Anger at sister over wedding expenses

Danni21 · 15-09-2020 9:25am

listermint wrote: »

Your wedding was it Danni ? People blowing 40 grand of other people's money on 1 day of madness isn't smart it isn't sound and it won't stand to them in the long run either.

No, it wasn't !!! You kind of proved the point there. It wasn't the OPs wedding either was it? Also, where does it mention 40k? I must have missed that. Still nothing concrete to say the OPs parents have ever suggested this has crippled them or how much it cost them.

Psychiatric Patrick · 15-09-2020 11:48am

Why haven't you said anything to her?

Xterminator · 15-09-2020 11:54am

Advice321 wrote: »

The wedding won't leave my parents broke but it is the fact that they work so damn hard to earn the money and to see it blown on a few hours of sillyness kills me. I could easily see how €5k could have been avoided on the day with absolutely no compromise on the enjoyment of the day for my sister, family, or any of the guests.

Wait till she gets the house too!:D

freshpopcorn · 15-09-2020 12:21pm

Xterminator wrote: »

Wait till she gets the house too!:D

If I’m being honest. I was thinking was the OP thinking of his future inheritance if his parents continue to spend there money.

15-09-2020 1:28pm

any one individual's thoughts on wedding fuss/costs doesnt in any way relate to what advice you should give to the OP imo, which remains:

what your parents choose to spend on their daughters wedding is not really your business

if you are struggling to accept that then work on why, because it's a poor sign of your perspective on the other adults in your family imo

Addle · 15-09-2020 6:55pm

Psychiatric Patrick wrote: »

Why haven't you said anything to her?

Because that will cause more trouble than it’s worth and hopefully he has the sense not to.

Neyite · 15-09-2020 8:48pm

Weddings are funny. We didn't want a big wedding - just family for the ceremony, a meal and a few drinks with maybe a DJ would have done us.

Then we spoke to family. Absolutely aghast! What, no church? No bridesmaids? What kind of a wedding was this at all??

We've cut corners like no florist, no video, no bridesmaids or groomsmen, no band, no second day entertainment, very limited guest list, and but I still want to host a day where people come and are well fed and watered by us. We are paying for it ourselves but I know of several families where the only girl is getting married and a parent kind of loses the run of themselves a bit. Out of my sisters, both their husbands wanted the bigger day than they did. Ditto with my partner's sister. My mothers best friend was fully behind her daughter eloping, the dad pitched a fit and insisted they have the big do.

The pressure you can be under to take on board everyone's opinion and expectation is immense. I'm fairly ballsy and my partner would be as well so we were able to stand up to people and say "no, we don't want that, we want this". And prices treble when the word wedding is mentioned, so costs can quickly add up.
You may find that your sister has decided on other ways to make it up to your parents or pay them back but for now it's probably wise to hold your fire and take a bit more time to review the situation.

osarusan · 16-09-2020 7:20am

If there was ever a time to raise the issue, it was before the wedding when things could be changed.

I don't see how raising it now will help anybody.

ILoveYourVibes · 17-09-2020 12:54am

osarusan wrote: »

If there was ever a time to raise the issue, it was before the wedding when things could be changed.

I don't see how raising it now will help anybody.

It would encourage the couple to pay for some of it or more of it instead of the parents? Help them out?

17-09-2020 1:05am

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

It would encourage the couple to pay for some of it or more of it instead of the parents? Help them out?

that would suggest anyone but the OP has a problem with things

no evidence of this

Antares35 · 17-09-2020 1:08am

Addle wrote: »

Is it though?
The OP just thinks it isn’t, and he’s way over thinking this. He needs to stop begrudging his sister and get over it.

Well it isn't there anymore it's been spent on the wedding

OP a lot of the things you list as "extravagant" expenses are pretty much run of the mill stuff for Irish weddings. Not condoning them, wouldn't be caught dead treating my bítch of an aunt to a meat and two veg when I could be having a small ceremony in Spain with only the people I like, but it's pretty much par for the course. The chocolate fountain, photo booth etc.

Agree with posters re offending your parents. It isn't a point I had considered but it's a good one to be fair. It's their money, nobody should tell them how to spend it.

bobbyy gee · 17-09-2020 1:09am

Every bride deserves the best wedding no matter what it costs

Blush_01 · 17-09-2020 1:11am

bobbyy gee wrote: »

Every bride deserves the best wedding no matter what it costs

There was me thinking that weddings were about a couple.

ILoveYourVibes · 17-09-2020 2:03am

bobbyy gee wrote: »

Every bride deserves the best wedding no matter what it costs

Of course. But the best wedding is not the most expensive wedding.

People have to find other more creative ways of having the best wedding.

It can be done. But you have to have imagination soul and creativity.

I am not saying get married on a fiver.

But some of the best husbands i know ...who treat their wives the best ..got married with a civil service NO friends there just witnesses ..not even parents could be there. (both lived in diff country). No dress no nothing.

Unless people think that the wedding that costs more is BETTER than a wedding that costs less i dont think the best wedding equals the most expensive wedding. Not at all.

I have been to expensive weddings that were dull and lifeless.

Every person man AND woman ...if they want to be married deserve the best wedding ...money won't buy that. If you are dull and boring people with dull and boring friends and no creativity ..then no matter how much money you have ....your wedding is not going to be all that great.

And yes weddings are about a couple. And its up to the couple to make it the best wedding.

You have someone who is good at crafts? have them make the party favors ..it will make them extra special.
Have a friend who bakes ..let them make the cake ...it can be their wedding gift.

Hannibal_Smith · 17-09-2020 7:25am

Mod Note

As the OP has found a way to deal with their issue, rather than have the thread go further down the road of general discussion on wedding costs, I'm going to close it here.

Best of luck OP and if you want the thread reopened just let one of the Mod Team know.

Thanks to all who offered help and advice.

HS

Anger at sister over wedding expenses

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