Ambivalent about babies

Aveen · 25-03-2018 7:52pm

It a personal choice but I would make sure you both have a clear understanding of the decision. Why none and how many you love to have. I’ve two beautiful boys and would give anything to have a girl (it’s a deep down feeling so please don’t judge, I do understand how lucky I am) OH said he only wants two so that’s it for us! I’m finding it very hard to deal with.
Been a mum is hard but they bring so much sparkle of life everyday.
Good luck with your decision, there’s loads of ways to enjoy life without children. I think we all judge to quick, we all have a choices so been happy with yours. Don’t think too much about others people will always talk

Appledreams15 · 26-03-2018 12:24pm

Baby Ambivalence wrote: »

I'm in my mid - late 30's, about to get married to an amazing man and I'm ambivalent about babies. I've never been particularly pushed about having kids but nor have I ever been dead set against them. I always assumed I'd probably start wanting them at some point.

I did have a few worries in my early 30's about whether Id meet someone in time to have children. I no longer have those fertility worries, for reasons I won't go into here. I'm pretty confidant I wouldn't have a problem conceiving if I chose to. Obviously time wouldn't be on my side regardless.

My partner and I have spoken about starting a family someday and we are both in favour but in a very abstract "yeah why not" kind of way and that doesn't seem a good reason to bring another person into the world. Neither of us would be overly bothered if it didn't happen either. But I don't want to totally rule out the idea.

I have close friends and family who have gone through the absolute heartache of trying for a baby with repeated failures. Meanwhile I'm quickly approaching 40 and still thinking "hmm... maybe later". I can't identify with that deep desire to procreate. When I think about becoming pregnant I feel slightly anxious. I think I'd feel a bit of a fraud if I announced I was having a baby while people I love are tying themselves in knots trying to have kids.

I can't be the only woman to feel this way but it's a bit of a taboo. I've had so many people jokingly say "oh she hates kids". I don't hate children at all and its pretty insulting to be labelled that way but the world seems to assume all women are dying for babies and if you aren't then you must despise them. I'd like to hear from other women who, when faced with the baby question can only shrug and say "I dunno...". How do you decide on something so huge when you have no strong opinion on it? Is it something you just take a leap of faith and hope for the best - a terrifying thought! or is the likes of me better off staying childless for the good of humanity?

It's your choice! Do what is good for you, not what society tells you to do. I am the same -ambivalent. No strong urge. I feel that I would be happy with or without. And I feel that I am leaning towards without.

splinter65 · 26-03-2018 12:33pm

I’ve never understood how people think it’s any of their business wether or not another person wants or like kids.
Amazingly cheeky to accuse someone else of being a bad person because they don’t want to be a parent.

Goldenlady · 26-03-2018 5:16pm

You are definitely not alone OP!!

I spent almost a decade in a relationship and it ended because he wouldn't have kids, I decided if I was to give myself a chance I needed to get out of the relationship... BUT all that time I still wasn't sure If I wanted kids or not, I just didn't want the choice taken away from me!

I remained single for a few years and had accepted I wouldn't have kids, was happy with my life etc....
Fast forward to today I am now 6months pregnant, and couldn't be happier! I too feared the whole "trying" process seeing how some friends struggled and wasn't sure mentality could I deal with it.. so we were blessed with this as a surprise and ya know what, it just worked perfectly for me! I know if I had tried to plan it I probably never would have!!

So I have no advice really, just wanted to say you seem to be in the same mindset as me..
Its a daunting and scary road ahead, but exciting too!!!
Best of luck x

DoozerT6 · 26-03-2018 7:03pm

Like others in this thread, I was ambivalent about kids, I had no strong feelings either way. In my younger years, I thought when I met the right guy it would all fall into place, and we would decide between us whether or not children would be in our future.

Sadly, I never met anybody to love, and also, sadly, I have a feeling I might be starting early menopause at 43. (Not confirmed by a doctor yet, but my periods have shortened over the past several months to just three days max, after three decades of my period lasting 7/8 days). While it may end up being something else altogether, the thoughts that it may indeed by the start of the menopause has stirred up feelings in me that I hoped to never go through - a feeling like a part of my life is over, a part that I never really got to live: the fertile, sexual side of me. (While I know you don't stop being a sexual being after menopause, I'm talking in terms of the potential for a family, should I miraculously meet someone special). I'll never get to experience pregnancy and childbirth, I'll never get to bond with my peers about family life and childrearing (this is a huge part of how women bond with each other, which already sets me apart from most other women my age). I've never even had a conversation about children, family plans or contraception with a guy.

I can't explain the feelings I'm going through - loss, loneliness (I don't have a partner or friends to talk to about this), grief and sadness for what might have been.

After my rambling post OP, I would advise you to just think about how you would feel if the option of bearing children was, for some reason, unexpectedly taken away from you. Would you be ok with the idea, or would it upset you?

That may well give you your answer.

LaughAlot2 · 26-03-2018 10:58pm

I am 22 now, and I have spent most of my life dreaming of after I got my education, traveled a bit more than I already have and found the right man, I would settle, we would make our little home and nest together and have a good few kids.. But I have always been a bit iffy about having kids, was always mostly leaning towards if it happens it happens, and would only be pushed if me and my partner were "settled down" and he was (for me) and I was (for him) the one... Unfortunately I had found the one for me, I thought he found the one as he said once upon a time also, and he ghosted after a load of empty promises and silly me leaving myself vulnerable (bad trust issues) now think I've let him walk away too easily as have I, and if I was to have my kiddies and home, it would have been with him and only him. If anyone could have been perfect it would have been him,i guess it just wasn't meant to be! This post by OP I can kind of relate to as I always felt a bit "hmmm" when all my friends went 'baby mad' and almost all of the girls around me (and younger) already have or are expecting their first or second kiddies. I feel if I was to have kids with anyone it would have been the man of my dreams that is no longer around, I don't think I could even think about kids with anyone else because I let down all my guards and let him inside the walls I had built over my short dating time.. Am I just being silly or can any other women see where I am coming from? Maybe the future will hold different things, but he was the first I even considered the idea of baby's with, and I couldn't see me having the planning or thoughts of conceiving with anyone but that man..

LaughAlot2 · 26-03-2018 11:16pm

LaughAlot2 wrote: »

I am 22 now, and I have spent most of my life dreaming of after I got my education, traveled a bit more than I already have and found the right man, I would settle, we would make our little home and nest together and have a good few kids.. But I have always been a bit iffy about having kids, was always mostly leaning towards if it happens it happens, and would only be pushed if me and my partner were "settled down" and he was (for me) and I was (for him) the one... Unfortunately I had found the one for me, I thought he found the one as he said once upon a time also, and he ghosted after a load of empty promises and silly me leaving myself vulnerable (bad trust issues) now think I've let him walk away too easily as have I, and if I was to have my kiddies and home, it would have been with him and only him. If anyone could have been perfect it would have been him,i guess it just wasn't meant to be! This post by OP I can kind of relate to as I always felt a bit "hmmm" when all my friends went 'baby mad' and almost all of the girls around me (and younger) already have or are expecting their first or second kiddies. I feel if I was to have kids with anyone it would have been the man of my dreams that is no longer around, I don't think I could even think about kids with anyone else because I let down all my guards and let him inside the walls I had built over my short dating time.. Am I just being silly or can any other women see where I am coming from? Maybe the future will hold different things, but he was the first I even considered the idea of baby's with, and I couldn't see me having the planning or thoughts of conceiving with anyone but that man..

I just re-read what I wrote, and it sounds proper bad but I will not be trying or even thinking of relationships/love/men in general since the last person who ran off with my heart and never gave it back! Haha!
But I will add I forgot one massive chunk to the "If" of children and babies, would be marriage..
I know that a couple doesn't necessarily have to be married to have baby's, and a couple who is married doesn't necessarily have to have baby's.
But for me, I would prefer for myself and my partner to be married..

Even though I've given up on men and starting a family with one, as a personal choice from a previous experience.

Sorry everybody, I'm done rambling on.. Just seen this post by OP and it caught my eye..

Neyite · 27-03-2018 10:36am

LaughAlot2 wrote: »

I am 22 now, and I have spent most of my life dreaming of after I got my education, traveled a bit more than I already have and found the right man, I would settle, we would make our little home and nest together and have a good few kids.. But I have always been a bit iffy about having kids, was always mostly leaning towards if it happens it happens, and would only be pushed if me and my partner were "settled down" and he was (for me) and I was (for him) the one... Unfortunately I had found the one for me, I thought he found the one as he said once upon a time also, and he ghosted after a load of empty promises and silly me leaving myself vulnerable (bad trust issues) now think I've let him walk away too easily as have I, and if I was to have my kiddies and home, it would have been with him and only him. If anyone could have been perfect it would have been him,i guess it just wasn't meant to be! This post by OP I can kind of relate to as I always felt a bit "hmmm" when all my friends went 'baby mad' and almost all of the girls around me (and younger) already have or are expecting their first or second kiddies. I feel if I was to have kids with anyone it would have been the man of my dreams that is no longer around, I don't think I could even think about kids with anyone else because I let down all my guards and let him inside the walls I had built over my short dating time.. Am I just being silly or can any other women see where I am coming from? Maybe the future will hold different things, but he was the first I even considered the idea of baby's with, and I couldn't see me having the planning or thoughts of conceiving with anyone but that man..

You are only 22. You have years to find the right person to share your life with, the right person to have kids with if that's what you still want. I started my family at 36, and I know women who started their families later than that again. While fertility can decline after 40, women can and do have babies a few years after that - though the slight increase of risks means if you can, you should plan to have them at a younger age. But you have time. Lots of it.

Trust me, he wasn't the one. Someone who is flaky and who ghosts you and is full of empty promises is NOT someone who you want to be the co-parent to your child. If he was doing it to you, he'd do it to your kid(s) when they arrive and that's really damaging to them. If you want kids, you owe it to them to find the best dad you can for them. Very often we don't pick wisely for ourselves as we don't often have enough appreciation for how amazing we are but if you are more discerning for your future kids, you might just pick someone who is an awesome dad and partner.

I was contacted recently on FB by the guy who was my 'one' at 21. Like your ex, mine ghosted me without warning and it felt like **** until 22 years later he popped up on a friend request. I dunno what I ever saw in him. Another ex from when I was 24 who I was sure at the time I'd have kids with has just had a baby with his partner and all I felt for him was genuine happiness at their joy. He's a nice guy, but we would not have been suited at all. You'll look back at your ex's the same way I'm sure.

LaughAlot2 · 27-03-2018 7:19pm

Neyite wrote: »

You are only 22. You have years to find the right person to share your life with, the right person to have kids with if that's what you still want. I started my family at 36, and I know women who started their families later than that again. While fertility can decline after 40, women can and do have babies a few years after that - though the slight increase of risks means if you can, you should plan to have them at a younger age. But you have time. Lots of it.

Trust me, he wasn't the one. Someone who is flaky and who ghosts you and is full of empty promises is NOT someone who you want to be the co-parent to your child. If he was doing it to you, he'd do it to your kid(s) when they arrive and that's really damaging to them. If you want kids, you owe it to them to find the best dad you can for them. Very often we don't pick wisely for ourselves as we don't often have enough appreciation for how amazing we are but if you are more discerning for your future kids, you might just pick someone who is an awesome dad and partner.

I was contacted recently on FB by the guy who was my 'one' at 21. Like your ex, mine ghosted me without warning and it felt like **** until 22 years later he popped up on a friend request. I dunno what I ever saw in him. Another ex from when I was 24 who I was sure at the time I'd have kids with has just had a baby with his partner and all I felt for him was genuine happiness at their joy. He's a nice guy, but we would not have been suited at all. You'll look back at your ex's the same way I'm sure.

So which one did you go with, the "i dunno what i ever saw in him" guy? Come one hun lets be honest here.. Not judging ðŸ˜‚ if the 24 year old was over with the mother of his baby a long time or a good while ago, and she had moved on and was all good, if i was in your situation i would have picked the 2nd but but the first sounds very much more my type..

There could be complications as i got older.. Genetic situations, as far as i know it skipped me. I definitely wouldnt want to risk it though.. Still unsure if i want babies or not, one day when me and my man (if he wasnt my first "one" almost no chance of babies or marriage). If the man i settle down with has kids already, and there mother was ok with them getting a new dads friend, id be more than happy

I get where you are coming though, i can see what your saying

meeeeh · 27-03-2018 8:27pm

Well that escalated quickly...

Neyite · 27-03-2018 9:07pm

LaughAlot2 wrote: »

So which one did you go with, the "i dunno what i ever saw in him" guy? Come one hun lets be honest here.. Not judging &#55357;&#56834; if the 24 year old was over with the mother of his baby a long time or a good while ago, and she had moved on and was all good, if i was in your situation i would have picked the 2nd but but the first sounds very much more my type..

I didn't shag either. I'm not sure how you got that from my post.

erica74 · 29-03-2018 8:02am

I'm 30, my husband is 42 and we have been married for 5 years. I honestly never thought I'd find someone I wanted to marry. I never saw a happy marriage, I didn't think they existed and I didn't think I had the tools necessary to make one. However, that obviously changed for me when I met my husband.
I always laugh at people who think marriage is a massive commitment but think it's totally normal for people to have children willy nilly. That is a commitment!! Bringing a person into this world, that is a big commitment! In my opinion, certainly bigger than marriage.

Children scare me and I really don't like them and I really don't want any. However, aside from that, I have 2 big issues with me having children.
1. I have a variety of problems with my health, including a serious problem with my back and hips that affects me every day. I would be very concerned that these would be severely impacted by pregnancy and have been advised that there is a high probability that this would be the case. Also, I am on a lot of medication and all but one is contraindicated in pregnancy so that would also severely impact on my pain levels. So I could be looking at a worsened problem with my back and fewer treatment options available to me.

2. The second issue is that my sister is the only person in my family who I have a relationship with and she lives a 2 hour drive away and works full time. My husband has no family left, as both his parents have passed away. We don't have that built in babysitting unit that a lot of people have. So one of us would either have to give up working for a few years or we would have to use a creche, which is mega expensive and you're basically giving your baby to strangers for more hours of the day than you spend with him/her. And then if my husband and I needed to both go somewhere, we would either need to bring the baby everywhere or one of us always stay at home with the baby.
Now, that's just my personal feelings on it, I'm not judging anyone who uses creches or anything like that.

So op, you're definitely not alone in this even if it sometimes feels like you are. I think it is a very individual choice and there are so many factors to consider. It's never as simple as I want a child, I'm going to have one or I don't want a child, I'm not going to have one. There's all the other personal stuff to consider.

milli milli · 21-04-2018 12:07am

Bentley Rapping Hyena wrote: »

But having a child, deliberately creating an entire human consciousness and taking supreme responsibility for it, just on the off-chance? I don't think that's right.
:

THIS^^ times 1 million.
So many people think it’s all the cutesy baby thing and the Mothercare/Pinterest lovely lifestyle.

Having children is a massive decision and your life will never be the same again. It’s not something to be entered into lightly just because it’s something you’re ‘supposed’ to do.

Sile Na Gig · 22-04-2018 11:44pm

I’ve got four kids, had them fairly young (I’m in my mid 30s now, my eldest is a young teen). None were planned but I always wanted lots of kids.

I find it hard to understand why more people don’t choose to be child free. Even though it was exactly what I wanted it’s a really huge commitment, physically, emotionally, financially. The young years are gruelling in terms of lack of sleep and seeing to their basic needs, but as they get older I feel a massive responsibility to give them the tools to help them negotiate the big bad world, to be tolerant and kind but still to be able to stick up for themselves. Obviously the return in terms of love and watching them grow and learn are enormous. But I don’t know why anyone would sign themselves up for that if they weren’t sure that was what they wanted.

The Cool · 01-05-2018 7:36pm

This is funny to see this thread and the word ambivalent as that's also how I've been feeling. Like if I were to get pregnant I'd probably be happy about it, but if I don't then I'll still be happy with my life, I think.
There is a part of me that likes the idea of being pregnant and having a baby, nesting, being a mama. But then somehow I picture, at the end of my day, instead of sitting down and relaxing, fighting toddlers to get them to go to bed, not being able to "switch off", and somehow that just doesn't seem as appealing.
That sounds very selfish but I look at our lives now, and how little room there is for kids in it, and how little support we'd have in raising them. My OH works mad hours and would regularly not be home for kiddie bedtime. I'm freelance and relish my independence. Our families live hours away, we would have no help. It would be a huge change to our lives and I'm not ready for that.
I'm pushing 30 and thought I'd be more sussed about what I'm doing but I'd be very surprised if I have a child in the next 5 years, if at all. It's driving me mad though, getting pressure from my parents about starting a family like it's a question of "when" and "why not already", rather than "if".

anewme · 06-05-2018 8:26am

In my late 40’s now and single.

Never really wanted children, don’t coo over babies. When the house across the road had a new baby and the house next door to them got a new puppy, guess which one I went visiting?

Always thought I would end up getting married and having children but was really not that bothered that’s not the way life worked out. No regrets either. I might like a relationship sometimes, but the reality is I don’t want anyone cluttering up my couch and the older you get, the more set in your ways you get.

People still say to me ahh you’ll feel different when you have your own, (I dint bother saying I’m well passed it) which I suppose is a compliment as I look a lot younger than my age(which I seriously do put down to no husband or children)

I don’t think of it much at the moment, maybe when I’m a sad lonely old lady (with twenty dogs) I might, but I really don’t think so.

I’ve a lot going for me, the most important being I’m extremely fit and healthy and enjoy life.

Interesting thread and it’s good to see that not everyone has to conform to society norms of wife and mother without being labeled a dried up old spinster.

Sile Na Gig · 06-05-2018 10:39am

anewme wrote: »

I look a lot younger than my age(which I seriously do put down to no husband or children).

I started going grey in my first pregnancy at 24 and got significantly greyer with each subsequent child. Also really struggled to get my fitness back each time, and haven’t at all since the last. I’m sure the years of broken sleep haven’t helped my appearance either. Kids definitely wreck your body and your bank balance.

erudec · 06-05-2018 6:19pm

Don't worry about it.

Someone else is going to take care of the job of making sure the human race continues.

Kids are bloody expensive, and infuriating and it's very, very hard to have anything resembling romance in your life and still keep a toddler growing up safe but not coddled.

You need a partner who's on the ball, and who's going to take the stress in his stride, and who you know how to disagree with each other without either of you losing the wig. That partner needs to have a good, steady income because pregnancy could easily take you out of the workforce for a few years if you get a bad roll of the dice.

If you are over 35, the chances of the child having some serious issues like autism are not that small. The kid will most likely be fine, but it's not a tiny percentage who have problems at that age of motherhood.

If things aren't lined up for you correctly, don't let people's expectations shame you into having a baby that you're not well able to raise well and still hold down a job.

If you are an organised person, whose bedroom and workspace are tidy, and you are super-psyched for motherhood, do it.

If your bedroom and desk is usually a mess, make sure you have people in your life who are organised and conscientious and ultra-reliable before you take the plunge, if you can.

pwurple · 06-05-2018 10:20pm

Jeez Louise, I have a messy bed. Neuter me now. (Too late, have already procreated!)

I also am the primary earner, husband was made redundant. Holy majoly, and I am in my 40’s! And yet we are having a ball with these fish-face impression artists who chip every plate in my house.

Seriously, there are no ultimates, or should haves. The less controlling may be more chilled out and cope better with new responsibilities. The more controlled may run everything like clockwork. We each figure out what works.

erudec · 06-05-2018 11:11pm

pwurple wrote: »

Jeez Louise, I have a messy bed. Neuter me now. (Too late, have already procreated!)

I also am the primary earner, husband was made redundant. Holy majoly, and I am in my 40’s! And yet we are having a ball with these fish-face impression artists who chip every plate in my house.

Seriously, there are no ultimates, or should haves. The less controlling may be more chilled out and cope better with new responsibilities. The more controlled may run everything like clockwork. We each figure out what works.

Right, so there's no reason for you to pay any attention to what I said.

It's only addressed to those who are on the fence about having their first child. That's not you, so no worries, **** (I said a bold word).

06-05-2018 11:19pm

erudec wrote: »

Right, so there's no reason for you to pay any attention to what I said.

It's only addressed to those who are on the fence about having their first child. That's not you, so no worries, love.

I'm fairly ambivalent about having children right now. My reasons are complicated and I swing from one position to the other. Both you and Pwurple make interesting points. I can be very unorganised but that wouldn't be a factor at all in deciding whether to have children. For other people though it could be a huge problem and maybe add to any anxiety they may have.

Sile Na Gig · 07-05-2018 2:00am

I’ve noticed that some of my friends who are very organised and house proud struggle with their kids. You have to be able to let things go and be in the moment, especially with your second or subsequent child. Rhythm is great but you need to be flexible too...

pwurple · 07-05-2018 6:14am

erudec wrote: »

Right, so there's no reason for you to pay any attention to what I said.
It's only addressed to those who are on the fence about having their first child. That's not you, so no worries, love.

Seriously? “Love”How condescending.

As I would not have been worthy of becoming a parent by your rules... Just letting anyone reading know to politely set those aside.

erudec · 07-05-2018 8:38am

pwurple wrote: »

Seriously? “Love”How condescending.

As I would not have been worthy of becoming a parent by your rules... Just letting anyone reading know to politely set those aside.

Sorry, I'll delete that word. I'm afraid that altogether too many people become mothers who have none of the necessary abilities. If a person is ambivalent, she shouldn't rush into it.

See if you (not anyone in particular) can care for a bag of sugar for a month, have a friend set an alarm clock to go off at random times throughout the night without your foreknowledge. Whenever the clock goes off, you have to get up and rock the bag of sugar in your arms for 40 minutes.

If you can't handle a month of that, consider staying on the pill.

erudec · 07-05-2018 8:41am

Sile Na Gig wrote: »

I’ve noticed that some of my friends who are very organised and house proud struggle with their kids. .

I bet those kids turn out fine.

Malayalam · 07-05-2018 8:59am

Dear OP,

because of your age my advice is that you set aside some time - a few months or so - to really concentrate on the question of whether or not you and your husband want to have a family. Maybe take counselling sessions, so that you can have a neutral forum where you really explore your views, in a constructive and rational manner. Dilly-dallying with one idea or the other is not really an option in your late thirties and there is really ambivalence there, I sense

So, for your own sake and himself, ye should come down on one side or the other. He might surprise you, for example, by admitting he does want children- he may be following your lead at the moment, but not know what is truly in his heart. Equally you might become clearer in your decision to not have children. It can only be beneficial to be clear.

I am not particularly fond of children, I do not seek them out at gatherings, nor do I coo over babies, and I don't like holding other peoples newborns. I feel no more fondness for random children than I do for random adults. I relate to them pretty much the same, I either like them or don't for reasons of their personality. The thought of being pregnant and giving birth terrifies me. How the Hell can that be done! The thought of all that dependency and sacrifice is absolutely alien, even repugnant, to me.... now that I am at the other side of all that!

I never planned children. If asked about children I made yeuch noises. They all came along as surprises when I was very young. I had zero money, no car, lived remotely in an ancient house with no water or electricity, had no family for hundreds of miles, I had no plans, ambitions, direction, ideas about what a life should be. No nursery planned, no baby wardrobe, no idea what to expect. I loved being pregnant every time, got taken over by some sort of primal energy when it came to giving birth, so it was not terrible as I might think it would be now, it was powerfully natural, I completely loved being a mother, was totally hands on deck, and for 25 years did not even surface to think about myself, and what a normal life should be. And then suddenly they are grown up, and you are a human being again, wondering where you might like to travel or if a Tulikivi stove is something we could ever afford! It really is a crazily short life no matter what we do, time moves so quickly. It's a flash. Now those babies are the only complex, maddening, surprising human beings on the planet that I love unconditionally. It's a great ride. Whichever life you choose will pass quickly and hopefully you will enjoy it.

You are looking at what you would like most to do between now and your early sixties - you at least deserve to give it some serious structured thought. You are past the age where children magically appear under cabbages - cabbage leaf babies are a handy enough thing, in that it eliminates the need for thought - so you have to choose one way or another. Then you can move forward happily with clarity. Best of luck!

Sile Na Gig · 07-05-2018 9:10am

erudec wrote: »

Sile Na Gig wrote: »

I’ve noticed that some of my friends who are very organised and house proud struggle with their kids. .

I bet those kids turn out fine.

Of course, they’re grand! They get very good at vacuuming and putting away their toys!

I was just responding to the poster who said that if you weren’t an organised person you might have issues becoming a parent. My experience is that sometimes that trait will work against you.

Most kids turn out grand. But a lot of parents are very stressed and unhappy too.

eviltwin · 07-05-2018 9:10am

erudec wrote: »

Sorry, I'll delete that word. I'm afraid that altogether too many people become mothers who have none of the necessary abilities. If a person is ambivalent, she shouldn't rush into it.

See if you (not anyone in particular) can care for a bag of sugar for a month, have a friend set an alarm clock to go off at random times throughout the night without your foreknowledge. Whenever the clock goes off, you have to get up and rock the bag of sugar in your arms for 40 minutes.

If you can't handle a month of that, consider staying on the pill.

I wouldn't disturb my sleep for a bag of sugar. A baby is different. I would suggest a puppy as a baby substitute for anyone contemplating parenthood. Yes the early days are hard but it's not like that forever. People need to look beyond the baby years, every stage has it's own challenges but it's all worth it.

meeeeh · 07-05-2018 9:13am

erudec wrote: »

pwurple wrote: »

Seriously? “Love”How condescending.

As I would not have been worthy of becoming a parent by your rules... Just letting anyone reading know to politely set those aside.

Sorry, I'll delete that word. I'm afraid that altogether too many people become mothers who have none of the necessary abilities. If a person is ambivalent, she shouldn't rush into it.

See if you (not anyone in particular) can care for a bag of sugar for a month, have a friend set an alarm clock to go off at random times throughout the night without your foreknowledge. Whenever the clock goes off, you have to get up and rock the bag of sugar in your arms for 40 minutes.

If you can't handle a month of that, consider staying on the pill.

This tells you exactly one thing. That you are able to parent a sugar bag.

Sile Na Gig · 07-05-2018 9:23am

eviltwin wrote: »

Yes the early days are hard but it's not like that forever. People need to look beyond the baby years, every stage has it's own challenges but it's all worth it.

This.

Most of my friends only started reproducing after I’d finished my family. They’d be incredulous- ‘how do you manage four kids’, but they’re picturing little kids. Children can be surprisingly competent, helpful and caring to their siblings. Now that my eldest is moving towards the teenage years I find that the biggest challenge. I know how to deal with little ones, it’s finding a way to give him enough freedom, enough boundaries, and still keep him talking to me...

Ambivalent about babies

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