Deal breakers and turn-off's in dating!

theguzman · 29-01-2020 6:39pm #1

I had a series of unfortunate dates recently and it made me post this thread.

So the first date was with a 28 year old woman from Cork and boy did I misjudge that book by its cover badly. Midway through the date she started lecturing me for having previously dated a foreign woman and how I should have only dated Irish women. Low point was when she basically alluded that should we ever have sex that I'd have to be STD screened since those types are full of disease.

I excused myself to the bathroom and debated doing a runner but returned and handled it more maturely had her blocked within hours from all social networks and apps. She works in an ok job and I would have thought she'd have more interactions with foreigners than to have such disgusting viewpoints.

Prior to the date she kept sending me pictures of her two small dogs, including parading them around her local town in a push pram and the dogs seemed to have several sets of doggy clothes also. Her main conversatons were the dogs and her hatred for her sisters boyfriend who had gotten her sister pregnant and constantly disrespecting him due to him being useless in a low paid job. I didn't know the guy but from what I could gather he was trying his best for kid and mum.

Anyway got out of dodge there big time.

Fast forward to the second disaster, met another girl who was 33 and I was interested enough in her. Again like the first girl she was totally obsessed with dogs and has six dogs, a big alsation, two collies and a Labrador and two small fluffy pipsqueeks. Her life seemed to revolve around working 3 x 12 hrs shifts and then walking her dogs. No way Jose! I was out of there like a burnt cat out of hell, there was definite psychological issues going on with her and whilst she lacked the vile judgemental racist overtones of the first girl such an obsession with dogs is a severe turn-off for me. I could tolerate a really small house dog who would be confined to the porch or backyard but not having big dogs having free roam of the house and into the bed etc! Yuck!

Unusualy to have such a string of dating disasters but eh. dust myself off and try again. What would be deal-breakers in a situation like that?

Darksoul · 29-01-2020 6:44pm

Maybe when talking to them first at the very start ask if they own dogs might help! Other then that your just going to just try be patient and see what happens with ya quest for a decent lady.

29-01-2020 6:46pm

A woman fond of reality TV & soaps is rather off-putting. Sue me.

And I run a mile from narcissists.

Leg End Reject · 29-01-2020 6:47pm

Poor hygiene, self-obsessed, boring, rude, crap kisser.

lozenges · 29-01-2020 6:48pm

People who don't love dogs. In fact most animals..

eviltwin · 29-01-2020 6:48pm

I'm becoming very fussy in my old age. I won't date a smoker, social conservative or someone who wants children.

They have to be kind, independent and not looking for a mammy figure.

Motivator · 29-01-2020 6:51pm

Hairy box.

Bobblehats · 29-01-2020 6:53pm

No braces

Whereisgalway · 29-01-2020 6:54pm

Only trait I look for is to be disease free and thats not even a deal breaker

29-01-2020 6:55pm

theguzman wrote: »

Prior to the date she kept sending me pictures of her two small dogs, including parading them around her local town in a push pram and the dogs seemed to have several sets of doggy clothes also.

And that wasn't enough of a red flag for you?

theguzman wrote: »

Unusual to have such a string of dating disasters but eh. dust myself off and try again. What would be deal-breakers in a situation like that?

A string of dating disasters? That sounds like dating to me!

I like both slim and curvy girls, but when a girl shows up and has obviously been using creative lighting to hide her size, I find that a huge turn off.

I am a dog lover but dogs in a pram.. no thanks. Or having more than about 2 would be a concern for me(unless she's a dog trainer, vet or rescuer).

In the words of Bridget Jones, Alcoholics, workaholics, emotional fecktwits or perverts, although, I wouldn't mind the pervert.

branie2 · 29-01-2020 7:02pm

Bad manners

Leg End Reject · 29-01-2020 7:04pm

Motivator wrote: »

Hairy box.

I hope you keep things tidy too, it's much more pleasant.

Church on Tuesday · 29-01-2020 7:11pm

I'd rather not date a smoker or a woman with kids TBH.

Really as long as you're sound and have your **** somewhat together then I'm in.

Also, when going on a date, for the love of God keep it lighthearted and fun guys.

Last date I was on within ten minutes of conversation I was asked "so, what do you believe in?"

Then followed a fairly heavy convo which I eventually steered the conversation away from. On the first date.

Then again that's what dates are for; to get an idea of someone. Trial and error.

29-01-2020 7:15pm

Guys who 'don't like the feel' of condoms :rolleyes:

Deebles McBeebles · 29-01-2020 7:16pm

If you have ever said anything remotely like, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best", with a straight face. Die.

Unless you have massive tits.

Leg End Reject · 29-01-2020 7:17pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Guys who 'don't like the feel' of condoms :rolleyes:

No one likes the feel of them though, but they are a necessary evil.

29-01-2020 7:18pm

Leg End Reject wrote: »

No one likes the feel of though, but they are a necessary evil.

Exactly. So by bringing it up they think they're gonna get a 'oh ok, let's not use one then' :pac:

Oranage2 · 29-01-2020 7:23pm

Liverpool supporter. I was watching a match recently, Salah nearly ran the whole pitch and scored in the last minute against united, my wife Said, 'that was nice', I nearly asked for a divorce there and then

ILoveYourVibes · 29-01-2020 7:28pm

Doesn't want kids.

Unhealthy or isn't into health and fitness.

Not a gentleman.

Rude to my family.

No sense of humor.
Unkind person in general or doesn't consider people's feelings.

Isn't passionate about life.

Not at all spiritual or at the other end of the spectrum uses spirituality as an escape.

They need to be able to see reality ....but at the same time rise above it.

Also he has to support me and my dreams and understand i need to make sacrifices and still love me. And he needs to be kind to me and turn up at all my stuff cheering.

He also needs to be protective.

Tell me how · 29-01-2020 7:29pm

No sex before marriage.
Much less common than in the past but still adhered to by some. Is such a fundamental part to the enjoyment of life (or can be) that, in my mind, it is a major risk to get married before determining your compatibility in this area.

Nothing wrong with people who don't want to have sex much but you should explore this before becoming too invested in other areas of your life in my view.

Allinall · 29-01-2020 7:31pm

Oranage2 wrote: »

Liverpool supporter. I was watching a match recently, Salah nearly ran the whole pitch and scored in the last minute against united, my wife Said, 'that was nice', I nearly asked for a divorce there and then

What the hell are you doing letting your wife watch football?

Xertz · 29-01-2020 7:32pm

Being rude to staff in bars/restaurants.
Instant loss of respect be it when I'm on a date with someone or even just out for a drink in a totally non-date-like situation.

The worst I've ever encountered was a busy waitress made a minor mix up with the drinks, bringing the wrong type of coffee and a woman who was with our group snarled: "Oh for god's sake it's not like your job's difficult is it!?"

The rest of the table more or less cringed and disowned her.

is_that_so · 29-01-2020 7:34pm

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Doesn't want kids.

Unhealthy or isn't into health and fitness.

Not a gentleman.

Rude to my family.

No sense of humor.
Unkind person in general or doesn't consider people's feelings.

Isn't passionate about life.

Not at all spiritual or at the other end of the spectrum uses spirituality as an escape.

They need to be able to see reality ....but at the same time rise above it.

That is quite a list to bring to a first date!:D

gmisk · 29-01-2020 7:37pm

Xertz wrote: »

Being rude to staff in bars/restaurants.
Instant loss of respect be it when I'm on a date with someone or even just out for a drink in a totally non-date-like situation.

The worst I've ever encountered was a busy waitress made a minor mix up with the drinks, bringing the wrong type of coffee and a woman who was with our group snarled: "Oh for god's sake it's not like your job's difficult is it!?"

The rest of the table more or less cringed and disowned her.

I hope you gave her a decent tip?
(The waitress not your woman - she should be tipped in a ditch).

For me bad teeth, smoking and being into drugs deal breakers. Also messy drunks.

Xertz · 29-01-2020 7:39pm

gmisk wrote: »

I hope you gave her a decent tip?
(The waitress not your woman - she should be tipped in a ditch).
.

We did! Someone even actually explained we hardly know this woman lol

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 29-01-2020 7:39pm

Noisy eater. It's just not going to work out.

ILoveYourVibes · 29-01-2020 7:40pm

is_that_so wrote: »

That is quite a list to bring to a first date!:D

I know i am so demanding!

:P

Just being honest though.

I wouldn't say all that openly.

Lying is the basis of all relationships!
:pac:

AckwelFoley · 29-01-2020 7:43pm

Rule Number 1 of dating.

Dont tell the wife. Total dealbreaker

Xertz · 29-01-2020 7:48pm

I tend to run a mile if I get a hint that someone's a bit of a control freak. You can usually tell within one date.

Snails pace · 29-01-2020 8:00pm

If the woman smokes, does drugs, doesn't have a driver's license or car or has a weird OTT obsession with dogs. I have a lovely rottweiler but I dont parade him around the place the whole time.

Sorry about that · 29-01-2020 8:03pm

Fiannna Fáil membership.

Always Tired · 29-01-2020 8:04pm

Motivator wrote: »

Hairy box.

If I get that far that ain't holding up proceedings in the slightest

mvl · 29-01-2020 8:11pm

AckwelFoley wrote: »

Rule Number 1 of dating.Dont tell the wife. Total dealbreaker

thought there is also the type that expects you tell the wife: she says no, you got no date !

lainey_d_123 · 29-01-2020 8:11pm

Snails pace wrote: »

If the woman smokes, does drugs, doesn't have a driver's license or car or has a weird OTT obsession with dogs. I have a lovely rottweiler but I dont parade him around the place the whole time.

Why on earth is that a deal breaker?

rapul · 29-01-2020 8:14pm

Have to agree with the car or at least a licence, no one wants to be a taxi, dealt with that for years, and if she smokes that's a definite no, the smell how would ya be well

29-01-2020 8:14pm

Well. Since my last relationship I have quite the list.

Be emotionally available.
Do not let your issues get in the way of having a healthy and intimate relationship.
Kiss me. All the time.
Don't be an anti-vaxxer. I spent three and a half years engaging in all sorts of mental gymnastics to manage that one.
Accept who I am.
No conspiracy theories please.
Listen.
Be kind.
Don't shut down and punish me.
Get to know my friends and family.
Do not even think you can control me and yes I did buy a cushion without your 'permission'.
Use your words.
Let me have your back because I expect you to have mine.

That's enough to be getting on with

Leg End Reject · 29-01-2020 8:17pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Well. Since my last relationship I have quite the list.

Be emotionally available.
Do not let your issues get in the way of having a healthy and intimate relationship.
Kiss me. All the time.
Don't be an anti-vaxxer. I spent three and a half years engaging in all sorts of mental gymnastics to manage that one.
Accept who I am.
No conspiracy theories please.
Listen.
Be kind.
Don't shut down and punish me.
Get to know my friends and family.
Do not even think you can control me and yes I did buy a cushion without your 'permission'.
Use your words.
Let me have your back because I expect you to have mine.

That's enough to be getting on with

The cushion part is scary, Perse, I hope you're happier now.

Snails pace · 29-01-2020 8:19pm

lainey_d_123 wrote: »

Why on earth is that a deal breaker?

I live out in the sticks and you need a car, public transport isn't really available. I don't want to be a taxi either. All my friends and family, male and female have cars.

29-01-2020 8:19pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Guys who 'don't like the feel' of condoms :rolleyes:

I don't like the feel of them either but I'd hate the feeling of paying child maintenance even more.

the_pen_turner · 29-01-2020 8:21pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Well. Since my last relationship I have quite the list.

Be emotionally available.
Do not let your issues get in the way of having a healthy and intimate relationship.
Kiss me. All the time.
Don't be an anti-vaxxer. I spent three and a half years engaging in all sorts of mental gymnastics to manage that one.
Accept who I am.
No conspiracy theories please.
Listen.
Be kind.
Don't shut down and punish me.
Get to know my friends and family.
Do not even think you can control me and yes I did buy a cushion without your 'permission'.
Use your words.
Let me have your back because I expect you to have mine.

That's enough to be getting on with

i was in total agreement with you until you got to the part about cushions.
too many cushions are the work of the devil. a few is grand but loads is fairly close to a deal breaker for me. if i was to break up with my GF it would probably be over the bloody cushions . its not too much to ask to sit in a chair or getinto bed without having to move a hape of crap first and find somewhere aproved to put them.

29-01-2020 8:24pm

fat women
smokers
bad breaths

the beer revolu · 29-01-2020 8:27pm

If she doesn't put her hand in her pocket, there'd be no second date.

AckwelFoley · 29-01-2020 8:28pm

Leg End Reject wrote: »

No one likes the feel of them though, but they are a necessary evil.

Dont get this really.

One spends their entire adolescence and early adult life knocking it out into a crusty sock and now all of a sudden a scientifically designed and lubricated latex sock is not comfortable

Always Tired · 29-01-2020 8:29pm

Buy a cushion without my permission.

29-01-2020 8:31pm

Leg End Reject wrote: »

The cushion part is scary, Perse, I hope you're happier now.

Well I never actually bought a cushion because "you have no taste". So it was easier.

I'm not happier Leg End, I'm happy

Leg End Reject · 29-01-2020 8:31pm

AckwelFoley wrote: »

Dont get this really.

One spends their entire adolescence and early adult life knocking it out into a crusty sock and now all of a sudden a scientifically designed and lubricated latex sock is not comfortable

I didn't, I'm a woman, so no sock required.

Jim Root · 29-01-2020 8:32pm

Narcissism / instagram obsessive / girls who post motivational self serving memes = bunny boiler alert

the beer revolu · 29-01-2020 8:33pm

Leg End Reject wrote: »

I didn't, I'm a woman, so no sock required.

You've just reminded me of femidoms!

Anyone ever use one?
(I've not had the pleasure)

EmmetSpiceland · 29-01-2020 8:36pm

AckwelFoley wrote: »

Dont get this really.

One spends their entire adolescence and early adult life knocking it out into a crusty sock and now all of a sudden a scientifically designed and lubricated latex sock is not comfortable

Very “American“.

Tried it once but found it similar to the feeling of biting on tinfoil, except on my knob, obviously. Plus the “fluff” buildup wasn’t fun removing.

Went back to just employing the use of a “tulip” after that. Found that a step up from the, big standard, “wankerchief”.

Leg End Reject · 29-01-2020 8:37pm

the beer revolu wrote: »

You've just reminded me of femidoms!

Anyone ever use one?
(I've not had the pleasure)

Did once years ago out of curiosity. Awful looking yokes and it didn't seem to want to stay in position. They've probably been improved since.

29-01-2020 8:53pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Well. Since my last relationship I have quite the list.

Be emotionally available.
Do not let your issues get in the way of having a healthy and intimate relationship.
Kiss me. All the time.
Don't be an anti-vaxxer. I spent three and a half years engaging in all sorts of mental gymnastics to manage that one.
Accept who I am.
No conspiracy theories please.
Listen.
Be kind.
Don't shut down and punish me.
Get to know my friends and family.
Do not even think you can control me and yes I did buy a cushion without your 'permission'.
Use your words.
Let me have your back because I expect you to have mine.

That's enough to be getting on with

Yep. An anti-vaxxer or a flat earther would be an instant turn off.

Deal breakers and turn-off's in dating!

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