will be an instance where one poster accuses another of being a sexist.

    In reality, I'm not a sexist. I'm just a fella who is asking - that's the key word - what I considered an interesting question: were the kisses a reflection of a heightened sex appeal or a reflection on the women? That's literally it. There's no witch hunt to be had here.


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    #107
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    Bambi985 wrote: »
    Kissing 5 women over a boozy weekend in nightclubs is not much of an accomplishment tbh and icks me out tbh when you think about it too much like. All that saliva, all those germs.

    Have you had any substantial relationships with the opposite sex at all?

    Yes.

    I didn't say it was an accomplishment. It wasn't some irrelevant detail that I threw in for the sake of bragging. The quantity is a pertinent fact to include. This was all in the same night by the way, not over the course of two or three days.


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    #108
    irishrebe
    Registered Users Posts: 612 ✭✭✭irishrebe


    Hammer89 wrote: »
    irishrebe wrote: »
    OP's self deprecation seems to be masking some very sexist, outdated ideas about women and the rather arrogant assumption that getting a snog means that she wants anything more than that.

    Are you doing the same one-night-a-week psychology course at the Marino Institute as the other fella?

    You know that philosophy trick in regards to Wikipedia? I think it's something like, if you visit some random Wikipedia thread and keep clicking the very first hyperlink in the article then you'll eventually come across the 'philosophy' page. Well, there's an equivalent to that on After Hours, in the sense that no matter the subject, we'll always come to sexism eventually. The thread could be about Postman Pat, or pogs, or whether Tesco are bastards for phasing out traditional plastic bags, there will be an instance where one poster accuses another of being a sexist.

    In reality, I'm not a sexist. I'm just a fella who is asking - that's the key word - what I considered an interesting question: were the kisses a reflection of a heightened sex appeal or a reflection on the women? That's literally it. There's no witch hunt to be had here.
    You don't think it's sexist to assume that all women aged 29-35 are getting desperate to settle down and have kids, and that they are lowering their standards? You honestly don't see anything disrespectful or demeaning about labelling women of a certain age group 'desperate' because they kissed you? Really?


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    #109
    Bambi985
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Bambi985


    You kissed 5 women in the same night whilst dosed up on jäger bombs? Sounds like a standard teenage disco for any 15 year old.

    You obviously went out for the shift, got ****faced and the Dutch courage carried you through. Not sure why you think there’s any greater mystery than that.


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    #110
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    irishrebe wrote: »
    You don't think it's sexist to assume that all women aged 29-35 are getting desperate to settle down and have kids, and that they are lowering their standards? You honestly don't see anything disrespectful or demeaning about labelling women of a certain age group 'desperate' because they kissed you? Really?

    When did I assume that? I ASKED a question Irishrebe. That's a bit different to assuming, isn't it?

    Re-read the first post and tell me how many times I used the word 'maybe'. Then tell me how many times I ended a sentence with a question mark. To me, that indicates that I'm not really jumping to any conclusions and am merely interested in reading what people think.


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    #111
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    Bambi985 wrote: »
    You kissed 5 women in the same night whilst dosed up on jäger bombs? Sounds like a standard teenage disco for any 15 year old.

    You obviously went out for the shift, got ****faced and the Dutch courage carried you through. Not sure why you think there’s any greater mystery than that.

    Because even as a slimmer and slightly younger man I've been sh*t faced in nightclubs and still hadn't experienced the volume of interest as I did that night? Did you even read the first post?


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    #112
    irishrebe
    Registered Users Posts: 612 ✭✭✭irishrebe


    Hammer89 wrote: »
    irishrebe wrote: »
    You don't think it's sexist to assume that all women aged 29-35 are getting desperate to settle down and have kids, and that they are lowering their standards? You honestly don't see anything disrespectful or demeaning about labelling women of a certain age group 'desperate' because they kissed you? Really?

    When did I assume that? I ASKED a question Irishrebe. That's a bit different to assuming, isn't it?

    Re-read the first post and tell me how many times I used the word 'maybe'. Then tell me how many times I ended a sentence with a question mark. To me, that indicates that I'm not really jumping to any conclusions and am merely interested in reading what people think.
    Ah, come off it. Why would such a question even enter your head if you didn't have a backwards, sexist mentality on this issue? Instead of just chalking your success up to being better looking than you thought and having a good night, you're on here asking if these women from a specified age group were just desperate to settle down and have kids with anyone at all? Because they kissed you?


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    #113
    irishrebe
    Registered Users Posts: 612 ✭✭✭irishrebe


    Orange Duck wrote: »
    irishrebe wrote: »
    Ah, come off it. Why would such a question even enter your head if you didn't have a backwards, sexist mentality on this issue? Instead of just chalking your success up to being better looking than you thought and having a good night, you're on here asking if these women from a specified age group were just desperate to settle down and have kids with anyone at all? Because they kissed you?

    Is he not allowed to be open minded and pose the question?
    Do you really think this:

    Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but I think the women, at their age, might feel under societal pressures to find a man and start families, and therefore have abondoned certain preferences regarding the opposite sex. Would they have let me kiss them in their mid-20s for example? No, they would have knee'd me in the bollox in the belief that they could do better, but now desperation has set in and any man will do.
     
    is the language of someone who is open-minded? I certainly don't think so. It's bordering on contemptuous. Reading between the lines 'I wouldn't have had a chance with these ladies ten years ago but now they're past it and desperate, any man will do'. Notice how this is not a question, it's a statement.


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    #114
    Rikand
    Registered Users Posts: 20,341 ✭✭✭✭Rikand


    When you said you were no Bradley cooper and had a beard, I knew I'd seen you somewhere before....

    zach-galifianakis-the-hangover.jpg


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    #115
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    irishrebe wrote: »
    Ah, come off it. Why would such a question even enter your head if you didn't have a backwards, sexist mentality on this issue? Instead of just chalking your success up to being better looking than you thought and having a good night, you're on here asking if these women from a specified age group were just desperate to settle down and have kids with anyone at all? Because they kissed you?

    What's this baby thing you keep going on about? Someone suggested that ovulating women prefer masculine men and I, as a joke, blurted out that 'they want my babies'. Given the choice of words here it's pretty obvious that it was a tongue in cheek comment.


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    #116
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    irishrebe wrote: »
    Do you really think this:



     
    is the language of someone who is open-minded? I certainly don't think so. It's bordering on contemptuous. Reading between the lines 'I wouldn't have had a chance with these ladies ten years ago but now they're past it and desperate, any man will do'. Notice how this is not a question, it's a statement.

    Considering I used the word 'might' it's also not the language of a sexist who has concrete opinions on the matter. I am open minded and I suggest you read subsequent responses by me, where I accepted other people's theories, as proof.


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    #117
    irishrebe
    Registered Users Posts: 612 ✭✭✭irishrebe


    Hammer89 wrote: »
    irishrebe wrote: »
    Ah, come off it. Why would such a question even enter your head if you didn't have a backwards, sexist mentality on this issue? Instead of just chalking your success up to being better looking than you thought and having a good night, you're on here asking if these women from a specified age group were just desperate to settle down and have kids with anyone at all? Because they kissed you?

    What's this baby thing you keep going on about? Someone suggested that ovulating women prefer masculine men and I, as a joke, blurted out that 'they want my babies'. Given the choice of words here it's pretty obvious that it was a tongue in cheek comment.
    You do realise your OP is still there, for all to read? Back pedalling now and referencing that joke (nobody took exception to that joke) isn't going to work. I quoted a section of your OP, and it wasn't tongue in cheek in the slightest.


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    #118
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    irishrebe wrote: »
    You do realise your OP is still there, for all to read? Back pedalling now and referencing that joke (nobody took exception to that joke) isn't going to work. I quoted a section of your OP, and it wasn't tongue in cheek in the slightest.

    The bit you quoted wasn't tongue in cheek but it was still a suggestion, not an assumption! The bit about the babies - a theory I didn't bring up, and that's very important to note - was quite clearly a joke. I mean, this has to be obvious.

    Here's another theory I explored after the OP. I have supported THREE possible explanations for what happened in the nightclub, and you're hell-bent on the one which relates to sexism and ignoring the other two. Would a real sexist even explore two other possibilities?
    Hammer89 wrote: »
    I suppose another theory is that I get drunker with age, which means maybe I'm more brazen than I was when I was slimmer and therefore more appealing.


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    #119
    bebeman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 345 ✭✭bebeman


    In simple terms.
    Men age like wine,
    Women age like milk
    Men are a appreciating asset, when 20 years old have very little, the older they get the more status they have , the more money they have, the more stable they are, the better prospect for a woman to settle down with and raise a family.
    Women are a deprecating asset, have it all at 20 years of age, then down hill, Looks and Fertility fade with age, less likely to have children as they age, numerous sex partners, all a turn off for men.
    So these women hit 30 and desperately try to compete will the 20 year old women, the easiest way to get male attention is to be easy.
    This is seen in nature, and at the end of the day we are no different.
    https://i.redd.it/7gzya7sd09rz.jpg


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    #120
    Icemancometh
    Registered Users Posts: 854 ✭✭✭Icemancometh


    bebeman wrote: »
    In simple terms.
    Men age like wine,
    Women age like milk
    Men are a appreciating asset, when 20 years old have very little, the older they get the more status they have , the more money they have, the more stable they are, the better prospect for a woman to settle down with and raise a family.
    Women are a deprecating asset, have it all at 20 years of age, then down hill, Looks and Fertility fade with age, less likely to have children as they age, numerous sex partners, all a turn off for men.
    So these women hit 30 and desperately try to compete will the 20 year old women, the easiest way to get male attention is to be easy.
    This is seen in nature, and at the end of the day we are no different.
    https://i.redd.it/7gzya7sd09rz.jpg

    Now that's what sexism looks like.


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    #121
    Bambi985
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Bambi985


    Icemancometh wrote: »

    Now that's what sexism looks like.

    That’s what a PUA spambot looks like. Pretty sure there’s an algorithm that flags AH threads even remotely related to gender issues to them & suddenly we’ve got a plethora of new choresex guy accounts posting at each other like no man’s business.


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