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Am I getting better looking or are women getting more desperate?

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  • 28-03-2018 7:33pm
    #1
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭


    Legitimate question and one I can't work out the answer to. I'm no Bradley Cooper, but I'd think of myself as relatively handsome. I'm about 18 stone at the moment I think, but I'm also 6'4 so I can carry it pretty well - well, better than a man who is 5'7 for example - and I have a pretty decent beard going.

    I've been lighter, which means I've been far more attractive at one stage, but I find myself getting more attention in nightclubs now than when I was, say, 15 stone.

    Not bragging but I smooched the face off five women this past weekend - all of whom I found very attractive. I probably could have gone home with any one of them, but I had enough Jagermeister in me to sedate a mammoth and my knob is about as useful as Stephen Hawking's computer when I'm drunk, so I wasn't interested in sex. It would've been like trying to get a Tesco self-service machine to take a scrunched-up fiver.

    Being an analytical type, I was interested in discovering why this was and came to two logical conclusions: I'm more attractive when I'm a fat, bear-looking prick, or these women have just lowered their standards. All of them were between the ages of 29 - 35 I'd imagine, which is why I think the latter theory is more plausible.

    Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but I think the women, at their age, might feel under societal pressures to find a man and start families, and therefore have abondoned certain preferences regarding the opposite sex. Would they have let me kiss them in their mid-20s for example? No, they would have knee'd me in the bollox in the belief that they could do better, but now desperation has set in and any man will do.

    It really does make you wonder: how many couples in their late 20s and early 30s are together now because they love each other, and how many are together in fear that it's too late to find someone better? How many put the 'settle' in settling down? How many have abondoned the search for Mr Right and are settling for Mr Anyone?

    Or maybe it's the alternative. Maybe, just maybe, there's a niche market for fat, bear-looking arseholes who smell of Jagerbombs. I quite hope it's this; not because I'm well placed to monopolise on the market, but because the alternative is quite sad to me.

    Fortunately, there's a good way to test out this theory and it involves coming on to (not literally, not when I'm drunk anyway) slightly younger women and gauging the results. If they're game then it'll be a big confidence boost for me, but if I'm unsuccessful then I think it'll go some way toward proving that I'm a low-hanging fruit rather than the apple of someone's eye.


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    #2
    badabing106
    Registered Users Posts: 1,434 ✭✭✭badabing106


    Hammer89 wrote: »
    Legitimate question and one I can't work out the answer to. I'm no Bradley Cooper, but I'd think of myself as relatively handsome. I'm about 18 stone at the moment I think, but I'm also 6'4 so I can carry it pretty well - well, better than a man who is 5'7 for example - and I have a pretty decent beard going.

    I've been lighter, which means I've been far more attractive at one stage, but I find myself getting more attention in nightclubs now than when I was, say, 15 stone.

    Not bragging but I smooched the face off five women this past weekend - all of whom I found very attractive. I probably could have gone home with any one of them, but I had enough Jagermeister in me to sedate a mammoth and my knob is about as useful as Stephen Hawking's computer when I'm drunk, so I wasn't interested in sex. It would've been like trying to get a Tesco self-service machine to take a scrunched-up fiver.

    Being an analytical type, I was interested in discovering why this was and came to two logical conclusions: I'm more attractive when I'm a fat, bear-looking prick, or these women have just lowered their standards. All of them were between the ages of 29 - 35 I'd imagine, which is why I think the latter theory is more plausible.

    Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but I think the women, at their age, might feel under societal pressures to find a man and start families, and therefore have abondoned certain preferences regarding the opposite sex. Would they have let me kiss them in their mid-20s for example? No, they would have knee'd me in the bollox in the belief that they could do better, but now desperation has set in and any man will do.

    It really does make you wonder: how many couples in their late 20s and early 30s are together now because they love each other, and how many are together in fear that it's too late to find someone better? How many put the 'settle' in settling down? How many have abondoned the search for Mr Right and are settling for Mr Anyone?

    Or maybe it's the alternative. Maybe, just maybe, there's a niche market for fat, bear-looking arseholes who smell of Jagerbombs. I quite hope it's this; not because I'm well placed to monopolise on the market, but because the alternative is quite sad to me.

    Fortunately, there's a good way to test out this theory and it involves coming on to (not literally, not when I'm drunk anyway) slightly younger women and gauging the results. If they're game then it'll be a big confidence boost for me, but if I'm unsuccessful then I think it'll go some way toward proving that I'm a low-hanging fruit rather than the apple of someone's eye.

    TLDNR


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    #3
    Are Am Eye
    Registered Users Posts: 2,166 ✭✭✭Are Am Eye


    Could your post be a few bullet points. They could
    link to appendices containing the volumes above. For those
    who wish to thread that far.


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    #4
    fattymoon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26 ✭fattymoon


    Hammer89 wrote: »
    Legitimate question and one I can't work out the answer to. I'm no Bradley Cooper, but I'd think of myself as relatively handsome. I'm about 18 stone at the moment I think, but I'm also 6'4 so I can carry it pretty well - well, better than a man who is 5'7 for example - and I have a pretty decent beard going.

    I've been lighter, which means I've been far more attractive at one stage, but I find myself getting more attention in nightclubs now than when I was, say, 15 stone.

    Not bragging but I smooched the face off five women this past weekend - all of whom I found very attractive. I probably could have gone home with any one of them, but I had enough Jagermeister in me to sedate a mammoth and my knob is about as useful as Stephen Hawking's computer when I'm drunk, so I wasn't interested in sex. It would've been like trying to get a Tesco self-service machine to take a scrunched-up fiver.

    Being an analytical type, I was interested in discovering why this was and came to two logical conclusions: I'm more attractive when I'm a fat, bear-looking prick, or these women have just lowered their standards. All of them were between the ages of 29 - 35 I'd imagine, which is why I think the latter theory is more plausible.

    Maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but I think the women, at their age, might feel under societal pressures to find a man and start families, and therefore have abondoned certain preferences regarding the opposite sex. Would they have let me kiss them in their mid-20s for example? No, they would have knee'd me in the bollox in the belief that they could do better, but now desperation has set in and any man will do.

    It really does make you wonder: how many couples in their late 20s and early 30s are together now because they love each other, and how many are together in fear that it's too late to find someone better? How many put the 'settle' in settling down? How many have abondoned the search for Mr Right and are settling for Mr Anyone?

    Or maybe it's the alternative. Maybe, just maybe, there's a niche market for fat, bear-looking arseholes who smell of Jagerbombs. I quite hope it's this; not because I'm well placed to monopolise on the market, but because the alternative is quite sad to me.

    Fortunately, there's a good way to test out this theory and it involves coming on to (not literally, not when I'm drunk anyway) slightly younger women and gauging the results. If they're game then it'll be a big confidence boost for me, but if I'm unsuccessful then I think it'll go some way toward proving that I'm a low-hanging fruit rather than the apple of someone's eye.

    You sure they were women?


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    #5
    Poor Uncle Tom
    Registered Users Posts: 14,547 ✭✭✭✭Poor Uncle Tom


    Naw, you just fell asleep......


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    #6
    Avatar MIA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,750 ✭✭✭Avatar MIA


    Hammer89 wrote: »
    I have a pretty decent beard going.

    I'm a bloke and this made me laugh. Not sure why, but there you go.

    It could have been the beer goggles. What you think is attractive pissed off your head in a darkened nightclub may not live up to scrutiny in the cold light of day sans alcohol.

    That or there's some famous guy you've not heard about that's your doppelgänger.


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    #7
    Jim Bob Scratcher
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,231 ✭✭✭Jim Bob Scratcher


    The women have the vino goggles on


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    #8
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    Avatar MIA wrote: »
    It could have been the beer goggles. What you think is attractive pissed off your head in a darkened nightclub may not live up to scrutiny in the cold light of day sans alcohol.

    Good point but nightclubs were still dark environments when I was a slimmer man and the results are still pretty different.

    I suppose another theory is that I get drunker with age, which means maybe I'm more brazen than I was when I was slimmer and therefore more appealing.


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    #9
    TheValeyard
    Registered Users Posts: 12,302 ✭✭✭✭TheValeyard


    Im far to lazy to read or believe all that.

    All Eyes On Rafah



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    #10
    artanevilla
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Sports Moderators Posts: 10,438 Mod ✭✭✭✭artanevilla


    I think I should get both parachutes because I'm great. In fact, I think I should get the two in case one them fails!


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    #11
    gifted
    Registered Users Posts: 4,888 ✭✭✭gifted


    Obviously you judge people by how they look and their weight....you sound like a good catch...your a lucky man...









    Lol lol


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    #12
    mojesius
    Registered Users Posts: 4,324 ✭✭✭mojesius


    You sound like Carrie Bradshaw OP


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    #13
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    gifted wrote: »
    Obviously you judge people by how they look and their weight....you sound like a good catch...your a lucky man.

    Dunno what you're on about.
    mojesius wrote: »
    You sound like Carrie Bradshaw OP

    Right, so I more or less said the following: I'm an overweight man who suffers from erectile dysfunction whilst under the influence, and suggested that only desperate women who have no choice find me attractive. But apparently I'm tooting my own horn and bragging. Categorically not the case.


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    #14
    facehugger99
    Registered Users Posts: 7,262 ✭✭✭facehugger99


    Hammer89 wrote: »
    my knob is about as useful as Stephen Hawking's computer when I'm drunk,

    So, really useful?


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    #15
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    facehugger99 wrote: »
    So, really useful?

    I can't imagine it's being utilised at the moment mate, so no not very useful.


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    #16
    NickNickleby
    Registered Users Posts: 1,817 ✭✭✭NickNickleby


    I'm surprised no one has asked you this OP, but do you have Before and After photos you could post up and then we could give you a more considered response.

    I can tell you for sure that after I've had a few pints I'm definitely better looking and more attractive to women. They just don't know it. Apart from one, my wife , who simply says "yes, dear, of course you are....."


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    #17
    Hitman3000
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,596 ✭✭✭Hitman3000


    Easily know the kids are off school, wait till Sunday and they're loaded up on 'Eggs'.


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    #18
    Ygritte
    Closed Accounts Posts: 45 ✭Ygritte


    I don't think real desperation kicks in until mid 40's......Maybe when you were slimmer you looked like a string bean of a boy at 6'4" and now you look more "burly man".....you weren't beating your chest by any chance? :D


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    #19
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    NickNickleby wrote: »
    I'm surprised no one has asked you this OP, but do you have Before and After photos you could post up and then we could give you a more considered response.

    I can tell you for sure that after I've had a few pints I'm definitely better looking and more attractive to women. They just don't know it. Apart from one, my wife , who simply says "yes, dear, of course you are....."

    None that I'm willing to post up, no. But yes it seems I overlooked the theory you suggested. Maybe I'm more of a laugh - 'Oh FFS he's bragging again, after bragging about his broken dick and his fat belly' - when I'm drunk now than when I was a few years ago when pissed, and it's the confidence that's appealing.


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    #20
    harry Bailey esq
    Registered Users Posts: 4,814 ✭✭✭harry Bailey esq


    Hitman3000 wrote: »
    Easily know the kids are off school, wait till Sunday and they're loaded up on 'Eggs'.

    Temazepam?? I don't think that's gonna help a stubborn cudgel, on the upside if he necks a few he'll be blissfully not giving a f*ck. Both physically and metaphorically.


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    #21
    MightyMandarin
    Registered Users Posts: 3,723 ✭✭✭MightyMandarin


    I'd say women would find you way more attractive if you put a TL;DR in your post.


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    #22
    Ejeca
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17 ✭Ejeca


    "Men age like wine, women age like milk"


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    #23
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Good man OP, sounds like you're having a having a ball of a time! Ridin' more fillies than Ruby Walsh in Galway! Make sure you wrap up the todge before you go into battle - don't want to be visiting a GP complaining of an itchy helmet, and havin' to get a strong course of antibioitics.

    Have a similar story myself. Not long out of a 25 year marriage that was crushing my soul and spirit. Took a few months to feel meself again, but now I'm out in Dublin most weekends, and having monumental success with the women. And I'm no spring chicken with a 6-pack and a neck tattoo. 53 years young, in fairly good shape, and not afraid to approach a woman to chat her up. I'm raw from saw at this stage. Birds in their 30's take a definite shine to auld JOhnny, and I'm testing the structural integrity of mattresses all around Dublin most Saturday night. Enjoy yourself pal, and make hay while the sun shines. Spot on, no fúckin' bother to you!!


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    #24
    jimmycrackcorm
    Registered Users Posts: 14,331 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    Hammer89 wrote:
    It really does make you wonder: how many couples in their late 20s and early 30s are together now because they love each other, and how many are together in fear that it's too late to find someone better? How many put the 'settle' in settling down? How many have abondoned the search for Mr Right and are settling for Mr Anyone?


    There is no such thing as Mr / Ms right. Otherwise marriage itself wouldn't have needed to be invented to make it so difficult for people to separate.


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    #25
    dhaughton99
    Registered Users Posts: 1,695 ✭✭✭dhaughton99


    Jesus. I can’t get a kick in a stampede. Maybe I should start going to nightclubs.


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    #26
    Avatar MIA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,750 ✭✭✭Avatar MIA


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Took a few months to feel meself again

    I highly doubt that! :P


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    #27
    Avatar MIA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,750 ✭✭✭Avatar MIA


    dhaughton99 wrote: »
    Jesus. I can’t get a kick in a stampede. Maybe I should start going to nightclubs.

    Or just wait until you're old, fat and with hair growth from your chin. Happy days!


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    #28
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Good man OP, sounds like you're having a having a ball of a time! Ridin' more fillies than Ruby Walsh in Galway! Make sure you wrap up the todge before you go into battle - don't want to be visiting a GP complaining of an itchy helmet, and havin' to get a strong course of antibioitics.

    Have a similar story myself. Not long out of a 25 year marriage that was crushing my soul and spirit. Took a few months to feel meself again, but now I'm out in Dublin most weekends, and having monumental success with the women. And I'm no spring chicken with a 6-pack and a neck tattoo. 53 years young, in fairly good shape, and not afraid to approach a woman to chat her up. I'm raw from saw at this stage. Birds in their 30's take a definite shine to auld JOhnny, and I'm testing the structural integrity of mattresses all around Dublin most Saturday night. Enjoy yourself pal, and make hay while the sun shines. Spot on, no fúckin' bother to you!!

    Don't know if this is a piss take or not, but it's hilarious all the same.


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    #29
    John DoeReMi
    Registered Users Posts: 102 ✭✭John DoeReMi


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    I'm out in Dublin most weekends, and having monumental success with the women.

    And where's the best pub/nightclub for these women in your view?


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    #30
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Avatar MIA wrote: »
    I highly doubt that! :P

    :D

    That comprised the last few years of my marriage to be honest! Tryin' to pull the skeleton out of meself while the rest of them were off down the shops.


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    #31
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    John DoeReMi wrote: »
    And where's the best pub/nightclub for these women in your view?

    I tried Coppers once, but felt like a proper auld lad in it. House is good, and while you wouldn't want to be going every Saturday night, RAIN in Portobello isn't bad for meeting a bird in her 30's looking for a go on a good girthy schlong.


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