Have you ever fallen out with a friend?

Ms. Newbie18 · 13-05-2021 4:33pm

boardlady wrote: »

Here's a question for you ... I am married into a very close-knit large family. They are all very close and very much in each other's pockets. Myself and OH are a little bit peripheral to this pocket-living. Partly, because we just don't want that, and also because we are occasionally blatantly left out of family business. I, in particular, find it incredibly hurtful, but I come from the school of thought that you just can't fall out with family - particularly your OH's family. So, every year or so, I spend a few months simmering away with unvented hurt and rage. Speaking my mind will only result in a big row and a subsequent freezing out for years to come (been there.. ) so now I say nothing until I literally get over it - though these hurts do mount up. Thoughts and insights anyone?

I'd ask the most approachable of the family why you and your OH are being left out. You can't be closenet and all about your family but leave certain members to the wayside..particularly if they are not problematic people. And when it's family, if their are problematic people, I will always try to workout the root of their issues with them.

jk23 · 13-05-2021 4:35pm

JustAThought wrote: »

People can be really hurt at the smallest and most unlikely of things over funerals. I have what I’d consider to be my best friend & their brother & then their mother died tragically. They had told me they HATED when people Q up to shake their hands at funerals so although I went to the funeral, I stayed at the back & didn’t do that. To this day they hold it against me & only I signed the death book in the church and spoke to two different mutual friends one in the church and the other in the graveyard they would still be denying I was ever there. TBH it really pains me but they had specifically said they hated when people do it. Turns out they expected more of me and I didn’t deliver. They think the less of me & I can’t recover that - no matter how I try. I hope time will ease their anger at me. I really don’t know how to fix it. We have a friendship that could go either way now even thou they talk of holidays & trips - something on their side is closed to me now and I can’t seem to fix it. I hope time will heal/forgive. I’d do anything to fix it. And talking & explaining hadn’t helped.

That sounds incredibly harsh on you. Its hard to know how to act at a funeral really. I know I wouldn't hold it against a friend if that happened. More important would be is how they are as a friend to you after the funeral i would think...

freshpopcorn · 13-05-2021 4:56pm

I know a man who fell out with an old lady because she put his wife’s name on the Christmas card before his!

sporina · 13-05-2021 5:07pm

Have drifted from some I had as a kid/teen - and thats grand.. normal as we change/develop as people etc..

My best friend disowned me during my late 20's... she broke my heart.. had a crisis in my life and was not dealing with it v well.. but she just walked away.. I know I was hard work at the time but man I had stood by her during her hard times.. so I didn't expect it.. i'm still not over it as I sometimes dream about her.. I really loved her.. we wer so close as teens/young adults.. such is life..

Have a v close friend who I love for most part but we have had savage rows over the years.. but we always reconnect and make up.. I actually really love him but man he can be hard work.. last year we had a serious row and I swore that was it - the end.. but then I got a bday card from him and i'm a bit of a softie so then sent him an xmas card etc.. we talk now all the time - not met as we live miles apart.. I would like to see him soon but we still have to resolve the row.. the pink elephant still looms.. but I think all will be fine - end of the day we obviously love one another (as mates)

Have another friend and I realised over time that she is the biggest free loader ever.. so now I keep her at arms length.. she's not a bad person - I don't think.. there are elements of her I really like - but she has a massive sense of self entitlement.. the way she treats men - OMG - anyway..

Era none as queer as folk (and I include myself in that)

PMBC · 13-05-2021 5:27pm

My very best friend died in 2008 and I still miss him. We didnt meet very often since about 1980 but when we did it was almost like old times. I even did some of his final year drawings for him and my wife also misses him. He would phone every Patricks Day and would be having a drink as we spoke in Irish in which he was fluent.
I have reconnected with another friend from school and we used to walk back to night-school study together in L.C. He moved away and i lost contact with him but now we enjoy talking about old times, sixties music, books and things that happened. He must be a hoarder as he has letters I wrote him when I went to London Summer of 68 - now they would be interesting (for me) to read.
Im friendly with a few lads form Uni but we only meet up every few years.
Family and friends, Ive discovered, is what its all about; nothing else really matters.
Remind me of the Paul Simon song - "old friends sat on the park bench like bookends"

17-05-2021 2:18pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

A high maintenance fair weather friend?

I don't know if she was that way. I don't think so.
It's more likely that she took her anger over her huge loss out on me.

Have you ever fallen out with a friend?

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