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My child is being bullied by a friend

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Comments

  • #52
    byhookorbycrook
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 12,505 Mod ✭✭✭✭byhookorbycrook


    Primary teacher here. It's not acceptable to tell the child to "man up." And yes, the world is tough, but this is a CHILD.

    Have a look at the school anti-bullying policy. 12 year olds are savvy enough to be able to bully out of sight of the supervising teachers in the yard. You must make an appointment and let the school know what is happening. Keep a record of any incident.

    Don't approach the other mother about anything school related, you could contact her about the out of school stuff, but tread very, very, carefully.

    Make sure your boy knows that you are glad he came to you, reassure him that you will always listen to him and ask him what he would like to see happen. Make it clear that friends aren't friends, if they treat you badly.


  • #53
    Charles Ingles
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,180 ✭✭✭Charles Ingles


    byhookorbycrook wrote: »
    Primary teacher here. It's not acceptable to tell the child to "man up." And yes, the world is tough, but this is a CHILD.

    Have a look at the school anti-bullying policy. 12 year olds are savvy enough to be able to bully out of sight of the supervising teachers in the yard. You must make an appointment and let the school know what is happening. Keep a record of any incident.

    Don't approach the other mother about anything school related, you could contact her about the out of school stuff, but tread very, very, carefully.

    Make sure your boy knows that you are glad he came to you, reassure him that you will always listen to him and ask him what he would like to see happen. Make it clear that friends aren't friends, if they treat you badly.

    Terrible advice,
    He will be called a rat , slagged then bullied even worse


  • #54
    byhookorbycrook
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 12,505 Mod ✭✭✭✭byhookorbycrook


    Charles Ingles wrote: »
    Terrible advice,
    He will be called a rat , slagged then bullied even worse

    I beg to differ,schools deal with bullying all of the time. Which is why there is a procedure. Give the staff some credit, it's not likely the principal will go into a class and publicly call little Johnny out as a bully for picking on the OP's boy,


  • #55
    Charles Ingles
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,180 ✭✭✭Charles Ingles


    byhookorbycrook wrote: »
    I beg to differ,schools deal with bullying all of the time. Which is why there is a procedure. Give the staff some credit, it's not likely the principal will go into a class and publicly call little Johnny out as a bully for picking on the OP's boy,

    Fake apologies in front of the the teachers and parents, then ramp up the bullying when no adults around.
    Sorry but facts of life


  • #56
    Lefty Bicek
    Registered Users Posts: 1,625 ✭✭✭Lefty Bicek


    byhookorbycrook wrote: »
    Primary teacher here. It's not acceptable to tell the child to "man up." And yes, the world is tough, but this is a CHILD.

    Have a look at the school anti-bullying policy. 12 year olds are savvy enough to be able to bully out of sight of the supervising teachers in the yard. You must make an appointment and let the school know what is happening. Keep a record of any incident.

    There is a glaring inconsistency in your post.

    In any case, just because you are a primary teacher doesn't give you any special insight, other than your familiarity with the formal procedures of your institution.

    We would all be far more surprised in 2019 if there weren't 'policies'.


  • #57
    byhookorbycrook
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 12,505 Mod ✭✭✭✭byhookorbycrook


    So ignore the school and let the bullying continue?And yes, I DO have a special insight.Every school deals with bullying all the time. It's not just the policy on paper, it's the implementation day by day that we all do.
    I have had literally thousands of students through my hands, we use restorative justice in our school. Google it.


  • #58
    Lefty Bicek
    Registered Users Posts: 1,625 ✭✭✭Lefty Bicek


    So ignore the school and let the bullying continue?

    'Let the bullying continue' is the absolute opposite of what some of us are advocating.

    Clearly your own reading and comprehension fall into the 'could do better' grade.
    And yes, I DO have a special insight.Every school deals with bullying all the time. It's not just the policy on paper, it's the implementation day by day that we all do.

    When you should be teaching.
    I have had literally thousands of students through my hands, we use restorative justice in our school. Google it.

    No, Miss. I know what it means, and don't need to Google it any more than I need your silly, peremptory sarcasm.


  • #59
    firemansam4
    Registered Users Posts: 1,717 ✭✭✭firemansam4


    Great to see so many hard men in here giving great advice and there know how on how to deal with bullies...
    "just tell them to hit them back harder" kind of advice.

    Well that may have worked for you and some other kids, but do you know what? Every kid is different and as much as you may tell some kids to fight back or punch harder It may not just be in them to do that, and all you are doing is making the situation worse for them.

    I do agree that parents can't always be there to fight there battles all the time as they grow older, but if bullying is extreme enough then sometimes there needs to be some sort of intervention.


  • #60
    byhookorbycrook
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 12,505 Mod ✭✭✭✭byhookorbycrook


    Lefty Bicek wrote: »
    'Let the bullying continue' is the absolute opposite of what some of us are advocating.

    Clearly your own reading and comprehension fall into the 'could do better' grade.



    When you should be teaching.



    No, Miss. I know what it means, and don't need to Google it any more than I need your silly, peremptory sarcasm.

    Charming . Thanks for that .


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  • #61
    firemansam4
    Registered Users Posts: 1,717 ✭✭✭firemansam4


    Lefty Bicek wrote:
    When you should be teaching.


    Out of interest are you trying to suggest schools concentrate on teaching and ignore any bullying or any policies on bullying?


  • #62
    Lefty Bicek
    Registered Users Posts: 1,625 ✭✭✭Lefty Bicek


    firemansam4 wrote: »
    Great to see so many hard men in here giving great advice and there know how on how to deal with bullies...
    "just tell them to hit them back harder" kind of advice.

    Well that may have worked for you and some other kids, but do you know what? Every kid is different and as much as you may tell some kids to fight back or punch harder It may not just be in them to do that, and all you are doing is making the situation worse for them.

    I do agree that parents can't always be there to fight there battles all the time as they grow older, but if bullying is extreme enough then sometimes there needs to be some sort of intervention.

    I think the issue is not that people are assuming that all kids are the same, and equally capable of physically standing up for themselves. We remember from our own school times and friends that it is not so.

    There is no one-size-fits-all.

    Surely the parent knows the child though ? And if a parent knows from their own experience (of having been bullied themselves, but discovering their self-confidence in standing up for themselves, for example) that there is value in being assertive, then that is at least as valid as running to the school, or the other parent, or whatever.

    A bully getting a taste of their own medicine - it ain't the end of civilisation.

    Your final statement, I wholeheartedly agree with.


  • #63
    firemansam4
    Registered Users Posts: 1,717 ✭✭✭firemansam4


    I think it really does depend on the child.
    I have a female relative who was badly bullied at school and it got to the point it was making her phisically sick, she was scared to go to school and was very depressed over it.
    I don't think any advice on assertiveness or anything like that was really going to help, but lucky enough when the school got involved they dealt with it, they talked to everyone involved and she was moved class.
    She is doing much better now and as far as I know hasn't had any more bullying problems.


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