Have you ever fallen out with a friend?

freshpopcorn

As a guy, I haven’t really. I may have drifted apart from people but that was it. If we bumped into one another we’d get on fine.
One friend I did find a bit tiresome. He really cared about appearance, designer brand, trying to be somebody else, sort of ashamed to be seen with certain people, he was just a bit tough going.


Have you ever fallen out with a friend?

Drifted apart from several in teenage years, everyone evolves differently as they mature and motivations/interests change. All part of the course, a salute and quick natter the height of it now. Seldom fallen out with anybody, patched up with one and left another in the past. No regrets, life is too short to harbour guilt.

Antares35

Currently consider excising one from my life, but will do it as a fade out rather than a row I think. He's just become an utter self absorbed bore, constantly bleating on about the same two issues but refusing to take any constructive advice on board. There's only so many times in ten years you can have the same conversation.

Church on Tuesday

Yes, for good legitimate reasons.

I may give the benefit of the doubt once but after that I have no problem getting rid. Gone.

Some friendships run their course because you grow and develop into different people which is fairly natural. Sometimes the interest simply isn't there anymore.

As mentioned above, mainly drifted away and went our seperate ways as we grew up. One friend completely blanked me for years and then wrote to me one night when he was well oiled on the sauce and said that it was all me and he was so angry he never mentioned it or called me out on it. Mind boggling.

As I got older I realized that while I was "friendly" with loads of people it was mainly through circumstance, school, college, work, and when that circumstance was removed, I found we were not really friends and drifted apart.

I have about 5 good friends, and the friendships have survived arguments.

Hyperbollix

Yeah, I fell out with my best mate when we were at college. Looking back on it at this stage, it was silly enough, but I was pig headed and just thought "fúck him, I've loads of pals"

Only with a bit of maturity and plenty of knocks in life did I realize that he was a good guy and I should have patched it up at the time. Too much water under the bridge now, those pair of kids are long gone.

Burt Renaults

Just the once. He knocked me off my bike for no reason, so I knocked him off his bike. And then he went home and told his mother. So I went home and told my mother. And then both our mothers dragged us back outside and made us apologise to each other.

I remember it well. I was twenty-eight years old.

Meeoow

InitialG wrote: »

As mentioned above, mainly drifted away and went our seperate ways as we grew up. One friend completely blanked me for years and then wrote to me one night when he was well oiled on the sauce and said that it was all me and he was so angry he never mentioned it or called me out on it. Mind boggling.

Same happened me. She cooled off on me, so I took the hint. Woke up one morning to a message she sent when she was pissed. So we were sort of talking again. Then she cooled off again. I realised that it had been her birthday and I didn't wish her happy birthday. I'd completely forgotten and we hadn't been in contact for 10 years. So if she contacts me again pissed, I'll not be replying.

Tell me how

Yes. I was his boss and we didn't see eye to eye in how he should do his job.
Fall out was pretty rough, he made sure not to invite me to his wedding even though all the difficult conversations we had were in a work context. The friendship had broken down by then to be fair but that left no doubt as to where he saw it.
If I was back in the same place again, would I do anything differently? Probably just wouldn't become friends in the first place which is a pretty cold path by way to live your life.

Tell me how

Separately 3 friendships didn't survive my having depression. Only one of them hurts me but I still think about it frequently.

I don’t give anyone a second chance to mess me about so I’ve ended any of them by just blanking them.

Meeoow

ReginaldSmythV wrote: »

I don’t give anyone a second chance to mess me about so I’ve ended any of them by just blanking them.

Same here, now I've no friends left.

I have. It's a sad thing I feel because to me friendships are special. When I was in my late teens and twenties I was close to a group of girls. Due to my own issues we aren't friends anymore. It wasn't an obvious falling out but a drifting apart due to my behaviours.

Nowadays I try very hard to hold on to the few friends that I have. I love female friendships, love the energy of being around other women and having chats. If it wasn't for my job I'd rarely speak or be in the company of another woman.

That's partly to do with Covid. One very good friend has been living in the UK the last few years. We'd see each other every time she came home. I miss that but we do keep in touch regularly. My other friend is my oldest, 20 years in my life. She can be......I don't know. There's an awful lot going on in her life and I do love her. There are buts.

Then I have two male friends who are decent skins.

If I were to have a Hen I'd be inviting 3 people one of whom wouldn't attend. That's a bit sad.


*went a bit off track there*

Church on Tuesday

Meeoow wrote: »

Same here, now I've no friends left.

Rather have no friends than fake friends. I'm happy out in my own company best of times anyway.

I think when we are younger, we tolerate bull**** more because we don't want to be left out or alone, which is natural enough, but as one gets older and more independent, relationships etc, that becomes less of an issue.

In any event as you get older it's more acquaintances you acquire rather than true friendships in the main.

Meeoow

Meeoow wrote: »

Same here, now I've no friends left.

You get to a certain age where they’re unimportant anyway.

gifted

Had two very good friends in secondary school and for a few years afterwards but slowly got squeezed out as my face didn't fit their new girlfriends lifestyle....hence I got invited to one of their weddings and I was never contacted again after that. Gone, no calls, nothing.
It has affected my ability to let people get really close to me and I tend to let any people drift out of my life fairly easy .

Porklife

Yes and it was entirely my fault but thankfully he has forgiven me and we're closer than ever.
I got really hammered one night and started giving him a hard time about something he'd done that's none of my business.
He basically has a child who he never sees. The child is the result of a one night side and he has chosen to not be part of her life. He pays maintenance but that's it.
I started in on him about what an asshole he is and I wouldn't let up.
He didn't speak to me for about 6 months and ignored all my apologies.
I'm glad we've made up. Friendships are so precious to me and i was so upset that I'd almost lost this one.

Church on Tuesday

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Rather have no friends than fake friends. I'm happy out in my own company best of times anyway.

I think when we are younger, we tolerate bull**** more because we don't want to be left out or alone, which is natural enough, but as one gets older and more independent, relationships etc, that becomes less of an issue.

In any event as you get older it's more acquaintances you acquire rather than true friendships in the main.

Exactly, you become more comfortable in your own skin and feel less inclined to put up with shenanigans that drain your energy. Have a solid circle of friends that I keep at safe orbit, at the same time can walk into any bar and strike up a random conversation. Several of these have become acquaintances, something pleasant about a light natter without anything at stake. At the end of the day, the most trustworthy and reliable person is yourself.

Leg End Reject

A small number of close friends now and a few acquaintances of varying importance. That's just the reality of life as an adult.

As a teenager, my friends were the centre of my universe and I have such fantastic memories of days spent together and all the mad nights out. Then we grew up, our lives went in separate directions and men came and went.

It's harder to make friends as an adult, but we only need a few close ones who know and accept us for who we are. At least the weight of peer pressure and the need to conform and please disappeared, so I'm more comfortable being the real me.

Antares35

The "friends" I had as a teen from school were, with the exception of two, really a bunch of insufferable cows. Never knew if it was a private school thing or they were just morons and would have been like that anyway. Total snobs that I couldn't wait to get away from. I can see from my one or two remaining friends that I'd be connected with on social media that all of these are still cliquey and hang out together. I wonder are they still the same. I've moved on a thousand times and couldn't even imagine having anything to say to them anymore! Aside from maybe hey stop being mean to other people just to make yourself feel better.

shreko

Yep, ended my friendship with one of my lifelong friends a few years ago. She was just becoming way too hard work, very selfish and constantly hurting me and a couple of our other friends. After a number of awful events I decided I was finished with her. We had a couple of arguments/conversations to try and resolve it but the interest just wasn’t there on my side anymore.
It was really difficult though and I was sad for a good while afterwards. I’d say it took me about two years before I was totally ok with it. It felt like a proper break up!
But I’m so relieved now not to be friends with her anymore. Just constant drama and upset.
Sometimes you need hindsight to see just how bad a situation was and how much better you are without it.

corner of hells

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I have. It's a sad thing I feel because to me friendships are special. When I was in my late teens and twenties I was close to a group of girls. Due to my own issues we aren't friends anymore. It wasn't an obvious falling out but a drifting apart due to my behaviours.

Nowadays I try very hard to hold on to the few friends that I have. I love female friendships, love the energy of being around other women and having chats. If it wasn't for my job I'd rarely speak or be in the company of another woman.

That's partly to do with Covid. One very good friend has been living in the UK the last few years. We'd see each other every time she came home. I miss that but we do keep in touch regularly. My other friend is my oldest, 20 years in my life. She can be......I don't know. There's an awful lot going on in her life and I do love her. There are buts.

Then I have two male friends who are decent skins.

If I were to have a Hen I'd be inviting 3 people one of whom wouldn't attend. That's a bit sad.


*went a bit off track there*

S'okay , we'll all go to your hen , im male but ive a nice summer frock.

Antares35

I've a friend I'm thinking of distancing from, but a bit torn about it. Basically she's nice enough when she's sober, but when she drinks she turns into an absolute poltergeist. I'm talking literally making you ashamed to be with her. We will be having a nice night, meal and few drinks whatever (pre covid) and then she will get this look and I know when that happens that she's just spoiling for an argument and no matter how much you try to sidestep it or walk on eggshells, she will find a way to flip things on their head and just go crazy. It's like she just has this switch and when it's triggered she becomes a monster.

She threw me out of her house one morning at 2am. We'd been out and had a nice night, I'd left my car at hers and we'd agreed I'd stay over and drive to work from there the next day. Even now I don't know what set her off, she just went berserk.

It's so bad that OH doesn't like me seeing her on my own (when drink is involved) and we've already discussed whether we even want her at our wedding..it's a tricky one because I've been friends with her since we were babies, but I genuinely think there's a good chance she'd ruin my wedding after getting a fill of wine

But it's hard because when she's sober she's the sweetest person..I don't know which is the real her!

helimachoptor

Have 3 really good friends from school, just about 30 years of friendship, a few arguments along the way, one period of not talking a bit to one guy, but we both wanted it resolved, had a direct conversation and it's been fine since then.

Didn't make any long term friends in college, mainly because I didn't like my course. One friend from an early job and made a few other good friends along the way. I count myself lucky tbh.

Wife's friends have all either moved abroad or move back to their counties, I know she feels the lack of their phycial presence some times.

Aglomerado

Antares35 wrote: »

I've a friend I'm thinking of distancing from, but a bit torn about it. Basically she's nice enough when she's sober, but when she drinks she turns into an absolute poltergeist. I'm talking literally making you ashamed to be with her. We will be having a nice night, meal and few drinks whatever (pre covid) and then she will get this look and I know when that happens that she's just spoiling for an argument and no matter how much you try to sidestep it or walk on eggshells, she will find a way to flip things on their head and just go crazy. It's like she just has this switch and when it's triggered she becomes a monster.

I had a friend like that. He is married to a very good friend of mine and they are together about 20 years.
He never made much of a go of getting a full time job as he got a substantial amount of money as a gift from his parents. Gradually he went from working part time to not at all and then just drinking all the time, even in the morning. He also has 3 convictions for drink driving.
Sober he is a lovely fellow but drunk it's a different story. He is not violent but his words are, to me and his wife. Nights out and dinners in were often ruined while he would stand up, unlit fag in one hand and a can of cheap lager in another and berate whoever was in his firing line that night. It became so frequent I stopped visiting but remained friends at a distance only for his wife's sake as she was upset we weren't all getting on.
He would message me and then become nasty and accuse me of ignoring him if I didn't reply immediately.
Other friends distanced themselves from him. About 18 months ago I met one of them in the pub and had a few friendly pints. I mentioned this in passing to his wife who let it slip to him.
He immediately messaged me with a tirade saying he would not 'associate' with me anymore because I'd been seen out with the other lad.
I messaged him back saying 'no change so, I don't associate with drunken bullies.' and blocked him on all channels.
Still very good friends with his wife (she has known me longer than she has know him) but since lockdown we can only meet at my house. I only talk to her about him if she wants to, otherwise he no longer exists for me.

branie2

No

corner of hells

Antares35 wrote: »

I've a friend I'm thinking of distancing from, but a bit torn about it. Basically she's nice enough when she's sober, but when she drinks she turns into an absolute poltergeist. I'm talking literally making you ashamed to be with her. We will be having a nice night, meal and few drinks whatever (pre covid) and then she will get this look and I know when that happens that she's just spoiling for an argument and no matter how much you try to sidestep it or walk on eggshells, she will find a way to flip things on their head and just go crazy. It's like she just has this switch and when it's triggered she becomes a monster.

She threw me out of her house one morning at 2am. We'd been out and had a nice night, I'd left my car at hers and we'd agreed I'd stay over and drive to work from there the next day. Even now I don't know what set her off, she just went berserk.

It's so bad that OH doesn't like me seeing her on my own (when drink is involved) and we've already discussed whether we even want her at our wedding..it's a tricky one because I've been friends with her since we were babies, but I genuinely think there's a good chance she'd ruin my wedding after getting a fill of wine

But it's hard because when she's sober she's the sweetest person..I don't know which is the real her!

You're getting married? I didn't get an invite.. some friend you are.

cena

Yes, a work friend. I was just after having an accident at the workplace so going through a rough patch. I must have said something she didn't like because I have never heard back from her. Ten years now.

I have sent a few emails since and nothing

Strumms

Fell out with one when we were about 16 ... we’d been friends since we were 3 , he was a neighbor and classmate, but he changed schools to a private school on the assistance of his parents for the leaving cert, money wasted, he didn’t achieve , we drifted.. he always thought himself to be an achiever, he was an intelligent, nice lad and good from an academic point of view but a clutz socially all be it a good sportsman... he ended up disappearing to Belvedere then disappearing up his own ring personally, and became a loner...

We ended up working in the same industry for companies that did business with each other... he’d be on the phone to me in a heartbeat looking for a favor but the odd time I or a colleague might have appreciated the same from his end or (we contracted his company) even that he did his job to meet our contracted deadlines sometimes, problems... to the point after the 20th time i reported the cünt...his colleagues were brilliant but...him.. hmmm. Weirdo.

Conor Bourke

Yes, with someone I’d known for almost 30 years but for legitimate reasons we didn’t speak for a few years.

I thought about them from time to time, moreso than usual one weekend last year and I was just about to reach out to them but changed my mind.

Woke up the following Monday morning to hear they’d taken their own life.